What's the problem

[Lucy]

It sounds like you guys know your stuff pretty well, so I'm trying this out for answers!!!

 

There is a guy that I've known for almost three years and we have dated on and off during that time. We've never been really committed and I do like him very very much. The only problem is he doesn't seem to want to make time for me. He works and goes out with his friends, but he only calls or comes around when "he feels like it", never when I feel like I want him or need him for support or something. Also, I try so hard to make plans for us to do things fun together, instead of him coming over here and us just eating and talking with my family. My basic question is, how do I show him interest without being pushy, or should I even continue to try to make something "happen" ???

[Tony T]

It sounds to me like he looks at you more as a friend. This isn't good. Your only alternative is to tell him, straight away, that you are interested in him for romance. Or you may start by just asking him to define his relationship with you...and see just how he feels.

 

It doesn't make a lady feel too good when she has to do all the planning, asking, etc. and when she feels her guy would rather be with his buds than with you.

 

I gotta be honest with you. I am a guy and if I am crazy about a chick, there aren't enough buddies in the universe to keep me away from her.

 

Now, you didn't mention this but if you are too nice to him, to available, too predictable, and totally a non-challenge to him, you may never get him to be truly interested in spending more time with you romantically. Your answer here, in that case, would be to back off, not call him, not be available at his convenience (that's a lot of crap), and start doing your own thing. If a guy knows a girl is just going to be there when he snaps his fingers, he will take her so much for granted and she will NEVER get romanced.

 

So stop making plans for the two of you. Just practically forget he exists. That oughta get him thinking and get him to turn around. Otherwise, you have no idea what you are missing not having a guy who adores you, who wants to spend lots of time with you, who makes you feel special, and who puts you first in his life. This dude you write about does none of that and YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER.

 

If he really likes you, he will come around when you make yourself scarce. And you will have to keep that up for a bit. Just see him once in a while. Turn the whole thing around. Make him do the chasing.

 

While you are working...or rather NOT working...on getting his interest, keep your eye out for other guys who may be interested. And give them a run for their money. Don't be easy, don't be too nice, don't do all the planning, don't say yes everytime they ask you out. You just have absolutely no idea how powerful that strategy is. IT DRIVES MEN OUT OF THEIR MINDS AND MAKES THEM BURN WITH DESIRE!!!!

 

If you would have made this guy sweat a little and work for you in the past few years, you'd probably be married to him today. Make him do some work. Don't come into anyone's life so easy and make them do some work to keep you there.

 

If you don't learn this right now, you will someday. Let's hope you aren't on Social Security when your light turns on.

[Mikey]

It sounds to me like he looks at you more as a friend. This isn't good. Your only alternative is to tell him, straight away, that you are interested in him for romance. Or you may start by just asking him to define his relationship with you...and see just how he feels. It doesn't make a lady feel too good when she has to do all the planning, asking, etc. and when she feels her guy would rather be with his buds than with you. I gotta be honest with you. I am a guy and if I am crazy about a chick, there aren't enough buddies in the universe to keep me away from her.

 

Now, you didn't mention this but if you are too nice to him, to available, too predictable, and totally a non-challenge to him, you may never get him to be truly interested in spending more time with you romantically. Your answer here, in that case, would be to back off, not call him, not be available at his convenience (that's a lot of crap), and start doing your own thing. If a guy knows a girl is just going to be there when he snaps his fingers, he will take her so much for granted and she will NEVER get romanced.

 

So stop making plans for the two of you. Just practically forget he exists. That oughta get him thinking and get him to turn around. Otherwise, you have no idea what you are missing not having a guy who adores you, who wants to spend lots of time with you, who makes you feel special, and who puts you first in his life. This dude you write about does none of that and YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER. If he really likes you, he will come around when you make yourself scarce. And you will have to keep that up for a bit. Just see him once in a while. Turn the whole thing around. Make him do the chasing. While you are working...or rather NOT working...on getting his interest, keep your eye out for other guys who may be interested. And give them a run for their money. Don't be easy, don't be too nice, don't do all the planning, don't say yes everytime they ask you out. You just have absolutely no idea how powerful that strategy is. IT DRIVES MEN OUT OF THEIR MINDS AND MAKES THEM BURN WITH DESIRE!!!! If you would have made this guy sweat a little and work for you in the past few years, you'd probably be married to him today. Make him do some work. Don't come into anyone's life so easy and make them do some work to keep you there.

 

If you don't learn this right now, you will someday. Let's hope you aren't on Social Security when your light turns on.

[Kelly]

Well it seems to me that you are already trying to make things happen for you guys and also it seems that you are already showing him how interested you are. In turn he is showing you how he feels by eating with your family (which is bull b/c it excludes spending time with you alone) and also coming by when he wants or calling when he wants. Bottom line, he isn't looking for a committment girl, as a female also I know the signs. What you need to do is 1-ask him about his level of committment or 2-make yourself not available to him. You need to put your wants first, he isn't giving you what you want and in that case you must do something about it. If you want to pursue this..it may be wishful thinking if you think he will change on his own. If you want the real thing, you need to put your foot down or just forget it, take charge of what you want..nothing better than just asking him if there is anything between you two.