I am Pregnant and my husband does not want a baby!!

[writergal]

You may not want to do adoption for your unborn child, but you're more comfortable killing another human being by aborting it? And for who? Your douche-bag of a husband who you knew didn't want children and who is a horrible father to his 8 year old child. So I"m sorry if I lack sympathy for you because you knew who your husband was when you married him. I can't believe you'd marry someone like him - he wants you to draw up a contract stating that the child is yours so he doesn't have to be held responsible? Uh, he contributed sperm to your egg. Does he do drugs? He doesn't sound in his right mind at all.

 

I think your child is better off being adopted by a couple who want children. You've made nothing but excuses as to why you aren't ready and if you do keep your baby I imagine you'll continue making excuses for why your child gets neglected or even abused by your husband or yourself. You do know that every community - regardless of its population - has resources to help single mothers.

 

Being pregnant is a gift. If you don't want to have your child, at least have the decency to keep it and then arrange to have it adopted.

 

I fear you will not be a good mother as you are more interested in your job/starting your own business and cow-towing to a clearly inept husband who refuses to work. He sounds like a real winner. Congratulations to you.

 

I'm fired up by your thread because having a child is an amazing gift and when I come across people who immediately want to abort their pregnancy because it's inconvenient, well I get a little defensive because I think abortion is a huge mistake, esp. when there are so many people who would adopt your child in a second. And I'm sad to read that you don't acknowledge just how whackadoo your husband is based on how you describe him.

 

Have the baby. Give it to your sister. Arrange to have it adopted by another family who will not neglect it, abuse or make excuses as to why its not convenient. Or go ahead and kill it because hey that will solve all your problems.

 

He has had a change of heart and said even though he is against me having this baby its up to me and he will do what he can for as long as he can to support it (which could up for as long as 10 years or as short as 2 days).. However he wants it in writing that this baby is mine and ALL my responsibility. He will not change nappies, feed it or do anything and I should never ask him to get involve.

 

Plus... He can't promise me he will stay with me if I get fat and get covered in stretch marks and cellulite..

 

Basically if I go ahead with this I will be a single mother.

Edited May 24, 2012 by writergal

[pink_sugar]

Interesting to me is that OP took an emergency measure, Oral, but did not have an IUD inserted, a more effective back up, emergency measure.

 

I believe I am accurate in my reading of early posts. Yes #13.

 

I thought the IUD is a regular method of birth control? Not necessarily a back up? My brother's girlfriend uses IUD. I agree though. Was there a condom used and did the condom break? The morning after pill shouldn't be a regular form of birth control used unless a previous method failed.

[Motherof3]

I have been married to my husband for 3.5 years and have just found out that I am pregnant. I am between 3 weeks to 6 weeks pregnant. But there is a problem. He does not want to have kids and I knew about this before we married but had hope that one day he will change his mind.

We are not in a good position to financially have kids plus my husband does not think our relationship is that great.

I know it would not be right to have a child now because I don't feel ready however this is probably my only chance to have a child with him because after this incident he is going to have a vasectomy.

If I keep the child the relationship will not be the same again as he would probably resent me like he resents his ex and he is not much of a father to his 8 year old.

And even if I didnt have the child I have lost his trust because when he asked me what I was going to do i said i didn't know and this scared him.

I am going to call the dr tomorrow to have an abortion but is this the right thing to do?

 

If you want the baby and you know you'll be able to give him a good future, keep him... But if you don't feel like you are ready yet to be able to keep the child, then terminate...

[ms roque]

I am not upset what so ever because my husband does not want this baby.

 

He may not be man of the year but I love him for who he is.. His honesty.. He has never lied to me about his feeling and the way he sees life..

 

I am not defending him but unfortunately be has not had the same upbringing as most of us had.. He came from a poor back ground where there was not always a meal and when here was something thing it was probably plain rice.. He had to steal to eat.. He had to leave school at 12 to get a job to try and help his mother and has done a lot of survival things that he is not very proud of etc.. For where he has come from he has done quite well to get where he is in life now.

 

When his ex fell pregnant he told her he did not want the baby and if she had the baby she will be on her own. But the ex was determined to keep it and he stayed with her until the child was 3 years old then left..

 

He was going to has a vasectomy a few years ago but I told him to wait until I had a child before he did that and of course he regrets listening to me because he though I would wait until we were in a better situation before I decided I wanted kids.

 

Of course there is more to it than all this but you cannot blame someone that grew up with just love and nothing else not believe that love is enough for bring a child up. I was blessed and had more than love when I was growing up, (my mother still helps us out) and would not have a clue what it was like to be in his shoes.

 

 

I have booked an appointment with the Dr for this evening although I still don't know what I am doing. But in all honesty I am not ready for this..

[turnera]

My husband was so poor he'd go along the railroad tracks and scoop up rice and grain that spilled out of the cars so his family would have food. He dug half-spoiled food out of restaurant dumpsters to take home to his mom. His dad had him working on ROOFS when he was five years old, and he never got a dime of it - his dad drank it all away.

 

And he turned out to be the most loving devoted father I've ever seen.

 

Don't blame your husband's selfish, aberrant personality on his upbringing.

 

Personally, if I had to choose between keeping a baby I was bringing into the world or keeping my husband who didn't want it and who had already abandoned ONE baby...I'd pick the baby every time. That man wouldn't deserve me or our child.

[writergal]

Oh he's definitely not man of the year.

 

And both my parents grew up poor but that didn't prevent them from being good parents to my siblings and I. So your husband growing up poor is no excuse for his behavior as an adult. It has more to do with that's just his personality, unfortunately.

 

And what makes you think he'd stay with you anyway? He left his ex after he told her not to have her baby. This wreaks of an episode of Jerry Springer.

 

Sounds like you're going through with the abortion? To each his/her own then. IF that's the case why even post here when you knew that's what you planned to do anyway.

 

I am not upset what so ever because my husband does not want this baby.

 

He may not be man of the year but I love him for who he is.. His honesty.. He has never lied to me about his feeling and the way he sees life..

 

I am not defending him but unfortunately be has not had the same upbringing as most of us had.. He came from a poor back ground where there was not always a meal and when here was something thing it was probably plain rice.. He had to steal to eat.. He had to leave school at 12 to get a job to try and help his mother and has done a lot of survival things that he is not very proud of etc.. For where he has come from he has done quite well to get where he is in life now.

 

When his ex fell pregnant he told her he did not want the baby and if she had the baby she will be on her own. But the ex was determined to keep it and he stayed with her until the child was 3 years old then left..

 

He was going to has a vasectomy a few years ago but I told him to wait until I had a child before he did that and of course he regrets listening to me because he though I would wait until we were in a better situation before I decided I wanted kids.

 

Of course there is more to it than all this but you cannot blame someone that grew up with just love and nothing else not believe that love is enough for bring a child up. I was blessed and had more than love when I was growing up, (my mother still helps us out) and would not have a clue what it was like to be in his shoes.

 

 

I have booked an appointment with the Dr for this evening although I still don't know what I am doing. But in all honesty I am not ready for this..

[Balzac]

I thought the IUD is a regular method of birth control? Not necessarily a back up? My brother's girlfriend uses IUD. I agree though. Was there a condom used and did the condom break? The morning after pill shouldn't be a regular form of birth control used unless a previous method failed.

 

Placement of an IUD achieves both purposes. In perfect use, the failure rate is 1%. Far and away a lower pregnancy risk than condoms.

[irin]

before you abort this baby, you need to think about this.

 

how old are you?

 

can you honestly live your life without having any children? (its different for him already has a child)

 

-ive read stories about women who have had abortions early in their lives and end wanting a baby when theyr older. basically living in regret.

 

 

also if you abort this baby, and end up wanting a child, would be prepared to leave husband to have child with someone else, since hes having a vasecatomy.

[shayla]

Interesting to me is that OP took an emergency measure, Oral, but did not have an IUD inserted, a more effective back up, emergency measure.

 

I believe I am accurate in my reading of early posts. Yes #13.

 

Maybe I am reading this wrong, but if you mean that she should have had an IUD placed after the fact, I don't know of any doctor that will do this. I had one when I was in my 20's and I was only able to have it placed during my period and after a pregnancy test. This was a long time ago and perhaps the rules have relaxed somewhat.

[Balzac]

Yes-long time ago. Planned Parenthood and many privates perform this routinely.

[Balzac]

IUDs Work Best for Emergency Contraceptive - ABC News

 

I offer one very basic news story which refers to the current medical study report.

 

Also another explanation citing statistical data.

 

http://ec.princeton.edu/info/eciud.html

 

http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ec-review.pdf

Edited May 24, 2012 by Balzac
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[pink_sugar]

I am not upset what so ever because my husband does not want this baby.

 

 

I know you claimed otherwise, but I'm really getting the feeling you weren't extra careful about getting pregnant when you knew he didn't want kids for a reason. It obviously doesn't bother you that you got pregnant even though he doesn't want kids. You should be upset. What kind of father do you think he would be to another child he did not want?

[ms roque]

My husband simply does not want a child because we are in no condition to offer this child a life he could only dream of having. Its as simple as that.

 

I came on here because I needed to let kind of 'talk' to someone as I chose not to tell anyone apart from my mum and my husband.

 

I actually don't need anyone judging us at the moment and tell me what kind of man my husband is.

 

The thing is he has a point.. We cannot afford to have a child and he does not want one.

 

I would not have chosen to have a child now but now that it has happened I am re thinking about what to do..

 

I have told the Dr that I am unsure about having a baby but will go ahead with an abortion.

 

My husband says if I want to have this child to have it but just remember where he stands. I do not want to have a child unless he wants to want it because I don't think it is fair on him.

 

His daughter wants to come and live with us and I have told him that one day I will let him bring her however I would love to have my own first and I cant help thinking this happened for a reason. (PS his daughter is very jealous and does not want me to have a child. She said I am her other mum and she is enough for me.. lol)

[bean1]

I actually don't need anyone judging us at the moment and tell me what kind of man my husband is.

 

You said yourself he wasn't much of a father to the child he already has.

 

That tells you all you need to know about a person's true character. I'm sorry you cannot see that.

[ms roque]

I know you claimed otherwise, but I'm really getting the feeling you weren't extra careful about getting pregnant when you knew he didn't want kids for a reason.

 

If you must really know I was blessed with a beautiful ass and love anal.. Therefore becoming pregnant was never an issue however that particular night I think my husband missed the normal place and really went for it!

[pteromom]

 

I have told the Dr that I am unsure about having a baby but will go ahead with an abortion.

 

This breaks my heart.

[Balzac]

Presumptive that you refer to "chemical" abortion.

[ms roque]

This breaks my heart.

 

I feel OK because it still feels soo unreal.. And keep thinking my period will come any time soon.

 

Having said that eczema has gone wild..

[ms roque]

Presumptive that you refer to "chemical" abortion.

 

Have not actually given the procedure any thought.

[ms roque]

You said yourself he wasn't much of a father to the child he already has.

 

That tells you all you need to know about a person's true character. I'm sorry you cannot see that.

 

Actually I know him quite well.. He is the kind of person that dishes out raw truth using logic and reasoning not emotions.

[writergal]

If you must really know I was blessed with a beautiful ass and love anal.. Therefore becoming pregnant was never an issue however that particular night I think my husband missed the normal place and really went for it!

 

Are you joking?! How could any of us take your situation seriously with such a post?

 

And I read further that you are going ahead with your abortion.

 

How unfortunate for your unborn child.

[threebyfate]

From the sounds of the family's financial and emotional condition, an abortion is the best choice. Uncertain how long you've been pregnant but surgical abortions aren't necessary anymore if the pregnancy has been caught in time to have a medical abortion through ingestion of pertinent drug.

[ms roque]

Are you joking?! How could any of us take your situation seriously with such a post?

 

And I read further that you are going ahead with your abortion.

 

How unfortunate for your unborn child.

 

How can anyone take my situation seriously?? I did not want to get pregnant in the very first place. I was quite happy how things were. And with such a post.. well people wanted to know how I got myself pregnant.. and so you have the answer and I am not ashamed of saying it how it is..

 

And I do agree with you the child is very unfortunate which is they reason why I wish I was not pregnant.. Because it deserves so much more than just love..

[ms roque]

From the sounds of the family's financial and emotional condition, an abortion is the best choice. Uncertain how long you've been pregnant but surgical abortions aren't necessary anymore if the pregnancy has been caught in time to have a medical abortion through ingestion of pertinent drug.

 

The Dr said I will have to do a scan as I am not 100% sure how far I am. I am am not really looking forward to that because I guess that is probably when things will start sinking in and the thought of actually having an abortion makes me nervous. So if I don't change my mind the easier the procedure the better.

 

Its funny because my mother is in the medical field and deals with babies everyday and as much the thought of being a grandmother makes her happy she agrees with my husband that the timing is not right.

 

But both are saying its up to me.. Deciding what is for dinner is hard.. Buying a new dress is hard.. But this.. well.. I know that I will make sure I am never in this situation again!

[writergal]

Well why don't you at least meet with an adoption agency representative and get the facts after you explain your situation. You might as well make an informed decision rather than just go by the fact that you and your husband can't financially afford to raise a child. That doesn't mean you can't afford to carry a baby for nine months. Like I said, adoption agencies and adoptive parents can supplement the cost of your medical exams and such IF you sign with an agency. If you STILL decide to get an abortion after you meet with someone from an adoption agency, then at least you know you made a well informed decision based on exploring the adoption road.

 

Oh, also the adoptive parents will pay you for your baby. So you and your husband could get a few thousand dollars in the adoption process. That's something to consider if you are really financially hard up - plus you're saving your baby's life so there's a double bonus there.

 

The Dr said I will have to do a scan as I am not 100% sure how far I am. I am am not really looking forward to that because I guess that is probably when things will start sinking in and the thought of actually having an abortion makes me nervous. So if I don't change my mind the easier the procedure the better.

 

Its funny because my mother is in the medical field and deals with babies everyday and as much the thought of being a grandmother makes her happy she agrees with my husband that the timing is not right.

 

But both are saying its up to me.. Deciding what is for dinner is hard.. Buying a new dress is hard.. But this.. well.. I know that I will make sure I am never in this situation again!