Dumped after one month. Really upset.

[caligirl23]

A man I was dating for about a month, month and half started dropping off with his calls and text messages and finally broke it off saying he "didn't feel a spark". he later elaborated that he meant he wasn't falling in love with me and while he could have those feelings, he wasn't sure if I wanted to continue to see each other and "wait it out" or break up. I think he is moving too fast and looking into this too much. I explained that I wasn't falling in love either, but that because he is great and has great qualities, I could see it happening too, but would never dump him because it isn't happening fast enough. He said in other relationships, he has fallen in love sooner and because that isn't happening with me yet, he is concerned it never will and he is trying to be honest. I am floored! Things were going so well! I met his friends, he told his mom about me, etc. I am 32, he is 28.

 

I explained that if he had these feelings sooner with other girls, that never worked out too well because those girls are not here now. So, I left it as "You have my number. If you call you call, if not, then no hard feelings". He asked if we could be friends if we didn't date and I really don't think so, so I said no. Not my thing. He hasn't called, but sent me a random text asking me if I had off for a holiday or if I was working. That's it. No "Sorry I haven't called", no "I messed up". Nothing. I am truly confused! I really feel like this guy is amazing and I enjoy him very much, wanting to see what we could have. Is he giving me BS? What is going on?? Will he come around?

[Jessann12]

I am actually in a very similar situation as you. I dated this guy for three months and things were going great. He gave me every indication that he liked me and was serious about pursing a relationship. I felt like we had a lot in common. Over the last three months, we have seen each other 2-4 times per week. Then out of the blue I sensed him pulling away from me-contacting me less and seeing me less. I gave him space for about three weeks and backed off, but after awhile his drastic change in behavior caused me great anxiety so I ended up gently confronting him through text..I did not want to put him on the spot. He avoided the subject for awhile and then he finally admitted that he was confused and thought that we did not clique very well, which blew my mind away completely. I have not heard from him since and it has been 6 weeks. Of course, I am hoping and praying that he will come around and contact me and give us another chance because I have developed deep feelings for him. He is also younger than me. I am 28 and he is 25.

 

I personally have just let him go and I have not contacted him. I am trying to move on and grieve over the loss. I go back and forth in wanting to contact him and verbalize my feelings for him, but then the other part of me says maybe he needs space and time to think and if it is meant to be he will come back. So, I feel your pain and agony. I bet you really were hoping this would be start of a good relationship and now feel lost and very disappointed. Have you contacted him since the "break-off"? Personally, I would just take a step back and leave him alone for now. I don't think there is anything you can do to make him come back to you. I am sure that you have done nothing wrong and maybe he is confused and needs some space to think things through. Maybe he will come back on his own after some time away from you and decide to try again. Good luck and I feel your pain!

[d'Arthez]

Sounds like he does not know what he wants. He might be afraid to fall in love, or actually form a relationship. Who knows.

 

He'll come around, but if you are not careful this is a cycle that will repeat many times, and leave you eventually emotionally unfulfilled.

[caligirl23]

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. I contacted him 3 days after he told me his feelings to tell him I hope he had a good time at the wedding his was going to out of state. He never responded. Then, 3 days after that, I got a random text from him asking me if I was working on a holiday or if I had off. We are in similar professions. I told him I was working and asked him if there was something he needed. His reply, "No, I am good. Just checking emails" and that was it. I tried to be cordial, yet keep it simple, which I succeeded in doing, but that was the first communication we had. I feel like it was more of a "poke" to see if I was still "there" and would respond to him, which I did. I was hoping he would try to make plans with me or try to see me, but no such luck. It's very disappointing. I really hope he comes around!

[d'Arthez]

I'd say forget about him. Unless you want to live a similar life 10 years from now, in which you never know where you stand with him.

 

He is probably keeping you on the backburner, and will make himself available if all other options don't work out for him.

[flitzanu]

what's wrong with just interpreting the exact words he used? you're trying to read between the lines for some deeper meaning and there isn't one. he said he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark. that means he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark with you. things like that don't change. you feel it with someone or you don't.

 

be thankful he left gracefully and early instead of stringing you along when he already knew he didn't feel what he was looking for with you.

 

doesn't reflect anything about you, either, in this case it truly is him, not you.

[geegirl]

he said he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark. that means he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark with you. things like that don't change. you feel it with someone or you don't.

 

be thankful he left gracefully and early instead of stringing you along when he already knew he didn't feel what he was looking for with you.

 

^^^ This ^^^

 

When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, listen.

 

He did you right by letting you go the moment he knew it wasn't right for him. Some guys will drag you through the mud.

[caligirl23]

what's wrong with just interpreting the exact words he used? you're trying to read between the lines for some deeper meaning and there isn't one. he said he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark. that means he isn't into you and doesn't feel the spark with you. things like that don't change. you feel it with someone or you don't.

 

be thankful he left gracefully and early instead of stringing you along when he already knew he didn't feel what he was looking for with you.

 

doesn't reflect anything about you, either, in this case it truly is him, not you.

 

First, thank you for your opinion. I do appreciate it. I don't know...I guess the "I could have those feelings for you, but want to be honest and say they aren't there yet. I wanted to tell you to give you the option of continuing dating or not" gave me the slightest glimmer of hope. I am not in love either, but that doesn't mean I would dump him because it isn't happening fast enough. I think one of the biggest mistakes people can make is to compare the current situation to past situations and judge a person on that. But, I guess another mistake too is to continue in something if it doesn't feel right. I don't think it is healthy to fall in love too soon like that. Quick to fire up, quick to burn. But, what do I know? I am on a website asking for advice. I know myself and know that each long-term relationship I have had has started off slow and developed into something over time. I suppose I just felt like time to get to know a person before rash decisions are made was the way to go. Not everyone feels like that I am learning. I give up!

[caligirl23]

I am actually in a very similar situation as you. I dated this guy for three months and things were going great. He gave me every indication that he liked me and was serious about pursing a relationship. I felt like we had a lot in common. Over the last three months, we have seen each other 2-4 times per week. Then out of the blue I sensed him pulling away from me-contacting me less and seeing me less. I gave him space for about three weeks and backed off, but after awhile his drastic change in behavior caused me great anxiety so I ended up gently confronting him through text..I did not want to put him on the spot. He avoided the subject for awhile and then he finally admitted that he was confused and thought that we did not clique very well, which blew my mind away completely. I have not heard from him since and it has been 6 weeks. Of course, I am hoping and praying that he will come around and contact me and give us another chance because I have developed deep feelings for him. He is also younger than me. I am 28 and he is 25.

 

I personally have just let him go and I have not contacted him. I am trying to move on and grieve over the loss. I go back and forth in wanting to contact him and verbalize my feelings for him, but then the other part of me says maybe he needs space and time to think and if it is meant to be he will come back. So, I feel your pain and agony. I bet you really were hoping this would be start of a good relationship and now feel lost and very disappointed. Have you contacted him since the "break-off"? Personally, I would just take a step back and leave him alone for now. I don't think there is anything you can do to make him come back to you. I am sure that you have done nothing wrong and maybe he is confused and needs some space to think things through. Maybe he will come back on his own after some time away from you and decide to try again. Good luck and I feel your pain!

 

Thank you so much for your input. I give up! There is a fine line between fighting for someone and coming off crazy, especially this early on and I just don't think it is healthy to devote any more time to this than he has. I will take care of it quietly on my own. I try to go with my gut and this time, it is telling me that he is loooong gone. Bummer!

[bittersweet memories]

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. I contacted him 3 days after he told me his feelings to tell him I hope he had a good time at the wedding his was going to out of state. He never responded. Then, 3 days after that, I got a random text from him asking me if I was working on a holiday or if I had off. We are in similar professions. I told him I was working and asked him if there was something he needed. His reply, "No, I am good. Just checking emails" and that was it. I tried to be cordial, yet keep it simple, which I succeeded in doing, but that was the first communication we had. I feel like it was more of a "poke" to see if I was still "there" and would respond to him, which I did. I was hoping he would try to make plans with me or try to see me, but no such luck. It's very disappointing. I really hope he comes around!

 

 

Sounds like he lost interest. That happens all the time in the dating world. Move on to the next and don't waste you energy on this one anymore.

[Jessann12]

Yea, I understand your disappointment. It is a huge let down. I think backing down is a good idea for you emotionally. Who knows you may be over this guy in a couple of weeks or you may even meet someone new soon who will want to build a relationship with you. Allow your self to grieve over the loss and then maybe reflect on the relationship and see if you learned anything new about your self or maybe you learned what traits you want in a partner? I really try to stay positive and reflect on what I gained from the relationship-even if it was for a short period of time I believe everything happens for a reason.

[caligirl23]

Yea, I understand your disappointment. It is a huge let down. I think backing down is a good idea for you emotionally. Who knows you may be over this guy in a couple of weeks or you may even meet someone new soon who will want to build a relationship with you. Allow your self to grieve over the loss and then maybe reflect on the relationship and see if you learned anything new about your self or maybe you learned what traits you want in a partner? I really try to stay positive and reflect on what I gained from the relationship-even if it was for a short period of time I believe everything happens for a reason.

 

True indeed. I have used this as a learning tool. I have spoken to him recently and told him "I give up" and he has been making excuses to text or call about random stuff, but I have let go and feel better after being at the point where I feel somewhat ok with that. I appreciate the fact that you are a stranger, yet have taken the time to give your input. I hope that you as well end up with the clarity you need in your life. A big "thank you!"

to you.

[caligirl23]

*UPDATE: For those of you that care...I told him "I give up" and since then, the texts started pouring in, basically mundane texts that seemed to be excuses to contact me. I recently had a tragedy in my family and told him about it. Since then, he has been offering his support and has been really persistant with the messages to let me know if there is anything to do to make things better for me, and to let him know if I needed anything. Then, I saw him recently out and he was very stand-offish and borderline rude. I walked away feeling like dirt and embarrassed that he seemed so uncomfortable. So, there you have it. Hot and cold all over again. I am done. I asked him to take my number out of his phone and that he isn't the person I thought he was. He sent me a text, asking me why I was so mad at him. I didn't have the energy to explain and so I haven't answered it and don't plan on it. I chalk it up to a man who has no idea what he wants and therefore will try to keep a foot in the door until he decides. So, I closed the door. My life is not a soup kitchen where he can just show up whenever. He hasn't tried to pursue any futher conversation and you know what? If he doesn't realize how his actions have been confusing to me and borderline hurtful, then he is more of a project than I can deal with. Good riddance! Any man who truly wants to be with me will be with me and prove himself. This one? Forget it!