Being intelligent without being an intellectual

[Taramere]

Oh dear. Jilly Cooper was one of my guilty pleasures when I was a teen. My brother shoplifted a collection of her early 1970s romances as a present for my mum one Christmas...and I read them all avidly. Bella, Octavia, Emily etc. They captured a bygone era..and I think some of her characters (Emily and Prudence in particular) were an early prototype for Bridget Jones.

 

Riders was, I'm afraid it was right up my street....and I also loved her horrifically snobbish book on Class. I think what happened was other writers started churning out stuff in the same style, and her witty little puns became really cheesy..but there was a time Jilly Cooper seemed fresh and funny.

 

I never got into Kathy Lette. There was an element of Jilly Cooper about her writing, but her brand of smuttiness wasn't really for me...and she pushed the incessant puns to a point that I found a bit grating. I've never read Danielle Steele.

[d'Arthez]

Literature that has had the biggest influence on me was written by Balzac (I spent a year reading his entire oeuvre. d'Arthez is a character in his works), Kafka (Metamorphosis :love:), Dostoevsky and a couple of local 20th century authors who I shall not mention for the sake of anonymity. Other than that, I have read writers, well-known and virtually unknown, from all over the world. Add some theology, history and philosophy in the mix as well.

 

I never had much for sexually explicit stuff. Partly because of the "low quality" of the local stuff, and partly, undoubtedly, because of my views on sexuality and relationships.

 

I could not get into "How I met Your Mother" simply because my ex was addicted to it. I was already on a TV-diet of House, NCIS (), TBBT, Arrested Development, and the Colbert Report. Considering the fact we barely had time for anything else, I gave other shows a miss. House became quite repetitive and increasingly flat.

 

I don't really watch that much television these days. I rather spend my time reading (though I don't read as much as I would like to) and writing - I find it stimulates me a bit more.

Edited May 29, 2012 by d'Arthez
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[Els]

Oh, and I looooooooooooove TheGuild. And Dr. Horrible. I know it's amateur, cheesy, whatever, but it's funny.

 

Sadly Felicia Day's new youtube channel seems like pure fanboy-service. Nothing interesting in the slightest, just lots of videos of her doing 'cute' stuff.

[FitChick]

There's a difference between being an intellectual and being an intellectual snob.

[TaraMaiden]

Hmph! How would you know...?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(That was a joke. i was trying to emulate an intellectual snob to see what it felt like.

It doesn't feel very nice. )

[Eternal Sunshine]

I usually walk out from my dates feeling like guys are either too dumb (uhm for a lack of a better word) or too intellectual in a boring way. Mostly the former.

 

One guy was really cute and pretty smart but he kept talking about a book he was reading on history of Islam for most of the date. My eyes glazed over but I couldn't help thinking that if I was a real intellectual, I would enjoy learning about this topic. Then I felt inadequate because he might have been looking for a discussion on it and I didn't have much to say

 

It's very rare that I feel someone is intelligent in my kind of way but is also flirty, fun and interesting.

[d'Arthez]

One guy was really cute and pretty smart but he kept talking about a book he was reading on history of Islam for most of the date. My eyes glazed over but I couldn't help thinking that if I was a real intellectual, I would enjoy learning about this topic. Then I felt inadequate because he might have been looking for a discussion on it and I didn't have much to say

That is why I am loathe to discuss what I am reading, or my views on the stuff I read, unless it is specifically asked for. And I'd always try to make it relevant to the person I am conversing with. I think the chances of you converting to Islam were quite limited to say the least. Perhaps he had picked up on Houellebecq?

 

ETA: Sounds like he had the wrong expectation of you?

 

It's very rare that I feel someone is intelligent in my kind of way but is also flirty, fun and interesting.

You'll find someone who is right for you. I am sure of it.

Edited May 30, 2012 by d'Arthez
ETA

[Eternal Sunshine]

That is why I am loathe to discuss what I am reading, or my views on the stuff I read, unless it is specifically asked for. And I'd always try to make it relevant to the person I am conversing with. I think the chances of you converting to Islam were quite limited to say the least. Perhaps he had picked up on Houellebecq?

 

ETA: Sounds like he had the wrong expectation of you?

 

 

You'll find someone who is right for you. I am sure of it.

 

Yeah, I mean I didn't ask that guy "what are you reading?". He just went on a huge monologue, ignoring all social cues that I was bored. As for expectation, because of maths, PhD and such, I think some people think that they would impress me with hyper-intellectualism - which is not the case at all.

[d'Arthez]

As for expectation, because of maths, PhD and such, I think some people think that they would impress me with hyper-intellectualism - which is not the case at all.

Perhaps their intellectualism is an extension for their masculinity, and they feel they have to put women in their place? I don't live in the Afterlife, so I can't really say how much of a cultural battle it is that you are waging.

 

Not sure how you met the guy, but if it is through OLD, perhaps a rewriting of your profile might be in order, especially since this seems to happen a lot to you? The same may be said for your selection of dates. It is sometimes very easy to "misread" the cues for intellectualism.

 

If it is through real life, I have no idea how you can prevent these men to have this expectation.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Perhaps their intellectualism is an extension for their masculinity, and they feel they have to put women in their place? I don't live in the Afterlife, so I can't really say how much of a cultural battle it is that you are waging.

 

Not sure how you met the guy, but if it is through OLD, perhaps a rewriting of your profile might be in order, especially since this seems to happen a lot to you? The same may be said for your selection of dates. It is sometimes very easy to "misread" the cues for intellectualism.

 

If it is through real life, I have no idea how you can prevent these men to have this expectation.

 

It was trough OLD. I did re-write my profile lately to seem more "approachable" but that just seems to attract a larger number of low-quality men. Argh. I will figure it out.

[TaraMaiden]

It's very rare that I feel someone is intelligent in my kind of way but is also flirty, fun and interesting.

 

Oddly enough, when i first met my H., that's the first compliment he paid me.

He was walking back towards his RV, and he just turned round to me and said -

"you're very....Interesting!"

 

his father, who was also at the holiday site turned to me, and said -

"Ay-aye... you've made an impression there.... if there's one thing that turns him off, it's being bored by people...!"

[Eternal Sunshine]

Oddly enough, when i first met my H., that's the first compliment he paid me.

He was walking back towards his RV, and he just turned round to me and said -

"you're very....Interesting!"

 

his father, who was also at the holiday site turned to me, and said -

"Ay-aye... you've made an impression there.... if there's one thing that turns him off, it's being bored by people...!"

 

That's one thing I am looking for TM. I want to find someone.....interesting - in whichever form it may be.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Perhaps their intellectualism is an extension for their masculinity, and they feel they have to put women in their place? I don't live in the Afterlife, so I can't really say how much of a cultural battle it is that you are waging.

 

Not sure how you met the guy, but if it is through OLD, perhaps a rewriting of your profile might be in order, especially since this seems to happen a lot to you? The same may be said for your selection of dates. It is sometimes very easy to "misread" the cues for intellectualism.

 

If it is through real life, I have no idea how you can prevent these men to have this expectation.

 

That's why in general it's always a good idea for people to simply be what they are, rather than what they think the other wants them to be

[d'Arthez]

Absolutely agreed. Problem is, unless you date a person on the spot, that you always have impressions of people to deal with in the first place (by reading their OLD profile, because of the place where you met the other etc.). You can have wrong impressions of people (like this guy in your example), and think the whole talk about the history of Islam interests your date ... Add in some social blindness (failing to notice your reactions), and you have a wasted evening.