happyme Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I get it. And you know what? On reflection I do, actually, believe you know what you're doing, and that it is the right thing after all. Apologies for not getting it before... Ambra - Child of the Universe - YouTube 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stoneman70 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 Thank you happyme. I appreciate it. Support or not--I just had to do the right thing for me. I honestly know it was hurtful to S--but I was hurting so bad too. I took this way out to hopefully help us both in the long run..and who knows what the future holds right? I'm learning to take it one day at a time... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Capris Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 What you did was brave. Congrats and hats off. I wish you didnt have to go through the pain you are in, but its the price. I admire you for your actions though. who knows what the future holds right? If its meant to be it will be. You truely never know. Its a way to see, it that doesnt keep your hopes high and you lingering, plus, lets you live your life to the fullest Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 I wish it were that easy...but she chose him..they are moving to Asia this summer. I wish the best for her, even though I'm miserable. I left to try to get over her. It's not currently working. I can't be in contact with her or ill never recover..no matter how much I want to be. I need to do the right thing. She chose him like you chose your wife! Why cannot you see this? She felt like SHE needed to do the right thing, just like you did! I tried to do the right thing by my wife by leaving the US to be closer to her (and to get away from S whom I fell in love with and couldn't have)...I'm trying to do the right thing. When my wife can actually live in the same country as me (she can't right now)...we shall see what happens Why do you fault her for doing the EXACT same thing you did for your wife? She did right by her husband by choosing him. Seems your ego is taking a beating that she chose him over you. She didn't fight for you, she fought for marriage.. Yet you left without saying goodbye to her. Stop putting ALL this on her and own your part in this, maybe the guilt will ease if you do this. Blaming her for why things are the way they are isn't helping at all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Thank you happyme. I appreciate it. Support or not--I just had to do the right thing for me. I honestly know it was hurtful to S--but I was hurting so bad too. I took this way out to hopefully help us both in the long run..and who knows what the future holds right? I'm learning to take it one day at a time... Bolded part. And S did the right thing for HER, just like you did what was right for you. I'm sure she knew it would hurt you, but she put herself, her marriage and husband first, above you.. Again, just like you put yourself, your marriage and wife first above her. You cannot fault her for doing what you are doing too. Makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Her moving to Asia and telling me she loves her husband showed me I was not number 1...I wanted to be, but I had to realize I couldn't have her. I also realized I want to try with my wife. If I continued to live here...I wouldn't have tried. She can't get a visa to live in the US. I had to go to Europe for that reason too. You have all the answer of the thread in one sentence She doesn't love her H enough to be faithful, but she loves him enough to stay with him. Believe me no woman stays with a H she doesn't love - especially when there are no children in the picture. NOTHING is keeping her to him except her free will. Don't waste your time feeling sorry about yourself. Try to get busy with your life and move on whether with or without your wife. Stop pleasing parents and family and traditions. This is your life, not theirs. When you will realize this you will feel really free ! And let me tell you : this SHALL pass. I loved xMW like no other women. Today if I bumped into her I don't know what would I feel. Frankly I don't care what she does, where she is. She is history, she chose to be history. Let go..You can't keep in your life someone that doesn't want to share it with you. Life is long and the river runs under the bridges. You will be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 She will always be the love of my life----sounds bad when I'm married, but it's the truth. This will be up to you. She will be if you choose to live your life that way. I can't say I fully understand you as I've never cheated and your comments that you've done it multiple times and that women have been there all your life for purely sexual Rs are not things I can identify with. So, likely we value different things. However, I'll say a little bit from my own experience, in case there is some useful common ground. What seems like the love of your life now, may seem far from that in the future. There are examples you can read on LS. The reason their view changed is because they chose to fully embrace life and that required them to move on. In moving on, they came to view their past A in a different light, as they started to compare it to the kind of love they wanted or needed. I think it is possible to choose to not fully move on, to not fully embrace life, but instead to choose to live more in your head and to protect the way you currently view and feel things and not have that change. The choice will be yours. As to your M, I think you should think a bit about what is possible, particularly if you might be interested in having children in the future. Having and raising children, with someone you are deeply in love with, can be life's most rewarding endeavour. If you are open to it and committed to it, your capacity to love deeper and better can continue to grow, so that any earlier pinnacle in love is easily surpassed. For me, in addition to being in love with the father, it required honesty and openness to have the intimacy and relationship skills that would allow such love to flourish. I would avoid settling for a just okay M and I doubt one can get much beyond that level without intimacy, openness and honesty. Your posts suggest to me that you are moving toward a just ok M at best. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) With all due respect, you need to get yourself together here! You seem to have some serious emotional issues with this back and forth, all the cheating on your wife, being unhappy etc.....no judgement, we've all had our issues, but I think you need to get a grip on yourself and reality. Try to find a good therapist, support group or any other place where you can work on your inner self. Cheating, getting involved with married people and just falling apart the way you are in not healthy behavior, Your life will always be messy until you can find your soul, your self and true happiness. I can tell you for sure, true happiness is not the path you're on now. I was you 15 yrs ago and got help and got my life a little more together.....work on you hugs Edited June 2, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stoneman70 Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 You have all the answer of the thread in one sentence She doesn't love her H enough to be faithful, but she loves him enough to stay with him. Believe me no woman stays with a H she doesn't love - especially when there are no children in the picture. NOTHING is keeping her to him except her free will. Don't waste your time feeling sorry about yourself. Try to get busy with your life and move on whether with or without your wife. Stop pleasing parents and family and traditions. This is your life, not theirs. When you will realize this you will feel really free ! And let me tell you : this SHALL pass. I loved xMW like no other women. Today if I bumped into her I don't know what would I feel. Frankly I don't care what she does, where she is. She is history, she chose to be history. Let go..You can't keep in your life someone that doesn't want to share it with you. Life is long and the river runs under the bridges. You will be happy again. I know it will pass--just when is the question I ask myself. I feel frustrated that it had to end this way, but I know it had to for it to be truly over. If you look at a normal relationship where both are single, meet, fall in love....it ends usually when one or both are unhappy, not in love anymore, etc...right? In my case, and I'm sure many of yours, it ended not because either of you wanted it to end---but because it had to end--either to save your marriages or to try to salvage them, or to do it for the children (neither of us have any)...or because you knew you couldn't be together...That's why this is so hard for me--I didn't want to end it, neither did she, and I do know that. We both were in a tight spot, as they say. I don't know if I can ever get over that..that's my worry. I do NOT blame S---I'm sorry I didn't make that clear. She chose to be with her husband, and I understand that---but to be clear, I didn't chose to move back to Europe and be with my wife because that's what I really wanted--it's because I knew I couldn't be with S and did not want to break up her marriage. It's not as easy as we both said "ok lets stay with our spouses, bye"...not even close--I don't think I'm a victim. I'm just sad and grieving and trying to see how it could have ended up differently, however, I know that is dangerous talk. I am moving forward, and as mentioned before, getting better little by little, as I'm sure it will be. ... My brother told me that S did text him to see how I was doing last week and he didn't respond..he doesn't want to be in the middle, told me this is not his problem..I get it..but like I said, I can't contact her. It's too hard and I'm staying strong in not contacting. I know she knows where I am and I'm ok..and I know she knows I love her..I told her the last time I saw her that I love her and miss her all the time...but it's too hard...so.. Anyway, I'm going to be ok. I know it. Link to post Share on other sites
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