lucifer2019 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I really appreciate anyone replying to this thread and helping me get my ex-girlfriend back. This girl meant everything to me and I've never felt such a special connection with anyone else in my life, male or female. Here's my story: My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a little less than three weeks ago. We had been in a dedicated relationship for 6 months before this, and we got along very well. I tried to give her everything as a boyfriend, from a long, mushy Valentine's Day card to even writing and singing a song for her around Christmas. We never argued, I almost always agreed with her, and I always tried to be there for her. One day she told me we needed to talk. She told me she felt like we had been growing apart as of late because we were both busy making new friends in a musical we performed in together, and that we weren't connecting that deeply any more. She also said that a serious boyfriend just wasn't what she needed right now, and that she really cared about me, but she thought we should take a break. She said she wasn't going after other guys any time soon, but she said she still really wanted to be friends because we had got to know each other very well. Like I said, this was almost three weeks ago. Since then I've gone through just about every human emotion possible, from shock, to extreme sadness, to anger and resentment. I tried getting over her, but she was just so special to me, and I have never met another girl quite like her. I felt like we really had something, a kind of special connection that I hadn't felt with past exes. Anyways, she ignored me almost entirely for the first two weeks, and I did the same, mainly because I simply couldn't look at her without remembering just how much I loved and cared about her, and how those feelings were no longer mutual. She started smiling at me just the other day though, and I returned it, so I feel like we're back on a somewhat friendly level, no conversations yet. Friends of hers have told me she's not mad at me or anything, and that she doesn't really know what to feel, just like me. Right now I'm wondering whether or not I should call her or if she'll call me. We exchanged 2-3 texts three days after the breakup, but we've been in "no contact" since then because I read online that it was essential to getting your ex to miss you- is this true? I'm also wondering how I should act around her if I'm trying to get her back, without being clingy, desperate, or obvious. Like I said, she still wants to remain friends, but how does that come into play when I want her back as my girlfriend? Overall, I've trying to act like the split didn't really bother me in hopes of gaining back her attention, while I've disclosed my true feelings to a few close friends. I've been trying to focus on myself, improving physical appearance and getting my scattered emotions under control, but I just can't stop thinking of her as how much I miss her. Above all, I would really like to know whether or not she misses me/wants me back, and how I can get her back and keep her this time. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out. Thank you so much!
Philosoraptor Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Just take care of yourself. No matter what happens from here you will at least have been taking care of yourself enough to make it either way. But the way she ended it kinda says she was just done. 6 months is enough time to judge whether or not you'd want a long term future with someone and she may have decided that she wanted to go another route.
LostInLimbo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Sorry for your loss, its tough, 6months really isn't long , but yet long enough, when I say it isn't long, I mean not that feelings aren't hurt and emotions aren't destroyed, I simply mean, better then 6 yrs, better to find out sooner then later. I say long enough because generally you will know within that period if its going anywhere, if its truely what you want, how you feel for the other...etc my advice is to go NC because your still hurting, not to win her back, but to heal yourself, its going to be the hardest thing your gonna have to do right now, she just doesn't want it, its the ba part of a relationship when we face that.. Try to keep yourself busy, be around "your" friends, if you have to have contact with her, make it LC (Limited Contact) LiL 1
Author lucifer2019 Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 To cope with the breakup and try to get my ex-gf back, I've recently been focusing on myself, purchasing new clothes and trying to look nice like all those Internet guides say to do, as well as acting like the breakup didnt mean much to me, acting confident, flirting with other girls to spark a little jealousy, and maintaining limited contact because we're forced to see each other every day at school (a glance or smile here and there giving me the des we're on friendly terms now- its been 3 weeks since the breakup). Now I'm wondering what to do next. Sit tight and wait for her to call, or call her first, write her a letter? Any advice or help please, especially from girls? Thank you so much! :smile:
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 To cope with the breakup and try to get my ex-gf back, I've recently been focusing on myself, purchasing new clothes and trying to look nice like all those Internet guides say to do, as well as acting like the breakup didnt mean much to me, acting confident, flirting with other girls to spark a little jealousy, and maintaining limited contact because we're forced to see each other every day at school (a glance or smile here and there giving me the des we're on friendly terms now- its been 3 weeks since the breakup). Now I'm wondering what to do next. Sit tight and wait for her to call, or call her first, write her a letter? Any advice or help please, especially from girls? Thank you so much! :smile: Don't wait up for her. Just live your life. If she wants to come back, or realizes her mistake, she'll make it known. If you were a good guy, she'll realize her mistake, but it won't be anytime soon. May take months or years. If and when she does return, yu can make a decision. But until then, you're gonna have to suffer, hurt and go through the same thing everyone goes through with a breakup. Hope for the best (her coming to you, crying for forgiveness), expect the worst (her going out, sleeping with someone else, being gone forever) Sorry if all that sounds harsh, but she has her own brain. Trying to get her back will do nothing, because your feelings, right now are one sided. If she's making no effort, neither should you. Think about when you first got with her. Was there MUTUAL attraction and interest, or was she totally not into you, and you just called her, wrote her? I know you have feelings for her, and you will for a long time, but unless her feelings for you return, there's nothing you can do. 1
Dime_Girl Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 If you want to get back together, I would keep my distance for the time being besides the occasional check-in to make sure she's okay and to remind her that you care but you both need time to realize why you broke up and to see if it's worth it to try it again but healthy make-ups don't occur within the first month of breaking up.. you need time to miss each other. Get in the gym, get a hobby and do some self-reflection and when you're ready you can have the discussion but for the time being, I would give her space.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Don't be friends with her for a long LONG time, until your feelings for her go away. (Feelings of attachment and sexual attraction too) For her to say she'd rather have you as a close friend and not a boyfriend then expect you to be OK with that, well - It's selfish of her to think that. She can't have it both ways. It's either bf/gf or nothing. To end things then say let's be close friends instead is NOT fair to you. There's not much you can do to get someone to become attracted to you again. Since she's told you that she isn't anymore, chances are high that part of what she felt for you is gone. Sorry. 1
rogerwaters Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Sorry about your break up. I consider myself to be non-assertive. I always think - "What if he/she wouldn't like what I will say?" before I say something to someone. This does not mean that I don't have any needs or desires of my own, but I simply put others' before myself. I was always told by my parents to think about others before doing or saying something. This is not wrong, but ultimately, in doing so, you stop asserting your needs and in the end, you will regret that you didn't say or do something you wanted. Perhaps the modules in the link below might help you in becoming more assertive. Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training
William Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Moderator note: The thread starter posted essentially duplicate threads across a number of forums and I have consolidated those threads into this one. Please to not do that again or else you will lose your posting privileges. Continue the discussion here. Thanks.
caligirl23 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 From my experience, a person needs space and needs to learn how to miss you. Take away what a person really wants and they want it more. If this girl can see that she cannot have you or that you seem distracted and are not paying attention to her, then she might come back around. It's silly, really, but they don't call it the "game of love" for nothing. Do not speak to her friends about it, if you see her, pretend you don't a few times. Good luck.
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