TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I really dont even know where to start with this one! My husband has 2 kids daughter Kylie is 9 and son cole is 7 . We only get them on weekends. Up until the last couple months i absolutely loved our daughter, but lately it just seems like she doesnt care who she hurts to get what she wants. Her mom SPOILS her and sets NO rules for her at all! She recently got in trouble at school(4th grade) for bullying a kid in a wheelchair. So for punishment the school worked it out so she would get spend a day at a school nearby where "naughty" kids go and live and do some community service instead of getting kicked out! (this is the 4th time she's gotting in trouble in the last 3 months) But anyways instead of punishing her for bullying, stealing, lying, and cheating her mom and grandma tell her how "stupid" it is that the school made such a big deal about it and all kids pick on others and how dare they make her go to the bad school and blah blah. That was 2 weeks ago. the next day we get a call from Kylie asking if she can come over on saturday instead of friday because her mom wants to take her to the waterpark because she feels bad the school treated kylie like that! So thats when things really blew up between our families! My husband of course said no that its our weekend and they need to stop making plans on our weekends and holidays. So Kylie than says she how much she hates me and hates coming over and how she doesnt ever want to come over and that she likes her step dad more and blah blah. So now that she "hates" me and her dad her mom decides she needs a better phone for when shes over so she can call all the time while shes with us. 1. she already had a 320 dollar phone to begin with. (the new phone she just got is over 700 dollars!) 2. i dont think a 9yr old should have a phone to begin with! Kylie has recently deleted us from facebook, doesnt answer when we talk to her(at coles baseball games when we try to talk to her) she doesnt act near as bad at our house, aside from teasing her little brother she follows the rules. but when shes around her mom she's just naughty! Im just really hurt by this ive always been closest to kylie, we do everything together and the boys did everything together. Nemore i dread kids weekends because im just so hurt! I gave up my apartment to get these kids there own room, i just bought a 4door car a week ago only for the room in the backseat for the kids. Everything i do is for these kids and it jsut hurts me that she's ignoring me. Also cole used to always sit on my lap and sleep next to me on the couch and stuff like that but lately kylie's been making fun of him for it so he's stopped so she doesnt bully him. Idk waht to do, im hurt ive been crying non stop the last 2 weeks. I need advice..! Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Let me get this straight...a NINE year old has FACEBOOK?! Not even my 11 yr old stepsister has a facebook yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 How many years have you been in the children's lives? You judgement seems to be wholly against biological mom and neutralizing biological dad. The acting out in school apparently is a new development? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 yes she has a facebook, her own laptop, $700 iphone, 2 ipods, that portable dvd player thingy tablet?, and a 42" flat screen tv in her bedroom at her mothers house. At her house she is allowed none of these things, which is why she "hates" us. I just dont think a 9 year old should have these things! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Anyways, your stepdaughter sounds like a spoiled brat. I don't blame her, but her mother for letting her act that way. Giving her a trip to the waterpark because she feels community service is "too much" for bullying?! Wow...just wow. How does your husband handle all of this? Ultimately it's up to him and the mother to set the rules for their children and the stepparents role is to support and impliment those roles unless one of the parents is not around. My husband would kill to have a stepparent like you. His stepfather took advantage of the fact that his mom isn't close to her family and never made any effort to get to know or have a relationship with him in the 20+ years he's been married to his mom. He only cares about his own family. I would talk to your husband about how you've been feeling to start. You may not be able to control how she acts at her mother's house, but when she comes to your house, she needs to treat all of you with respect. You've made a lot of sacrifices for his kids and you deserve aknowledgement. And a $700 phone?!! Wow...just wow. I thought my cousin getting an smart phone at 12 was ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 yes she has a facebook, her own laptop, $700 iphone, 2 ipods, that portable dvd player thingy tablet?, and a 42" flat screen tv in her bedroom at her mothers house. At her house she is allowed none of these things, which is why she "hates" us. I just dont think a 9 year old should have these things! I definitely agree. I am 23, my hubby is 28 and we don't have all of those things. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 QUOTE=Balzac;4018436]How many years have you been in the children's lives? You judgement seems to be wholly against biological mom and neutralizing biological dad. The acting out in school apparently is a new development? Yes this is a new development. Ive been in there lives 4years now. And yes i tend to put the blame on their mothers need to be their friend and not the parent. Alot of the reason for the judgement for her is just because she doesnt act out at our house BUT i also realize she has them like 90% of the time. But their dad has recently been standing up for himself.the mother tells them if they dont come to our house they can go to there fav. restaurant or she would buy them this or take them there so they would call and say there not coming and he would let them because "he doesnt want them to not like him". He gets very upset when they dont come. So i told him he needs to start standing up for himself because we were only seeing them about 1 day a month. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Yes this is a new development. Ive been in there lives 4years now. And yes i tend to put the blame on their mothers need to be their friend and not the parent. Alot of the reason for the judgement for her is just because she doesnt act out at our house BUT i also realize she has them like 90% of the time. But their dad has recently been standing up for himself.the mother tells them if they dont come to our house they can go to there fav. restaurant or she would buy them this or take them there so they would call and say there not coming and he would let them because "he doesnt want them to not like him". He gets very upset when they dont come. So i told him he needs to start standing up for himself because we were only seeing them about 1 day a month.That's very manipulative. How is the relationship between your husband and his ex? Are they not on civil terms? Sometimes parents will bribe their children in any way they can to prevent them from visiting the other parent. I know from experience and it's just awful for the children. Your husband definitely needs to fight for his right to see his kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 yeah i dont even know the name of some of the things she has and im only 24! My husband is one of those people who just wants to get along with everybody, hardly ever stands up for himself. For example we went out to eat the other day and split fajaitas, we'll when they brought us our cheak they charged us for 2 meals when we only had the 1 24xtra dollars and he was just going to pay it because he didnt want to be a problem.. Im more the opposite.. But when it comes to the kids ive never gotten in the middle, when i have a problem with there mother i just dont say anything, which is hard for me! Maybe she's just getting older and i just miss the little girl that she was. Idk. Were all young parents which doesnt help much either. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I feel for you. I know you aren't even suppose to be able to get a Facebook account unless you are 13. So they must have lied when they set it up. My daughter is 13, when she was going to her dad's at age 9, she had a basic cell phone so I could communicate with her. I have taught my kids, different houses, different rules. This girl is at the age where she is going to test everything she can. Your husband has to be firm on what he believes. If you step in, you are going to be the bad person. You can't control what the mother does. If in your shoes, I would document everything that you can. Is taking the mom back to court for 50/50 parenting time an option? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I have taught my kids, different houses, different rules. This girl is at the age where she is going to test everything she can. Your husband has to be firm on what he believes. If you step in, you are going to be the bad person. Exactly!! This is how it rolled for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 We've been thinking about taking her back to court. One of the biggest things that worries me about it is simply that there mom is a lawyer. Also when i made this i was very mad at there mom. She really tries to be a good mom. And her husband is a amazing step-dad! We just have different parenting styles i guess. She wants to be there friend and buy them whatever they want and let them do whatever. Which to me is the problem with alot of young parents. My husband and i are a lot more strict! Whenever the kids get in trouble the mother calls us to talk to them. But Kylie is and always has been a VERY big moms girl. While Cole loves his mom of course but he's a HUGE daddy's boy he loves coming over, he comes about every weekend and some weekdays. The mother allows him to come over if he asks even if its not our weekend. We were both raised with strict rules, if we wanted something we had to work to get it. Ive worked since i was 8 years old(my family owned a restaraunt) for my own money. My parents were the most loving parents, but if we got in trouble we would be too scared to go home because we knew what was coming. And as far as the phone the main thing that bothers me is the fact that its a iphone. My first phone was a trac phone that i paid for. Why does a 9 year old need a phone nicer than most adults have? We've always let them use our phone whenever they ask, its not like we keep them from talking to their mom. Also one of the biggest things that bothers me is there mom with text them that she's at there favorite restaurant without them and she's doing this and that and too bad there at our house and not with her. THATS what bothers me about the phone. She's just childish at times! Also for the first year i was around Kylie would ignore me at times also. I work most weekends and when i would go to work she would'nt talk to me when i got back. She still gets mad at times when i go to work but she wasnt ignorring me when i get home anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Also i dont step in, even when i feel like dads wrong. I'll talk to him afterwards but not in front of the kids and if the kids bring me into it i tell them they need to listen to him. Thats another problem of mine is i cant tell them what to do. Kylie doesnt listen she says im not her mom and "if we yell at her she'll tell her mom and her mom will come take them." Aside from the "this is my house" and "I'll tell your dad" i feel like i cant do anything she doesnt listen. Cole listens, kylie doesnt. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 What kind of law does the biological mom practice? Just to be clear, the court is a US Civil Court? Non-custodial visitation is for the benefit of the children. When scheduled visits add missed, make up time is allocated. Have the parents been in mediation? Is there a court order dictating guideline visitation? Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 i just replied to this same very post on anther section. why have you made two threads with same post honey? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMongoose Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 I made two threads because i thought this better fit the situation. I posted it in marriage originally not being able to find anything that fit my situation. But once i saw parenting i decided its where it needed to be. And as for the law she practices i honestly dont know. Not sure about mediation either? They have gone and gottin child support lowered but im not sure what goes on to do that.. I'll have to find out from my husband, i dont know anything bout stuff like that but i need to look it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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