My parents are racist

[RamiTia]

I'm 25, moving soon out of state for law school, and having been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 months. It's a very new relationship, but it's intense, fresh, and I'm completely in love. This man is even contemplating moving out of state to be with me, but we are keeping it going long distance in the short term at least.

 

It's the best relationship I've ever been in... But he's interracial, half black.

 

This doesn't matter to me. At all. But, when I told my parents about us, they were extremely upset and disappointed in me. I expected my dad to be disappointed, he's a good ol' boy and in his 60's, but my mom's anger caught be completely off guard.

 

It's easy to say, "Get over it, live your life how you want to!" Which is how I feel. My parents aren't going to control this relationship. But, this still creates MAJOR issues. Mostly, it makes my boyfriend feel like ****. Having someone judge you based on your appearance is just plan despicable. But they're still my parents and will be a part of my life. They won't disown me or never see me again, they will just make situations excruciatingly uncomfortable.

 

My boyfriend and I had a major discussion about it last night. He said he's not sure if he could deal with my parents always disliking him. He said that if they liked him, he would move with me without giving it a second thought. But, the situation is complex and he doesn't know if he could take that kind of self esteem hit for the rest of his life. He doesn't want to end it or say that we don't have a future, he just doesn't know what this all means for us. And he cried. And I cried.

 

I know I need to seriously need to sit down with my parents and talk. I just don't know what to say to them, or what to say to him to make it even remotely better.

 

I feel lost. And words of wisdom? Encouragement? Similar experiences?

[pteromom]

To your parents: "I really care about XXXXX and see a future with him. I am trying to understand why you dislike him so much, and can't understand. Help me understand."

 

If they come back with "We don't want you with a black guy."

 

You come back with "WHY? Why does the color of his skin matter?"

 

If you are unable to sway them, tell them that you want to be able to visit them and talk to them, and ask them if they will at least be respectful and kind to him, even if they aren't thrilled about the relationship.

 

If they say yes, move forward and take things a day at a time.

 

If they say no, you have to decide whether this relationship is worth distancing yourself from your parents. Maybe it is... that's up to you to decide.

 

But no matter what happens with your parents, move slowly with this guy. It's only been 2 1/2 months. You shouldn't be talking about him moving to be with you yet. Just take it a step at a time.

[bentnotbroken]

I have to be honest...I would not want either of my children in a relationship with a person who had the parents you describe. They have both dated people of other races and I haven't been happy with some of the situations. I don't want to see my child(ren)hurt by some half baked idea of what it means to be human and part of the human race.

 

I say tell them what you posted here, ask them if they feel they did a good job raising you and then ask them why they do not trust your judgment if they did a good job.