I am Pregnant and my husband does not want a baby!!

[threebyfate]

The Dr said I will have to do a scan as I am not 100% sure how far I am. I am am not really looking forward to that because I guess that is probably when things will start sinking in and the thought of actually having an abortion makes me nervous. So if I don't change my mind the easier the procedure the better.

 

Its funny because my mother is in the medical field and deals with babies everyday and as much the thought of being a grandmother makes her happy she agrees with my husband that the timing is not right.

 

But both are saying its up to me.. Deciding what is for dinner is hard.. Buying a new dress is hard.. But this.. well.. I know that I will make sure I am never in this situation again!

I believe 7 weeks is the deadline for RU-186. Hope you've made the deadline.

[writergal]

The Dr said I will have to do a scan as I am not 100% sure how far I am. I am am not really looking forward to that because I guess that is probably when things will start sinking in and the thought of actually having an abortion makes me nervous. So if I don't change my mind the easier the procedure the better.

 

Its funny because my mother is in the medical field and deals with babies everyday and as much the thought of being a grandmother makes her happy she agrees with my husband that the timing is not right.

 

But both are saying its up to me.. Deciding what is for dinner is hard.. Buying a new dress is hard.. But this.. well.. I know that I will make sure I am never in this situation again!

 

Get a hysterectomy then. That is permanent birth control for women.

[Lauriebell82]

It doesn't sound you are 100% sure you want to have the abortion. You have said several times "if I can go through with it, then..." You need to be sure. You can never get this child back..ever. Regret is a horrible thing, and I think you will regret this.

 

I feel you are also doing this for the wrong reason, because your husband doesn't want the baby. I don't think that's what you really want to be honest with you.

 

Do YOU want this baby OP? Forget finances, husband's feelings, marital troubles, ect. All those things can be resolved or changed, but this baby will NEVER come back, get resolved, or changed. Think about that.

[Eddie Edirol]

Do YOU want this baby OP? Forget finances, husband's feelings, marital troubles, ect. All those things can be resolved or changed, but this baby will NEVER come back, get resolved, or changed. Think about that.

 

That is just wrong, she is in this situation in the first place because she knew before she married her husband that he didnt want anymore kids, and she thought she could change his mind. She already knows her husbands mind is not changeable. You dont bring a baby into the world when the other party doesnt want it, and you def dont do it just to avoid an termination. She already has problems in the marriage, a baby will only make them exponentially worse, not better.

[ms roque]

That is just wrong, she is in this situation in the first place because she knew before she married her husband that he didnt want anymore kids, and she thought she could change his mind. She already knows her husbands mind is not changeable. You dont bring a baby into the world when the other party doesnt want it, and you def dont do it just to avoid an termination. She already has problems in the marriage, a baby will only make them exponentially worse, not better.

 

I was prepared to be with him regardless of his feelings of wanting babies. I had decided that as I was not ready for kids yet I had plenty of time to try and change his mind. And if by the time I was ready and he still felt the same then I had two options... leave him and find someone else to have a family with or have the kid anyway and if he stayed he stayed and if not I would have been ready to do it on my own.

 

Not being ready for kids and this being an accident well it make everything so hard. My husband will not leave me for having the kid. He actually loves kids especially little girls as long as they are not crying. But its the responsibilities that comes with it that he is not prepared for. He was inseperatable with his little girl when she was born however he became suicidal because he had to work day and night to support his family. Fortunately he met a dear good friend who helped him get counselling and is now here with me.

 

I do not want the same thing happening to him again. This will make me very sad. Unhappy dad makes unhappy mum which makes unhappy baby.

[ms roque]

It doesn't sound you are 100% sure you want to have the abortion. You have said several times "if I can go through with it, then..." You need to be sure. You can never get this child back..ever. Regret is a horrible thing, and I think you will regret this.

 

I feel you are also doing this for the wrong reason, because your husband doesn't want the baby. I don't think that's what you really want to be honest with you.

 

Do YOU want this baby OP? Forget finances, husband's feelings, marital troubles, ect. All those things can be resolved or changed, but this baby will NEVER come back, get resolved, or changed. Think about that.

 

 

No I do not want to have an abortion. If I can figure out a way to make things right then I would go ahead with keeping the baby.

 

With regards to finances well.. I am totally against people that have kids and get benefits. If you want a child make sure you can afford to have them first. And also make sure you are responsible and in a good stable environment to have them. So if I did have this baby what does that make me.. A hypocrite!!

 

Before you can drive a car you get assessed. Before you can adopt a baby you get assessed. You should be assessed before you are allowed to have a baby.

[ms roque]

Well why don't you at least meet with an adoption agency representative and get the facts after you explain your situation. You might as well make an informed decision rather than just go by the fact that you and your husband can't financially afford to raise a child. That doesn't mean you can't afford to carry a baby for nine months. Like I said, adoption agencies and adoptive parents can supplement the cost of your medical exams and such IF you sign with an agency. If you STILL decide to get an abortion after you meet with someone from an adoption agency, then at least you know you made a well informed decision based on exploring the adoption road.

 

Oh, also the adoptive parents will pay you for your baby. So you and your husband could get a few thousand dollars in the adoption process. That's something to consider if you are really financially hard up - plus you're saving your baby's life so there's a double bonus there.

 

 

Adoption is not an option. I am not having my baby just to give it up. I have plenty of people (other sisters, cousins, his family) that will be more than happy to look after this baby for me and would kill me if I even thought about giving it up for adoption.

 

Even though my husband does not this baby he will not allow anyone else to have it. If I were to keep this baby then it would be my responsibility.

[ms roque]

But thank you guys for not judging my husband because of his decision that was not helping me make up my mind.

 

I believe I am searching for a way to able me keep this baby. And I am hoping the answer comes to me sooner than later.

 

Oh and I don't think I am more than 7 weeks.. My husband did say if it was already a baby then we would have to keep it because of the health problems I could have in aborting the baby.. But at this stage he just thinks of it as a bunch of cells that look like a mouse.

[darkmoon]

at some point your hormones will kick in - you will then feel quite different about mothering, abort now/ish while it is still a bunch of cells

 

later on the fascination for what you lost will be embedded on your psyche for a long long thanks to those pregnancy hormones

[ms roque]

I do feel really bad thinking of having an abortion however at present I dont really have any feelings for the baby yet. Which I suppose is a good thing.

 

However lets say I do decide to keep the baby this is for those of you who think I should go ahead and have the child. How would I be able to give the child a good life where I am not stressing about where the next meal will be coming from?

 

We currently live on about £2000 a month (from 3 jobs that I have) and even that is not enough. Most of the money goes on food as I have dietary issues and my food shopping is unfortunately very very expensive.

 

So from £2000ish a month to well lets say £500 which would not even cover my food cost let alone bills, council tax or anything else how could I possibly manage?

 

Please advise

[pink_sugar]

Does that include your rent/mortgage, around here 2000 a month would be a rent or mortgage payment alone. If you have 3 jobs it would definitely be too difficult for you to have a baby, do you have maternity benefits?

 

For those of you who think adoption is so easy, there are still sacrifices and risks of pregnancy complications. Carrying a baby for 9 months is more than just having someone pay for it. You have to sacrifice a lot while pregnant and it changes your body forever. Although one should think about these things before getting pregnant, but not everyone can do adoption. It might be more heartbreaking to give up your baby in the end rather than terminating a pregnancy early on.

[ms roque]

I am quite lucky in the sense that I don't have to pay any rent or mortgage yet.

 

With regards to adoption - that is not an option for me..

[Lauriebell82]

I do feel really bad thinking of having an abortion however at present I dont really have any feelings for the baby yet. Which I suppose is a good thing.

 

However lets say I do decide to keep the baby this is for those of you who think I should go ahead and have the child. How would I be able to give the child a good life where I am not stressing about where the next meal will be coming from?

 

We currently live on about £2000 a month (from 3 jobs that I have) and even that is not enough. Most of the money goes on food as I have dietary issues and my food shopping is unfortunately very very expensive.

 

So from £2000ish a month to well lets say £500 which would not even cover my food cost let alone bills, council tax or anything else how could I possibly manage?

 

Please advise

 

Well, you are pregnant now. And the minute you have the abortion all those feelings that you don't feel you have (which you already do, wether you realize it or not) will come rushing to the surface. Believe me, I have worked with tons of women who have had abortions and I have never seen anyone who wasn't affected by their decision. I have seen women who have had abortions to please others and they have downright hated themselves for even thinking it.

 

By the way, what if your marriage fails anyway? Then you will be left with nothing.

 

And I feel like it's too late for you to be worrying about being a hypocrit. You are allowed to be one when it comes to having a baby. I don't know where you live but there is a program called WIC. It does not give you a bunch of free stuff and pay for everything. It's extremely restrictive in what you can and can't have, and it's income based so you won't be given tons of free stuff. They limit you. BUT I have to tell you that it is a huge help and no mother should feel bad about being on the program.

 

You feel like you don't have options now, but you do. You are going to get conflicting advice on this thread, and I am one of those who thinks you should keep it, the main reason being because you have stated that you don't want to have one!!!

[pink_sugar]

I do agree with WIC more than I do with food stamps and I don't want to get political here, but there are people who will pop out children when they have no money just to receive those benefits. I think it makes it easier for people to take less responsibility for unprotected sex when there's so many programs providing assistance. I've always made a conscious effort to prevent myself from having children I cannot afford financially or emotionally. Yet there only seem to be "rewards" for people who keep popping out kids. Now if you already have kids and you have a job loss, that's something else entirely. It's just unfortunate so many of these programs require you to have kids for assistance. I know some people who just continue to have kids to receive these benefits. It's really sad.

[CarrieT]

I have worked with tons of women who have had abortions and I have never seen anyone who wasn't affected by their decision. I have seen women who have had abortions to please others and they have downright hated themselves for even thinking it.

 

Of course an abortion affects us; but in same cases it is a positive thing. I have never, EVER regretted my abortion and the effect in my life was 100% the right decision.

 

Those of us that are pro-abortion are not anti-life, but pragmatic about what is feasible in our lives and if the OP cannot see carrying this child to term and giving it up, than perhaps an abortion is the best thing for her right now.

[ms roque]

By the way, what if your marriage fails anyway? Then you will be left with nothing.

 

My husband was trying to help me decide and said if he went out today and got hit by a car and died what would I do? and the answer to that is I would definitely keep the baby without even thinking about it and stress about the consequences later. But that was not very helpful because that only applys if he dies, if he left me today because he didn't want to be with me I am not sure if I would want to still go ahead and have his child.

 

Thing is I have actually started making plans on having a child.. Only problem is it was supposed to happen in two years time after I had saved up, progressed within my job and my business worked. Then I could work part time at my job and work part time as self employed from home whilst looking after my little one. But oh no.. Life likes to be challenging that is the reason why you should always plan for failure and hope for success

 

 

I don'tknow where you live but there is a program called WIC.

 

I live in the UK and from what I have just read about the WIC its a programme in USA right? So it would not be of much use. I suppose this is what I get for turning my nose up at people having kids early and claiming benefits. It comes back and bites you on the ass!

[FitChick]

I have friends who had abortions and none regretted it. They both went on to have more lovely, wanted children with good lives. If they had had babies at that stage of their lives, it would have been a different story.

 

Abort now while it's a relatively simple procedure and plan for future children when both of you are prepared for them. If he still doesn't want kids, you may decide that you want to divorce him and find a man who wants a family. It's unfair on the already overburdened taxpayer to have children you cannot afford.

[sb129]

There is hardly ever a "perfect" time financially/ career-wise to have a child.

 

My husband and I waited until the right time to try for our second child, and turns out we left it too late and now we have to spend thousands trying to get pregnant.

 

Not trying to make you feel bad, but just saying that as far as money goes, you can always work it out. When we had our daughter things weren't as good financially as they are now, but we made it work.

 

Dont let money be a barrier, you have enough to think about.

[pink_sugar]

 

Thing is I have actually started making plans on having a child.. Only problem is it was supposed to happen in two years time after I had saved up, progressed within my job and my business worked. Then I could work part time at my job and work part time as self employed from home whilst looking after my little one. But oh no.. Life likes to be challenging that is the reason why you should always plan for failure and hope for success

 

Um....so you were planning on getting pregnant with his child anyways even though he's made it clear he doesn't want kids? I am assuming you would just say you're on birth control or tell him it was an accident? Well, there you go. It just happened sooner than expected.

 

I live in the UK and from what I have just read about the WIC its a programme in USA right? So it would not be of much use. I suppose this is what I get for turning my nose up at people having kids early and claiming benefits. It comes back and bites you on the ass!

 

Not really, you have more control on when you bear children than you think.

[pink_sugar]

There is hardly ever a "perfect" time financially/ career-wise to have a child.

 

My husband and I waited until the right time to try for our second child, and turns out we left it too late and now we have to spend thousands trying to get pregnant.

 

Not trying to make you feel bad, but just saying that as far as money goes, you can always work it out. When we had our daughter things weren't as good financially as they are now, but we made it work.

 

Dont let money be a barrier, you have enough to think about.

 

Nope, there is never a perfect time, but you CAN choose when is best. Now when you're scraping by making minimum wage, going through boyfriends like water and using public transportation because you cannot afford a car, you DEFINITELY shouldn't be having a baby.

[sb129]

Nope, there is never a perfect time, but you CAN choose when is best. Now when you're scraping by making minimum wage, going through boyfriends like water and using public transportation because you cannot afford a car, you DEFINITELY shouldn't be having a baby.

 

 

Is that a description of the OP?

 

I agree that the above scenario is not ideal to bring a child into.

 

However in light of her husbands behaviour, I think the financial issue is the least of her worries.

[ms roque]

Um....so you were planning on getting pregnant with his child anyways even though he's made it clear he doesn't want kids? I am assuming you would just say you're on birth control or tell him it was an accident? Well, there you go. It just happened sooner than expected.

 

Actually I would have told him before trying for baby. I would not lie to him about something like that. He would not disagree on having the baby when I decide I am ready but I am sure he will make it clear to me that it will be my responsibility. Plus him knowing that we are trying for a baby will make it a lot easier when I become pregnant. I have found the best way is honesty. No accidents unless it actually was an accident!!

[ms roque]

Nope, there is never a perfect time, but you CAN choose when is best. Now when you're scraping by making minimum wage, going through boyfriends like water and using public transportation because you cannot afford a car, you DEFINITELY shouldn't be having a baby.

 

Hardly use public transport to get to work however I do work on a public transport (cabin crew).

 

Not going through boyfriends like water.. Been with my husband for about 5 years.

 

Not scraping on minimum wages however regardless of how much money I make its never enough.. lol

[ms roque]

I have friends who had abortions and none regretted it. They both went on to have more lovely, wanted children with good lives. If they had had babies at that stage of their lives, it would have been a different story.

 

Abort now while it's a relatively simple procedure and plan for future children when both of you are prepared for them. If he still doesn't want kids, you may decide that you want to divorce him and find a man who wants a family. It's unfair on the already overburdened taxpayer to have children you cannot afford.

 

Actually agree with you.. However worried about regretting it. My husband said its better to abort the pregnancy and regret it then have the baby and regret it. How would I know how I will feel in the future?!

[sb129]

If he's not ready for a child with you after 5 years of marriage, then chances are he never will be.

 

I can't believe how selfish he is. Does he love you and consider your feelings at all?