janet Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Hi again, the correspondence with this guy I met on-line has been growing, but the other day I got annoyed with him for writing me a graphic fantasy about what would happen/how he would act, ect. if we went out on a date. I admit that I was writing semi-graphic fantasies to him before and getting really turned on, but what annoyed me was that he hadn't answered or responed to any other of the questions I had asked him such as, "What movies/authors do you like?" ect. I told him this in an email, and asked how he could imagine such things if he didn't even know what I looked like? I demanded that he send me a photo so I could at least see who I had been having fantasies about. I told him I didn't want to become addicted to a fantasy about someone I'd never met, so I drew a boundary. He responded with a sweet, highly intellectual letter telling me about his favorite writers and film directors and I was surprized that he had knew so much about the classics and European films. It turned out that his computer had crashed on the week-end and he couldn't get into his files, so I sent him some photos of myself which he found beautiful. Then the flirting and sexy e-mails started up again and I found myself enjoying it again. He seems to have an obsession over sexually dominating a woman, as he tells me loves the feminine aspect of a submissive woman, but would never be hurtful. I don't know what to think of this. Is this a normal way to be? I just don't want to get so attracted to him and waste time on a fantasy if it's not what I think it is. I know he's a real person (professional) because he has a web-site for the field he is involved in. Tonight he is going to call me again. What sort of questions should I ask to find out 'trick' things about him in a round-about way? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 I don't think you need to ask him trick questions. I will tell you straight away, if you can't meet this dude IN PERSON within the next two or three weeks, I would write this off as anything other than playtime on your computer. You cannot carry on any kind of meaningful relationship on a computer screen...or even on the phone. There is simply no substitute for in person chemistry. If you are going to play, then you shouldn't be concerned about the nature or extent of his sexual fantasies. You are free to participate or not. That seems so far part of his game. Since he is a professional person, it is likely these sexual fantasies he runs through online are an aspect of entertainment for him. It would not be surprising if there are others he does this with as well. People are markedly different on the computer than they are in real life, as a rule. He could be extremely shy in person but very brave when he is just typing on his computer keyboard. I think it is great that he is calling you. Use this time to get to know him...and ask him questions about his online sexual adventures and what they mean to him. But I warn you, you could be wasting major time if you don't meet him in person soon. Reality check time, lady!!! Link to post Share on other sites
janet Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 It would not be surprising if there are others he does this with as well. You're right! He told me that he had been corresponding with a woman on-line for a while and that they had had quite explicit sexual communication. He actually travelled to meet her, spent a few days with her then returned London. Now that I look at the date first time he wrote me, he said he had just returned from New York, so it means that right after he had the affair with the woman over there he went straight back to his computer to look for other women on-line and found me! He told me that the woman from New York fell in love with him and told him she wanted him for herself, but she just "didn't feel right in his arms." When we last spoke on the phone he told me that he uses sex first to see if he wants to have a relationship with a woman, then he chooses, and that he is a perpetual womanizer. "I do it through sex, then I choose," he said. I challenged him by saying that maybe the woman would choose instead of him, and he agreed. He says that once he gets a woman in bed, they can't resist him, ect. If he was such a great lover as he says he is, how come he has to go on-line to find women? Wouldn't he just be able to meet them on the street? but then maybe it's because he teaches at a university that is fairly isolated from the main part of town. What else should I ask him? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 YOU ASK: "What else should I ask him?" The ONLY thing you should ask him is if you should hang up first or would he like to given the courtesy. After reading your second post above, you would be an absolute fool to have anything to do with this guy, unless you have a problem you haven't discussed with us here. Surely you can do better than an international Internet sexual deviate...and a highly educated one at that. Link to post Share on other sites
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