Not sure what to make of this...

[speedway1]

So here is my story. My GF and I have been together for about a year and a half. We live together. Relationship is great although she has had some trying times with health and depression.

 

Here is the issue. I have been cheated on by my ex wife. This has made me hypersensitive to things being hidden. Last spring she was in the hospital, this was prior to us living together. I spent all my time there when I wasn't taking care of my kids which I have roughly half the time. Soon after she was released from the hospital she decided that she needed a week to clear her mind. She didnt know what she wanted. Long story short, we were back on track a week later.

 

A few months later she told me she had been in contact with an ex. Someone she had been seeing up to a few weeks before we got togehter. She also told me she had been in contact with him during her hospital stay last spring. Yes, the same one when I was there looking after her and doing everything for her.

 

I told her that doing so behind my back hurt me and was unacceptable to me. She apologized for hurting me and said she felt guilty for movinng on and wanted to check in with him. During the conversation in the hospital she didn't mention that we were together.

 

She also has a habit of talking to her ex husband and hiding it from me. Sometimes she will tell me she spoke to him but never when it happens. Always after the fact. She also deleted her text conversations with him and never talks to him when I'm around.

 

Fast forward to today, I see an email that she reached out to the same ex BF asking how he was doing and sending him her phone number and obviously email adress. I am livid. She promised me she would never contact him again and here we go again. I don't know how to apporaoch this. I don't really understand her reason for doing this. Thoughts?

[Radu]

I think she needed that week to clear her head because you actually did something nice for her, so she ended up feeling dragged between logic and feelings.

About the rest ... she is hiding things from you.

Is that really the way to have a relationship ?

 

PS: I would work a bit on your jealousy issues tbh. Just because your wife cheater on you, and this gf hides some things from you doesn't mean that all women are like that.

[speedway1]

Thanks for the reply. I am torn as to what to do about this. This isn't about being concerned she's cheating or going to. It's more about boundries. Why would you contact an ex out of the blue? Especially when she promised she wouldn't do that again. To me, this is just inviting unnecessary drama into the relationship. What is to be gained? Why play with fire?

 

this had ben an agreed upon boundry and now it's been crossed.

[rach24680]

It's really hard to have trust in people when you've been hurt in the past.

But you van't compare every relationship to the previous.

Maybe it's just genuine just wanting to see how he is and catch up and she's keeping it secret because she knows it will sound awful to you and she doesn't want to hurt you again.

But i'd still not be impressed as she's promise not to hide things from you.

You need to talk to her and find out if she still has feelings either for her ex bf or ex husband, as a few weeks before she got with you is not a long time to get over someone.

[seibert253]

I can't give you advice on what you should do, I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your situation.

 

If I had trust issues due to my GF contacting ex's behind my back, addressed these with her telling her how this upset and hurt me, and then she does the same thing again, knowing how I feel; well, in my mind contacting her ex's mean more to her than me. I would end it and send her packing sand.

[Professor X]

I can't give you advice on what you should do, I can only tell you what I would do if I were in your situation.

 

If I had trust issues due to my GF contacting ex's behind my back, addressed these with her telling her how this upset and hurt me, and then she does the same thing again, knowing how I feel; well, in my mind contacting her ex's mean more to her than me. I would end it and send her packing sand.

 

Quite spot on. You made your boundaries clear and she made a conscious decision to cross them, so now she needs to pay the price. What the price will be is up to you, but as you said, she's playing with fire and TBH, it's just a Pandora box waiting to be opened.

 

If I were you I'd tell her that if she can't control it (which obviously she can, but lets give her the benefit of the doubt) than you will be forced to find a person with more self-control than her.

 

If you'd wanna give her another chance, it will be up to you, but if you do, than it has to be the last time. If you feel you can't trust her now, than it's probably best to end it - it's what I'd do.

[Professor X]

It's really hard to have trust in people when you've been hurt in the past.

But you van't compare every relationship to the previous.

Maybe it's just genuine just wanting to see how he is and catch up and she's keeping it secret because she knows it will sound awful to you and she doesn't want to hurt you again.

But i'd still not be impressed as she's promise not to hide things from you.

You need to talk to her and find out if she still has feelings either for her ex bf or ex husband, as a few weeks before she got with you is not a long time to get over someone.

 

If she didn't wanna hurt him she wouldn't contact her ex', and if there was no issue with it, she'd just be upfront with it.

It's all good if she wondered about her ex's well being, but is it worth risking the RS over? I think not.

 

ANNNNNNNNND, she promised, so it's kinda moot anyway.