SpiralOut Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Thanks everyone. Talked to my dad about counselling and will do next week. I hope it helps. Do you think changing my stuff (cloth, other stuff) would help? I'm tempted to throw everything out and start completely new! Her sister called me today a few times and I didn't answer. I don't know what her problem is. I've been following this thread for a while hoping that things would work out for you. I'm really glad that your dad is on your side. I haven't been through the same things as you but I've gone through periods of transition where I found it helpful to change things up. I would buy one or two new pair of pants or shirt every month or so, then throw out old ones I don't like anymore, so that over the period of a year mostly everything was replaced. I think it's important for people to do nice things for themselves every once in a while. Though I still agree with Turnera that the counselling takes priority. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Thanks everyone. Talked to my dad about counselling and will do next week. I hope it helps. Do you think changing my stuff (cloth, other stuff) would help? I'm tempted to throw everything out and start completely new! Her sister called me today a few times and I didn't answer. I don't know what her problem is. Oh hell ya! Go shopping and pamper yourself. Why not? Maybe don't throw out everything, but do buy some new clothes..Get a new hairstyle/haircut too.. Ignore the sister as there's no reason for you to speak to her. Glad to hear your dad involved and you'll be doing counseling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I know this is hard for you and I agree, counseling takes priority...and even in some cases, people go twice a week if they can. If not, find other people you can talk to...close friends, other relatives etc. I went through a period where I wanted to change everything about myself...even my name. My aunt did exactly that. But when it comes down to it...you are the very same person you will see in the mirror each day. Go and pamper yourself....get a facial or a relaxing massage. I do these things whenever I feel I am beyond stressed or upset. Eventually you will be proud of yourself for accomplishing what you have. You will get through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clair93 Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 Thanks everyone. I'm feeling much better now. I'll go to a counselling session in the coming week and see how it goes. I won't answer any of her phone calls and even if I did by mistake, I'll hang up. My dad also agrees. Claire, I may have missed something, but what do you mean by "changing your stuff"? What stuff? I don't know, whatever I can easily replace. Cloth, bedding, a couple of furniture that I have in my room, things like that. Go and pamper yourself....get a facial or a relaxing massage. I do these things whenever I feel I am beyond stressed or upset. Eventually you will be proud of yourself for accomplishing what you have. You will get through this. I'm doing this now. My dad offered this a month ago and it was a great suggestion. I do it every week. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 Thanks everyone. Talked to my dad about counselling and will do next week. I hope it helps. Do you think changing my stuff (cloth, other stuff) would help? I'm tempted to throw everything out and start completely new! Her sister called me today a few times and I didn't answer. I don't know what her problem is. Counseling will definitely help. I look forward to your updates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) Stumbled on this thread just now, and read it from the beginning. Jesus H Christ, what an ordeal. OP, you did good. To have dealt with all that crap, at such a young age, and positively - a major achievement. Well done also to the posters who have supported you. I hope you can deal with the distracting noise in your head generated by all that conflict and emotional division, and so move on with your own developing concerns. In other words, not unwillingly donate more energy to the psychodrama generated by your Wicked SM. However her treatment goes, I hope she becomes an increasingly irrelevant sideshow. Be wary of her sister, don't let a desire for acceptance lead you into trust. I don't imagine that it will, you seem to have your head screwed on. Best wishes to you. Edited November 1, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Stumbled on this thread just now, and read it from the beginning. Jesus H Christ, what an ordeal. OP, you did good. To have dealt with all that crap, at such a young age, and positively - a major achievement. Well done also to the posters who have supported you. I hope you can deal with the distracting noise in your head generated by all that conflict and emotional division, and so move on with your own developing concerns. In other words, not unwillingly donate more energy to the psychodrama generated by your Wicked SM. However her treatment goes, I hope she becomes an increasingly irrelevant sideshow. Be wary of her sister, don't let a desire for acceptance lead you into trust. I don't imagine that it will, you seem to have your head screwed on. Best wishes to you. This is an excellent point------- Abusive situations can be so incredibly draining, that they can burn up tons of our precious energy. (BTDT) Once we get out of the situation, and it's safe to process the feelings, and begin to heal--we can get hit with an overwhelming need to understand the "whys'--our mind wants to make sense of it all. It's normal. I believe a certain amount of that is healthy, if it empowers us to recognize red flag behaviors in the future. (so we don't become enmeshed in toxic situations)And it will take time to process the grief, and pain from having been in a situation like that. Ideally, though we'll begin to move past that and put our focus back on ourselves. (and not allow the abusers to take up any more of our precious energy.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clair93 Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 I've had my first counselling session, I wouldn't say it was super helpful but at least talking to someone was good! I'm feeling much better, not because of counselling. Maybe because I'm a little more busy now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I've had my first counselling session, I wouldn't say it was super helpful but at least talking to someone was good! I'm feeling much better, not because of counselling. Maybe because I'm a little more busy now. Clair - this is a great first step! The first few sessions of a counseling session are rarely helpful out of the gate; you have in your head all that is hurting and bad, but your counselor needs time to get into your mind and learn all that has been done and its impact on you and your family. Think about it - you probably only met for an hour? You've got a lot to unburden yourself with before your counselor not only knows the basics of all you have going through, but the INNER Claire... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Definitely agree...counseling can take a few months to a few years to really start making a difference. It won't happen overnight, but you'll get there in time! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I've had my first counselling session, I wouldn't say it was super helpful but at least talking to someone was good! I'm feeling much better, not because of counselling. Maybe because I'm a little more busy now. Hi, Claire. I'm glad you're going to counseling. You have to give it time though, you're not going to necessarily feel better after one or two sessions. I'm glad you're feeling better overall. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBucket Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 Get her to threaten you on a recording, and use it to get her arrested. Problem Solved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clair93 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 I felt like it's time for an update here. The divorce came through and now she is gone out of my life for good (hopefully). I haven't seen or heard from her in the past few months and hopefully never will. My dad is happier now, he was feeling terrible when those things were happening but now he's much better. My siblings are getting used to the new life (and they love it too!). I'm feeling much better myself. Counseling has helped me a lot and it was like a miracle for me. I'm now feeling much better, much more social and not depressed at all. I'm still having my sessions every week though. Things at college are going well too, I can now blend in much better than before, have more friends and I'm enjoying it. It's been almost a year since I started this thread which you all supported me through that insane period. Now that it's mostly behind me I can clearly see how valuable this one. Thank you everyone again 20 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Thank you for the update Clair. Imo, the key person in this was your father. He faced the big problem and with out hiding from it. Then took vital steps to protect/secure his family. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I love it when people come back and give us an update on their stories. Thanks so much, Clair, for doing that and I'm thrilled that things are going so well for you! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 So glad things are better. And happy that your siblings are coping with this.. Has to be tough on them since it's their mom. Take care and enjoy life! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 So glad, for you AND for your family! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Yay! I'm so glad you and your family are so much happier now! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) I always fear reading these sort of stories that there will not be a good outcome. It makes me realise whatever tribulations I have endured that they are nothing compared to those of others. The real good news that will come out of your story is if you come out as a stronger, more confident and complete person having gone through this awful experience rather than if you had not. I am hoping that it has given you life-coping skills that otherwise you may not have been blessed with. Your dad may have come to the game late, but at least he eventually came. That has not only been good for you but ultimately good for him. I hope that he eventually can come to terms with that, that it presents an opportunity for him too. Edited April 22, 2013 by pcplod 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I felt like it's time for an update here. The divorce came through and now she is gone out of my life for good (hopefully). I haven't seen or heard from her in the past few months and hopefully never will. My dad is happier now, he was feeling terrible when those things were happening but now he's much better. My siblings are getting used to the new life (and they love it too!). I'm feeling much better myself. Counseling has helped me a lot and it was like a miracle for me. I'm now feeling much better, much more social and not depressed at all. I'm still having my sessions every week though. Things at college are going well too, I can now blend in much better than before, have more friends and I'm enjoying it. It's been almost a year since I started this thread which you all supported me through that insane period. Now that it's mostly behind me I can clearly see how valuable this one. Thank you everyone again Claire I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear that you and your family are in the healing stage. I pray great things for you and I believe you have a bright future ahead of you. Many blessings. Go forth and conquer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Glad to hear you all are doing well! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
summerof12 Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 (edited) Thank you for the update Clair. Imo, the key person in this was your father. He faced the big problem and with out hiding from it. Then took vital steps to protect/secure his family. While I agree her father did good, the key person here was Clair. She saved her siblings, she saved her father, she saved herself, but most importantly, she saved their possibility of ever becoming a normal and loving family. You, Clair, did fantastic. I wish you and your family all the best for the future. (Also thumbs up to all the people giving great advice in this thread!) Edit: Its easy to say that her father should have thrown his wife out sooner, but its extremely difficult to be in his position. Not that he didin`t know who to believe, but your step mom obviously has a mental illness. Being in love with someone whose mentally ill, might possibly be one of the worst things you can ever imagine. You so desperately want to help and take care of them, that its hard to see when you have to let them go. Edited April 27, 2013 by summerof12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clair93 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 She committed suicide again. She's in coma now Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Gosh, so sorry. You are still going through it with this woman. Whatever is going through your head, it isn't your fault. The woman has serious mental problems with an aggressive streak and would have caused you and your family harm if she could. If counselling and therapy didn't help her, then not much could. Did any of you ever look into her background and history? I bet she has a history of difficult behaviour or even a criminal record. Sorry if that doesn't sound too sympathetic to her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) Looking at this thread. Wow. The divorce happened so fast, especially for rich people - I think usually there's much more of a drawn out fight over assets (like the hotel). And the new suicide attempt/coma - shocking. My personal experience with lousy step parents (similar to a poster early on in this thread) is that the bio parent will put up with the step parent being bad to the kids - it's only when the step parent betrays the spouse in some way that action happens. your dad really stepped up. Edited January 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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