Step mother kicking me out (of home and family)

[Clair93]

Hello everyone at LoveShack. It's long but I really need help so I appreciate if you take your time and read this.

 

I am 18 and living with my father and his wife. My dad and my mother slept together a few times and she got pregnant (without a relationship), I was staying with my mother until she passed away - I was 5 - and then I moved in with my dad when he was already married.

 

My step mother has been driving me insane for as long as I remember. They got married 16 years ago. I can't remember even once that she has treated me well. She always considered me a burden that she had too deal with, instead of a daughter. She is extremely rude.

 

I've been harassed continuously, she's been insulting me and my mother almost every day for the past 5-6 years. I talked to my dad about this and she always has that charming innocent face and my father always thinks I'm just lying or overreacting because I don't like her. Ever since Game of Thrones she calls me a bastard. She's constantly been lying about me to my dad to make him hate me. You can guess how my life has been.

 

I can and have lived with all that. Now I'm going to college this fall, in our city. She's constantly telling me (in-person and privately) that I have to move out when I go to college, and tells me that she doesn't want my father to pay for me anymore, and I am a financial burden (which is a complete BS, my dad owns a hotel and a few restaurants and how could I possibly be a financial burden). She wants me to get a loan and move out She tells me I'm a ****-up in the family and I'm a bad influence on the other kids (which I'm not, I get along great with other kids and I love them and they love me) and she does not want me to be part of the kids life. She tells me that eventually I have to move to another city and visit only once every few years or so (she considers that a favor!)

 

AND she wants me to tell my dad that it is I that want to move out and be financially independent and it's my choice. She also wants me to be the one to leave the kids and she wants me to go out of their lives. So she wants me to be the one who abandoned everyone and left.

 

She's been driving me crazy, we've had this discussion a lot of times and I'm not accepting. I will not give up on my dad and siblings. I tolerated all those insults for all those years but I will not let her kick me out of my family. I might not be what she wanted from their marriage, but she's taking it too far. I have not said anything to my dad about this as he won't believe and will think this is yet another one of my conspiracy theories (what she calls me when I told my dad about her abuses). My dad can't see her true colors unfortunately.

 

 

Two days ago she was starting all over again, and this time I was prepared, so I placed my phone somewhere safe and recorded the fight completely. I even said things to encourage her to insult me even further and tell everything she possibly can. I made her very angry. This is how the conversation went, I'm writing it here because I need some advice about this:

Her

: Have you told him [dad] yet?

Me

: No, and I won't. I'

m

staying here in my home.

Her

: We talked about this.

Me

: Yes, and that conversation ended. This is my dad's house and I'

m

staying here. What the **** do you want me to do? I will never leave.

Her

: I can't have you stay here any longer. I waited for 15 years [actually it's 13] to get rid of you and you won't stay here anymore. Why don't you ****ing understand? You're not part of this family, you're his ****-up that I had to take care of. I've had enough of your ****ing face.

Me

: Sorry to disappoint. I'

m

not going anywhere anytime soon.

Her

: I can make your life a living hell you know.

Me

: Not worse than it already is with you around.

Her

: Then leave and save yourself.

Me

: This is where I belong, you can leave if you're not happy. I'

m

sure I'll miss our little talks.

Her

: Hell is where you belong you ****ing whore [she was very angry now]

Me

: And where do you belong?

...

-- some other bad insults

...

Her

: I'

m

not gonna pay for a bastard girl anymore. You don't deserve a penny your dead mama should have had an abortion.

Me

: Who's the bad influence on the kids? I wish they could see their mama showing her true colors.

Her

: Shut your ****ing mouth.

Me

: You're jealous that they love me more than they love you. I already met his [my brother's] girlfriend 5 times and he just told you last week. I'

m

more family to them than you are.

 

This is when she hit me really hard. I started crying and she told me "stop your

BS

, either you tell him or you wish your mama never spread her ****ing legs to push you out. I'

m

gonna have you disowned and kicked out like the dog you are."

 

And she left.

 

I know I pushed it hard but she showed what she is. I have that all recorded. Shall I show this to my dad? I'm worried that it will create much more problems in the future. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how my dad will react. I'm NOT giving up on my family.

 

I have gone to therapy about the abuses in the past and they helped me handle it very well (I guess that's one of the reasons she's mad, I no longer give a crap to her insults). So what do you think? What should I do?

[darkmoon]

i think you should stand up for yourself because otherwise that woman will continue to lie and hit you and try to kick you out

 

you are a reminder of his sexual past, that woman has issues over it and needs medication, looking at her conduct, i think i'd find it hard to respect her, get her on medication, poor poor woman

 

i patronise a difficult relative all the time, poor poor woman, she needs help, medication...the tape actually proves it, do not argue, just air concerns

Edited May 24, 2012 by darkmoon

[pink_sugar]

The woman sounds like a royal b***h and your situation really reminds me of my husband's with his stepfather. His father passed when he was in his teens and he had to to live with his mother and stepfather. His stepfather and mother have been married over 20 years and his stepfather never made an effort to get to know or treat his stepson like his own. Thankfully they have no other kids. His stepfather has made it clear since I met them that he doesn't consider us family and his mother has her head stuck up his butt to realize that. I know for a fact that she will always take her husband's side because he has always taken advantage of the fact that his mom is not close with her family. The controlling ass is everything to her. He'd flip out over every little thing and then she would get upset with us because god forbid he was upset about something. I believe he is the primary reason she has never made an effort to see her son on a regular basis other than birthdays and holidays despite living a few miles away. He's made it clear he wants nothing to do with us and she goes along with him. It's quite sad. I hope your dad isn't like this with your stepmom. Stick up for yourself. Don't let yourself be treated this way. If I were you I'd want to get out anyways. It sounds like an abusive situation. I was amazed my husband stayed with his parents for so long after 18. I would bring it to your dad's attention. It shouldn't go on any longer. If it doesn't improve, I'd make every effort to get out of that household. You don't need to deal with that crap.

[FryFish]

Wow... what a crazy beast... Definitely play the recording for you dad... asap... Play it for your siblings too... That woman does not deserve the respect of ANYONE.

[wow04]

When I was reading your post I thought just record a conversation. Then I read further and you did. Way to go!!

 

Here is what I would do. I would hold a family meeting. Depending on the ages of your siblings I would invite them, your dad, and your stepmom. I would play it for everyone.

 

Be prepared for the stepmom to fly off the handle when you do. This way your dad will know the truth. I would also be prepared incase he still sides with her.

 

No one deserves to be treated that way.

[ladyabstrused]

Your father deserves a better woman to take care of him and his family. You should let him hear the recording. Glad you got it on tape. At least there's real evidence now you can use.

 

wow04 is right too though, prepare yourself just in case he doesn't want to believe that recording.

 

I'm sorry you had to live with such an ungrateful woman most of your life. Good luck though on your next course of action!

[turnera]

I agree, share it with the family, so they can all see it's not just you. But before you do that, save a COPY of the recording and keep it outside the house somewhere. When she hears it, she may jump over you to grab the recording and trash it.

[Professor X]

Wow, she needs to go into a mental institution! Make a copy of it, than go show it to your dad, try and get him alone.

 

See how he reacts and according to it decide if you want to share it with the rest of the family.

[UpwardForward]

The recording should be played.

 

It may slow her down, but I don't know for how long.

 

Hopefully you will be able to stay in the household, as your father learns about her.

Edited May 24, 2012 by UpwardForward

[darkmoon]

Keep a spare copy wiv a trusted friend

[Clair93]

Thank you everyone. It seems you all believe that I need to show the tape to my dad, so do I.

 

About having a spare copy, I already have this on my phone, laptop, on a DVD, on my USB stick and I have uploaded it online on both Dropbox and somewhere else so I think it's gonna be safe and there's nothing she can do to get rid of the tape. There are just a lot of copies where she has no idea about.

 

I told my dad that I need to talk to him about something very important and can't do it at home, so I'll stop by his office tomorrow after work to talk to him and to show him the tape. I think I should tell my brother too (he's 16) after I told my dad, but the other kids are 11 and 9 and it's best to keep them out of this.

 

But I have no idea how this will go and what will happen. It's very unlikely that my dad takes her side but I'm sure it will be a shock. Nevertheless, I think it's needed to be done.

[ladyabstrused]

Thank you everyone. It seems you all believe that I need to show the tape to my dad, so do I.

 

About having a spare copy, I already have this on my phone, laptop, on a DVD, on my USB stick and I have uploaded it online on both Dropbox and somewhere else so I think it's gonna be safe and there's nothing she can do to get rid of the tape. There are just a lot of copies where she has no idea about.

 

I told my dad that I need to talk to him about something very important and can't do it at home, so I'll stop by his office tomorrow after work to talk to him and to show him the tape. I think I should tell my brother too (he's 16) after I told my dad, but the other kids are 11 and 9 and it's best to keep them out of this.

 

But I have no idea how this will go and what will happen. It's very unlikely that my dad takes her side but I'm sure it will be a shock. Nevertheless, I think it's needed to be done.

 

Good luck, Clair93!

[turnera]

It's very unlikely that my dad takes her side but I'm sure it will be a shock. Nevertheless, I think it's needed to be done.

FYI, he most likely will take HER side, not yours. My dad married a woman who ruined several lives, but he NEEDED a wife to take care of him. On his deathbed, he acknowledged what she did to us, but said that he needed her, to take care of him.

[whichwayisup]

Hello everyone at LoveShack. It's long but I really need help so I appreciate if you take your time and read this.

 

I am 18 and living with my father and his wife. My dad and my mother slept together a few times and she got pregnant (without a relationship), I was staying with my mother until she passed away - I was 5 - and then I moved in with my dad when he was already married.

 

My step mother has been driving me insane for as long as I remember. They got married 16 years ago. I can't remember even once that she has treated me well. She always considered me a burden that she had too deal with, instead of a daughter. She is extremely rude.

 

I've been harassed continuously, she's been insulting me and my mother almost every day for the past 5-6 years. I talked to my dad about this and she always has that charming innocent face and my father always thinks I'm just lying or overreacting because I don't like her. Ever since Game of Thrones she calls me a bastard. She's constantly been lying about me to my dad to make him hate me. You can guess how my life has been.

 

I can and have lived with all that. Now I'm going to college this fall, in our city. She's constantly telling me (in-person and privately) that I have to move out when I go to college, and tells me that she doesn't want my father to pay for me anymore, and I am a financial burden (which is a complete BS, my dad owns a hotel and a few restaurants and how could I possibly be a financial burden). She wants me to get a loan and move out She tells me I'm a ****-up in the family and I'm a bad influence on the other kids (which I'm not, I get along great with other kids and I love them and they love me) and she does not want me to be part of the kids life. She tells me that eventually I have to move to another city and visit only once every few years or so (she considers that a favor!)

 

AND she wants me to tell my dad that it is I that want to move out and be financially independent and it's my choice. She also wants me to be the one to leave the kids and she wants me to go out of their lives. So she wants me to be the one who abandoned everyone and left.

 

She's been driving me crazy, we've had this discussion a lot of times and I'm not accepting. I will not give up on my dad and siblings. I tolerated all those insults for all those years but I will not let her kick me out of my family. I might not be what she wanted from their marriage, but she's taking it too far. I have not said anything to my dad about this as he won't believe and will think this is yet another one of my conspiracy theories (what she calls me when I told my dad about her abuses). My dad can't see her true colors unfortunately.

 

 

Two days ago she was starting all over again, and this time I was prepared, so I placed my phone somewhere safe and recorded the fight completely. I even said things to encourage her to insult me even further and tell everything she possibly can. I made her very angry. This is how the conversation went, I'm writing it here because I need some advice about this:

Her

: Have you told him [dad] yet?

Me

: No, and I won't. I'

m

staying here in my home.

Her

: We talked about this.

Me

: Yes, and that conversation ended. This is my dad's house and I'

m

staying here. What the **** do you want me to do? I will never leave.

Her

: I can't have you stay here any longer. I waited for 15 years [actually it's 13] to get rid of you and you won't stay here anymore. Why don't you ****ing understand? You're not part of this family, you're his ****-up that I had to take care of. I've had enough of your ****ing face.

Me

: Sorry to disappoint. I'

m

not going anywhere anytime soon.

Her

: I can make your life a living hell you know.

Me

: Not worse than it already is with you around.

Her

: Then leave and save yourself.

Me

: This is where I belong, you can leave if you're not happy. I'

m

sure I'll miss our little talks.

Her

: Hell is where you belong you ****ing whore [she was very angry now]

Me

: And where do you belong?

...

-- some other bad insults

...

Her

: I'

m

not gonna pay for a bastard girl anymore. You don't deserve a penny your dead mama should have had an abortion.

Me

: Who's the bad influence on the kids? I wish they could see their mama showing her true colors.

Her

: Shut your ****ing mouth.

Me

: You're jealous that they love me more than they love you. I already met his [my brother's] girlfriend 5 times and he just told you last week. I'

m

more family to them than you are.

 

This is when she hit me really hard. I started crying and she told me "stop your

BS

, either you tell him or you wish your mama never spread her ****ing legs to push you out. I'

m

gonna have you disowned and kicked out like the dog you are."

 

And she left.

 

I know I pushed it hard but she showed what she is. I have that all recorded. Shall I show this to my dad? I'm worried that it will create much more problems in the future. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how my dad will react. I'm NOT giving up on my family.

 

I have gone to therapy about the abuses in the past and they helped me handle it very well (I guess that's one of the reasons she's mad, I no longer give a crap to her insults). So what do you think? What should I do?

 

YES!!! Make another recording of this, play it for someone else so there's a witness and definately tell your dad!! His wife, your step mom is a bitch!!

 

She never accepted you as her own, she sees you as a threat and a reminder of his past, your mom. WTF. This woman is NUTS and very cruel.

 

Don't let her make you feel bad. Remember SHE has issues and NOTHING she has said is true.

 

I am sorry that you've had to deal with this and even more so that your father has chosen her over you. Believing her over you. Shame on him. And soon he's going to feel really bad for not believing you.

[2sunny]

Thank you everyone. It seems you all believe that I need to show the tape to my dad, so do I.

 

About having a spare copy, I already have this on my phone, laptop, on a DVD, on my USB stick and I have uploaded it online on both Dropbox and somewhere else so I think it's gonna be safe and there's nothing she can do to get rid of the tape. There are just a lot of copies where she has no idea about.

 

I told my dad that I need to talk to him about something very important and can't do it at home, so I'll stop by his office tomorrow after work to talk to him and to show him the tape. I think I should tell my brother too (he's 16) after I told my dad, but the other kids are 11 and 9 and it's best to keep them out of this.

 

But I have no idea how this will go and what will happen. It's very unlikely that my dad takes her side but I'm sure it will be a shock. Nevertheless, I think it's needed to be done.

 

Bravo! I commend you for being strong and standing firm.

 

I can't believe any Mom would talk to any teen that way.

 

Good for you for have a voice and speaking your truth. It's hard but necessary for you staying healthy!

 

DO NOT believe the withy things she says! I am appalled at her gross references to you and your Mother.

 

Stay strong. Yes, tell Dad - but don't be surprised if he defends her - she's the woman he gets sex from - he's not likely to cross her - but I'm hoping he will! He needs to tell her it's COMPLETELY unacceptable to treat any human that way - especially FAMILY! She needs a consequence!

 

Hugs from ME to YOU!

 

Keep posting.

[FryFish]

How did it go?

[Stupid Girl]

When I was reading your post I thought just record a conversation. Then I read further and you did. Way to go!!

 

Here is what I would do. I would hold a family meeting. Depending on the ages of your siblings I would invite them, your dad, and your stepmom. I would play it for everyone.

 

Be prepared for the stepmom to fly off the handle when you do. This way your dad will know the truth. I would also be prepared incase he still sides with her.

 

No one deserves to be treated that way.

YES this! Play it in front of all of them (you dad, brother, and the psycho) and let your dad see her true colours right before his eyes.

[UpwardForward]

FYI, he most likely will take HER side, not yours. My dad married a woman who ruined several lives, but he NEEDED a wife to take care of him. On his deathbed, he acknowledged what she did to us, but said that he needed her, to take care of him.

 

Boy oh boy is This story too familiar!

[Trimmer]

I'm for sharing this privately with your dad, but I'm against taking the dramatic step of playing it in front of all of them. The issue is your step-monster, and the person you need to clear the air with is your dad.

 

It's all very tempting to strike a blow, and to imagine blowing her up in front of everyone, but everyone has HUGE stakes in this, and by doing that, you would be introducing a number of unknown variables that you can't hope to understand, control, or be prepared for all the possible outcomes.

 

Having some big "reveal" in front of everyone (or even in front of step-monster) will NOT do anything more to serve your purpose of convincing your dad than playing it for him alone. As a matter of fact, if he does have any tendency to side with HER (and don't discount this possibility) then your choosing to do this in front of everyone is just going to be seen as an attempt to humiliate, and stir up drama, and this could weaken your position.

 

Play it for your dad. Talk to your dad. Connect with your dad. That has to be where any solution starts. Stay rational and keep your eye on the goal.

Edited May 26, 2012 by Trimmer

[irin]

yes keep cameras, recordings how ever way you can keep evidence of her abuse towards you.

 

it seems as though she doesn't want you getting a fair share of your daddies money. thats why she wants you out of the way.

[stillafool]

If I were you I would sit down with both of them and tell your dad about the conversation and how it made you feel. When you stepmom denies she said those things to you that's when I would pull out the recorder and play it back for both of them to hear. This way your father will know she is a bold faced liar. It is best to do it this way to prevent your stepmom from telling your dad more lies about you.

[ms roque]

Personally, I would wait a little bit longer before you tell your father. get those little gadgets ie pens that have cameras and install around the house so you have a copy of her hitting you as well.. The more evidence you have the better your case is..

 

In the mean time spend time with your father asking him of his option about going to college and coming home.. You need to hear it from him that he wants you to always come home to visit. When you know you have him on your side I would then have a private chat with your step mother.

 

First show her a couple of videos that you taped. Tell her that you are willing to try again to make your relationship better and she need to treat you with respect. Then tell her if she slips up you will not only show your dad and your sisters and brothers but you would also post it on youtube for the world to see and also call social services or the police depending on where you live.

 

Tell her that you have been seeing a therapist who will help you go through all of this so she knows you are not on your own but have someone support that will stand up in court.

 

Hopefully with that you will be able to get her to treat you better without risking your father talking her side.

[Clair93]

Thanks everyone for comments

 

It's done. I told my dad. Read on please.

 

I went to his office yesterday after he finished work so I was sure we won't be disrupted. I played the tape on his computer and didn't say anything else. He watched it a couple of times, I could say he was beyond shocked when he was watching it and after that he hugged me and told me how sorry he is that I had to go through this. He said he's gonna take care of this and make things right. Cool! He told me the three of us need to have a meeting tonight and we need to solve this between us.

 

I went back home and showed the tape to my brother as well. He was also shocked and although there's not much he could do, I know that he's on my side now and he knows what his mom is.

 

So after dinner, my dad told me and her very calmly to come to the guest's room and there are things that we need to talk about. I played the tape on my phone, I could see her face it was filled with anger and hate as she never saw this coming. Half way through she couldn't take it any longer, she picked it up and threw the phone towards my face. She missed but my phone hit the wall and broke. SHE BROKE MY IPHONE. She cried "you ****ing bitch" while doing so.

 

To make it short, there was a big fight. Dad was angry at her and she was angry at me and she couldn't control herself. So she started crying really hard (that innocent face again). She was saying how unfair it's been that she had to deal with me while it wasn't part of their marriage, how I ruined her plans for their marriage and things like that and I always reminded her of my dad's past sexual life and she hated it. She was saying that she tolerated me all these years because she loves my dad and those kind of stuff.

 

I was very angry that she was playing the innocent one, I shouted that why are you treating me like this? My dad was also angry that she hit me and wanted me out and those kind of stuff... So she said (while crying) she had a tough time and she was tired and she never meant any of those things (again total BS) and she said that she's sorry about those things. She said it is not gonna happen again and she will change and all those stuff.

 

I knew it was all crap, but my dad fell for her lies AGAIN. :mad:

 

So the result was that she is never to insult me again about anything, this is my home as much as it is anyone else's in the family. I told my dad that she is lying again but he wouldn't listen.

 

That's the end for the night, I was sure that this was not over and she's coming for me. I knew that this morning after my dad left for work, the two of us are gonna have some quality time together again. So I took my old phone and placed it somewhere safe to be ready to record, in case she showed up, and she didn't disappoint. She didn't know that I still have (or ever had) this phone.

 

So I hit record when I noticed she's approaching and was prepared to have another fight, I must say, I have never seen her this angry. She started by hitting me and crying all different kinds of insults, she broke some of my stuff and was saying things like "I'll never let a bastard kid destroy my life", "You crossed the line", "Now that your phone is in hell with your mama, you can't record this you spoiled little ****". So, to make it short, there was all kinds of threats and insults again. I recorded this one also, and already showed it to my brother but not to my dad yet.

 

What do you think should I do? My dad didn't take her side but fell for her lies again, like always. My dad really thought that she was sorry and all kinds of stuff. Should I go to my dad again? I'm disappointed.

Edited May 26, 2012 by Clair93

[Clair93]

Personally, I would wait a little bit longer before you tell your father. get those little gadgets ie pens that have cameras and install around the house so you have a copy of her hitting you as well.. The more evidence you have the better your case is..

 

In the mean time spend time with your father asking him of his option about going to college and coming home.. You need to hear it from him that he wants you to always come home to visit. When you know you have him on your side I would then have a private chat with your step mother.

 

First show her a couple of videos that you taped. Tell her that you are willing to try again to make your relationship better and she need to treat you with respect. Then tell her if she slips up you will not only show your dad and your sisters and brothers but you would also post it on youtube for the world to see and also call social services or the police depending on where you live.

 

Tell her that you have been seeing a therapist who will help you go through all of this so she knows you are not on your own but have someone support that will stand up in court.

 

Hopefully with that you will be able to get her to treat you better without risking your father talking her side.

I had thought of doing something like this, but the truth is she is not that kind of person to negotiate or understand. She wants me out no matter what.

 

Anyway it's done and I told my dad, and while he didn't take her side, couldn't believe (or didn't want to believe) that she's been treating me like this for the past few years, not just last night and again fell for her lies.

 

Uploading it on YouTube is an idea that I haven't thought of.

Edited May 26, 2012 by Clair93

[stillafool]

Absolutely take the recording to your Dad. Let him know that she is a liar and her abuse has not stopped. I hate to say this, but can you fight? Don't let her slap you around, defend yourself. As a matter of fact tell her and your Dad the next time she hits you you are going to call the police.