guy_in_pain Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hey all, I was with this girl for 2 years and it was a live in relationship............She went away during the summer for intern and everything went fine until she saw this guy and started to cheat on me........She got attracted to this guy and has been fooling with him................except i miss her terribly and i want her back...I tried to open the line of communication and talk her back but she is like I don't love you and was probably just attached to you because of the things we did together........I have been on the verge of emotional breakdown........and still can't believe that girls can cheat so badly...she probably is confused herself and at times she says that she never loved me and at times she goes i don't feel the pain which i used to for you..................I don't know what to do..........I have remained the loyal one not even lookng at other girls and i am sure i can stake my life for her if need be then why i have to go through so much pain, agony, hurt and trauma.............Help me...................... Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 Hi guy_in_pain, Take it from someone who has lived through a similar situation. You need to deal with it, get some closure, and walk away from it. See a therapist, burn her love letters, whatever it takes, but it doesn't sound like it will ever go back to being what it used to be if she hast cheated on you and told you "that she never loved me and at times". I know it sounds hard, but a clean break will do you the best Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
guy_in_pain Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 hi, i do want to break free but i have reached a point where i feel like that even if she comes back with the cheating and apologizes for it..i will take her back.....but my mind says i should not do it...........its a miserable situation for me...............i don't know what to do..........i am in pain and i probably need to take time of from my studies and come to terms with the reality...................i don't know but my career is suffering and i can't do anything about it............. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 If you are at the point where your work and studeis are at jepordy, you do need to get some help. I would see a therapist, or counselour at your scholl immediately for a few sessions until you can get your feet back on the ground again. You will get over this and life will resume as normal, but you may need a little help along the way if it is seriously affecting your work and school. Good luck A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
Caveman Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Get yourself a therapist and just remind yourself everyday, once a cheating @#$%, always a cheating @#$%. Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Its not your fault she cheated, so why are you feeling bad about it? You said you tried to open communication, but she won't.....I'm sorry, but why waste your time when she messed up? I know you love her, as you said, but is it worth the pain? Find stuff to keep you busy, keep your mind off of her, do stuff you enjoy...Live life and have a good time...Tell her to.....ya, ya know... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
guy_in_pain Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 well she finally drove to me and we had a talk..........she made me feel as though she used me for 2 years and now she has some other guy so she doesn't need me anymore............anyways next day she calls back and says that please i can't see you in pain so whatever you will say i will do...i will come back even if i don't feel like being with you.........i am lost and don't know what's going on in her mind...........then again she calls and says that no its over and move on....today again she calls and says maybe we should give ourselves some time a month maybe and see if she starts feeling for me.................I am lost and dont know what to do.............i don't know if giving her sometime will help because definately if you stay part for one month moving and hanging out with other group of guys the feelings will fade away....but i believe thats what i can do..........or just say f*** off and move............i appreciate your suggestions and i seriously need a therapist i believe....................... Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove0479 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 It's so hard to be in love with someone and have that person outright hurt you. Yet,no matter how bad the pain or how selfish the action that caused the pain, the love does not seem to go away. Normally, I would say in matters of the heart go with your true feelings and take a chance on making it work. It's so easy for people to say "Let he/she go. You can do better. They are not worth you." But, when the person is not wearing your shoes and did not experience your feelings, they can not truly tell you what's best for you. You have to come to that realization on your own. And people telling you that you are wonderful and deserve better serves no comfort. With that being said, it seems from what you wrote, that your girl does not love you. I'm only going on what u said she told you. Never reason what someone else says they feel just because it is not what you want to hear. If she was still wanting a relationship with you, she would (especially now that you know about her infedility) be remorseful and try to spend time with you. It doesn't seem that she feels that way. In all honesty, I believe this lady cares about you deeply and does not want to hurt you but she can't help do what she wants, which is see other people. And what she wants will hurt you so it's putting her in a rough position. I think you should try as hard as you can to let this situation be. What I mean is, stop trying to make things happen, stop digging for answers, stop rationalizing, analyzing, and all that. Just let it flow. Stop calling her and if she's calling you, ignore her calls for at least a week. You need time to gather your feelings and you just need a vacation from the situation. You can't make someone feel the way you feel. That sucks, I know. Been there. But, it will get better. The best advice I can give you is to be real with yourself. Don't pshyc yourself into believing she feels a certain way for you, when you know that your con'ing yourself. It's acceptable to be made an ass by someone else, but to make an ass out of your ownself, is a BIG NO NO! Deep down, do you really feel like she really loves you? There is no reason that I can think of, that I would tell a person I don't love them, but deep down know that I am denying it. Saying I love you is one of the greatest gifts you can give a person. Meaning it is angelic and knowing they feel the same way for you is heaven on Earth. Don't continue to create a great relationship. If in fact she doesn't love you, store this away as a lesson learned and be more careful next time who you give your heart to. Good luck to you. I wish you well in this situation and any that may follow. Does it ever get any better? I'd like to believe that it does! Link to post Share on other sites
guy_in_pain Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Thanks lostinlove. I am back to normal in some ways now. I am not crying and started eating a bit (it's been 2 weeks now). My heart still won't let her go. She is in a different surrounding and would come back to school in about a month I just hope that she feels for me after coming back in the same surroundings where our love blossomed. If not, then I don't understand how to come to terms with the reality. I just want to get done with this fast, and overcome all my emotions...but I can't do so. I want to be a man and bear all the pain. I never had thought in my wildest dreams that girls can also cheat, but life taught me a valuable lesson. I won't ever be able to trust a woman and would be keeping an eye on her seeing what this girl did to me. I just wish things would get better. I wish I could leave this place, move ahead and find a job. I was at a stage in my career where I needed her the most. I was writing my thesis and needed to find a job, graduate in about a month, and move ahead, but she screwed my career - my life - for me. I stood by her in all her 'thick and thins.' Now, she does this to me. I was always there for her, be it her coursework, homework or anything else...but...in one and a half years of our relationship, there was not a single time when she cooked. I cooked and saw to it that she doesn't have to even move from living room to kitchen. All I get is this pain, trauma and misery. God help me and to all the people out there. Please, don't do this to anybody! Please! Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove0479 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 It hurts my heart to read your last entry. About a month ago I found out my b/f was still seeing, correction screwing, his ex-girl. It hurt me so bad and I watched myself go thru phases. Anger, disappointment, forgiving and now fear of my choice. I'm afraid that he isn't deserving of another chance and I'm attempting to give him one and I'm afraid that it's been too soon for him to be totally remorseful. He is away for the summer and vows he will do whatever it takes to get me back. I want to see what that could possibly do, b/c right now I can not fathom. My friends tell me to let it go. But, I really feel that he is sorry and that he did just make a mistake. I wish that there could be more genuine and faithful people like you and I, guy in pain. I could never imagine myself cheating on someone I love. That shyt hurts. I wish I could go back to crushes and holding hands, it was oh so simple then. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
guy_in_pain Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Hi lostinlove, You atleast are lucky that the guy is remorseful.................i will suggest that tread carefully...........once a character is lost everything is lost and its very difficult to earn it back. He has already lost some of it by sleeping with someone else..........just be watchful of his activities ask him to try and build trust....things like knowing his passwords and him picking up the phone whenever u call will help. As far as i am concerned my ex girl has been kissing this guy and not got into anything else i believe...........but ya if there is a god he will get cheating people and there will come a time in their life when they will be cheated upon too..........................I am still in a dicey situation it seems she still needs me as a friend and is calling me for small things like what should she do whether she should go watch this movie or not or whether she should hang out with this guy or not..........i am lost i don't have the courage to not pick up the phone because i fear she might look to other people for support if i dont pick up the phone...........i am totally lost and still hurt.........i don't know whether i should completely ignore her calls because playing a friend is hurting me more................... Link to post Share on other sites
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