Great Relationship But Now She Needs Space?

[gmoore]

Maybe you can use some cheats? Like telling yourself, "the longer I stay no contact, the greater the chance she'll come back to me". Obviously this isn't the healthiest way of thinking but if it helps you to one day get over her it's a win-win. Either she'll come back or you'll get over her and may not want her back.

 

Thanks for the advice but I'm trying to just face this **** head on. I need to accept everything the way it is and take responsibility for myself, I feel like I'll move through this healing process faster if I do. I can't keep holding on, I need to let go, she's not coming back no matter how much I pray or wish. She left & now she's gone, those are the facts. The future is unwritten and I've got a pen full of ink so I'm not worried(I didn't intend for that to be sexual but it's kinda funny).

[gmoore]

update.

 

I've been doing a lot better. I've been reading a lot of books and doing a lot of self help exercises and self confidence boosting exercises and have taken the reigns back. I've been reading the book "how to fall out of love" & it's helped a LOT.

 

I still think about her more than I want to but the thoughts carry less & less hurt. I saw her in passing by accident a couple times on the 4th. It set me back for a couple hours or so each time but I got it together & managed to have a good day.

 

I'm hanging out with a beautiful woman sometime next week as well. I'm pretty sure she's attracted to me & I her. I'm not looking for a rebound at all(especially with this girl because I actually like her) and if anything happens I will be taking it really slow. It's nice to feel like you're attractive to other women though. I'm looking forward to it and letting go of any expectations.

 

I guess I just feel like I decided at some point in the last couple weeks that I wasn't going to be controlled by the thoughts of my ex and I've really been putting in the effort to take ME back & get the train back on the rails and enjoy the summer. I think it really shifted once I decided that I truly needed to "let go" and not live my life like I still had some sort of responsibility to her. She left me, she's gone, the world still turns.

[melvin]

This thread has helped me with my thread. Its very similar in a way. I am on day 3 on nc and its rough. Rough as all hell. In my heart i want it to work, but i know in my mind its probably for the best.

 

My thread is sort of the same. A lot of similarities in the partners, but some differences.

 

Thank you for talking about your breakup its will help me through mine. Please respond to mine using your experiences.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/334438-meeting-ex-first-time-since-breakup

[chuldasnow]

I was happy in my relationship with my boyfriend for 16 years. We are olderand were both divorced with grown children, so I did not want to get married.He also has a stock market gambling addiction. Anyway, in March 2012, he quithis job, went to Thailand for a vacation, and married a Thai woman, and isstaying there permanently. I recently found out that he had been skyping withher for 3 months and they fell madly in love/lust. She insisted that he had toby her a house in Thailand (has to be in her name only because foreignerscannot own property in Thailand). He did buy her a $200,000 house, $3,000 ringand $6,000 of furniture. He also just spent $3,200 at a music store, probablybought a piano. He tells me he is in paradise and just so happy and madly inlove with this Thai woman (18 years younger than he is). She has a 5 year olddaughter that he also loves and she cooks fresh salmon for him every night andthey have planted fruit trees. I think she only loves his money. However, theyare both getting what they want from each other. I am just sick about it and Iam very angry that he is happy and I am sad and that now, at 63, I have torebuild my social life. I can't stop wishing that she will eventually toss himout and keep the house and furniture. He will be penniless and realize he is afool. Is there anyway to let go of my hope that he will suffer, suffer. I wanthim to be as unhappy as he has made me.

Edited July 7, 2012 by chuldasnow
random words

[gmoore]

I was happy in my relationship with my boyfriend for 16 years. We are olderand were both divorced with grown children, so I did not want to get married.He also has a stock market gambling addiction. Anyway, in March 2012, he quithis job, went to Thailand for a vacation, and married a Thai woman, and isstaying there permanently. I recently found out that he had been skyping withher for 3 months and they fell madly in love/lust. She insisted that he had toby her a house in Thailand (has to be in her name only because foreignerscannot own property in Thailand). He did buy her a $200,000 house, $3,000 ringand $6,000 of furniture. He also just spent $3,200 at a music store, probablybought a piano. He tells me he is in paradise and just so happy and madly inlove with this Thai woman (18 years younger than he is). She has a 5 year olddaughter that he also loves and she cooks fresh salmon for him every night andthey have planted fruit trees. I think she only loves his money. However, theyare both getting what they want from each other. I am just sick about it and Iam very angry that he is happy and I am sad and that now, at 63, I have torebuild my social life. I can't stop wishing that she will eventually toss himout and keep the house and furniture. He will be penniless and realize he is afool. Is there anyway to let go of my hope that he will suffer, suffer. I wanthim to be as unhappy as he has made me.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss but this has little to nothing to do with this thread.

 

BUT, My advice would be to let go ASAP. Time is wasting & you don't want to waste what time you have left on this earth wishing pain & suffering on others but rather creating positive and beneficial things for yourself. You are still alive & can find happiness but you need to look within. You cannot allow others to be responsible for your happiness nor should you hold yourself hostage with feelings of grief. It takes work but you can let go.

[gmoore]

I had a yard sale this weekend. I am trying to unshackle myself a bit, to free my soul of my baggage, to let go of the things that I don't NEED & that I don't actively use.

 

Today while I was having my yard sale the ex apparently had to go to the store that is directly across the street from me. At first it made my heart skip and I was flooded in emotions but after a few seconds I calmed myself as much as I could and actually felt pretty ok with everything. When she left we both cordially waved. That was it. After she was gone I fully calmed myself and I was fine. I still have a bit to go but I have been putting in the work to get through this and it has definitely been helping a lot. Again, the future is bright.

[steveblack]

great job my dude

[Occu3.14'd]

gmoore...

 

I literally just read this entire thread start to finish, and was amazed at the similarities between my situation and yours.

 

I really feel for you, but it looks like you're already doing much better. Any new updates?

 

I will start my own thread soon, so you can come in and read the trainwreck that I just recently found myself in.

[gmoore]

Update:

 

I'm doing great. Exceptional actually. I have been doing a ton of work on myself, doing things to boost my self confidence, reading a ton of self improvement books, listening to books on tape, making music, I'm doing P90X, building motorcycles & hanging out with new beautiful women. I'm getting **** in order at work, figuring out how to make more money, straightening out my student debt & co-authoring an article for a rad custom motorcycle magazine. I've basically thrown myself back into life & I'm loving it. Therapy was good, I needed it but I think I'm about done with spending money on it for now. I've leveled out. NC is an amazing tool to get over someone.

 

I will likely only be here sporadically for the next few months as I found that posting here everyday was holding up my healing a bit. It kept me thinking about the breakup & her far more often than than I should have been. That is not to say that this site and all the advice haven't been incredibly invaluable, it's just what I needed to do to evict her from my thoughts.

 

Good luck everyone, you'll get through it. It can truly be an opportunity if you're able to alter your perspective.

[whywhy]

Update:

 

I'm doing great. Exceptional actually. I have been doing a ton of work on myself, doing things to boost my self confidence, reading a ton of self improvement books, listening to books on tape, making music, I'm doing P90X, building motorcycles & hanging out with new beautiful women. I'm getting **** in order at work, figuring out how to make more money, straightening out my student debt & co-authoring an article for a rad custom motorcycle magazine. I've basically thrown myself back into life & I'm loving it. Therapy was good, I needed it but I think I'm about done with spending money on it for now. I've leveled out. NC is an amazing tool to get over someone.

 

I will likely only be here sporadically for the next few months as I found that posting here everyday was holding up my healing a bit. It kept me thinking about the breakup & her far more often than than I should have been. That is not to say that this site and all the advice haven't been incredibly invaluable, it's just what I needed to do to evict her from my thoughts.

 

Good luck everyone, you'll get through it. It can truly be an opportunity if you're able to alter your perspective.

 

Gmoore, i just read a lot of your thread and to see that you are doing well is giving me hope. I'm crushed with my 5 year relationship/engagement ending and some days just feel like I can't take on life without her.

[Occu3.14'd]

Mack.

 

You still around?