pink_sugar Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I would still strongly urge you not to try for another baby with this man. He/she will grow up wondering why his/her father in the same household wants nothing to do with them. It's really no way for a child to be raised. Are you prepared to explain that to them? You still haven't answered my question.... And yes your husband does come to play in to all of this. Is he not the reason you were considering abortion?
Author ms roque Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 You still haven't answered my question.... And yes your husband does come to play in to all of this. Is he not the reason you were considering abortion? He would not be living in the same house as the child and ignore him/her.. If he stays, him and the kid would be inseparable.. My husband actually loves kids.. He just doesn't want to have one.. And yes he was part of the reason why I was considering abortion because it was unfair on him to expect him to be a father to a child he did not want to have.. If I have a planned pregnancy it would be a different story.. I would have been prepared to live the consequences of my action..
Lauriebell82 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 If he stays, him and the kid would be inseparable.. My husband actually loves kids.. He just doesn't want to have one.. These statements contradict themselves. He doesn't want kids but he'd stay if you had one and would be inseperable. And yes he was part of the reason why I was considering abortion because it was unfair on him to expect him to be a father to a child he did not want to have.. Again, some contradictions. You were considering abortion because he didn't want to have a child, nor does he want to have a child in the future. But you plan to get pregnant with or without him next year, being a planned pregnancy. How can you have a planned pregnancy if your husband doesn't want children? Also I think you mentioned awhile back that he was going to have a vasetomy to prevent children, but save sperm for you to have a child that he doesn't want... I'm not trying to give you a hard time. What I gather from all these contradicting statements is that you view "planned pregnancy" as you getting pregnant on purpose this time, but without him wanting or being in on the "planning." So it's planned for you, but not for him. If that's the case, I suggest you leave your marriage and get a sperm donor to have a child. This sounds like wwwaaayyy too much drama to bring a child into! 2
Krytie TV Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I know this probably comes from left field, but it sounds to me that your husband needs to consider getting a vasectomy. Here he is sure about not having children and almost accounted for child #2. Perhaps you two could discuss the possibility of him taking control of his wants so he doesn't get to go around letting himself off the hook for his actions. 2
stillafool Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I am actually very obsessed with my body and if I gained 100 pounds and had a stomach that looked like a map of Madrid I would go into serious depression! First thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was order stretch mark oil.. This body regardless of my husband has to stay perfect.. No amount of oil can prevent stretch marks I'm sorry to say. Also if you want your body to stay perfect, die now, because it is aging everyday. 2
Author ms roque Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 it was totally my mistake to come onto this forum and dish out my private life.. and to give you guys the opportunity to point fingers at my husband and myself telling me what is right and what isn't.. our relationship is not based on lies but complete honesty and understanding which is why we are still together.. and which is why I would not be left standing one day regretting what I did with my life.. only 65% of children in the UK live with both parents and I am sure with most of these both the father and mother were happy to go ahead with the pregnancy and believed in happy ever after.. At least I know where I will stand if I decide to have a baby with my husband.. I would not have a baby and **** up their life hence the stress I was under last week because I knew the timing was not right for my little one.. So guys if you have nothing better to say then try and prove me wrong for I don't know what, tell me I should not be with my husband but instead go to a sperm bank.. well I guess this topic has come to an end because it is now time for me to go back to my normal life..
writergal Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) I don't speak for anyone but myself in this thread when I say that there were quite a few comments that YOU made which left me wondering just how serious to take your posts. First of your comments involve the way you describe your husband as being a bad father to his existing 8 year old child, making you sign a contract stating that you would take responsibility for any child you have with him, and then there is the anal sex comment you made. Was any of that necessary for me to know in helping you decide whether or not to keep your baby that nature has aborted now? No, it wasn't. It painted you in a very negative light - to me at least. The way you presented yourself was not as a very put together person who prefers to be in a bad marriage because the anal sex is great. That's the portrait your comments painted to me about who you are. If you didn't want to present that image you should not have disclosed any of that information because it's not relevant to your question and shows me that you are somewhat immature. But that's just my opinion based on the words you type here. I don't know you offline. How you can be offended by the way others have chosen to respond to what YOU post is beyond me. If you are going to disclose information, then you should be prepared to deal with the consequences of how people react to that information. If you don't want advice, then don't come here asking for it. If you really just wanted to focus on whether or not to have your unborn baby, all that information about your interest in anal sex and your husband's personality traits was extraneous. You could have just kept it vague if you weren't prepared for people's honest opinions. This is a discussion forum after all and people are allowed to share their honest responses. I believe that was another comment you made - that you are a very blunt person. So to be blunt with you: if you can't take advice and opinions, then don't ask people in an online forum for it. it was totally my mistake to come onto this forum and dish out my private life.. and to give you guys the opportunity to point fingers at my husband and myself telling me what is right and what isn't.. our relationship is not based on lies but complete honesty and understanding which is why we are still together.. and which is why I would not be left standing one day regretting what I did with my life.. only 65% of children in the UK live with both parents and I am sure with most of these both the father and mother were happy to go ahead with the pregnancy and believed in happy ever after.. At least I know where I will stand if I decide to have a baby with my husband.. I would not have a baby and **** up their life hence the stress I was under last week because I knew the timing was not right for my little one.. So guys if you have nothing better to say then try and prove me wrong for I don't know what, tell me I should not be with my husband but instead go to a sperm bank.. well I guess this topic has come to an end because it is now time for me to go back to my normal life.. Edited June 2, 2012 by writergal 4
Lauriebell82 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 it was totally my mistake to come onto this forum and dish out my private life.. and to give you guys the opportunity to point fingers at my husband and myself telling me what is right and what isn't.. You are right, it was a mistake for you to come to the forum IF you were unprepared for posters to point out what is right and what isn't. If you read the other threads in LS you will see that is EXACTLY what happens in this forum. Opinionated posters who tell you what they think and what to do about everything you post. I too have felt this way about some of the threads I have posted. So I empathize with you. But what I have learned is that as writergal put it "if you can't take advice and opinions then don't post it here." 1
writergal Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I realize my post comes across harsh but my intention is good (yes, yes, I know the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But I don't believe in hell so...). You disclosed a lot of extraneous information that opened you up to harsh criticism. Let this be a good learning experience for you about how discreet you should be when you post online. We can't control how others perceive our posts' tone, attitude or intention. All we can control are the words we choose when we post. 1
pink_sugar Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I'm with the other posters. If you wanted an opinion solely on whether or not to abort the baby, the other info you should have left out. If you were planning to get pregnant again within a year, there really is no point in asking us here what to do. You made it clear your decision whether or not to have the baby had a lot to do with your husband...and then you said he'd gladly save his sperm for you. It's very contrary to what you initially posted. He wants kids or he doesn't. Yes, in the US, about 50% of families are divorced. However, that is much different than choosing to bring a child into this world in which your husband clearly does not want to take care of another child. I've never heard of such an arrangement. Even in divorced families, most parents want contact and to raise the children except for a few minority cases. So it really comes down to deciding which is more important, the baby or your husband? Because yes, it really does boil down to that.
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