Great Relationship But Now She Needs Space?

[gmoore]

We will never be as beautiful as we are right now.

[gmoore]

Goddamn. I'm doing alright but sometimes the thought of her moving on and being with someone else sneaks into my head, it feels soul crushing. Whew. I'm trying to use this as a place to let those thoughts out so they don't stay too long & cause too much trouble. I know it means nothing whether she's moving on or not. It's not my concern, it only hurts me to think about it in that capacity. It does no one any good. I know I am a great man & I'm only getting better. It doesn't matter whether she regrets her decision or not. She is not my concern. It doesn't matter whether she's coming back or not. It is not my concern. It's not my concern. It's not my concern. She's not my concern.

[Slooop]

How does it feel to picture yourself with someone else that's excited to get to know you?

[muzik_lvr]

I think that instead of avoiding the thoughts of my ex-gf moving on with another guy, it's better that I actually do think about that and accept it. The sooner one realizes and accepts that reality in their mind and heart, the quicker they themselves can move on. There is about a 99.9% chance that an ex will move on to be with another person, whether it be 2 months or 2 years from now, it will happen eventually.

[gmoore]

How does it feel to picture yourself with someone else that's excited to get to know you?

 

I kind of hate it but I'm making myself accept it & warm up to it. It feels like cheating or something still? It's a weird feeling... I'll get over it soon I'm sure.

[gmoore]

I think that instead of avoiding the thoughts of my ex-gf moving on with another guy, it's better that I actually do think about that and accept it. The sooner one realizes and accepts that reality in their mind and heart, the quicker they themselves can move on. There is about a 99.9% chance that an ex will move on to be with another person, whether it be 2 months or 2 years from now, it will happen eventually.

 

The thoughts are so uncomfortable though, terribly so. I will accept it, eventually. I have no choice, I will try to burn as little emotional energy as possible on things that I do not have control over. That is my new Modus operandi. Expend energy on positive things and rebuilding myself.

[muzik_lvr]

Yeah, definitely uncomfortable thoughts. I am right there with you bro. I just figure the sooner I get it over with, the better lol.

 

Love what you said here:

 

I will try to burn as little emotional energy as possible on things that I do not have control over.

[gmoore]

That's not entirely my idea. I have been watching these DVD's by a guy named David DeAngelo called "Deep inner game". It's ultimate goal is to "pick-up" or "Attract" women. It's self help stuff & it's really pretty groundbreaking for me right now. It's helping me get my mind & thoughts in order. It's helping me rebuild my confidence & regain focus. Everyone should check it out if they have a chance, just search for it on youtube. There is something like 6 discs and each are about 2 hours long. I have been absorbing so much and it's uncanny how close to home some of the things they talk about actually are. I think it's really helping.

[muzik_lvr]

That's cool man. I'm glad you've found a resource that's been helpful to you. I'll have to check them out. Just continue to focus on improving and bettering yourself, and gaining positive insight from the DVDs and from other resources. You're on a great track to healing and coming out a better man.

[gmoore]

The plan:

 

Start 10 day water fast on Wed. June 27.

 

End on Sat. July 6.

 

1 day break on Sat. the 7th. slowly break fast over the weekend.

 

This is a full reset. Stop drinking, caffeine, bad food etc.

 

Monday July 9th start p90x. I will be doing what is called "doubles" where on top of the p90x I will be running 3-4 miles 4 times a week as well.

 

Intention: Structure, discipline, strength, focus, weight loss, increased productivity & mental stability.

 

I am not in great shape right now but I'm not in awful shape either. I'm at the upper end of the healthy weight for my height but I want to be toned & incredibly fit. I am looking forward to this challenge, it will put all of my focus on myself, which is exactly where it needs to be.

 

Here goes.

[Manimal]

The plan:

 

Start 10 day water fast on Wed. June 27.

 

End on Sat. July 6.

 

1 day break on Sat. the 7th. slowly break fast over the weekend.

 

This is a full reset. Stop drinking, caffeine, bad food etc.

 

Monday July 9th start p90x. I will be doing what is called "doubles" where on top of the p90x I will be running 3-4 miles 4 times a week as well.

 

Intention: Structure, discipline, strength, focus, weight loss, increased productivity & mental stability.

 

I am not in great shape right now but I'm not in awful shape either. I'm at the upper end of the healthy weight for my height but I want to be toned & incredibly fit. I am looking forward to this challenge, it will put all of my focus on myself, which is exactly where it needs to be.

 

Here goes.

 

Just discovered your thread. I'm crossin' my fingers for you, man. Good luck with all of this.

 

The full reset worked really well for me. I broke up with my ex, did not have NC, and a year later we reconciled. Soon after that we broke up again. This time I mourned for about three weeks, got so tired of feeling that way and feeling like an idiot for being so hung up on someone, and threw myself into the gym and just being industrious (mostly with writing). I used all the anger and grief to fuel the lifestyle change. It will give your mind focus and purpose, and while it is not a cure for the blues, it will definitely aid in your recovery.

 

Godspeed.

[gmoore]

Just discovered your thread. I'm crossin' my fingers for you, man. Good luck with all of this.

 

The full reset worked really well for me. I broke up with my ex, did not have NC, and a year later we reconciled. Soon after that we broke up again. This time I mourned for about three weeks, got so tired of feeling that way and feeling like an idiot for being so hung up on someone, and threw myself into the gym and just being industrious (mostly with writing). I used all the anger and grief to fuel the lifestyle change. It will give your mind focus and purpose, and while it is not a cure for the blues, it will definitely aid in your recovery.

 

Godspeed.

 

So you didn't have NC? Did you try to stay friends or something? Do you still talk to her?

 

Man, I'm having some serious anxiety today. Trying to self soothe. Breathe. Whew. The magnitude of the loss just hits me like a train sometimes. dizzying.

[Edtheduck]

So you didn't have NC? Did you try to stay friends or something? Do you still talk to her?

 

Man, I'm having some serious anxiety today. Trying to self soothe. Breathe. Whew. The magnitude of the loss just hits me like a train sometimes. dizzying.

 

Completely and utterly SNAP today. So so close to breaking NC. Though I've resisted. Boy does the loss hit you sometimes. Hard to believe we can feel like this towards someone who doesn't really care at the moment.

[gmoore]

Completely and utterly SNAP today. So so close to breaking NC. Though I've resisted. Boy does the loss hit you sometimes. Hard to believe we can feel like this towards someone who doesn't really care at the moment.

 

 

Agreed. I'll be going along with my head up high and all the sudden a flood of uncontrollable thoughts will hit me and vertigo will ensue.

 

I have vowed to myself that I will come out the other side a better, more attractive, more emotionally stable, more mature, more fit, smarter, more confident, more secure & stronger man than I was before. I forgive myself for my shortcomings in the relationship & I will be more self aware of their presence in future romantic relationships. I promise myself this.

[Edtheduck]

Agreed. I'll be going along with my head up high and all the sudden a flood of uncontrollable thoughts will hit me and vertigo will ensue.

 

I have vowed to myself that I will come out the other side a better, more attractive, more emotionally stable, more mature, more fit, smarter, more confident, more secure & stronger man than I was before. I forgive myself for my shortcomings in the relationship & I will be more self aware of their presence in future romantic relationships. I promise myself this.

 

Here bloody here. I'll drink to that. I'm doing the exact same thing right now.

 

Roller coaster of a day..! Glad for me, it's coming to an end. Tired and sleep time. Keep busy mate, don't worry. As I say to myself, good things come to those who WAIT

[gmoore]

Here bloody here. I'll drink to that. I'm doing the exact same thing right now.

 

Roller coaster of a day..! Glad for me, it's coming to an end. Tired and sleep time. Keep busy mate, don't worry. As I say to myself, good things come to those who WAIT

 

 

I like to think that good things come to people who ACT. More specifically, not only to people who act but people who act with courage, conviction, conscience & confidence.

[Manimal]

So you didn't have NC? Did you try to stay friends or something? Do you still talk to her?

 

Man, I'm having some serious anxiety today. Trying to self soothe. Breathe. Whew. The magnitude of the loss just hits me like a train sometimes. dizzying.

 

After our first break up, no, I kept in touch with her. I just figured it was the civil thing to do, but I honestly didn't do so with hopes of getting back together with her. She came crawling back about a year later after hinting at it for a while (but I never took the bait until she outright brought it up). I was hesitant, but eventually agreed to give it another go.

 

That was a mistake. Things were great for about a month or so, then it was just like old times (meaning not good). She took a long bath one afternoon, got out, and came up to me in her towel and told me that her sister was coming to help her move out. (I'd just spent a lot of money moving her sorry butt to my state, etc.) At this point, I told her it was for the best and to not ever try to contact me after this point. She contested that and said it wasn't like me. I packed up a gym bag with my work clothes and some personal items, told her goodbye, and got a hotel until her sister and brother-in-law moved her out. I came back after work one night and she'd left me a note written in blood that she'd love me forever. (I hope that is a big enough clue as to what I was dealing with regarding this woman.)

 

I never looked back. She tried keeping in touch, but I ignored her. She'd IM me, but I ignored it. She asked me why was I playing games. !!! So I blocked her. (At this point, it was easy. The second break up rather cleansed her out of my system, really.) I deleted every picture I had of her. Burned the physical photos I had. Deleted every e-mail. Etc.

 

Fast forward a year or so and someone called from a blocked number, so I answered. Never even entered my mind it was her. So I was talked to her for a few minutes. She had just exited an abusive relationship with some dude and was trying to feel me out to see if there was a chance, at least that was the feeling I got. I told her this is the last time we talk and better luck with the next guy, and enjoy your life. Hung up. She's a distant memory to me now. We've been apart for almost nine years.

 

Now I'm happily married with a couple of awesome toddlers to terrorize me. She's tried contacting me via social media (which I pretty much don't even use anymore) and left a voicemail a few years back, but I ignored it. Case closed.

[gmoore]

After our first break up, no, I kept in touch with her. I just figured it was the civil thing to do, but I honestly didn't do so with hopes of getting back together with her. She came crawling back about a year later after hinting at it for a while (but I never took the bait until she outright brought it up). I was hesitant, but eventually agreed to give it another go.

 

That was a mistake. Things were great for about a month or so, then it was just like old times (meaning not good). She took a long bath one afternoon, got out, and came up to me in her towel and told me that her sister was coming to help her move out. (I'd just spent a lot of money moving her sorry butt to my state, etc.) At this point, I told her it was for the best and to not ever try to contact me after this point. She contested that and said it wasn't like me. I packed up a gym bag with my work clothes and some personal items, told her goodbye, and got a hotel until her sister and brother-in-law moved her out. I came back after work one night and she'd left me a note written in blood that she'd love me forever. (I hope that is a big enough clue as to what I was dealing with regarding this woman.)

 

I never looked back. She tried keeping in touch, but I ignored her. She'd IM me, but I ignored it. She asked me why was I playing games. !!! So I blocked her. (At this point, it was easy. The second break up rather cleansed her out of my system, really.) I deleted every picture I had of her. Burned the physical photos I had. Deleted every e-mail. Etc.

 

Fast forward a year or so and someone called from a blocked number, so I answered. Never even entered my mind it was her. So I was talked to her for a few minutes. She had just exited an abusive relationship with some dude and was trying to feel me out to see if there was a chance, at least that was the feeling I got. I told her this is the last time we talk and better luck with the next guy, and enjoy your life. Hung up. She's a distant memory to me now. We've been apart for almost nine years.

 

Now I'm happily married with a couple of awesome toddlers to terrorize me. She's tried contacting me via social media (which I pretty much don't even use anymore) and left a voicemail a few years back, but I ignored it. Case closed.

 

Good on you man, she sounds twisted up. And congratulations on your marriage & your children.

 

Luckily, even though she has her issues, I feel she's pretty solid. I've dealt with women like that before & it's a ****ing roller coaster. I hope to not have to deal with anything of that nature. That's what was great about my ex, no roller coaster, well until the end at least.

 

It's been about a month since I've had any contact with her & it's getting better but she was the closest person in my life & I miss her dearly. I'm trying to let go and gain acceptance but it's really hard, I really thought we were compatible, we had things we needed to work on but overall I thought we were "right" for each other. Either way I'm using this time to become the man I want to be. I want to be a better partner, I let some things slide that I shouldn't have & I realize that now. I want my next serious relationship to be the one that lasts & I want to be equipped to make it happen.

[gmoore]

No more regret. I have to forgive myself. For everything, in the relationship & out. I am a good man & I can be even better. I will let go of the past. I can't live in it. I will move forward. I will live in the now. Step by step I will forge ahead. I loved her the best I could at that time. I will be a better lover & partner in my next relationship. I welcome failure, I will learn all that I can from it.

[Manimal]

No more regret. I have to forgive myself. For everything, in the relationship & out. I am a good man & I can be even better. I will let go of the past. I can't live in it. I will move forward. I will live in the now. Step by step I will forge ahead. I loved her the best I could at that time. I will be a better lover & partner in my next relationship. I welcome failure, I will learn all that I can from it.

 

Well, the past is prologue, so I would say embrace it for what it is, a part of you. Learn from it. Stand up to its pain. I believe there is a lot of wisdom to be had in embracing these moments, in staring them down. These things are always a grind, ain't no gettin' around that, but you seem like a stand-up guy so I'd wager you'll be just fine.

[gmoore]

Well, the past is prologue, so I would say embrace it for what it is, a part of you. Learn from it. Stand up to its pain. I believe there is a lot of wisdom to be had in embracing these moments, in staring them down. These things are always a grind, ain't no gettin' around that, but you seem like a stand-up guy so I'd wager you'll be just fine.

 

Thanks man, I am a stand up guy & only learning to stand taller. She'll realize what she's lost soon enough, I'm confident of this.

 

I'm trying to manage the anxiety I keep feeling from the loss and the fear of her not being there. Damage Control.

[gmoore]

oh yeah, Day 1 of the water fast is today. I decided to move it up a day because a) why not? & b) I want 2 recovery days between the fast & the workout.

 

Here we go!

[gmoore]

Well, her father stopped by this eve. I guess just to say hi & see how I was doing. I'm doing pretty well so everything was fine but seeing him was definitely hard as I'm obviously pretty attached to her as well as her family. I kept it cordial. I held it together & I didn't speak of her & nor did he. I'm still processing it but I think it was ok. Just makes me think of her though, & how much I want her to be part of my life and how she doesn't want me in her's. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

[BB7]

Well, her father stopped by this eve. I guess just to say hi & see how I was doing. I'm doing pretty well so everything was fine but seeing him was definitely hard as I'm obviously pretty attached to her as well as her family. I kept it cordial. I held it together & I didn't speak of her & nor did he. I'm still processing it but I think it was ok. Just makes me think of her though, & how much I want her to be part of my life and how she doesn't want me in her's. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

 

I had a similar thing yesterday with my ex's mum...she's more devastated than I am I think!

[gmoore]

Yeah, it's interesting. My ex and I were one of those couples where everyone just though we'd get married, including our parents & me too I guess, haha. All our friends were taking bets as to when, that type of thing. Alas, here I am...