Mr Spock Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Kia, you state that you're puzzled why she allows him to go out-she probably doesn't-it's probably all she can do to keep him in line if he's such a dickhead with you. He's manipulating both of you-acting like a child-I'm sure you're gorgeous but you're also some kind of mother figure to him.....you need a lover, not a ill behaved brat. Please don't tolerate this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Deb mentioned the 'mother' image thing to me a while ago when I said I felt 'protective' of him. I feel that way just because of his high-risk behaviour. I don't think it's really the case though because he has a mom he's close to and sees all the time, the age difference between us is a 'huge turn-on' to him and he always says that when we talk he totally forgets that there is any age difference at all. I'm one of those women who still has a little-girl voice. I'm not ready to end it yet. I know a lot of people will be shocked and disgusted at me for saying that but I'm going to be totally honest and not say what I think anyone wants to hear. The anger I felt towards him a few weeks ago is completely gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 When you are sick and tired of it and ready to walk away, you will. Eventually it will happen, and it will be no use for anyone to try and force you until you're ready. You will know. I was almost at that point when my MM broke things off-I do take comfort in that-I was ready for it, no matter how much it sucked at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Thanks for understanding....I feel an immense pressure right now to jump off the high-dive before I've even learned how to swim. I replied to your comments on the "Happy to be the OW..." thread. Whatever your ex MM said to you at the time he probably meant so don't feel bad. You're a sweet girl with a great personality, how could he not be attracted to you? Even if it was temporary. He was a bastard, they all are. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I do understand Kia, and please believe me when I tell you one day you will be tired of agonizing, of worrying, of torturing yourself-and you will move on. If there is no catalyst to provoke this it may take a while to do-please concentrate on keeping his self destructive behaviour around you to a minimum. Shut off the cell fone. Hang up if he's drunk. Don't answer the door in th emiddle of the night. I do think that you and he are doing some kind of mothering/nurturing thing-he acts out, like a child, and you soothe him. Many adults do this-they like the drama, and the other likes the power in the ability to calm this person down. Just have to break the cycle. He's drunk? Wants to drive? Fine. Hang up, and call the cops and report a drunk driver anonymously. It's drama-he only acts like that because you react to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Never thought of it that way - makes a lot of sense. With all the crazy s**t he does I always react the same way, telling him it's O.K., that he's not perfect - and doesn't have to be - and that I accept him no matter what. And each time he gets a little worse and calls me for my approval, wanting to know if I'm mad at him or whether I 'hate' him. Damn. And what you said earlier rings true too, I'm sure his wife doesn't like him going out drinking all night, but he's such a handful what can she do? I admitted a while ago that I could not handle him full time - only in small doses. Yep, he really is sucking the life right out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
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