shellen Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 It's been a year since I ended my previous relationship and I have gave up trying to get back with my ex, but we remained friends. It's not the easiest thing to do coz I still love him but I am dealing with it ok. He still shows that he cares for me and all that and I am grateful for it. I dunno if he has any ulterior motives but I do not wish to be cynical, so I take that his concern for me is genuine. However recently we had this exchange of msges which I found a little leading me on and after that he started avoiding me and when he did respond, he told me he avoided me becoz he felt ashamed of himself. I dunno how much truth is there in it. And I'm feeling a little baffled and also exasperated because everything else was going on OK and we were even planning to meet up for the first time after almost 5 months. Anway the content of our msges is as follows: Because I was backpacking at dat time I just mentioned that if he does become single again, we can go backpacking together and he liked the idea too. So I jokingly asked him when will that be. I guess I should not have asked such qns jokingly even though I was not expecting any answer. But to my surprise he asked me when do I want him to break up with his gf. I'm surprise because usually he will change the topic when we touch on any relationships related matter. But of course I took his reply as a joke and laughed it off, adding that as if he will do what i say. He went on further to ask what if he does it. At this moment I am beginning to wonder if he is kidding or seriously wants an answer. As I was unsure I did not want to give away what I truly felt which was of course I'll be glad at the possibility of trying out again. So I just replied:"nah, u wun do it." And he asked how would I know. So I said because I've done that in the past and he turned me down. And he replied saying that was last time, now, things are different. I have to admit his words rekindled my extinguished flame of hope a little so before I gave away my true feelings I wanted to ensure that he was not just kidding around. So I finally asked him directly so does this mean he is going to break up with his current gf? And unsurprisingly, I got no reply from him. In fact he avoided me for the next couple of days. He switched off his mobile. I was quite pissed because I felt he definitely had a hand in the development of our conversation but when it came to the crux he just disappeared. He msged me a "hello" after a couple of days as if the conversation few days ago never took place, which pissed me off further. I berated him for it because it was really irresponsible of him to jus not give me any answer. Any answer is better than no answer and he cld not even admit that he din wanna talk abt it when i asked him if dat was the case. A few more days of no contact after the "hello" msg and he finally told me he felt ashamed, of wat or why I dunno. He just told me because of many things I said. I asked him again if he was just fooling around with me that day and he gave me a reply which did not really answer my question. He said:"if there are problems between my gf and I and they cannot be solved or if I dun see her as marriage potential, I will." That's needless to say right. So I said:"so I presume all is good between you two?". And guess what? No reply and his mobile is off again, until this very day. I really am pretty baffled by all that is happening. Why does he have to switch off his mobile? Normally even when he does not contact me, his mobile is still on. But this time he is obviously trying to avoid me. The only other time he did this was when I asked him for a reconciliation. He tends to keep to himself when he is confused, scared of a problem or feels guilty (or so he says). But what did I do this time? I did not ask him for a reconciliation and why would he feel ashamed out of the blue. And why did he ask me those questions? I suppose a possibility is that he is facing problems with his gf. But what has that got to do with me? Why does he need to avoid me? Just before that exchange of msges, we had a short but fun phone conversation in 2 months. It was his birthday so I called to wished him and he later told me he was really happy to hear my voice again and that it meant a lot to him that I wished him happy birthday. So as I said...it's really baffling. And I have my belated present for him from my backpacking trip, waiting to give it to him.... Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 26, 2004 Share Posted June 26, 2004 Quit calling him. It seems that if he is having problems in his current relationship, he is going to have to deal with that on his own ... and then if he wants to fix things between the two of you, he would be free to do so. Perhaps he gets confused or baffled because he knows you are willing to fix things, yet he has this other girlfriend and he hasn't yet decided if he wants to continue with her or not. Honestly, quit calling and then it wouldn't bother you if his phone was off or on. And just wait it out, see what happens. But give him time and space to figure out what he really wants Good luck, and hold on to his present. Perhaps sometime you will have the opportunity to give it to him Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 If he wanted to leave her, he would have...Im sorry, but quit calling him, ignore him, and move on with your life...Yeah, It does sound as though he is playing little games with you, but it also sounds kinda like one of them "dont want you but dont want anyone else to have you" kind of things to me.. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellen Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 thank you all for ur replies... yea i know i shld have left him alone a LONG time ago... but i always give in after he tries contacting me a few times.... and i finally did get to talk to him and asked what was all dat talk about breaking up w his gf thing abt.. he said is because he still does not know if she is the one.. wat a jerk!!! he does not know if she is the one but does not want to leave her and at the same time want to keep me around... and when i told him i jus wanna pass him his present and we can go our separate ways he was actually mad at me for not wanting to be his friend anymore... i mean seriously he does not need me as his friend....we never meet up, never chat on the ph..only text each other via mobile..which by the way he is doing it behind his gf's back.... now im reallie wondering if i shld even bother passing him the present.. he is gonna take his own sweet time to get it fr me im sure... i thought of throwing it away..coz the sight of it lying around in my rm irks me... and he said throw it away if it does not mean anything to u.. i tell u..he is gd at such things haha...coz wat he said made me feel bad... I guess im important to him but not important enough to wanna give up the other ger... after a 1 yr relationship he still does not if she is the one...i wonder when he will ever knoe..maybe never! Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 You should leave him alone for a while...make him think about what he really wants. If it's you...he knows how to find you...so don't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellen Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 yup!! im gonna treat him as if he is dead!! Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Well..just try not to let him get to you. Go on with your life and enjoy the other things that make you happy. I mean... I know how you feel when you love someone and they can't commit... It seriously is no fun! But just focus on you for now and yea....he'll come around if he means business. Let him see how hard you are to catch for awhile. If you always make yourself so easily accessible...than he'll feel he can jerk you around all the time. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellen Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 its weird how i have difficulty sleeping now that i have resolved to leave him alone... last night many areas in my country were plunged into total darkness due to massive blackout and he called me on my mobile just as the electricity in my house was cut off. I din get to answer it coz i was groping around in darkness looking for my mobile. I said i wun call him but i did to find out if the area he was living in was also experiencing blackout and also to see if he was alright because streetlamps and traffic lights were down. Initially the telephone networks were jammed and when I did get through to him he did not answer my calls and did not reply my text msges even until the next day. Well, if he did call to find out if I was OK during the blackout then he should at least reply my text msges to let me. or else i dunno why he called and then no respond when i get back to him. but ya im not gonna let dat get to me too much like other times. I bothered to call back to see if he was ok. there is nothing more i can do... Link to post Share on other sites
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