Why Do Girls Look Down on Guys That Live With Their Parents Around the Ages of 22-27?

[Ruby Slippers]

There is not any way to tell, due to living circumstances alone, whether someone is a "self-sufficient adult" or not without other facts. No way, no how.

You can be certain that a guy in his 20s living with his parents is NOT self-sufficient. It may be that a guy living on his own is not self-sufficient, but he's more likely to be. I also would not want to date a guy who had his own place but had his rent subsidized by his parents.

[fortyninethousand322]

You can be certain that a guy in his 20s living with his parents is NOT self-sufficient. It may be that a guy living on his own is not self-sufficient, but he's more likely to be. I also would not want to date a guy who had his own place but had his rent subsidized by his parents.

 

I really don't see why you're getting so much grief about this. It's totally reasonable to want to date someone who doesn't live with mommy and daddy. It's really not that big of a deal.

[olivec]

I'm 30 and when I moved back home I thought I would never get a date again and to my surprise I have yet to be turned down for living at home. I was up front about it. Their ages were 25,27,31.

 

That being said I will graduate college next year so I guess that's what helps it out a little. Better late then never!!!

 

Theres a big difference i think when someone is living at home and has no job or no ambition to move forward in life. Heres the thing i moved back home a few years back and bout my home last summer and guess what i was in my 30's living at home. My last two girls i dated didn't have a problem and heres the ironic thing i got dumped by my last girl when i moved into my house only for a few months so that just goes to show ya it doesn't matter to some people either way. Just live your life and do what you need to do for "you" period!

[Ruby Slippers]

I really don't see why you're getting so much grief about this. It's totally reasonable to want to date someone who doesn't live with mommy and daddy. It's really not that big of a deal.

I don't, either. I guess the OP thinks he's going to change people's minds on the matter. He'd be better off accepting that some women are not going to want a guy in his situation, and some are. Period. Just like some men don't want me because I'm too X or not Y enough. I'm not going to change their minds by arguing with them. I'm a lot better off not worrying about it, and focusing on connecting with the men who like me just as I am.

[HallowedBeThyName]

Yeah. It's not about the money. It's about the man.

 

Like I said, I left the nest at 17 and haven't gone back. For me, this was natural. Adults birds don't stay in the nest collecting all the materials for their own nest someday. They fly to another branch and start building it up bit by bit. I admire the courage and hard work involved in that.

 

 

and I think wasting a 100 grand in a course of 10 years is awful economics

 

 

 

Enjoy living on paycheck to paycheck, I'll enjoy my half a 400,000 house when I'm in my early 30s

 

 

 

Once he finally moved out, he said he couldn't believe he had waited so long, and that going back would feel like being a fish out of water. He also says he now loves apartment/condo living, where other people take care of the tedious yard work, expensive building repairs, etc.

 

 

Your friend sounds like another guy who will be living paycheck to paycheck burning his money paying somebody else's mortgage

 

 

Especially a time like this when rates are so low and you can get a 150,000 house for literally just about a 1,100 dollars a month...you would have to be an idiot to get an apartment in that situation

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't, either. I guess the OP thinks he's going to change people's minds on the matter. He'd be better off accepting that some women are not going to want a guy in his situation, and some are. Period. Just like some men don't want me because I'm too X or not Y enough. I'm not going to change their minds by arguing with them. I'm a lot better off not worrying about it, and focusing on connecting with the men who like me just as I am.

 

Yeah. I mean I do know a few people who live at home and are in relationships (two married, one with a child). So it's definitely possible to live at home and have a dating life. It's just not a lifestyle that is attractive to everyone. And not every lifestyle will be.

[udolipixie]

I don't know if you're foreign or what the problem is, but your writing fluency is absolutely terrible and I have no idea what you're saying in the above post

 

Please learn to express your thoughts clearly with proper and well constructed sentences. I don't know how to respond to that because I have no idea what your points are

Are you American? Or are you attempting evade logic as you have no counterpoint?

 

Trust fund guys being attractive to gals doesn't mean that gals don't find independent guys attractive as some gals will be attracted to wealth or don't care about independence.

 

A gal's preference doesn't speak for other gals. This was a main point I was trying to get across that when a gal states she likes X it doesn't mean all, most, or gals in general like X it means she does.

 

Some gals list other reasons than independence for not wanting a guy who lives at hope so it's not hypocritical to go for a trust fund guy. For those that do list independence the explanation for hypocrisy is people may go against priniciples if they like what is presented.

 

I know some gals don't like trust fund guys and some gals do as my experiences and many other guys/gals have been that.

Really you didn't grasp that...

 

I also know it's a bit of a logical reach to me to the majority of gals who have such a principle go for trust fund guys unless you have researched which gals that go after trust fund guys had the independent principle?

Really you didn't grasp that... It's illogical to state the majority of gals who cite independence for not wanting a guy who lives at home would want a trust fund guy unless you have research to back it up.

Edited May 24, 2012 by udolipixie

[HallowedBeThyName]

Yeah. I mean I do know a few people who live at home and are in relationships (two married, one with a child). So it's definitely possible to live at home and have a dating life. It's just not a lifestyle that is attractive to everyone. And not every lifestyle will be.

 

 

 

I don't have an issue with people's preferences

 

 

 

I have an issue with absurd character assessments that are not based on any underlying logic

 

 

 

Saying a man who lives away from home is automatically independent. What about people who get help from their parents to pay the rent? How in the world are you going to know if your man is getting help from his mom and dad? Are you gonna ask to see his financial statements when you first start dating him? Or are you going to stop dating him when you guys have been going out for 6 months, you're in love and then you finally find out that he's not really independent?

 

 

Why do we judge people on such superficial and petty things? What happened to "it's what's on the inside that counts"?

[zengirl]

A "preference" with no or faulty underlying reasoning is simply a prejudice, and disproving a prejudice by demonstrating the underlying factual premises invalid is a different matter than disagreeing with a preference.

 

People have given their reasonings -- not just me but others as well -- very clearly, and your definition of "faulty" reasoning seems to be reasons you disagree with. No one has suggested that EVERYONE who lives outside of their parents home is independent, self-sufficient and attractive dating material; however, they have detailed the many reasons why they might personally feel someone who lives at home is NOT a good prospect, both practically and philosophically, with a well-reasoned statement of facts that would apply to various conditions. Obviously, it cannot be case specific unless we're dealing with a specific case.

 

You've proven in NO way that the factual premises are invalid and have in fact made some factually invalid arguments yourself (the environmental argument for instance --- because most family homes are NOT environmentally friendly, compared to most apartments in many areas of the country). There is no way to factually invalidate arguments like, "We can't have wild sex at his Mama's house" and "He hasn't chosen to deal with bills and problems on his own without the help of his parents." Those are factually valid for the hypothetical people in question, with the exception of exceptions (like caring for an infirm parent) which have been mentioned.

 

Again, the "caring for material things" is directed specifically at the OP who continuously says what a waste of money apartments are and that he'd rather squirrel his money for a house than have the experiences and independence that come with an apartment. He's also said he prefers the comfort of his family home, which is better than he can afford. That's not going to apply to EVERY guy who lives at home, but it applies to the OP and premise of the thread. I would sacrifice money for experiences any day of the week and have --- and experiences are what you lose out on by saving money living with Mommy and Daddy.

[dasein]

Offnote: Absolutely amusing how you're on about prejudice when you often go into how gals are X, Y, Z because they prefer this & that such as gals who like height or have a requirement due so out of vanity to impress others and the need to gain status. By your logic there is not any way to tell, due to likeing tall guys, whether a gal is doing it out of vanity to impress others and the need to gain status.

 

Women have told me outright that their preference for tall men include elements of vanity and competition with GFs. Then I began to notice the truth of it. Otherwise, no idea what you are attempting above. Are you trying to say that since I am talking about prejudice in this thread, that somehow my repeating, in other unrelated threads, what women have actually told me about a partial explanation for the height preference is prejudicial and hypocritical of me?

 

Try try again, you will catch me in some cross-thread inconsistency one day I'm sure. Not to-day, but one day.

[HallowedBeThyName]

People have given their reasonings -- not just me but others as well -- very clearly, and your definition of "faulty" reasoning seems to be reasons you disagree with. No one has suggested that EVERYONE who lives outside of their parents home is independent, self-sufficient and attractive dating material; however, they have detailed the many reasons why they might personally feel someone who lives at home is NOT a good prospect, both practically and philosophically, with a well-reasoned statement of facts that would apply to various conditions. Obviously, it cannot be case specific unless we're dealing with a specific case.

 

You've proven in NO way that the factual premises are invalid and have in fact made some factually invalid arguments yourself (the environmental argument for instance --- because most family homes are NOT environmentally friendly, compared to most apartments in many areas of the country). There is no way to factually invalidate arguments like, "We can't have wild sex at his Mama's house" and "He hasn't chosen to deal with bills and problems on his own without the help of his parents." Those are factually valid for the hypothetical people in question, with the exception of exceptions (like caring for an infirm parent) which have been mentioned.

 

Again, the "caring for material things" is directed specifically at the OP who continuously says what a waste of money apartments are and that he'd rather squirrel his money for a house than have the experiences and independence that come with an apartment. He's also said he prefers the comfort of his family home, which is better than he can afford. That's not going to apply to EVERY guy who lives at home, but it applies to the OP and premise of the thread. I would sacrifice money for experiences any day of the week and have --- and experiences are what you lose out on by saving money living with Mommy and Daddy.

 

 

 

Okay let's look at your reasons

 

 

 

1)We can't have wild sex at his momma's house: Living with your parents isn't a whole lot different than living with a roommate/roommates, which is what you people are advocating. You can't have wild loud sex with a roommate next door either. You do the same thing in both situations - have sex when one of the 2 parties (either you or your mate) don't have anybody over. Okay so that's complete nonsense

 

 

2)You complain that a person living at home is doing so for maximum comfort...well didn't you just say that you want to date a man who has an apartment so you can have loud wild sex? Isn't that comfort? More nonsense and hypocrisy

 

 

3)A person living at home isn't independent. Lots and lots of guys I know live in apartments and houses owned by their parents. Lots of people I know get help to pay their rent from their parents. Are you going to ask out a guy you started dating his exact economics in terms of how he pays his mortgage/rent? Or let me guess, you're gonna fall in love with him and then break up with him the second he tells you that his dad helps with the rent right? More nonsense

 

 

4)A guy living at an apartment is at a different lifestage. Boy where do I start with this. The notion that somebody living in a remote location away from his family somehow radically changes him as a person has gotta be the most laughable notion I have ever heard. I know guys who have alternated between apartments and living at home 3 or 4 times in their 20s. Are these guys alternating between different lifestages? Boom you go back home and you're no longer a developed, self sustaining adult, you go back to an apartment and boom, right away you're a respectable adult again. Is this your nonsensical logic? Are we really defining people based on such petty superficial traits?

 

 

5)A person living at home, saving up money and paying off loans is somehow an undesirable trait. I'm still completely baffled by this and I just don't understand it. With all the economical problems in the country nowadays, the rising cost of tuition, all the debt and problems that people have, you think it's a very undesirable trait for somebody to think about his long term financial future over living away for just a couple years? We're not even talking about living at home until you're 30. I'm probably gonna move out in 2-3 years and you're gonna sit there and tell me that's an undesirable approach?

 

 

What else you got?

[fortyninethousand322]

Why do we judge people on such superficial and petty things? What happened to "it's what's on the inside that counts"?

 

People make judgements all the time and many times for good reasons. Some people prefer to date hipsters for example, other people would never date a conservative/libertarian type. A lot of this has to do with assumptions people make about others. Considering that no one has the time to have a relationship (romantic or casual) with every person they meet, there has to be some kind of filter.

 

Isn't this just a case of "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter". Just find some girl who doesn't care if you live at home.

[HallowedBeThyName]

People make judgements all the time and many times for good reasons. Some people prefer to date hipsters for example, other people would never date a conservative/libertarian type. A lot of this has to do with assumptions people make about others. Considering that no one has the time to have a relationship (romantic or casual) with every person they meet, there has to be some kind of filter.

 

Isn't this just a case of "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter". Just find some girl who doesn't care if you live at home.

 

 

There's a million things you can be turned down for as a man

 

 

What I'm irritated by is the inaccurate character assessments/judgements that people make and it's just full of it in this thread. That's what drives me insane, not the preference itself

[HallowedBeThyName]

Its one of those huge double standards. I remember dating a girl when I was 21, she was 22. I was still living at home. I didnt pay rent but did pay bills and purchased all of my own stuff like food and things. I had my own car that I bought from my dad and worked fulltime. At the time I wasnt in school but was making plans to go. She looked down on me because she had her own place. The big contradiction was she didnt work, except in the summer when she was out of school and her father paid her rent and car payment. What a stupid mind set. I moved out a year later though.

 

 

Well obviously she was independent and you weren't

 

 

 

that's what women in this thread believe, right?

[udolipixie]

Women have told me outright that their preference for tall men include elements of vanity and competition with GFs. Then I began to notice the truth of it. Otherwise, no idea what you are attempting above. Are you trying to say that since I am talking about prejudice in this thread, that somehow my repeating, in other unrelated threads, what women have actually told me about a partial explanation for the height preference is prejudicial and hypocritical of me?

 

Try try again, you will catch me in some cross-thread inconsistency one day I'm sure. Not to-day, but one day.

No I'm it's amusing that you talk often about how if a gal has this preference it's because of vanity, fashion, social value, or status seeking. By your logic that's prejudice as it's an undue character assessement since there's no way to tell due to preference alone whether it's for the reasons you state.

 

Nowhere in your post or others like it did you state you're repeating what other gals have told you. You stating 'the preference of women for tall men is mostly about vanity and fashion'. This and similiar posts were definitive statements about a gals preference for X guys being vanity, fashion, social value, and/or status seeking.

[dasein]

You can be certain that a guy in his 20s living with his parents is NOT self-sufficient.

 

No, you simply can't. No more so than you can discern whether a guy who moved out at 16 is self-sufficient.

[HallowedBeThyName]

No, you simply can't. No more so than you can discern whether a guy who moved out at 16 is self-sufficient.

 

 

 

Truth be told, I would rather stay at home and spend say that 600 dollars helping out my parents in terms of groceries, cell phone bill, etc...

 

 

 

Why throw away the 600 dollars when I can help out my parents with that money as I save up to move out in the near future?

[HallowedBeThyName]

There's also a lot of women in this thread who make these rash judgements without even knowing a man's story

 

 

There are a lot of college kids around here who had their parents pay for their tuition and room/board. They left college with money in their pocket cause they worked part time and all the money they received was their own, it wasn't used for tuition. Of course they could move out right away because they had 4 or 5 grand in the bank and they had zero debts. These are the same kids who had their parents buy them a car, pay for their insurance and cell phone bills, etc...

 

 

There are people I know who live at home who had to pay every dime for school, which is very expensive nowadays. They're done with school and they still have 50 or 60 grand in student loans because they've payed for everything since the age of 16. Are those kids really less self - sufficient than the rich boy whose daddy payed for everything while he was in college?

 

 

Do you not see how ridiculous it is to judge somebody without knowing his full lifestory and considering all circumstances?

[udolipixie]

Well obviously she was independent and you weren't

 

that's what women in this thread believe, right?

Not going by what I read of the person being financially independent and paying the bills for their own place. Then again you 'read between the lines'.

[dasein]

No I'm it's amusing that you talk often about how if a gal has this preference it's because of vanity, fashion, social value, or status seeking. By your logic that's prejudice as it's an undue character assessement since there's no way to tell due to preference alone whether it's for the reasons you state.

 

What I posted... in many height threads... not just the one you dug up, is an observation of the reason for a preference based on what women have told me, the way they discuss it with each other when they think I'm not listening, and what I have personally observed as a result. I stick with my opinion, and if you want to start a thread on it, do so. That isn't this thread.

 

I have referenced in other posts, that women have admitted as such, usually after they have had some wine. Just because you don't find such posts doesn't mean they don't exist. Your obsession with my posting habits and thread sherlocking are flattering though, if a bit... creepy...!

[HallowedBeThyName]

I would seriously laugh my ass off at you women who came to my college and tried to date the guys here when they were done with college based on whether or not they live at home or have an apartment

 

 

 

The average income here is 140,000 dollars. There are so many kids at my university who have their parents pay for everything - they pay for tuition, room and board, car payment, cell phone payment, insurance and they give them cash every week to spend. My best friend is just like this in fact. He might move out in a little bit but he's not independent and he has never been independent. His dad bought him a $45,000 pick up truck for god's sake. If you lived here, you would realize that whether or not somebody lives at home or not says nothing about whether or not they're self sufficient. Absolutely nothing, not when you have people who have to live at home because tuition and apartments are so damn expensive nowadays and they have to save and scrimp just to pay off everything without going 50k in debt

 

 

 

Are you going to sit there and interrogate every man you meet about how much his parents helped him out in college, how much he payed for his car and all his other finances before you choose to date him? Are you going to stop dating a man the second you find out his parents are helping out his monthly apartment costs or that they helped him out in college?

[udolipixie]

What I posted... in many height threads... not just the one you dug up, is an observation of the reason for a preference based on what women have told me, the way they discuss it with each other when they think I'm not listening, and what I have personally observed as a result. I stick with my opinion, and if you want to start a thread on it, do so. That isn't this thread.

 

I have referenced in other posts, that women have admitted as such, usually after they have had some wine. Just because you don't find such posts doesn't mean they don't exist. Your obsession with my posting habits and thread sherlocking are flattering though, if a bit... creepy...!

I don't want or intend to start a thread about your opinion I posted an off note about how I find it amusing that you're going on about something you do.

 

End note:

So claim your definitive statements are observations without any mentions of observing referenced in that case the post you quoted isn't prejudice it's an observation. No need to flatter yourself you seem to whine on and on about gal's height and money preferences so it takes but a click. Not sure how it's an obsession with your posting habits to find it amusing when someone does goes on & on about something they do themselves. Actually I could link to such a post however you'd likely claim saying it's an observation on stuff like a woman who doesn't status seek wanting a tall guy.

[Ruby Slippers]

What I'm irritated by is the inaccurate character assessments/judgements that people make and it's just full of it in this thread. That's what drives me insane, not the preference itself

People will judge you and rule you out for jobs, relationships, friendships, and so on, for many, many, many reasons, throughout your entire life. Get used to it.

[HallowedBeThyName]

People will judge you and rule you out for jobs, relationships, friendships, and so on, for many, many, many reasons, throughout your entire life. Get used to it.

 

 

 

Please read the below and at least attempt to understand the fact that everything you said about men living at home vs having an apartment is pure 100% grade A NONSENSE

 

 

 

I would seriously laugh my ass off at you women who came to my college and tried to date the guys here when they were done with college based on whether or not they live at home or have an apartment

 

 

 

The average income here is 140,000 dollars. There are so many kids at my university who have their parents pay for everything - they pay for tuition, room and board, car payment, cell phone payment, insurance and they give them cash every week to spend. My best friend is just like this in fact. He might move out in a little bit but he's not independent and he has never been independent. His dad bought him a $45,000 pick up truck for god's sake. If you lived here, you would realize that whether or not somebody lives at home or not says nothing about whether or not they're self sufficient. Absolutely nothing, not when you have people who have to live at home because tuition and apartments are so damn expensive nowadays and they have to save and scrimp just to pay off everything without going 50k in debt

 

 

 

Are you going to sit there and interrogate every man you meet about how much his parents helped him out in college, how much he payed for his car and all his other finances before you choose to date him? Are you going to stop dating a man the second you find out his parents are helping out his monthly apartment costs or that they helped him out in college?

 

 

 

 

You want to know whether a man is truly independent? Ask to see his financial statements to see how much he has earned and how much his parents have helped him out since he turned 18. For some reason, I don't think you'll do that, you'll continue with your ignorant nonsense that any man living at home is somehow still a child and not a fully developed adult

 

 

 

:rolleyes:

Edited May 24, 2012 by HallowedBeThyName

[udolipixie]

I would seriously laugh my ass off at you women who came to my college and tried to date the guys here when they were done with college based on whether or not they live at home or have an apartment

 

The average income here is 140,000 dollars. There are so many kids at my university who have their parents pay for everything - they pay for tuition, room and board, car payment, cell phone payment, insurance and they give them cash every week to spend. My best friend is just like this in fact. He might move out in a little bit but he's not independent and he has never been independent. His dad bought him a $45,000 pick up truck for god's sake. If you lived here, you would realize that whether or not somebody lives at home or not says nothing about whether or not they're self sufficient. Absolutely nothing, not when you have people who have to live at home because tuition and apartments are so damn expensive nowadays and they have to save and scrimp just to pay off everything without going 50k in debt

 

Are you going to sit there and interrogate every man you meet about how much his parents helped him out in college, how much he payed for his car and all his other finances before you choose to date him? Are you going to stop dating a man the second you find out his parents are helping out his monthly apartment costs or that they helped him out in college?

Egh I think it's based on more whether they live at home or have an apartment than as some stated it's about the person being financially independent and paying the bills for their own place. I think some gals already realize not living at home doesn't automatically mean you're self-sufficient as there's bits about paying your bills for your place with your own money. It doesn't really take an interrogration from my experiences as many gals I know asked one question, got her answer, and bailed out.