Paulie Posted October 10, 2000 Share Posted October 10, 2000 My roomate and I were discussing last night if it was a good idea to seek out women that are very similar to an ex that we recently have broken up with. For example, if my last girlfriend was 5'7" and Brazillian, would it be wrong of me to seek out dark-skinned, tall women who may be Brazillian, and have many of the same mannerisms, or attributes as an ex.? One school of thought says that this is not good, since you might be clinging to the ex, or trying to replace, or convinve yourself that she's still there. The other school of thought says that you take the attributes that you liked in the ex, and look for them in another person. This person might be able to help you heal, if they show you that many people posess these attributes that you loved about the other person. Whaddya'all think?? Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 10, 2000 Share Posted October 10, 2000 It's borderline insane to look for someone similar to a person you had a failed relationship with. If I have a problem with anything, I always like to replace it with some other model, size, shape, etc. If you look for someone similar to the ex, all you're doing is hanging on to the past, wanting to get back something you miss, or you may even want to give the new person, who looks like the ex, the royal shaft for the shaft the ex gave you. That's hardly fair to an innocent party that just happens to resemble the ex in some way. A lot of widows and widowers use this technique to try to bring back their deceased spouses. They are continually attracted to people who have features of the deceased loved one. It's tragic because no love can ever be replaced exactly. It's best to wipe the mind totally clean, press the delete button, empty the recycle bin, and start totally anew in finding a partner. Physical similarity to an ex should not even be on the list of what you are looking for. Now, certain personality traits like consideration, thoughfulness, etc....that sounds OK. Now, if you can find me a woman who closely resembles Salma Hayek and arrange for us to hook up, I will withdraw this entire post. Deal??? If you can get me Salma herself, $1,000,0000 CASH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ria Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 But, you cant help who your attracted to !! Its not good going for some blonde haired, blue eyed chick if you dont find her attractive (if your used to the brown brazilian look) ! All the guys that I have been out with all look the same -its what your attracted to !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Ria: Most people are attracted to certain types, yes. But I don't think when you break up with a guy you set out to find someone "just like him." If you do, you'll be single a very long time. Also, while each of us has a range of types we are attracted to, exotic, hispanic, Miss America types, Asian, girl next door types, etc., I think we can really be attracted to much different looking people within that range. I pity the person who goes through their entire life dating much the same looking person over and over, hoping one of them will turn out to be nice and fall in love with him/her. You said in your post all the guys you've been out with all look the same....maybe they are the same guy just playing a trick on you. Wouldn't that be a hoot??? By the way, best of luck to you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Paulie, I think it could be easier for you to heal if you found someone whose eyes, smile, and even perfume didn't remind you of the one who left this scar on your heart. Certainly there are certain types of people, certain looks to people that attract us, but your posts show you are a much deeper person than one who sees only the outside. I hope you find someone whose heart is kind to you, one with whom you never wake up to find only those bones of an illusion you talked about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted October 12, 2000 Author Share Posted October 12, 2000 Thanks Taressa...Alot. Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted October 12, 2000 Share Posted October 12, 2000 Hey Paulie, :-) That's me smiling at you. :-o That's me whistling someday, the day you write that you've found love. I'll be whistling because I'll be so happy for you. Be patient, jewels are hard to find. One of these days, the smiles and happiness you give will pay off and the smile will go straight to a woman's heart... she'll find her jewel in you. Link to post Share on other sites
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