quite smoking while your partner still smokes... how to do it???

[lovemetrue]

Yes, I am a smoker and have quit several times for a year. (when I was pregers and while I was breast feeding) But I couldn't stand the way my husband smelled after he had a smoke. I had him change from reds to lights and then to ultra lights. But in the end I would start smoking again too to make the smell go away.

 

I really want to quit and while he is out of town i hardly smoke if at all (unless under a lot of stress). I know I can quit cold turkey. But how do I deal with him? He has no plans on quiting. He has tried before and has even made the same comments to me about other smokers and how they stink when they come back into the work place after a smoke break.

 

 

I want to quit for me and my children. I want him to quit too for himself. But he says when the stress is gone he will quit... (it will be a cold day in hell i will tell you now). Which means never, he is always stressed.

 

And when he comes in from having a smoke and then wants to do some whoopie with me... and he STINKS or his breath just makes me want to puke! I have asked him to brush his teeth or take a shower. and he gets mad at me and rolls over and goes to bed. Or gets up and goes out for another smoke.

 

 

What is the best way to do this. I mean i really want to quit but if I am not smoking when he is home I just want to puke when he's around and sticken like an ashtray..... which means I smell the same way. (even though some of my friends said they never smelled smoke on me. but they could have just been being nice.)

 

 

HELP PLEASE!! My lungs need it!!!!

 

 

oh and we don't smoke in the house. And we don't smoke in the car when we are transporting the children.

[StartingAgain]

You have to quit for yourself and he has to quit for himself. Not for you. It doesn't sound like it will be difficult for you to quit. Your problem is the same one that all off us have when we quit: cigarette smoke becomes distasteful to you.

 

If your partner doesn't smoke and you do, the very least you can do is bathe and brush your teeth (or have a breath mint or something) before lovemaking. That's called being courteous. If he huffs up and rolls over (OK, this is a bit childish) it is because you never, ever criticize or put conditions on your lover immediately before, during or just after having sex. You talk about such things *outside* the bedroom. The bedroom is for sleeping and making love and should never be used for anything else.

 

He is correct in that it is usually not a good idea to try to quit somking when you are under a great deal of stress. The success rate for this is almost non-existent. He needs to get into a smoking cessation program and plan to quit smoking while on vacation or over the christmas holiday or sometime when his stress level is lower. Successful smoking cessation thakes careful planning; you don't just jump into it.

 

BTW, drop the perjorative tone with him, if you are conveying the judgemental and condemnational attitude to him that comes across in your posting (he makes you want to puke, stinks like an ashtray), all you are going to do is make him resentful. He's a smoker and he's addicted to nicotine. It's very hard for some people to kick this addiction. If he's going to do it, he's going to need the loving, patient support of his wife. He may fail a few times. What can he expect if he does? To be told by his wife that he stinks and makes her want to puke? He has to approach this with a positive attitude, not a negative one.