murpfe Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 My father died last week, the funeral was on my birthday, which is not unusual for my dysfunctional and unsupportive family to arrange such a bleak event on my birthday. To further explain. For as long as I can remember my family has only supported me in one thing and that was when I married my 2nd husband Steve. They loved him; he was very handsome, smart, educated and had a good job. However, the flip side was that he was a liar, cheater, sexually, emotionally and physically abusive concerning me. I was married to him for 16 very painful years, the only worth that I held in my family was the fact that I was married to such a great catch. I pretended to be happy, because that way they could not falter me for being a loser, I was married to this great man. Steve cheated on a regular basis, hit me, raped me, and emotionally abused me, he had and still has a sex addition, he is addicted to the use of pornography, and strip bars. 4 years ago, I started divorce proceedings after a very long and painful decision to finally get out of a very destructive marriage. When I told my sister Carol that I was divorcing him, she told me I was crazy, and I will be sorry and that Steve will take my son from me. I lived in Michigan, she lived in Wisconsin, she proceeded to tell me that she knows me better than I know myself, and that she also knows Steve better than I do. The Sunday after the divorce papers were filled, she called him to “talk about me”. I do not know what the conversation was about. Shortly after her call my other sister called to talk to him about me. I lived in Michigan alone and did not have any emotional, or financial support from anyone, they just refereed and still do refer to me as “the one that something is wrong with”. My ex-husband knew this and had a great time, harassing me and leaving me with very little in my divorce settlement, because he had the financial advantage. During this time, my ex was freely coming into my home when I was not home, planted bugs in my home and knew that he would not get caught because I did not have any money. He also had the help of a couple who lived next door to me. There were no condolences for me, only warnings about how spiteful, selfish and revolting I was. No one wanted to hear the facts surrounding my decision to divorce my husband. My family did not and still does not believe me about his destructive behavior. I was only worthwhile while I was married to him; in their eyes I have always and remain worthless and meaningless. While growing up my mother made sure that I was very aware that I was not a wanted child. She was very emotionally abusive, she hurt me a great deal and my father never protected me. I am the second youngest of l boy and 5 girls. By my parent’s example in treatment of me, they passed on to my siblings how I should be treated, and they have carried on the ritual to this day. My father’s funeral was planned on my birthday; I feel very little emotion about his death. I truly believe that my father never loved me, nor did or does my family. My nephew is getting married next month and kept asking me if I was coming, I told him I did not know. Last night my son told me he wanted to know weather or not I was coming, because he wants to invite my ex-husband. To is his wedding. To rub salt on the wound my son gave my nephew my ex-husband’s address. This man abused me, by raping me, hitting me and lying to me, but they want to keep him as their friend. Please help me to understand weather this behavior is one of a loving family or my enemies
dudesomewhere Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 something you leave aside is whether or not your family is aware of how he treated you. You don't mention this fact, whether you commnunicated to them who he was. If they don't know then they wouldn't see him as you do. However, if you have told them but failed to just say here well then...that's some messed up people. Now, however as well...I can't help but to think that if this guy were in my life somehow, me being a guy...my parents might not want him around. They tend to have a materialistic and vain air about them...but not having much. At least my mom anyway, so who knows. If for example, this guy was a doctor and he was married to one of my sisters and he abused her...I think my mom would still like the guy. That's kinda sick but I think it might be true.
average guy Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 I've always said that just because they're your family, doesn't mean you have to love them! Can you join a support group or see a therapist for help? I think it would really help you feel that you are not alone in this type of situation - it happens much more often than you think and if you found a support group and therapist to help you, you might be better able to cope with him and your family. Good luck
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