simplybrill Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 I am having some sibling issues as an adult (which I thought I had moved on with, and gotten past!) Let me start off by saying that Im the middle child, and after doing some reading online it seems that Im displaying some "middle child syndrome" characteristics --which before this I totally refused to believe, or let myself use as a crutch for myself, so please dont think im writing a pity-post. In need some some advice, or coping techniques when dealing with a sister who is 4 years older than me- usually when we disagree its her way or no way, and it feels like im always the one compromising, or backing off in submission to my disgust. I guess she's used to taking charge of situations, being the older child and practically raising me due to our messed up childhood growing up- but it seems like now that we're adults she doesnt know when to pull back and let me do things myself! When I do confront her on things, Im made to feel bad for refusing her very important help or advice. Dont get me wrong, im very greatful for her advice, its helped me out tremendously! - but sometimes its like she's overconfident with it, and if the tables were turned and I were giving her life advice, (which ive tried by the way) the response was lukewarm, as if to say who are you to give ME advice, you havent been alive or been through nearly as much as III have. What complicates things further, she is very sensetive!! So much that when I say things, (not meaning to hurt her at all!) she takes them to heart, and comes to me with things like hey that really hurt my feelings back there when you said that- which is absoultely fine, but when Im hurt by something she says, she's unable to see things from my point of view and in comes the lawyer in her personality- digging deep and defending herself spectacularly...totally shooting down my feelings, and defending her actions as if to say: yea, well toughen up, because no matter what I said, I was right in saying what I said, so stop crying at me already you wimp. I really..am at my wits end, im so frustrated!!! As an adult im hardly confident, and to this day have a hard time standing up for myself... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 I had a very controlling older sister too. I say 'had' but she's not dead--she's alive somewhere. I have nothing to do with her anymore. Its been around 25 years since I've seen her. Don't miss her at all! I'm not saying to get your sister out of your life forever, but can you distance yourself from her some? Don't ask her for any advice or anything for a while and handle things on your own. If he tries to offer any of her advice, can you politely and casually say "no thanks, I've got it handled" or something and then move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions I had a very controlling older sister too. I say 'had' but she's not dead--she's alive somewhere. I have nothing to do with her anymore. Its been around 25 years since I've seen her. Don't miss her at all! I'm not saying to get your sister out of your life forever, but can you distance yourself from her some? Don't ask her for any advice or anything for a while and handle things on your own. If he tries to offer any of her advice, can you politely and casually say "no thanks, I've got it handled" or something and then move on? I am trying to distance myself from her, but its hard because she's also my roomate, we share a small apartment with another girl. I usually dont ask for her advice - she turns into the latina dr.phil on her own accord I'd be more than happy to say "no thanks Ive got it handled" but I'd have to put on some serious armor to get ready for the battle that would surely ensue afterwords!! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 I was the controlling other sister and I lived with my younger sister for awhile. Our relationship improved when I moved out and it has continued to improve over the last 20 years - she's one of my best friends. So take heart, and move out if you can. And if you can't, do like my sister did, smile sweetly and change the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
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