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Someone on here believes that I can and will get a woman in the real world

Ross MwcFan

By Ross MwcFan
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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And that this is for another topic on here.

 

So I thought I would make that topic myself.

 

I don't believe I can and will.

 

Let's discuss...

Lil1 Established Member

Lil1

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I don't typically like pity parties but I will attend yours dear Ross.

 

BTW, I've mentioned this before in a different forum (off topic) but I think you look very handsome in your new pic!:D

 

I've read enough of your threads to perceive that you place many barriers on yourself.

 

It all begins with having self confidence. But we know this is very hard for you (and many people in this world struggle with this - so take comfort in knowing you are not alone)

 

There have been countless people who have given you excellent advice with regards to your self esteem issues. Have you improved in this area?

 

Tell us what you think you could contribute to a relationship. I know there is lots. Writing this down may help you see all the great qualities you have! What are you currently doing to try and get a date? Are you trying or do you just expect it to happen?

 

Actions bring results dear Ross. What actions have you taken to 'get a woman in the real world'?

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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I don't typically like pity parties but I will attend yours dear Ross.

 

BTW, I've mentioned this before in a different forum (off topic) but I think you look very handsome in your new pic!:D

 

I've read enough of your threads to perceive that you place many barriers on yourself.

 

It all begins with having self confidence. But we know this is very hard for you (and many people in this world struggle with this - so take comfort in knowing you are not alone)

 

There have been countless people who have given you excellent advice with regards to your self esteem issues. Have you improved in this area?

 

Tell us what you think you could contribute to a relationship. I know there is lots. Writing this down may help you see all the great qualities you have! What are you currently doing to try and get a date? Are you trying or do you just expect it to happen?

 

Actions bring results dear Ross. What actions have you taken to 'get a woman in the real world'?

 

I don't think I ment for this to be a pity party.

 

My pic could be completely inaccurate to how I look in the real world. I know that when looking in the mirror today in full proper daylight, I didn't look anything like how I look in my pics and videos where I look good, in fact I (at least to me) genuinley looked like someone who 95% of women wouldn't be interested in.

 

I can't remember anyone giving me advice as far as my self esteen is concerned. I don't even know if my self esteem is fine or not. I think I have improved in this area though because someone who I've been speaking to on webcam has been saying that I am very attractive. That has given me more confidence about myself when I'm out and about, and has given me more confidence about how I look. But today I just feel different.

 

The only things I can think of contributing to a relationship is that I'm caring and that maybe I would perform really well sexually.

 

I'm not doing anything to get a date, I don't believe anyone wants me in the real world, I don't know what to do, I don't have the confidence, etc, etc.

Edited by Ross MwcFan
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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I (at least to me) genuinley looked like someone who 95% of women wouldn't be interested in.

 

Even if this is true (although I don't think you know what 95% of women would be interested in), according to your own math, there are 5% of women who WOULD be interested - so that's pretty good!

 

You only need ONE GOOD WOMAN. You don't need to be attractive to all women.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Having a job would give you confidence and money to actually take a girl out. That should be your first priority.

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pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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I don't believe I can and will.

 

 

Why not?

 

When you look around at people in relationships, are they all perfect, gorgeous, happy people? NO.

 

What is wrong with YOU that you are the ONE person who won't be able to find someone?

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Even if this is true (although I don't think you know what 95% of women would be interested in), according to your own math, there are 5% of women who WOULD be interested - so that's pretty good!

 

You only need ONE GOOD WOMAN. You don't need to be attractive to all women.

 

I'm not sure if I would be attracted to any of that 5%, as they're probably women who are very unattractive.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Why not?

 

When you look around at people in relationships, are they all perfect, gorgeous, happy people? NO.

 

What is wrong with YOU that you are the ONE person who won't be able to find someone?

 

I think you would've had to have been there to believe it.

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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I'm not sure if I would be attracted to any of that 5%, as they're probably women who are very unattractive.

 

This is presumptuous. You don't know that, as this is hypothetical. You are already setting yourself up for failure.

 

Besides - just because some woman isn't a head-turner doesn't mean she is not worth a shot. People become more or less attractive once you start dating them...

 

Be open to possibilities. Heck, asking someone out who you aren't attracted to could be a good first step. Maybe you'd be comfortable and open with someone if you have no hopes for more than one date.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Having a job would give you confidence and money to actually take a girl out. That should be your first priority.

 

I know, but I can't help thinking about all this other ****.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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IMO, the only opinions which matter are yours and that of the object of your affections. We're all kind of irrelevant. ;)

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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IMO, the only opinions which matter are yours and that of the object of your affections. We're all kind of irrelevant. ;)

 

Every object of my affections has never wanted me.

dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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Would that "someone on here" happen to be...little ol' me?

 

 

 

Oh...my 420th post!

 

I'm going to have to celebrate this...

 

Be back later..

Lil1 Established Member

Lil1

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I don't think I ment for this to be a pity party.

 

Oh. Ok. Ha! well, since we are being honest:rolleyes:;) , I think you like pity. It somehow gives your issues (which hold you back) validation. I know it's not a pleasant thing to say and I'm curious about your reaction to that statement. Please do not take it as me trying to disparage you, I just really want you to think about it...

 

 

My pic could be completely inaccurate to how I look in the real world. I know that when looking in the mirror today in full proper daylight, I didn't look anything like how I look in my pics and videos where I look good, in fact I (at least to me) genuinley looked like someone who 95% of women wouldn't be interested in.

 

We all see ourselves differently from how others see us. Take my compliment as that, a compliment:) Perhaps this is a good starting point Ross. Accept unbiased third party compliments as genuine and believe you are deserving of them.

 

I can't remember anyone giving me advice as far as my self esteen is concerned. I don't even know if my self esteem is fine or not.

 

Oh brother! This just takes the wind outta my sail Ross. Are my words/efforts useless to you?

 

I think I have improved in this area though because someone who I've been speaking to on webcam has been saying that I am very attractive. That has given me more confidence about myself when I'm out and about, and has given me more confidence about how I look. But today I just feel different.

 

YES! You are very attractive Ross. Believe her and KNOW you are!

 

The only things I can think of contributing to a relationship is that I'm caring and that maybe I would perform really well sexually.

 

A caring attractive stud!:love: I'd say that's a damn good start Ross!!

 

I'm not doing anything to get a date, I don't believe anyone wants me in the real world, I don't know what to do, I don't have the confidence, etc, etc.

 

I see a lot of donts, cants and nots from you. Think about your words Ross, they influence the way you see yourself. If you want to overcome any obstacles/issues you have in life you must begin with positive thoughts and tell yourself you can, you will, and you will overcome. Think about the following:

 

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” - Mahatma Gandhi

 

How do you value yourself Ross? What destiny would you like to make for yourself? You and only you have power over this!

Edited by Lil1
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d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

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I see a lot of donts, cants and nots from you. Think about your words Ross, they influence the way you see yourself.

 

Lil1 raises an important point here. Confidence is a strange beast. It is something you acquire through virtue of doing things, having experience.

Once you get that going, it becomes easier to gain more confidence and to do more things. It also helps with taking down self-erected barriers. Once you do realize that people like you (and simply shrug off the morons you should not be interested in - and that can be frustratingly hard), think you are attractive looking etc., they will act in ways to increase your confidence.

 

True confidence does not come from acting the part, but from within. Be happy with yourself as a human being. Sure, you are not a world beater, but who amongst us is? Perhaps, what is holding you back the most is the fear of being successful. Complacency, accepting the current state of affairs - because we are used to it, and hence does not require a lot of effort to maintain - is a major reason why people stop growing, and cannot achieve their goals.

 

We all have our off-days. Don't let an off-day define you. Just try and make certain the following day will be a good day.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Would that "someone on here" happen to be...little ol' me?

 

 

 

Oh...my 420th post!

 

I'm going to have to celebrate this...

 

Be back later..

 

No, it was MC (don't want to say her full name in case I get in trouble).

 

Hmmm, why 420? Why not celebrate a round number like 400 or 500? :p

Edited by Ross MwcFan
dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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No, it was MC (don't want to say her full name in case I get in trouble).

 

Hmmm, why 420? Why not celebrate a round number like 400 or 500? :p

 

 

Ahhh Ok,

Well I'm another believer that you CAN & WILL get a woman!

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Radu Established Member

Radu

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Have you tried anchoring the way you felt when you had a gf/woman and then going out to meet women ?

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Have you tried anchoring the way you felt when you had a gf/woman and then going out to meet women ?

 

What does anchoring mean?

 

I've only had women online, never offline.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Ahhh Ok,

Well I'm another believer that you CAN & WILL get a woman!

 

Thanks.

 

Well, we'll see I guess.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Hmmm, why 420? Why not celebrate a round number like 400 or 500? :p

 

420 is a code for marijuana. Google it...

 

On FB, people are often celebrating the fact that it is 4:20 on the clock...

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Yes, Ross, I do believe that you can and will have a relationship with a woman, or more than one, in your life.

 

I am a bit grumpy with you saying that people here have not been engaged with helping you with your self esteem, though. I think there has been a lot of help offered.

 

The bottom line is that you are kind of "stuck." It's up to you to unstick yourself. All the things that you have approached, like getting the best of your social anxiety issues, joining the work force, etc. are the things that are going to build your self esteem and confidence and just add to your overall quality of life and potential for fulfillment in your life.

 

A person who has a good quality of life and who appreciates and embraces what they have IS attractive. No, not to every person. But those qualities draw others.

 

Certainly, we need to take care of our bodies and try to look our best, but I have a feeling that the big, fake game that's going on about numeric ratings, "leagues," minimum boob requirements, etc., is a game you are not interested in playing. I never was either.

 

I get the impression that you are a pretty late bloomer, but that doesn't mean that you won't bloom. But you'll have to keep doing the work on yourself that needs doing. If you let your fears and insecurities rule your life … you will be wasting a lot of life.

 

Just stay the course with your therapist (are you?) and keep doing all the exercises and activities that are geared towards getting you functioning well among people. You WILL find love along the way.

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FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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You did this once, now do it again. You will have a better sense of how it works. Keep doing the process until you can say "I'm not good enough" and laugh because it just sounds silly. Then you will know it's no longer true.

 

I don't know if you'll need to use another email address though. Have you been reading Morty's blog posts? I assume you've been getting links.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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Yes, Ross, I do believe that you can and will have a relationship with a woman, or more than one, in your life.

 

I am a bit grumpy with you saying that people here have not been engaged with helping you with your self esteem, though. I think there has been a lot of help offered.

 

I never said no one has been engaged with helping me with my self esteem. I said I can't remember if anyone has done or not.

 

The bottom line is that you are kind of "stuck." It's up to you to unstick yourself. All the things that you have approached, like getting the best of your social anxiety issues, joining the work force, etc. are the things that are going to build your self esteem and confidence and just add to your overall quality of life and potential for fulfillment in your life.

 

A person who has a good quality of life and who appreciates and embraces what they have IS attractive. No, not to every person. But those qualities draw others.

 

Certainly, we need to take care of our bodies and try to look our best, but I have a feeling that the big, fake game that's going on about numeric ratings, "leagues," minimum boob requirements, etc., is a game you are not interested in playing. I never was either.

 

I get the impression that you are a pretty late bloomer, but that doesn't mean that you won't bloom. But you'll have to keep doing the work on yourself that needs doing. If you let your fears and insecurities rule your life … you will be wasting a lot of life.

 

Just stay the course with your therapist (are you?) and keep doing all the exercises and activities that are geared towards getting you functioning well among people. You WILL find love along the way.

 

Yeah, I'm still on course with my therapist. He believes that if I start socialising and get a job that I'll end up in a relationsjip, but I'm not so sure. I used to work, I used to socialise, relationships never happened.

 

Maybe if I start functioning well among people, like you said, then it will happen.

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

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You did this once, now do it again. You will have a better sense of how it works. Keep doing the process until you can say "I'm not good enough" and laugh because it just sounds silly. Then you will know it's no longer true.

 

I don't know if you'll need to use another email address though. Have you been reading Morty's blog posts? I assume you've been getting links.

 

Yeah I've been getting emails but I've never read them. Maybe I should.

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