Do most people end up in nursing homes before they die of old age?

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm hoping that it's not that common, because I hate the thoguht of having to spend the last few years of my life in a nursing home. I would much rather die in my own home.

[Radu]

I'd rather not retire.

 

They call them the golden years, but why are old ppl in nursing homes so sad ?

[Mr Scorpio]

Depends on your family situation. Take my grandfather for example. He had a stroke several years back and was sent to the hospital. Medical bills quickly ate up his (substantial) retirement. Now, since his kids don't care much for him, he is spending his last years in that hospital. The hospital legally can't kick him out, so that is where he shall remain.

 

On the other hand, my ex's grandmother had five children, two of whom lived within 2 minutes of her. They visited her daily, so she was able to live in her own home into her 80s.

[KathyM]

I don't know what the percentages are, but the trend nowdays is to try to keep a person in their own home for as long as possible. With the cost of long term residential care so high (something like $8,000 per month for a nursing home in the U.S.), people are opting for hiring outside help to enable people to stay in their home. Services are brought in on a daily basis, or if the elder needs constant supervision, a home health aid is hired to live in the home to take care of the elder.

[Ross MwcFan]

I guess with the money I'd save by not having kids, I could stay at home when I'm really old and pay for someone to look after me?

[KathyM]

I guess with the money I'd save by not having kids, I could stay at home when I'm really old and pay for someone to look after me?

That's what I would opt for, I think. Staying in my own place and hiring a live-in caregiver. Or hopefully one of my kids would take on the job if need be. Institutionalized care is so depressing. I used to visit people in nursing homes when I worked as a hospice volunteer. That is a tough way to live, and to live out your life. Fortunately, the trend now is for home care rather than institutionalized care, if at all possible.

[carhill]

OP, it depends. As an example, my dad died of cancer. My mom cared for him at home until a few weeks before death, and he died in hospice care. Comparatively, she spent a couple years in skilled nursing after I could no longer care for her psychotic behaviors at home. She needed full-time professional care and died at the facility. As another anecdote, the house I'm rehabbing right now was sold to me by a bank who took it back from a widow who cared for her husband at home until he died, in the house I bought.

 

When I get old, with no children and perhaps without a SO, I would fully expect to either die alone at home or in skilled nursing.

 

A bit young to be concerned with such matters, don't you think?

[d'Arthez]

I guess with the money I'd save by not having kids, I could stay at home when I'm really old and pay for someone to look after me?

Dark thought: Get married have a few kids, and let one of them take care of you? Note that men tend to marry younger women, and die younger than women. You'd be reasonably safe.

[OhHey]

Dark thought: Get married have a few kids' date=' and let one of them take care of you? Note that men tend to marry younger women, and die younger than women. You'd be reasonably safe.[/quote']

 

I'd never burden anyone with taking care of my ass. When it gets like that, I'm done... I'll "do it" myself if nature doesn't do it first.

 

My parents having a stroke and ending up like my grandmother, scares the hell out of me. I know how it is to care for someone in that shape and it is full time, hard and depressing. We had no choice but to take her to the home, because it's like having a 145 pound infant....literally....and everything "that" requires.

 

How hard is it? Try watching your grandmother cry her eyes out wanting to commit suicide. Or when she has accidents in the middle of the mall. Or having her grandson seeing her most private areas trying to help mom move her out of the shower.

 

It is not my grandmother's fault...at all...it is no ones fault, but I know I would never ever in a million years burden my family with that....ever.

 

When the time comes....I'll do myself in.....I wouldn't want to live like that.

 

Good question, Ross...it is something everyone should think about and plan for. I've already started this myself.

[Ross MwcFan]

That's what I would opt for, I think. Staying in my own place and hiring a live-in caregiver. Or hopefully one of my kids would take on the job if need be. Institutionalized care is so depressing. I used to visit people in nursing homes when I worked as a hospice volunteer. That is a tough way to live, and to live out your life. Fortunately, the trend now is for home care rather than institutionalized care, if at all possible.

 

I would've thought that most people would like it because of the whole social aspect of it/always be around other people.

 

That's one of the reasons for why I wouldn't like though, I'd hate to be living with a bunch of other people, some of which I'm sure I wouldn't like, 24 hours a day.

 

The other thing, is that a lot of the entertainment that I get from life is from material things (playing video games, watching TV, having a drink, playing around with puzzles, reading books, etc). If I was in a nursing home I wouldn't be able to bring all of my things with me, in fact I'd have to sell most of the things that I love, which I'd hate to have to do, and then I wouldn't have much for entertainment when I'm in the nursing home.

 

All in all it would be a really horrible way (for me at least) to have to live the last few years of my life. I hate the possibility of this happening hanging over my head for the rest of my life.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm in a nursing home right now. I don't know about most people, though.

 

Seriously - I had my mom with me here until her death. She had Alzheimer's. I would not have been able to do it, though, if she hadn't been a very pleasant and manageable Alzheimer's person AND had the resources to enable getting people in our home during the day to spend time with her so I could work and play. I wanted to take care of her, and was willing to sacrifice stuff to do it, but not to sacrifice my life.

 

I would have found a different situation for her if it had come to that.

[d'Arthez]

How hard is it? Try watching your grandmother cry her eyes out wanting to commit suicide. Or when she has accidents in the middle of the mall. Or having her grandson seeing her most private areas trying to help mom move her out of the shower.

My grandmother is like that as well. I would not wish such a life on my worst enemies.

 

Over here we have living wills, including the right to end one's life under certain conditions - which you must stipulate when you are still considered in possession of your faculties.

[Ross MwcFan]

Dark thought: Get married have a few kids' date=' and let one of them take care of you? Note that men tend to marry younger women, and die younger than women. You'd be reasonably safe.[/quote']

 

I don't want to get married or have kids. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to since I can't get a woman in the real world.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't want to get married or have kids. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to since I can't get a woman in the real world.

 

Yes you can, and you will. But that's a different topic.

[OhHey]

I'm in a nursing home right now. I don't know about most people, though.

 

Seriously - I had my mom with me here until her......

 

 

You mean your home was a nursing home? or you yourself are in one?

 

Sorry...I'm so dense:laugh:

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes you can, and you will. But that's a different topic.

 

Feel free to make it.

 

It's a shame that it would be against the rules on here though, because I would be really interested in such a topic.

 

Maybe I should make it myself.

Edited May 23, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Hopefully when I'm really old, I wont be infirm and I'll just die in my sleep at home, surrounded by all the things that give me happiness in life.

 

I wonder how common it is to not be infirm and die of old age in your sleep?

 

Hopefully by the time I'm really old, medical science will have advanced enough to make it so that people wont get infirm from old age.

Edited May 23, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[OhHey]

Hopefully when I'm really old, I wont be infirm and I'll just die in my sleep at home, surrounded by all the things that give me happiness in life.

 

I wonder how common it is to not be infirm and die of old age in your sleep

 

In a perfect world we all want to die in our sleep, painless and fast, but "I" don't think that is really common. That is my thought.....I could be mistaken...lets hope I am.

[matte123]

Yeah I'm worried about that too for myself and for my parents. Hopefully in the future I will be able to provide the care or afford for someone to so my parents don't have to end up in nursing homes. My relatives end up dying in a hospital or at home.

[Lil1]

The best thing to do is save money and take care of your health. My mother is still pretty young (53) but we have discussed these things. She knows that I will take care of her when she is older, and she also understands that it is much harder to take care of a sickly elderly person. That is why she is taking measures now to take good care of her health. I have a friends right now who are financially helping out their parents because they can't afford their lifestyle with all the medical bills they have. I think it's selfish for any parent to live their lives wrecklessly and then place the burden of their healthcare on their children. Of course I'm talking about health issues that can largely be preventive. This isn't always the case with everyone, but I would venture to say that at least here in the US, many health issues are brought on by self neglect.

 

Also another thing to note is that in Latin culture we take care of our elderly, I could never be at peace with myself knowing that my Momma is living in some hospice all alone.

[OhHey]

She knows that I will take care of her when she is older, and she also understands that it is much harder to take care of a sickly elderly person. That is why she is taking measures now to take good care of her health.

 

Also another thing to note is that in Latin culture we take care of our elderly, I could never be at peace with myself knowing that my Momma is living in some hospice all alone.

 

 

I wish you luck with that, but sometimes it doesn't pan out that way. With my grandmother she had a massive stroke that left her totally paralyzed on her entire left side, can't talk and all sorts of glitches not to mention the sad days.

 

We tried to home care her at mom's house....we did it for over a year before mom broke down...she couldn't do it anymore and I myself got so tired of the constant phone calls of "get on down here! I can't get grandma out of the shower" Transfer her from chair to car, chair to bed, dealing with incontinence, her depression, doing her home exercise, taking her to the doctors, physical therapy, making sure she gets her daily dose of meds and that is the start.

 

It was FULL TIME, grandma had to be 24/7 supervised and my mom had no life and some of us that were second in her care(like me) were getting quite burned out as well.

 

We couldn't do it anymore and 14 years later my mom still goes out there every other day to visit, take her out on the disability bus to go shopping or just stroll her down the street to the diner or something. I myself go out at a minimum of once a week to visit or when mom needs some help, I'll go with to help and my sister actually works in the same nursing home grandma is in.

 

This isn't pointed towards you, but we have had a share of morons shun us for putting my grandmother in a home and some of our own family frowned upon it:rolleyes: It's so stupid...... they do not know how it is yet they simply think we're *********s and don't care about granny then stick her in a home.

 

It's people like that I'd love to punch in the face....ignorant, dummies.

[FitChick]

Buy long term care insurance.

[Ross MwcFan]

Buy long term care insurance.

 

I'm not sure if we have it over here, and I don't understand that kinda thing anyway.

[gaius]

I don't want to get married or have kids. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to since I can't get a woman in the real world.

That's ok. The odds of getting stuffed in a nursing home usually go up when you have kids.

[climbergirl]

I'm in a PDNS. But I originally got into the field because of my grandfather being in a nursing home.

 

Some of us truly do treat your own as one of our family. Do your research. Honestly, not all nursing homes are bad.