I am Pregnant and my husband does not want a baby!!

[ms roque]

If he's not ready for a child with you after 5 years of marriage, then chances are he never will be.

 

I can't believe how selfish he is. Does he love you and consider your feelings at all?

 

I am not here to judge my husband's wants and wishes. This is about me keeping the child or not and the consequences. He is entitled to be selfish in not wanting kids like I am entitled to want kids.

[sb129]

I am not here to judge my husband's wants and wishes. This is about me keeping the child or not and the consequences. He is entitled to be selfish in not wanting kids like I am entitled to want kids.

 

Really??? The title of this thread is a bit misleading then seeing as it mentions your husband and his wants or lack thereof.

 

What's the point of being married to someone if they don't share at least some of your wants or wishes?

Especially with regards to something as huge as having children...

[ms roque]

Really??? The title of this thread is a bit misleading then seeing as it mentions your husband and his wants or lack thereof.

 

What's the point of being married to someone if they don't share at least some of your wants or wishes?

Especially with regards to something as huge as having children...

 

 

The title says I am pregnant and my husband does not want a baby. Lets stick to the topic and no name callings please. It is my choice to stay with a man that does not want kids like it was his choice to be with a woman that one day wants kids.. We are of course now dealing with the consequences in which I would like to hear peoples opinion on whether it is a good idea to have an abortion or keep the baby.

 

It would be very nice to hear some opinion from men..

[Balzac]

I was under the impression that your decision was made. As for men, we have little say so as we do not control the fact of pregnancy. From your description you love your husband, wish to continue your marriage, develop your career and begin a business. The decision is a personal one and while interesting to read the opines of anonymous posters, you present yourself as mature and intelligent enough to argue all potential decisions and outcomes.

[ms roque]

I was under the impression that your decision was made.

 

Not quite.. I keep changing my mind all the time. I have got an appointment for a consultation at the abortion centre on Thursday but I am starting to think I should keep the baby and find myself imagining life with a child.. I have until Thursday to decide and I hope by then I come up with the right decision.

 

My other worry is work. I am meeting a friend on Tuesday that used to work where I work now to discuss my options at work because as soon as I tell work that I am expecting I will not be allowed to fly any more. My worry is that I am still within my probation and so have no idea what rights I have if I have any. I will be totally screwed if I decide to go ahead and have this baby and work decide to give me the sack!

[pink_sugar]

It really is hard to predict. But you have to ask yourself this: Would you rather have this baby and be prepared to raise it yourself (if you agree to his terms) I honestly think it would be difficult to do this in marriage. How can you be married and have the husband not take part of the child's life? I think it would be difficult for the child as he/she grows older and wonder's why his/her father wants nothing to do with them despite living in the same house. Once the baby comes it might make your marriage difficult in other ways, he did say he couldn't promise he'd stay with you if he didn't find you attractive anymore right? Or would you rather avoid the marital complications by not having the baby? I guess it comes down to deciding whether it's the baby or the marriage that's more important to you.

[sb129]

The title says I am pregnant and my husband does not want a baby. Lets stick to the topic and no name callings please. It is my choice to stay with a man that does not want kids like it was his choice to be with a woman that one day wants kids.. We are of course now dealing with the consequences in which I would like to hear peoples opinion on whether it is a good idea to have an abortion or keep the baby..

 

No name calling from me.

 

Only you can answer that question ultimately though. Nobody here knows your situation as well as you do. It's up to you whether you put your wishes first or your husbands.

If you're happy now, then perhaps it mightn't be a good idea to upset the apple cart, especially seeing as your husband won't be supportive of your decision if you decide to go through with the pregnancy.

 

I'm not anti abortion btw, I'm very much pro choice, however the fact that you DO have a choice is part of the issue here with you as you still aren't sure of which path to take. It can't be an easy situation to be in, and I'm sorry to hear you have to even consider this.

 

Can your work sack you because you are pregnant? Is it because you're on probation that they can do that without it being discriminatory?

[spiderowl]

Your husband does not sound very nice actually. He sounds very controlling about every aspects of your relationship. Your posts are full of things he doesn't want/doesn't like/won't tolerate. Why is he so important? Your feelings matter too! He does not appear to care what you want or about a baby. This could be why he didn't want one in the first place; he has little or no empathy.

 

I'm wondering why you are with this guy. He is already suggesting the marriage is not going well and thus leaving you feeling as if you have to try to please him all the time. It sounds like you are on edge with him and feel like you are on probation or something. This is not a good basis for a relationship.

 

Starting out in a marriage hoping your husband will change his mind about having children was a mistake. I think you know that. You want a baby - why did you enter into a situation like this? What is this guy really giving you that is worth giving up something that obviously means a lot to you? The economic situation doesn't help and that must be one of your concerns, i.e. how would you cope with a young baby.

 

I have a suspicion that if you had an abortion because this didn't seem the right time or circumstances for a bay, you would regret it later and bitterly resent your husband. How can a relationship survive such feelings? On the other hand, it doesn't sound like it's going to survive if you do have the baby. You are in a really difficult position.

 

I think you should see a counsellor to work through your feelings. Some instincts are very deep and trying to go against a deep instinct like the desire for motherhood is a very tall order. Do you really want to be with your husband and put up with feeling second class? He's already critical of the relationship and it all sounds very shaky indeed. I'm sad that this guy is not likely to comfort you or be as supportive as you'd like.

 

It's easy to say keep the baby and get out of the marriage but I know that life would be very difficult for you unless you have other people who can support you. I think you should talk to close friends/relatives, those you would normally turn to for support and see what they say too. It sounds like you just need someone who cares for you. It's a pity your husband isn't the one.

Edited May 28, 2012 by spiderowl

[threebyfate]

Before we get too caught up in the emotional aspect, consider her circumstance again, as summarized below:

• Husband doesn't want another child and is a crappy father to his 8 year old.
  
• Husband is unemployed.
  
• ms roque is newly employed without knowledge of how her employer will view mat leave. We also don't know which country she lives in but if it's in the U.S., mat leave isn't like other countries where in some states, it's unpaid and/or very limited in amount and duration.
  

[Lauriebell82]

Not quite.. I keep changing my mind all the time. I have got an appointment for a consultation at the abortion centre on Thursday but I am starting to think I should keep the baby and find myself imagining life with a child.. I have until Thursday to decide and I hope by then I come up with the right decision.

 

My other worry is work. I am meeting a friend on Tuesday that used to work where I work now to discuss my options at work because as soon as I tell work that I am expecting I will not be allowed to fly any more. My worry is that I am still within my probation and so have no idea what rights I have if I have any. I will be totally screwed if I decide to go ahead and have this baby and work decide to give me the sack!

 

I'm thinking your a flight attendant? Or something else where you have to fly a lot? Anyway, they cannot fire you if you tell them you are pregant. It is against the law and they would have a HUGE law suit on their hands if they tried. It doesn't matter if you are on probation. I know you live in the UK, however I believe it is STILL against the law to fire you no matter what country you live in.

 

Also, you can fly up until your third trimester, I think 35 weeks? The reason they don't allow you to fly after that is in case you go into labor on the plane! And if you chose not to fly and that is the central function of your job, then you can file short term disability.

[ms roque]

Just wanted to say thank you for all of you who have commented on this thread.

 

I was still undecided on what I wanted to do however I went to my appointment at the abortion centre.

 

I am relieved to say (and a little bit sad) that they could not find anything when they did a scan and now having a natural miscarriage.

 

The timing was not right for this poor little one and I am so glad that I did not have to make a decision to terminated it..

 

To everyone out there please please please be very very very careful and do what it takes not to get yourself in this kind of situation. Prevention is better than cure

[Lauriebell82]

Just wanted to say thank you for all of you who have commented on this thread.

 

I was still undecided on what I wanted to do however I went to my appointment at the abortion centre.

 

I am relieved to say (and a little bit sad) that they could not find anything when they did a scan and now having a natural miscarriage.

 

The timing was not right for this poor little one and I am so glad that I did not have to make a decision to terminated it..

 

To everyone out there please please please be very very very careful and do what it takes not to get yourself in this kind of situation. Prevention is better than cure

 

I'm sorry about the miscarriage, but I have to say that it is the lesser of two evils. At least the baby went naturally because it wasn't it's time to be born, and not because you made it his time.

 

I agree 100% with prevention. Good luck ms rogue and I am very glad you posted. It was great to advise you and I hope that we have all helped you in one way or another.

[sb129]

Sorry to hear that Ms Roque.

 

You must be a little relieved that the decision has been taken out of your hands.

 

Take care.

[pink_sugar]

Sorry to hear about that. The unfortunate truth is 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. It wasn't to be and I agree and glad to know you'll be more careful next time until you are in a better situation to have the baby. Take care.

[ms roque]

Thank you guys..

 

I am so happy I didn't end my little ones life by choice.. I think I would have felt terrible. Even though I am relieved I feel very sad and feel as through there is something missing as I sit here staring at the anti-stretch mark creams (I bought over the internet) that got delivered today.

 

My husband on the other hand is happy.. well not for long.. I have decided to sort out my life and hopefully be ready to try for a baby next year when I am in a better situation and responsible enough to have a baby.

 

Mummy is sorry she let you down my love xxxx

Edited May 31, 2012 by ms roque

[pink_sugar]

I would still strongly urge you not to try for another baby with this man. He/she will grow up wondering why his/her father in the same household wants nothing to do with them. It's really no way for a child to be raised. Are you prepared to explain that to them?

[Just_A_Poster]

I am not defending him but unfortunately be has not had the same upbringing as most of us had.. He came from a poor back ground where there was not always a meal and when here was something thing it was probably plain rice.. He had to steal to eat.. He had to leave school at 12 to get a job to try and help his mother and has done a lot of survival things that he is not very proud of etc.. For where he has come from he has done quite well to get where he is in life now.

That's EXACTLY what you're doing - defending this a*sshole.

 

What do you think - he's UNIQUE? He's not. Plenty of people have had disadvantaged childhoods and grew up under very extreme circumstances, and they don't act like a jerkoff like this guy. So stop making excuses for his disgusting and disrespectful behavior towards YOU. It sounds as though you let this guy walk all over you and tell you what to do. How's that working for you?

 

So you have to sign a document saying the kid isn't his and if you get "fat and full of stretchmarks" he'll LEAVE you - that's the deal?

 

Best thing that could ever happen. Pray you gain 100 pounds and your stomach ends up looking like a road map of Madrid - if you're real lucky, the jack-hole will be gone quickly and disappear off the face of the earth.

[Just_A_Poster]

My husband on the other hand is happy.. well not for long.. I have decided to sort out my life and hopefully be ready to try for a baby next year when I am in a better situation and responsible enough to have a baby

Wow.

 

You just don't GET it, do you?

[Lauriebell82]

My husband on the other hand is happy.. well not for long.. I have decided to sort out my life and hopefully be ready to try for a baby next year when I am in a better situation and responsible enough to have a baby.

 

 

I'm confused..you are looking to do this all over again next year? I thought your husband didn't want a baby PERIOD, and that's why you were contemplating abortion to save your marriage. Are you hoping that if you in a better financial situation next year that he will change his mind?

 

You also said that you would try to prevent this from happening again, so ending up pregnant next year probably wouldn't be prevention?

Edited June 1, 2012 by Lauriebell82

[ms roque]

Wow.

 

You just don't GET it, do you?

 

You are right I don't get it.. Would you care to explain....

 

As I recall the reason for writing on here was because I didn't know what to do with the baby.. not with my husband... the baby...I wasn't trying to work out whether I should leave my husband or not.. Or what anyone thought of him..

 

So please do explain as I get the feeling there is an underlining issue...

[ms roque]

I'm confused..you are looking to do this all over again next year? I thought your husband didn't want a baby PERIOD, and that's why you were contemplating abortion to save your marriage. Are you hoping that if you in a better financial situation next year that he will change his mind?

 

You also said that you would try to prevent this from happening again, so ending up pregnant next year probably wouldn't be prevention?

 

 

Yes I would prevent myself from having an unplanned pregnancy.. I found out that I would not have been entitled to maternity pay from work and my probation would freeze until I came back to work after I had the baby.. That would have totally screwed me up..

 

Becoming pregnant next year would hopefully be out of choice and planned.

 

If I was better off financially my husband would not change his mind however he would be more accepting to the fact that I was going to have a baby.. And if he was not ready to be part of the baby's life I would not hold it against him for leaving..

 

He is planning on having a vasectomy done but is going to freeze some sperm for me for when I am ready have a baby..

[ms roque]

Best thing that could ever happen. Pray you gain 100 pounds and your stomach ends up looking like a road map of Madrid - if you're real lucky, the jack-hole will be gone quickly and disappear off the face of the earth.

 

 

I am actually very obsessed with my body and if I gained 100 pounds and had a stomach that looked like a map of Madrid I would go into serious depression! First thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was order stretch mark oil.. This body regardless of my husband has to stay perfect..

[setsenia]

If your body staying perfect forever is the most important thing to you, don't have children. No matter how much oil you use, your body will never be the same. This is what women in their late teens, early 20's fail to think about. Your boobs won't be the same either. Please don't have children.

[ms roque]

What do you think - he's UNIQUE? He's not. Plenty of people have had disadvantaged childhoods and grew up under very extreme circumstances, and they don't act like a jerkoff like this guy.

 

Actually he is UNIQUE - I have never met anyone like him..

 

Before judging my husband's childhood do some research about being born ''mulato'' in Rio's Favela.

 

Here is a little help.. Watch...

 

City of God and City of Men..

 

Favela Rising - Brazialin Documentary...

Favela Rising - Part 1/10 - Brazilian Documentary - YouTube

 

Being black or mixed race in Brazil..

 

 

I don't know about any of you but I would not call anyone a ''jerkoff'' for having an unfortunate childhood and for that reason not wanting to have kids..

 

You have NO idea and could NOT possibly imagine what he has been through in his life so please people for the last time stop judging my husband and calling him names..

[ms roque]

If your body staying perfect forever is the most important thing to you, don't have children. No matter how much oil you use, your body will never be the same. This is what women in their late teens, early 20's fail to think about. Your boobs won't be the same either. Please don't have children.

 

We live in a society that is ruled by people and their looks.. During the recession the beauty and cosmetic industry boomed.. I know because I was selling creams worth over £500 and sales went up..

 

I know my body will never be the same but if you look after yourself you will still look good. My mother does not have a single stretch mark and I am telling you she had the biggest stomach and boobs ever when she was pregnant with me.

 

My boobs are the least of my worries.. Plastic surgery will come to the rescue

 

To anyone that is thinking I am shallow.. We are all into our looks.. We go on crazy diets, go through the pain of waxing, cut and colour our hair, put on make-up etc to beautify ourselves.

 

I am a beauty therapist (as well) and all of my clients that are over weight even a little are not only very concious of their bodies but are also depressed about being over weight..

 

Don't we all want that ''Halle Berry james bond beach scene body''