Any MEN been victims of domestic violence?

[samsungxoxo]

Of course not, that's why I didn't and don't recommend it. I'm just saying back before feminism and female-biased laws, a wife who DARED assault her husband would quickly learn her lesson.

Come to think of it. Not really. There were still abusive women even back then but those men never struck back either. I read from an article about how assassinated former President Abraham Lincoln's wife used to physically abuse him.... yet he was an over 6ft tall man. This is way before the 1900's.

 

Lincoln portrayed as abuse victim Wife hit him often, biographer claims - The Boston Globe (Boston, MA) | HighBeam Research

 

Then there is this article and Abraham Lincoln is included on it too:

http://www.11points.com/News-Politics/11_Famous_Men_Who_Were_Beat_Down_By_Their_Women

Edited May 30, 2012 by samsungxoxo

[Mme. Chaucer]

I would like to make it clear that in spite of my issue with your statistics, I in NO WAY minimize the seriousness of domestic violence no matter who commits it.

 

I read your description of your marriage, and my advice is to focus on moving on from this abusive woman and upon the safety and protection of your children.

 

Your soon to be ex wife needs to experience ALL the legal ramifications of committing a felonious assault. Forget about trying to get her to apologize to you, or to get her "fixed." She has serious problems which will never be "fixed" unless she herself has an epiphany of some kind and works hard towards changing herself.

 

I am a little concerned about you pinching, spanking and being rough with your kids. I am not saying you are abusing them, but it really sounds like a total lack of boundaries exists within your family. You can do something about your part in that.

 

Move on from the wife, be the best dad and person you can be, and recognize any warning signs you have noticed so you can avoid them like the plague in the next woman in your life.

[M30USA]

CDC? Center for Disease Control?

 

I just Googled and found a lot of statistics, none of which support yours. Here's just one:

 

Domestic Violence Statistics* | Commission on Domestic Violence

 

I think this is a worthwhile discussion, but only if you want to acknowledge actual statistics.

 

Ok, so for Mme.Chaucer and those who "liked" his post, here is my response:

 

I checked your link to the American Bar Association (not even the CDC which I referenced) and it says, "Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States."

 

Do the math and that comes out to exactly 40% of violence being perpetrated by women--as I said.

 

Secondly, according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists (and referenced by the CDC), "In 70% of the non-reciprocally violent relationships women were the perpetrators of violence." What they said was that most cases of violence are mutual, but in cases where there is only one aggressor, it is a woman 70% of the time. Now, explain that however you want, but it's a fact.

 

Thirdly, I will admit that my fact about more women killing men was incorrect. I was wrong. What I was correct about, though, was that more women do kill their own children than men. That's a scary thought. Especially because in my court custody hearing, the judge pretty much ruled that my wife's violence against me didn't pose a threat to the children; even though when a man is violent to his wife, it's automatically assumed that he is a threat to his children. Very sad. The facts support the exact opposite.

 

Anyway...the only reason I started looking into this is because I got my ass kicked by my wife (obviously didn't fight back). I've also heard a few stories of people close to me about physical abuse by wives. One was pretty damn serious, the others were mostly slaps, etc. It got me thinking, "Considering I experienced this, myself, and I know a few others...this has GOT to be more common than most people realize."

Edited May 30, 2012 by M30USA

[Els]

Elswyth,

 

Look it up under CDC. It's wide open in public domain for all to see.

 

Additionally, according to the CDC, in cases where violence is NOT mutual (ie, only one party was guilty), 70% of the time the woman is the perpetrator. No, thats not a typo. You heard me correctly. Again, look it up via a simple Google search.

 

The link that I mentioned (that I see you did not view) by the National Institute of Justice mentioned that the CDC statistics completely excluded sexual abuse, amongst other things. They did a review of several different papers with vastly different stats and arrived at their conclusion. And that is only for the USA. In many other countries, including mine, the statistics are pretty similar to the NIJ's, with 90% of cases being male aggressors and female victims.

 

I support the premise of your thread and if you wish, we can stop this discussion altogether, stop any mention of statistics of female vs male perpetrated abuse, and simply focus on helping abuse victims. I just don't like people throwing out statistics that aren't necessarily accurate.

[Ninja'sHusband]

My STBXW has hit me twice (two different occasions)

 

She claims I emotionally abused her. I think she emotionally abuses me just about the same amount, it's just I handle it better when it's her abusing me. I started the divorce process because she had a four month affair and wouldn't stop going to a class where OM is...

 

I have never hit her.

[M30USA]

My STBXW has hit me twice (two different occasions)

 

She claims I emotionally abused her. I think she emotionally abuses me just about the same amount, it's just I handle it better when it's her abusing me. I started the divorce process because she had a four month affair and wouldn't stop going to a class where OM is...

 

I have never hit her.

 

Sucks man. The worst part of my case is that, all the while I was getting assaulted, she was telling her family that I threw her across the room! What I guess she was referring to was me holding her hands down in self defense as she--out of total self will--thrust herself back and slammed into a cabinet. Once that happened, I knew I was in a dangerous marriage...not only because of her violence, but because she tried to cover it up with lies and blur the truth. On another occasion, I told her that if she didn't stop assaulting me I was going to defend myself and I held my hand up to her (without any contact). She called her dad, who then said, "Don't touch her!" Man, what a joke that was.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Sucks man. The worst part of my case is that, all the while I was getting assaulted, she was telling her family that I threw her across the room! What I guess she was referring to was me holding her hands down in self defense as she--out of total self will--thrust herself back and slammed into a cabinet. Once that happened, I knew I was in a dangerous marriage...not only because of her violence, but because she tried to cover it up with lies and blur the truth. On another occasion, I told her that if she didn't stop assaulting me I was going to defend myself and I held my hand up to her (without any contact). She called her dad, who then said, "Don't touch her!" Man, what a joke that was.

Ugh...yeah I have no chance with the inlaws either...can't believe some of the stuff she tells them =\

 

My STBXW actually took my hands once and tried to make me hit her. I got pretty angry over that, saying she was just trying to have a way out by claiming I physically abused her. I think she wanted me to do it with all her heart.

[M30USA]

Ugh...yeah I have no chance with the inlaws either...can't believe some of the stuff she tells them =\

 

My STBXW actually took my hands once and tried to make me hit her. I got pretty angry over that, saying she was just trying to have a way out by claiming I physically abused her. I think she wanted me to do it with all her heart.

 

It scares me to death to think that maybe my wife wanted me to hit her too--so that she would have a way out and could have the kids full custody. It would totally explain her completely contradictory behavior. It's like she was staying with me even though she couldn't stand me. I think she knew she would have no case in a split so she actively tried to get me to retaliate but I never did.

[Ninja'sHusband]

It scares me to death to think that maybe my wife wanted me to hit her too--so that she would have a way out and could have the kids full custody. It would totally explain her completely contradictory behavior. It's like she was staying with me even though she couldn't stand me. I think she knew she would have no case in a split so she actively tried to get me to retaliate but I never did.

=\ Yeah that is scary.. and I forgot part of mine. FIRST she tried grabbing my hands to make me hit her. Then later she actually started hitting herself in the face...that's when I grabbed her hands forcibly and told her to stop and that I would not be framed for physical abuse. She got pretty remorseful at the point actually, saying that wasn't her intent. She was in pretty bad emotional shape that day =\ Pulled out a knife in the kitchen like she was going to commit suicide...then pulled a sword off the mantle piece to do God knows what..I wrestled both out of her hands.

[M30USA]

=\ Yeah that is scary.. and I forgot part of mine. FIRST she tried grabbing my hands to make me hit her. Then later she actually started hitting herself in the face...that's when I grabbed her hands forcibly and told her to stop and that I would not be framed for physical abuse. She got pretty remorseful at the point actually' date=' saying that wasn't her intent. She was in pretty bad emotional shape that day =\ Pulled out a knife in the kitchen like she was going to commit suicide...then pulled a sword off the mantle piece to do God knows what..I wrestled both out of her hands.[/quote']

 

Gosh, WTF is wrong with these people? And to think that women like this sometimes get full custody of kids? I even told the judge in court that I am the better parent due to the fact that I'm "more emotionally stable".

[CopingGal]

CDC? Center for Disease Control?

 

I just Googled and found a lot of statistics, none of which support yours. Here's just one:

 

Domestic Violence Statistics* | Commission on Domestic Violence

 

I think this is a worthwhile discussion, but only if you want to acknowledge actual statistics.

 

 

I actually don't think stats matter. One innocent man getting physically abused is one innocent man too many.

[Crusoe]

Sucks man. The worst part of my case is that, all the while I was getting assaulted, she was telling her family that I threw her across the room! What I guess she was referring to was me holding her hands down in self defense as she--out of total self will--thrust herself back and slammed into a cabinet. Once that happened, I knew I was in a dangerous marriage...not only because of her violence, but because she tried to cover it up with lies and blur the truth. On another occasion, I told her that if she didn't stop assaulting me I was going to defend myself and I held my hand up to her (without any contact). She called her dad, who then said, "Don't touch her!" Man, what a joke that was.

 

Yeah, my ex used to do rubbish like that too. She once stuck a pair of scissors in me, not real deep but enough to need stitches. I grabbed her hands, took the scissors away and spent close to an hour calming her down before going to the hospital. Thing is, because I was told she had a condition that required her to stay on medication, and because so many people told me I must be patient and understanding with her, I just accepted it and kept quiet so that nobody would think ill of her. Besides, these occasions were fairly rare and she did always show remorse a few days later and go to the quack for new pills.

 

When we eventually spilt she got her best friend to give her a black eye. She then called the law and told them I used to tie her up, beat and rape her. By the time I am released from jail she had completely wiped me out.

 

What I am always grateful for, is that although her mother and most friends initially believed her lies, once her father and brother discovered what she was doing they stepped forward and told the police it was all bullsh*t.

[bentnotbroken]

There are many women who are abusers. I believe the numbers have always been there but they are now being discussed more openly and increasingly women are being held accountable for their actions. Society still has not caught up with the truth of female abuse..prayerfully one day soon they will and hold ALL abusers responsible for their actions.

[M30USA]

Yeah, my ex used to do rubbish like that too. She once stuck a pair of scissors in me, not real deep but enough to need stitches. I grabbed her hands, took the scissors away and spent close to an hour calming her down before going to the hospital. Thing is, because I was told she had a condition that required her to stay on medication, and because so many people told me I must be patient and understanding with her, I just accepted it and kept quiet so that nobody would think ill of her. Besides, these occasions were fairly rare and she did always show remorse a few days later and go to the quack for new pills.

 

When we eventually spilt she got her best friend to give her a black eye. She then called the law and told them I used to tie her up, beat and rape her. By the time I am released from jail she had completely wiped me out.

 

What I am always grateful for, is that although her mother and most friends initially believed her lies, once her father and brother discovered what she was doing they stepped forward and told the police it was all bullsh*t.

 

You are lucky her family not only caught on to her BS but was willing to admit it. The problem in my case is that, while her family might have known the truth, they lied through their teeth in court because their grandchildren were at stake. Of course they had to cloud the truth about her abuse because they feared the truth would lead to me getting the kids. And since family is more important than honor and truth to them, they chose to throw me under the bus and further the abuse I already received.

[Crusoe]

You are lucky her family not only caught on to her BS but was willing to admit it. The problem in my case is that, while her family might have known the truth, they lied through their teeth in court because their grandchildren were at stake. Of course they had to cloud the truth about her abuse because they feared the truth would lead to me getting the kids. And since family is more important than honor and truth to them, they chose to throw me under the bus and further the abuse I already received.

 

Sadly, it's becoming quite common nowadays.

 

A couple of years back a mate went through a similar thing. His wife used to tear pieces out of him, one day she came with a knife and he pushed her to the floor in self defense. Of course, she went off screaming abuse and then when that didn't work, abuse of his kids.

 

When he ran out of funds and could no longer afford to fight for custody, his mother went to his ex and agreed to lie about her own son on the agreement that she could still have access to her grandchildren. She now has that access to her grandchildren and her husband and son haven't seen them in over a year.

 

Statistics will show that he abused his wife and kids. Truth is she was a violent, lying cheat that could afford a decent lawyer.

[freestyle]

Yeah, my ex used to do rubbish like that too. She once stuck a pair of scissors in me, not real deep but enough to need stitches. I grabbed her hands, took the scissors away and spent close to an hour calming her down before going to the hospital. Thing is, because I was told she had a condition that required her to stay on medication, and because so many people told me I must be patient and understanding with her, I just accepted it and kept quiet so that nobody would think ill of her. Besides, these occasions were fairly rare and she did always show remorse a few days later and go to the quack for new pills.

 

When we eventually spilt she got her best friend to give her a black eye. She then called the law and told them I used to tie her up, beat and rape her. By the time I am released from jail she had completely wiped me out.

 

What I am always grateful for, is that although her mother and most friends initially believed her lies, once her father and brother discovered what she was doing they stepped forward and told the police it was all bullsh*t.

 

Wow, Crusoe---your story breaks my heart.

Being falsely accused, on top of being physically attacked is horrific.

 

It's essentially character defamation, of the worst kind, heaped upon injury.

I'm glad some of her family spoke up on your behalf---not every man is so fortunate.

 

What you described sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder--BPD females are notorious for bringing up false abuse charges, when they are the ones who actually perpetrate violence. It's a sad disorder---those who get too close to them, end up being painted as "the villain", and lashed out at.

 

I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

[freestyle]

Regarding statistics about violence against men by women---

 

I wonder if there will ever be accurate figures. From what I've read , and understand, there are lots of cases, which are never officially reported.

(Most likely due to the social stigma.............)

 

It's slowly changing, like BNB said---and women are starting to be held accountable for their actions.

As they should be.Violence is never acceptable.

[M30USA]

Sadly, it's becoming quite common nowadays.

 

A couple of years back a mate went through a similar thing. His wife used to tear pieces out of him, one day she came with a knife and he pushed her to the floor in self defense. Of course, she went off screaming abuse and then when that didn't work, abuse of his kids.

 

When he ran out of funds and could no longer afford to fight for custody, his mother went to his ex and agreed to lie about her own son on the agreement that she could still have access to her grandchildren. She now has that access to her grandchildren and her husband and son haven't seen them in over a year.

 

Statistics will show that he abused his wife and kids. Truth is she was a violent, lying cheat that could afford a decent lawyer.

 

All one can do is have faith that God is a holy judge and that he will bring justice--whether in this life or the next.

[wheream_i]

Yes, I have. And I still ended up being the one arrested.

[M30USA]

What kills me is that her father told me he wished I hadn't called the cops on her. Yet I had previously told him about the abuse and he did nothing to change it. He even told me not to hit her back! What a joke. I mean, what the heck was I supposed to do? By his actions and words, he would have me continue getting assaulted.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Also my father was attacked by my stepmother with a coat hanger. I'm not sure how bad the wounds were it was enough that there was blood and he called 911. They divorced after that. They were married for 20 years.

[M30USA]

If you ask me, a woman only attacks her husband like that if she doesn't care whether or not they remain married.

[Crusoe]

Wow, Crusoe---your story breaks my heart.

Being falsely accused, on top of being physically attacked is horrific.

 

It's essentially character defamation, of the worst kind, heaped upon injury.

I'm glad some of her family spoke up on your behalf---not every man is so fortunate.

 

What you described sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder--BPD females are notorious for bringing up false abuse charges, when they are the ones who actually perpetrate violence. It's a sad disorder---those who get too close to them, end up being painted as "the villain", and lashed out at.

 

I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

 

Thanks but I wouldn't exactly call it horrific, just a few stitches, some cell time and a lesson in who your real friends are. Not much different to the average Saturday night out

 

I don't know exactly what was wrong with her. Hopefully she has sorted herself out, found the right medication and is now living a normal life.

[Crusoe]

If you ask me, a woman only attacks her husband like that if she doesn't care whether or not they remain married.

 

Often quite the opposite.

[CopingGal]

Thanks but I wouldn't exactly call it horrific, just a few stitches, some cell time and a lesson in who your real friends are. Not much different to the average Saturday night out

 

I don't know exactly what was wrong with her. Hopefully she has sorted herself out, found the right medication and is now living a normal life.

 

You have a right to your feelings. But I must say that this kind of attitude is what perpetuates men not coming in to report abuse to them...either how they feel themselves, or fear others will feel like this when they report it. What she did to you was horrific. You went to jail because of her...even if it was an hour. She physically abused you and psychologically abused you as well. I'm glad you're not bent out of shape about it....BUT, what she did to you was a big deal.