Has anyone on this forum gotten back together with their ex?

[Tree_Salmon]

I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before.

 

Words to live by.

 

I believe this is how mature adults deal with it. I've tried this approach and the problem is my ex is immature and doesn't get it.

 

Very true though. Chemistry is very hard to come by.

[Gulf-Delta]

I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before.

 

This is exactly how I feel.

 

With my ex, regardless of if we're together or not, or she broke my heart, she's is still the greatest person I've ever known, and I'll never turn my back on her.

[Svet74]

Gulf-delta so if your ex came back to you in 2 yrs you would take her back? It's weird how I've herd of couples breaking up dating other people long term and like ten yrs later getting back together. It's pretty crazy

[gmoore]

In reality, anything is possible. I've heard people who dated in their 20's finding each other again in their 70's. I believe if 2 people truly love one another and their trust in each other is not entirely shattered that anything can happen. The foundation has to be there though, but if it is, yes, anything can happen. I'm willing to bet it happens A LOT more than you would think too. Ex's getting back together that is. Almost everyone I know has done it & with multiple relationships, including myself!

[gmoore]

I feel all I can do at this point is try to heal and have an open mind & an open heart. I refuse to be bitter.

[Svet74]

My aunts ex from 20 yrs ago contacted her lol and told her he still loves her. And tells her how he wants to marry her lol their both 40 now. But my aunt don't want him because he is an alcholic. But she said the feelings for him are still there.

[sweetheart5381]

I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before.

 

Yep, cant agree more. I'm 37, several relationships under the belt and I agree, when something really special happens between 2 people, you don't just walk away. The door remains open once you understand that person and that there is something very special behind that door. Not lust of course, that happens all the time...but a real connection is incredible.

[sweetheart5381]

My aunts ex from 20 yrs ago contacted her lol and told her he still loves her. And tells her how he wants to marry her lol their both 40 now. But my aunt don't want him because he is an alcholic. But she said the feelings for him are still there.

 

True, unconditional love for another person does not change, it remains forever.

 

By the same token... true, unconditional love for the self will make it much easier to let a loved one go if you feel that you need to protect yourself from harm.

 

Think "Oxygen mask". You cannot be of value or help others til you are valued and cared for by your own self.

[hinatticus]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fucpcg

I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before.

 

I agree with fucpcg... Just to let you know, im still fighting the good fight. still going to counseling, reading books, working out, plus she has accepted and started to read the books I've given her. It's a small step, but at least in the right direction. Still working on finding a babysitter for June 2nd tho.

[favoritepills]

I have. However, our breakup was atypical of most here: it was very emotional, impulsive, and not at all premeditated. He felt like I was falling out of love with him and he couldn't stop it, so he felt hopeless and decided to end it.

 

The breakup needed to happen so that he and I could get a sense of perspective. We could now pinpoint where things were going wrong (we had no idea before -- we thought everything was perfect) and when the emotions cooled down we had a long conversation where we worked out what we needed to do to address these problems. Our love started out innocent and sweet, but now that we're taking these steps forward, we can grow into a more mature and lasting love.

 

I'm really glad I came here and learned about NC. I started it right away, it helped me heal, and it gave him the time and space to realize he'd made a mistake. It's really important that the dumper has to be the one to initiate a reconciliation. Now he's willing to do whatever it takes to gain my trust back, and I'm willing to work on my own issues that contributed to the breakup.

[gibson]

I'm 40 and through the years I have 10+ woman try. Some that I dated for a short period of time but mostly woman that I was in a LTR with. Some tried after a year or so but most of them were several years later. I had one that tried 5 years later and another that tried almost 10 years later. I don't use Facebook and most did not even know my email or cell phone number. They usually tracked me down through my friends and had a few who called my parents and got my contact information.

 

Most recently, my Ex Ex from 5+ years ago, my recent Ex from 2+ years ago and someone I dated for a short time a little less than 2 years ago.

 

Truth is, if you were halfway worth a crap don't be surprised if you hear from some of the people you dated and your Exes.

 

No, it doesn't matter if you had a bad break up or made all the classic dumpee mistakes like begging and pleading. Everyone gets a free pass on being crazy after a break up. Your Exes will "judge you" on a whole because of who you are / were as a person throughout the entire relationship. Not to mention, the people that dumped you will at someone point be a dumpee themselves and they too will make all the mistakes that you did. So when you reconnect, what ends up happening the two of you will laugh and joke about the stupid things you said and did in the relationship and most certainly the break up.

 

You people have dated and seen what is out there... right?

 

Which is why a lot of you will also hear from your Exes at some point down the line.

[Svet74]

Favoriate pills my ex left me the first time and then I left him the second time but we weren't exactly back together so therefore I'm confused if I should be the one contacting him or not. My heart tells me not to but my mind wants to. It's all so confusing

[favoritepills]

Hi, Svet74. Even if you broke it off the second time, I'd recommend that you maintain NC because you're still hurting. A reconciliation has to be approached from a more logical place, and it's hard to stay rational when you're still experiencing all that pain. Just work through each day and let it pass -- the pain gets easier with time.

 

After all, he can't miss you if you're still there. If it is meant to be, his love won't fade just because he didn't hear from you. If he doesn't contact you, you deserve a guy who is more into you and open about his feelings for you.

 

I believe these guides will be useful in maintaining NC. I printed these out and reread them every time I felt like texting or calling him:

No Contact - The Guide

6 Reasons to follow the No Contact Rule After A Breakup

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/81399-no-contact-q-you-ls-newbies

 

Good luck!

[Gulf-Delta]

Gulf-delta so if your ex came back to you in 2 yrs you would take her back? It's weird how I've herd of couples breaking up dating other people long term and like ten yrs later getting back together. It's pretty crazy

 

Possibly, I would. Obviously, it couldn't be a jump right in type of thing, there'd need to be some serious discussion, apologies, explanation, etc.

 

But ultimately, as I posted in another thread of mine in the confessions forum, I believe, for quite a few reasons, that in some way, we're meant to be in each others lives. Maybe not as a couple, maybe so. Maybe just as best friends, but really, if she wants to come back, and is ready to apologize, I'd definitly hear her out, because if anyone I've known deserves a second chance, it's her. Even if she isn't in love with me anymore, she was/is still the person I fell most connected to closest with on this earth.

[fetish1980]

I believe it was 6 months or so if I remember correctly. The key is to truly move on so that IF and that is a HUGE IF it comes back around you are healed enough to make the right decision. If she cam back to you right now it would end in tragedy because you are not ready & likely neither is she. If it's going to work you have to come back to it with a fresh eyes and healed heart.

 

This paragraph speaks volumes. If you're still wanting to get back together with your ex and you're not totally healed, you're more likely to get back them for the wrong reasons such as: desparation, fear of lonliness, fear of them finding someone else, fear of never being able to find another, or simply not wanting to let go of the past.

 

Those are all wrong reasons and until you know yourself that you're strong enough to live with or without that person, you'll keep entering in bad relationships only for it to end in total agony and disappointment. That's why if you're wanting to take someone back, it should be because you've found peace with yourself enough to handle any repercussions.

 

fetish

[Gulf-Delta]

This paragraph speaks volumes. If you're still wanting to get back together with your ex and you're not totally healed, you're more likely to get back them for the wrong reasons such as: desparation, fear of lonliness, fear of them finding someone else, fear of never being able to find another, or simply not wanting to let go of the past.

 

Those are all wrong reasons and until you know yourself that you're strong enough to live with or without that person, you'll keep entering in bad relationships only for it to end in total agony and disappointment. That's why if you're wanting to take someone back, it should be because you've found peace with yourself enough to handle any repercussions.

 

fetish

 

Maybe, just maybe, he wants to get back together with his ex because he loves her?

 

Sounds crazy, it could be possible they had something special that's worth holding onto/working at/trying again/etc?

[fetish1980]

Maybe, just maybe, he wants to get back together with his ex because he loves her?

 

Sounds crazy, it could be possible they had something special that's worth holding onto/working at/trying again/etc?

 

you didn't read my post thouroughly.

 

I said you're more than likely to get back with your ex for the wrong reasons if YOU are not healed first.

 

I believe someone can love someone but love has taught me that you have to love yourself first. If you don't love yourself, you're subject to being someone else's doormat who never sets boundaries, thus leading a very unhappy life.

 

fetish

Edited May 26, 2012 by fetish1980

[robaday]

Ive gotten back together with two girls Id previously had breakups with.

 

In my experience it really depends on who did the breaking up! If a woman breaks up with you, she may want you back, but she really wont be the same woman and will kick you to the curb very fast again. Thats my experience.

 

When Ive broken up with a woman however, she will often still love me after, and Ive found its pretty easy to get back together with girls Ive broken up with.

 

In terms of successes and failures. Well Im single now so neither worked out, that says a lot. Both LTR's, both quite serious, for me at least. The first one, wel she wasnt that into me, TBH, but I was crazy about her and when she came back she was the light of my life and my neediness and insecurity scared her away again.

 

The second girl. She was always more into me, wanted to settle down and everything, for the first two years would have done anything for me. I didnt treat her good, broke up with her a couple of times. In total we were together off and on for 3 years strecthing over four. The last year though it was me who was more into her, and she finall broke it off a few months ago. She has come back and then disappeared again.

 

I dont regret giving second chances at all. You have to work on yourself though in the interim, you have to really get strong. But its love, its magical, its a very rare experience, and for that right person you would do it all over again, thinking of some of the memories, Im crying as I write this, damn right.

[Svet74]

Roboday your story is so sad!

[Svet74]

And gulf maybe you are right maybe my ex went back to his ex. She was his longest relationship 3 yrs. but she also cheated on him many times. He didn't trust her anymore and I know they still kept in touch. I gave him a reason to not trust me because of a stupid text message but eventually I got his trust back but this time it was the other way around. Because he hurt me so much I stopped trusting him and as for his ex he stopped talking to her. She got in a relationship with someone else and my ex refused to go back to a cheater. Even after all that he wouldn't commit to me so I left his life. I'm either his girlfriend or not. He wanted to be in the middle. Anyway I'm gonna keep nc. I've come way too far now to break it. 3 months.

[chemar22]

I think much of it comes from how long you were together. Is there a real foundation built to work on? Meaning do you have friends in common, enjoy each others family and maybe even lived together. Also, I would think maturity has a lot to do with it too. I know a couple that split just because they weren't really communicating with each other anymore, but when they really sat down and discussed what was wrong with their relationship, they realized it was something they could fix and are happily married now. Sometimes it's just miscommunication and other times it's boredom. I think much of it depends on how invested you are in a relationship and if both people are mature enough to work on improving their own behavior and problems.

 

 

Getting Your Man Back | Get Back With Your Ex

[DuchessKaye]

And I mean really get back together and the new relationship being better? Worse? I'm guessing that those who have gotten their ex back prob don't even come on this forum anymore..

 

Not yet... But I believe, we will eventually get back together!

[Svet74]

Well we attend the same church and his family/ sisters mom dad everyone still speak to me. I even hang out with one of his sisters. I dont bring him up in conversations nor does she maybe there is a chance since we technically see each other. Who knows. But I think the only way il truly move on is if he gets in a serious relationship with someone else or gets married

[FizzyGirl]

I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before.

 

I think I'm about the fifth person to quote this!

 

I agree though. I hate the 'NC rule'. It's flawed, it doesn't work in every aspect. It's used without thought, posters here tend to dish it out as quality advice as though it's the wisest and most powerful thing you can do. Everybody knows how painful silent treatment is, why would you purposely try to ignore someone who is repeatedly trying to connect with you? If you can fix something, then fix it. If you can't, or if it hurts to talk to someone, then tell them. Tell them it's over, and you don't want to hear from them. The whole 'breadcrumbs' theory can be a pile of rubbish at times too. How many times on this forum have I read "If he really wanted you back, he'd be banging down your door to get you". No, he wouldn't. Because in another thread, we're busy telling the same girl's ex-boyfriend to go no contact. I don't believe in playing games either, I don't do it. I want my ex back. I'm not doing NC. When it was hard for me to talk to him, I said "Can we leave it a few days?" When I broke up with an ex in the past, we called it a day completely. Neither of us continually tried to get in touch, and when one of us eventually did, we weren't ignored. No contact is NOT the silent treatment.

 

It's been 4 weeks since my ex and I broke up. We had problems before that, he'd been cold and quiet for a while, and when it all came to blows, he said some really hurtful things. I do still want him back though. We're on talking terms, and we're working through things. We don't talk about what happened and we're not jumping head first into each other, we're starting again. Good friends. I want so much more from him, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that in time it'll happen. Some of my friends are shocked that I'm on such good terms with him after the things he said to me. Yes, he really hurt me. I've told him the things he said were wrong, and that he was wrong to say them. But I'm not a person who will lash out and say hurtful things in retaliation. My friends want me to tell him to "f**k off", but I won't ever do that. I don't speak like dirt to people I love and care about. I don't have that sort of hate in me. Like fucpcg, I won't be the person who throws this all away. I know I'll do what I can.

 

To answer the original question; I know a few. A cousin of mine had a very rocky relationship with his girlfriend. She never knew what she wanted, and they broke up a few times and got back together. He called it quits completely, and he honestly believed it was over. She came back to him and put her whole self into it. They're now happily married.

 

Another cousin met a girl and they were a couple for a while. They broke up, only to get back together a short while later, and they got married too. They've got a baby on the way now

 

A woman I used to work with was madly in love with a man a few years ago. It didn't work out, they both went their own ways and got married, had children. After both their marriages didn't work, they reconnected and got back together.

 

A friend of mine had a crush on a girl in his school days. She gave him butterflies and was his first love. They were a couple for a short space of time, before they went their own ways and got married to other people, settled down and had children. He was madly in love with his wife, and she broke his heart when she said she didn't love him anymore and wanted to split. A while later, he reconnected with his first love from school, who was also divorced. They got back together, and got married three years ago.

 

It happens a lot. A lot of the time, your relationship is much stronger the second time around. Sometimes it takes a break to realise how much you love each other, and how well you can make things work. There are lots of people who say they'd never look back at an ex, simply because they're an ex. I say they could potentially be missing out on a very loving and satisfying relationship. One thing is very true though; for things to work out with an ex, both parties have to be able to completely forgive themselves and each other in order to go forward. If you can't do that or it's too soon, then don't even bother. It won't work.

[Sugarkane]

I don't think many people on here have actually had a recon that actually worked out long term. If they did they would be giving advice to the rest of us!