Step mother kicking me out (of home and family)

[Silly_Girl]

Oh Clair, I'm so sorry that your nightmare is continuing. I have hope that this is to be a turning point in your story. No one can ever deny the seriousness of your stepmother's mental state now.

 

You are doing all the right things. You are a very brave young lady and your dad is lucky that you have such strength. He needs you now, and you need him too. You both know that neither one of you have caused this and it is another - YET another - symptom of her illness/instability.

 

I admire you Clair, and I hope you start to feel better very soon.

[thomasb]

Honey. First of all stop calling this her suicide. This was not that. I know. My oldest son completed suicide. He left behind two small children. They were two years old and two months old. It was the hardest, most devastating thing that has ever happened to our lives. But. This is not what this woman was doing. This was manipulation at its terrible finest. My son old NO ONE of his pain. Unlike in the movies there was no note, no confession or manipulative attempt at quilting anyone. No bitterness or anger. He had gone to the park with his wife and children that day and his pictures were of a smiling , happy person. They tell me it was because he had centered on his decision. I cannot accept what he did and never will be able to.

But what this woman has done is just another attempt to perpetuate cruelty on you and her loved ones, Well. so called loved ones. The only person this woman loves is herself. I know you, her husband and her children would love to see her as mother. But the only one she is capable of loving is herself.

She even only sees her children as a way to ensure her security.

It is not your fault, Or your fathers, It is something so far back in her childhood development that caused her to become a Me-Thinker. Another word for it is anti-social psychotic. Everything you say points to this. There is nothing you can do to change it,

Just protect yourself. Stay out of her way. Get a life of your own away from the crazy. Take care please.

[turnera]

Clair, I see you're around, how about an update?

[Clair93]

Thanks everyone for your continued support :love:

 

She's getting help, no news really. Her sister called me last week (the one I was talking about earlier) and well, apart from the usual insults, blamed me for everything. It seems like things aren't going well for her either. I'm guessing that she (the step mother) was giving my dad's money to her unemployed sister and not anymore, she's pissed off.

[Radu]

Clair, i wanted to put this in a PM, but you are 24posts short of being able to receive them.

 

The suicide thing is a way for her to restle back control from you.

Thankfully, she is high functioning anymore, she can't hide her bitter side from everyone else.

She will try to twist this around, and blame it on you ... you pushed her to this.

 

I linked this recently to this forum for another poster, pls read this link and overall the entire site.

I dealt with a few women like these in my past, and it helped me a lot.

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women? | Shrink4Men

[bentnotbroken]

Thanks everyone for your continued support :love:

 

She's getting help, no news really. Her sister called me last week (the one I was talking about earlier) and well, apart from the usual insults, blamed me for everything. It seems like things aren't going well for her either. I'm guessing that she (the step mother) was giving my dad's money to her unemployed sister and not anymore, she's pissed off.

 

 

Claire, I am as proud of you as if you were my own. You have shown maturity and grace dealing with this situation. I continue my prayers for you and your family and continue to know you did the right thing.

[bluegreen]

Am also very glad that this issue came to and end or at least for time being and that miserable wretch was discovered for who she is I hope they keep her locked and padded forever ...

[Rachel44]

You are a very impressive girl. I'm amazed at how strong you were through all this. That unconscionable abuser has gotta go. Tell somebody you trust. Save the tape PLEASE and show it to people who care. You need to see that this will not stop with you. If she treats you this way can you imagine how she can treat other kids? Wow. Kudos for getting therapy. I would sure need someone to listen to me at that point. She needs to be in jail for hitting you. Period. No exceptions. Like they said she is just angry because she can't believe your father was with someone else before her. She should take it out on him (even though he really did nothing wrong) but she is too much of a coward.

 

Good luck

Edited September 11, 2012 by Rachel44

[UpwardForward]

I am impressed with the father as well. For embracing his daughter and seeking righteousness in the best way possible.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks everyone for your continued support :love:

 

She's getting help, no news really. Her sister called me last week (the one I was talking about earlier) and well, apart from the usual insults, blamed me for everything. It seems like things aren't going well for her either. I'm guessing that she (the step mother) was giving my dad's money to her unemployed sister and not anymore, she's pissed off.

 

Hope your dad knows this bit of info..

 

Don't let the sister talk to you in a rude way. Maybe pass the phone off to your dad and let him deal with her.

 

How's the rest of the kids ajusting and dealing with this?

 

All the best to you, stay strong!

[MuscleCarFan]

Thanks everyone for your continued support :love:

 

She's getting help, no news really. Her sister called me last week (the one I was talking about earlier) and well, apart from the usual insults, blamed me for everything. It seems like things aren't going well for her either. I'm guessing that she (the step mother) was giving my dad's money to her unemployed sister and not anymore, she's pissed off.

 

Could she can stay pissed off!

 

What does your dad think of his SIL? Does he not like her?

[bentnotbroken]

Claire, any updates? How are you doing?

[spiderowl]

As I was reading it your post, I was going to suggest recording her and showing your Dad. Yes, I would let your Dad listen to her. I have a feeling it's not going to make much difference though if he hasn't believed you so far. He's obviously in denial about the way she's treating you. It can't have escaped his attention all this time.

 

I'm really sorry about the situation you are in. It is emotional abuse (and physical too, by the sound of it). Your step-mother is a cruel person. She feels no bond with you.

 

I don't think you should have to move out at all. I suspect your father is not going to do anything significant but let him listen to the recording and see. If your father is as well off as you say, why not ask him to pay for an apartment somewhere nearby for you? That way, you can get away from this awful woman and your father can still support you. Make sure he agrees to pay the rent in a contract though as this woman seems to have influence over him.

 

I know you don't want to move out and I don't blame you in the least. It's your family home where you should feel secure and loved. I am appalled at this woman and her behaviour towards you. I'm thinking for your own sanity and security, you might feel better somewhere where you are not within easy reach of her and can build up a network of friends who come to see you and make your apartment a happy, loving home for you, which you've clearly not had so far.

 

Just a thought but it might be worth taking that recording to a lawyer of some kind - maybe a free local legal advice service? - just to see if you have any legal recourse for this kind of abuse. Maybe your father would understand if his wife got a letter threatening legal action!

[spiderowl]

Well, I've read through the thread properly now. Sorry for not doing so before.

 

You have been through the mill! I know that people are saying this woman needs help but whether she is psychotic or has some other mental disorder, the thing that matters is she has been abusive and violent, as well as sneaky and bullying. This is the kind of behaviour that doesn't just disappear overnight. She is not showing any empathy at all. She does not appear to be kind to you or even your siblings. She may be a sociopath or psychopath. She shows a conspiratorial and manipulative nature. All these signs suggest to me that she is someone who probably should end up in prison to keep the community safe. Psychiatric help is unlikely to change her fundamental personality.

 

I think she is a danger to you and your family and should not be allowed anywhere near. She is trying to manipulate you, having realised that all her lies and manipulations with your father have finally come undone. She knows now she's not getting anywhere and is likely to get increasingly desperate.

 

Please keep on recording and saving any record of her contact with your or the SIL's. I think she should be reported to the police for making threats and for abuse. I don't want to scare you, but unless she is locked up, I think you and your family are at risk. Can your father afford to have security camera's, etc. fitted outside your home? What fire defences do you have? Don't have a predictable routine outside the home and be aware of your surroundings. Seriously, this woman is a danger.

 

If your father can afford a private detective, I would suggest he use one to find out about this woman's past. I bet there is a record there going back a long way. This would certainly show you how long-lasting her 'problems' are and may give you further ammunition should you need it.

 

All the best. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It must be very scary. I hope you can access counselling for yourself because most people don't have to cope with such difficult situations and you deserve to have someone independent supporting you.

[Clair93]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your support

 

To be honest, I'm not doing very well.

 

College started a while back, so I'm busy meeting new people and all the things that are supposed to be fun but I don't know why I can't enjoy them. I'm always distracted and have a difficult time making friends . I'm always super protective of myself and freak out if I'm surprised by even sudden movements around me.

 

I don't know if this is part of moving on or not, but all the memories of everything that she did to me are coming into my head all the time. I have mixed feelings of anger, fear, relief and hate. It's very difficult to describe. I was much better when the "fight" was on, probably because I was focused, thinking very logical and followed a strategy. Now that my guard is down, I'm lost in all these emotions.

 

She is also not doing well with her recovery. My dad told me it's 100% now, they're gonna divorce. My dad is not happy, I can feel it

[UpwardForward]

Clair, I'm not for D. But in this situation, I feel it's very necessary.

 

I couldn't tell from your post: Are you living near campus or still living at home. Just wondering who is caring for your siblings.

[Clair93]

Clair, I'm not for D. But in this situation, I feel it's very necessary.

 

I couldn't tell from your post: Are you living near campus or still living at home. Just wondering who is caring for your siblings.

Sorry what's D?

 

I'm living at home.

Edited October 24, 2012 by Clair93

[UpwardForward]

Sorry what's D?

 

I'm living at home.

 

I'm sorry.

 

So used to abreviating.

 

I was saying I'm not always for Divorce, but in this situation I think it's very necessary.

 

Glad you're living at home to look after the others.

[turnera]

You've got it right that, while you're in fight or flight mode, you're on task and once the issue is over, you can go through a low point. It's normal. As for having trouble making friends...my DD is a college senior now and she's just NOW following my advice and getting out there and pushing her comfort zone and going up to people and meeting them and making new friends. You really DO have to put yourself outside your comfort zone and introduce yourself, get involved in ongoing conversations, ask to sit with a group at lunch, stuff like that. It's scary, but it works!

 

Are you in IC? I'm sure your college has free counseling. That will help, just to have someone to unload on, if for nothing else.

 

Remember that she is not your responsibility. And remember that you HELPED your dad by getting this sick person out of his life. Maybe she'll get help eventually, and show back up a new reformed person. But it would never happen if she hadn't been 'found out.' You did good, ok?

[MCGar]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your support

 

To be honest, I'm not doing very well.

 

College started a while back, so I'm busy meeting new people and all the things that are supposed to be fun but I don't know why I can't enjoy them. I'm always distracted and have a difficult time making friends . I'm always super protective of myself and freak out if I'm surprised by even sudden movements around me.

 

I don't know if this is part of moving on or not, but all the memories of everything that she did to me are coming into my head all the time. I have mixed feelings of anger, fear, relief and hate. It's very difficult to describe. I was much better when the "fight" was on, probably because I was focused, thinking very logical and followed a strategy. Now that my guard is down, I'm lost in all these emotions.

 

She is also not doing well with her recovery. My dad told me it's 100% now, they're gonna divorce. My dad is not happy, I can feel it

 

Look into counseling at your college. They should have it readily available. I'm not diagnosing or anything but it would be surprising if you didn't have a little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She had made your life a living hell and turned around and gaslighted not only you but the whole family. That has to effect you negatively.

 

Not many people can cope effectively with such a situation.

[whichwayisup]

Your step mom put you through hell and of course it's going to have an effect on you. Do talk to a therapist, ask your dad to help find one with you and/or find out if there's someone at the University who offers counseling.

 

This is going to take time to work through but you're strong Clair. So strong and brave, so keep on going..

 

Sorry your dad is hurting but he is making the right choice.

 

maybe family counseling together with your dad and siblings might be an idea too..

[freestyle]

PTSD came to mind for me, too. I won't diagnose, either---but the symptoms described fit the bill.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's the mind reacting to prolonged, acute stress.

It's a normal reaction to being exposed to long-term psychological and emotional abuse--a therapist, or a support group could be very beneficial to helping you sort through it all.

 

The symptoms will lessen with time & distance. It's important to deal with the residual feelings---rug-sweeping will just make them come back worse.

[pink_sugar]

I'm sorry to hear this Clair. I was in a similar situation that involved abuse and neglect and it was hard for me to make friends...especially when I was younger and I acted out, because as a child I didn't know how to cope. After years of counseling, I am much better off and things have improved vastly. I was very shy and timid and going to work at 16 and getting away from home helped put myself out there to interact with others and meet with others. It was hard for me as a kid, because kids are immature and will be kids. It will take time, but it will get better. I've actually met most of my friends through family friends or through work...not so much through school, although I do have a few best friends.

[Clair93]

Thanks everyone. Talked to my dad about counselling and will do next week. I hope it helps. Do you think changing my stuff (cloth, other stuff) would help? I'm tempted to throw everything out and start completely new!

 

Her sister called me today a few times and I didn't answer. I don't know what her problem is.

[turnera]

Most likely, they BOTH grew up being taught to harass and manipulate people, so it's all they know.

 

Can you block her number from your phone?

 

I think the counseling is more important than just replacing clothes, Claire. This is an internal issue and changing clothes is just a band-aid. Make sure you go at least once a week.