Affair statistics

[onthefence210]

My two cents. I have been the BS and the OW. My H came back to me and the cheating stopped. The problems in our marriage were ignored, we fell back into the familiarity of what we had prior to his cheating with the exception that I changed how I reacted to the problems that still persisted and he no longer could assert his control over me. I took him back knowing that things needed to change but I could only change me. Fast forward 10 yrs and I let a friendship with a married man turn highly emotional and sometimes physical. I was the OW for 2 1/2 yrs. My MM never promised me anything and I never planned on him. I chose to end my marriage knowing that the problems were there prior to both my H affair and then mine. We tried MC and I've been in IC to deal with the issues I have. I was honest with my H and confessed when I realized why I stayed in my M to begin with. So easy to cheat on someone you know in your heart you shouldn't be married to but stay to keep up the facade while getting your needs met elsewhere. Real marriages don't have this problem, there is no facade to manage because you are exactly where you want to be sharing it with a person you want to share it with. Affairs start as we all know when people are looking for something they don't have. They might not even realize that they are looking until they are so invested with their heart that at that point their head is no longer thinking rationally. To people who have never experienced this situation are the ones who take it upon themselves to judge. I can understand both sides of being the BS and the WS. Neither one of them is a gratifying place when you are being lied to or lying to others. So what does it matter honestly what the statistics say about A, men leaving or staying? What really matters is what we are teaching our children about relationships. Staying for the sake of your kids and sacrificing your own happiness is just obsurd to me if you can't give them what they deserve most and that a person who truly loves and respects their parent. Affairs don't allow for this and staying out of some sense of obligation to a facade or fear of being alone or whatever excuse we use to bide time is plain cowardly. Don't leave your marriage for someone else, leave because it allows for self growth if you can't have that in your M. Stay because you want a loving home based on honesty, respect and commitment. And then the stats won't really matter. Who gives a rats ass if people get divorced if they are doing what's best for themselves. And yeah, sometimes you do marry the wrong person and find the right person at the wrong time. So easy to place the blame of an affair as the big problem. Until people start addressing the real problems in a marriage there will always be an excuse to cheat. What I learned from my A is that it solves nothing and only creates white trash drama that gets dumped on you by the OM spouse who stays but does no self reflection, keeping u in the triangle so she doesn't have to deal with the real problems. I could have stayed in my A but seeing that this man that I loved, couldn't just choose his own happiness made it the right thing for me to do. He chose the cowardly route by trying to bide more time, so I took away myself as an option and I get to live with a little bit of my integrity intact, out loud, free of the lies, and the knowledge that what I did by having an affair is never right. It doesn't make me a bad person for making a mistake as long as I don't repeat the same mistake. If everyone understood that prior, during or after an A, both WS and BS, stats wouldn't even be necessary because divorce would still exist but not for reasons other then ones own personal health and happiness. And those who stay in A will never know how wrong it is until they stop and do some self reflecting of their own.

[LadyGrey]

Regarding stats, I give them some weight but yet in regards to infidelity I've no doubt that more people would lie than if the survey was about eating your veggies. So stats can certainly be skewed, I don't dispute that. However, I do have my opinions and beliefs and it comes from personal history and experience on forums of this nature.

 

I think more women than men leave marriages for their ap then men. I think often times the women leaves but their ap does not follow through and they are left trying to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage and a broken affair.

 

For men, the majority think it's easier to compartmentalize and they would prefer to keep both women if at all possible and not upset the apple cart. Women can't do this is easily although some do.

 

I think if a man does leave, he needs to do some intensive therapy and figure out why an affair was an acceptable option or else he will find himself in the same scenario again.

 

I think if an ow does get her man, she should insist on therapy for both of them and both should take ownership of the affair and find a better way to address their own issues in the future or else it will be wash, rinse and repeat. I think if both the mm and the ow continue to blame the x they are in for a world of shyte and neither will end up happy.

[evansdale]

Unfortunately there is 2 sides to every coin and stats are often misplaced or construed to represent false facts.

However 2 independent studies from 1 U.S and 1 Canadian university ( U of Ar. & U of Edmonton I believe ) conducted tests with more than 650 couples combined. It showed that contrary to alot of " internet facts and stats " that in fact NOT many marriages survive after an affair.

 

Of 428 U.S couples, only 276 of reconciled after the affair took place. Of those 276 that did stay together, only 103 remained together after 5 years.

When asked of the betrayed partner in separate polls whether it was a " positive decision " after reconciliation, 74 of them said "No". 31 of them women and 43 men.

 

Of the 245 Canadian couples, 156 reconciled but only 98 of them lasted 3 years or longer. Separate poll questioning when asked if it was " the right decision " 29 women and 36 men said "No"

 

I will find and post that report sometime soon. It was taken in 2009 and one of the researchers was a good friend of mine. She was astounded by these stats which took more than a year and a half to compile.

 

Not that this means anything, everyone is different and every situation is unique.

 

Just thought I would throw some FUN FACTS out about married adults acting like spoiled brats.

 

Unfortunately, this poll had no indications in regards to children and the repercussions.

[MissBee]

Unfortunately there is 2 sides to every coin and stats are often misplaced or construed to represent false facts.

However 2 independent studies from 1 U.S and 1 Canadian university ( U of Ar. & U of Edmonton I believe ) conducted tests with more than 650 couples combined. It showed that contrary to alot of " internet facts and stats " that in fact NOT many marriages survive after an affair.

 

Of 428 U.S couples, only 276 of reconciled after the affair took place. Of those 276 that did stay together, only 103 remained together after 5 years.

When asked of the betrayed partner in separate polls whether it was a " positive decision " after reconciliation, 74 of them said "No". 31 of them women and 43 men.

 

Of the 245 Canadian couples, 156 reconciled but only 98 of them lasted 3 years or longer. Separate poll questioning when asked if it was " the right decision " 29 women and 36 men said "No"

 

I will find and post that report sometime soon. It was taken in 2009 and one of the researchers was a good friend of mine. She was astounded by these stats which took more than a year and a half to compile.

 

Not that this means anything, everyone is different and every situation is unique.

 

Just thought I would throw some FUN FACTS out about married adults acting like spoiled brats.

 

Unfortunately, this poll had no indications in regards to children and the repercussions.

 

 

It seems everyone is posting different stats that are not directly related to what the OP was saying...that may also be the problem? The angle at which people approach these things? This isn't a critique of your post btw, just an observation that most of the stats thus far are not related to the notion that droves of MM leave to be with their OW.

 

People have posted stats on second marriage survival rates, how many women file for D, and how many marriages are reconciled after As, but none about the number of MM who married their OW or the number of marriages/happy marriages that started as As.

 

It would be interesting to see stats on the latter, as that is more directly related to what allgoodhere suggested we wise up about. Perhaps I will look that up myself. I understand those who are currently in a relationship/marriage with their former AP being adamant about this phenomenon, but I find it more puzzling for those who are still in As...i.e. the MM did not leave, you are still the OW...I'm not sure of the relevance of MM leaving to your situation until it actually happens. Because until the MM leaves, your situation just reinforces the larger belief that most MM want an affair and not a new wife.

Edited May 30, 2012 by MissBee

[woinlove]

It seems everyone is posting different stats that are not directly related to what the OP was saying...that may also be the problem? The angle at which people approach these things? This isn't a critique of your post btw, just an observation that most of the stats thus far are not related to the notion that droves of MM leave to be with their OW.

 

People have posted stats on second marriage survival rates, how many women file for D, and how many marriages are reconciled after As, but none about the number of MM who married their OW or the number of marriages/happy marriages that started as As.

 

It would be interesting to see stats on the latter, as that is more directly related to what allgoodhere suggested we wise up about. Perhaps I will look that up myself. I understand those who are currently in a relationship/marriage with their former AP being adamant about this phenomenon, but I find it more puzzling for those who are still in As...i.e. the MM did not leave, you are still the OW...I'm not sure of the relevance of MM leaving to your situation until it actually happens. Because until the MM leaves, your situation just reinforces the larger belief that most MM want an affair and not a new wife.

 

 

FWIW, here's one: Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) who had affairs found that 3 percent of the 4,100 men surveyed left their wives for the affair partner.

[MissBee]

FWIW, here's one: Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) who had affairs found that 3 percent of the 4,100 men surveyed left their wives for the affair partner.

 

Thanks! I'll look that up further.

[allgoodhere]

I wonder about this as well....

 

Surveys or research based on thousands is wrong. Yet your own personal observations of "several" are more correct? I'm sorry but that is illogical.In any case I don't think most people believe that MM never leave or marry their OW. Clearly some do. However, most would argue that a lot more don't. I also think it illogical that people like to spin affairs as mostly about true love, when that is ridiculous. Just like any other romantic engagement, a lot of times it may not be for "true love", but companionship, romance, sex and may be temporary. If every dating relationship isn't about true love and going to the aisle, and doesn't last for always, I see no reason why people like to make affairs seem more noble and romantic in that regard. I am sure some include love and most likely those who end up leaving and marry their OW love them, yet some may not be about that or the love they have is not the I-want-to-leave-and-now-be-with-you-only kind of love. This is a simple fact.

 

Men and women lie about affairs. That's my point. When a survey is taken, do you think all of the men involved in happy, secret affairs are going to march up to the table and say "Oh, by the way, I am in my third year of a very satisfying, happy, loving affair"... there is just no way to gather data.

 

Whether or not only 1% leave or 100%, what does it matter to your personal situation? If you are sure of yourself, your MM, your love, your situation, then you should be able to see those statistics, even accept their validity and see yourself as an outlier. I would. There are lots of things that are the norm that I don't fit. There are lots of areas in life where the chance of doing/being/taking part etc in this thing are statistically low, yet I have been in the number but that doesn't make me deny the norm. I find it puzzling when instead of seeing things in that way one has to actually change around the entire paradigm to suit you.

 

Refer to above comment. There is no way to get accurate data, and I am sick of hearing all of the BS's talk about how men never leave. Oh, they leave all right. The quietly get their affairs in order, sock away money, and separate. Then, months later bring out a 'new friend'. I am in a position to see it happen often.

 

I guess I never understood the "but it worked for me" mentality. How does something working for you all of a sudden change the norm? It doesn't. Unless the normative view was that it is impossible, then of course even one example of the opposite turns the entire thing on its head. But if the norm is that it happens but is not the majority outcome, then how is your outcome anything to wave around as refutation for the norm. You don't get to say macro-statistics are wrong and your own personal observations are more accurate. In the grand scheme of things, why do people need to change their views on affairs to validate the one you're in? No one has to. I can simultaneously know a married couple whose relationship started as an A and be happy for them as a couple without now having to say "Okay As aren't so bad". I don't understand the need to defend As as a whole through disproving statistics and the lot. Can one not be in an A and think your own A different and embrace your own outcome without being upset that most people dislike As and without trying to rewrite the A paradigm?

 

Because, it happens more than anyone would like to admit, therefore it is not the 'norm' of which you speak. Some affairs are wild and crazy, it breaks up families, etc. Nobody is happy in the end.

 

Then there are the other affairs, the quiet ones. The happier ones. The loving ones. The ones you don't hear about.

[pureinheart]

Some of us do, indeed.

 

I personally know of many that "made it", and personally know of some that didn't.

 

FS, I'm touching on what you said about character as a whole, and wish to expand on it.

 

IMO we all have character flaws and never know what another person has been through. There are a lot of hurting people out there who act out in many different ways and that number is rising by the day for many reasons.

 

I think there is an inner need to demonise circumstances/people that we feel hurt us...BTDT. In the end we are all people just trying to get through this life the best we can.

 

Both of my parents married their AP's and lived the rest of their lives with their AP's. Were either of them bad people? I don't think so. Did they have flaws? Yes.

 

My dad had to be right and liked to argue. My mom was head strong and independant. They clashed completely. Neither one of them painted the other as "the bad guy". They were both extremely intelligent people and very respected in their jobs and even back then they weren't judged. Neither of them harbored hate.

[allgoodhere]

It seems everyone is posting different stats that are not directly related to what the OP was saying...that may also be the problem? The angle at which people approach these things? This isn't a critique of your post btw, just an observation that most of the stats thus far are not related to the notion that droves of MM leave to be with their OW.

 

People have posted stats on second marriage survival rates, how many women file for D, and how many marriages are reconciled after As, but none about the number of MM who married their OW or the number of marriages/happy marriages that started as As.

 

It would be interesting to see stats on the latter, as that is more directly related to what allgoodhere suggested we wise up about. Perhaps I will look that up myself. I understand those who are currently in a relationship/marriage with their former AP being adamant about this phenomenon, but I find it more puzzling for those who are still in As...i.e. the MM did not leave, you are still the OW...I'm not sure of the relevance of MM leaving to your situation until it actually happens. Because until the MM leaves, your situation just reinforces the larger belief that most MM want an affair and not a new wife.

 

You know, I have a very good friend, Catholic priest. He said to me that MOST of the marriages that he sees disintegrate have one or the other partner involved in an affair. He also said if a man leaves his marriage, nine times out of ten it's for another woman. This is coming from dealing with families in his Parish over his 40 year stint as a Priest.

Edited May 31, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[woinlove]

I am sick of hearing all of the BS's talk about how men never leave

 

 

Not all BS's talk about how men never leave. It is useful to recognize that different posters have different views and opinions, and that extends to different groups of posters (such as BS or OW) as well.

[onthefence210]

Regarding stats, I give them some weight but yet in regards to infidelity I've no doubt that more people would lie than if the survey was about eating your veggies. So stats can certainly be skewed, I don't dispute that. However, I do have my opinions and beliefs and it comes from personal history and experience on forums of this nature.

 

I think more women than men leave marriages for their ap then men. I think often times the women leaves but their ap does not follow through and they are left trying to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage and a broken affair.

 

For men, the majority think it's easier to compartmentalize and they would prefer to keep both women if at all possible and not upset the apple cart. Women can't do this is easily although some do.

 

I think if a man does leave, he needs to do some intensive therapy and figure out why an affair was an acceptable option or else he will find himself in the same scenario again.

 

I think if an ow does get her man, she should insist on therapy for both of them and both should take ownership of the affair and find a better way to address their own issues in the future or else it will be wash, rinse and repeat. I think if both the mm and the ow continue to blame the x they are in for a world of shyte and neither will end up happy.

 

I agree. I am a woman and it took a whole lot of counseling on my part to see both the truth in my M and my A. I stayed when I was the BS because I was so dependent on him but learned that I was never going to be that person again. I was a stay at home mom to his two kids. I did things to fix my dependence on him but let the problems of the M persist. I never knew what it was like to be heard and my MM was easy to talk to about anything whether we agreed or not, I was entitled to my opinion and so was he. The MM on the other hand wanted me in his life and wanted to keep his family intact until his son was 18 although it was never discussed that we'd end up together. His W knows about the A and the continued contact after D and takes it upon herself to contact me to get me to say I will no longer have contact with him. I will never really understand that other then if she'd take a look in the mirror and address the real problems maybe there just may be some hope for them if her H is willing to do the same but it really isn't my problem to worry about. Affairs don't cause D, the people in the marriage do. So stats don't really matter. Affairs are just a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage that allow for stats to state that it occurred during the marriage. I think it gives too many people excuses not to change their ways and move on to repeat their same mistakes.

[MissBee]

Because, it happens more than anyone would like to admit, therefore it is not the 'norm' of which you speak. Some affairs are wild and crazy, it breaks up families, etc. Nobody is happy in the end.

 

Then there are the other affairs, the quiet ones. The happier ones. The loving ones. The ones you don't hear about.

 

And why wouldn't we hear about those? I see no reason why not.

 

I don't think anyone is not admitting or denying or hiding "true A facts". The norm is what usually happens, what is most common. Are you saying that MM leaving to marry their OW is the norm and more common than not?

 

Most people are basing things off of either their own experiences, seeing the experiences of others and research that supports their claims. I am all for discussing the possibility that this happens more than we admit...yet without any evidence besides you just saying so, it is not a convincing argument and there is no reason why I can't just assume that because you are in an A it profits you to think this way, regardless of it it holds up or not.

 

One more genuine question? Whether or not you are right or other people who say the opposite are, would it make any difference to your situation?

[allgoodhere]

Interesting take. Thank you for sharing that.

Regarding stats, I give them some weight but yet in regards to infidelity I've no doubt that more people would lie than if the survey was about eating your veggies. So stats can certainly be skewed, I don't dispute that. However, I do have my opinions and beliefs and it comes from personal history and experience on forums of this nature.

 

I think more women than men leave marriages for their ap then men. I think often times the women leaves but their ap does not follow through and they are left trying to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage and a broken affair.

 

For men, the majority think it's easier to compartmentalize and they would prefer to keep both women if at all possible and not upset the apple cart. Women can't do this is easily although some do.

 

I think if a man does leave, he needs to do some intensive therapy and figure out why an affair was an acceptable option or else he will find himself in the same scenario again.

 

I think if an ow does get her man, she should insist on therapy for both of them and both should take ownership of the affair and find a better way to address their own issues in the future or else it will be wash, rinse and repeat. I think if both the mm and the ow continue to blame the x they are in for a world of shyte and neither will end up happy.

[LadyGrey]

I agree. I am a woman and it took a whole lot of counseling on my part to see both the truth in my M and my A. I stayed when I was the BS because I was so dependent on him but learned that I was never going to be that person again. I was a stay at home mom to his two kids. I did things to fix my dependence on him but let the problems of the M persist. I never knew what it was like to be heard and my MM was easy to talk to about anything whether we agreed or not, I was entitled to my opinion and so was he. The MM on the other hand wanted me in his life and wanted to keep his family intact until his son was 18 although it was never discussed that we'd end up together. His W knows about the A and the continued contact after D and takes it upon herself to contact me to get me to say I will no longer have contact with him. I will never really understand that other then if she'd take a look in the mirror and address the real problems maybe there just may be some hope for them if her H is willing to do the same but it really isn't my problem to worry about. Affairs don't cause D, the people in the marriage do. So stats don't really matter. Affairs are just a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage that allow for stats to state that it occurred during the marriage. I think it gives too many people excuses not to change their ways and move on to repeat their same mistakes.

 

Good post, the one thing I much disagree with is this "Affairs are just a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage that allow for stats to state that it occurred during the marriage."

 

I would change it to say, Affairs are just a symptom of deeper issues in the marriage or/and within themselves that allow for stats to state that it occurred during the marriage.

 

Also you can't really know if his bs is addressing the marriage issues or not but if you've read around a common 1st step is to request no contact with you. That's not unusual.

 

I think you've been through a lot and you are growing and you are going to be stronger and already are much wiser.

 

Welcome to LS.

[beenburned]

I think that the MM that do leave for the OW were having an exit affair.

 

Maybe they had wanted out of their marriage for some time but were content to keep the status quo, until they fell in love with the OW.

 

75% of all divorces are because of infidelity. And I think the reason women are the ones to file most often is because most men that cheat are conflict avoiders. They will drag their bull sh** out as long as both the wife and OW will allow it.

[allgoodhere]

Allgood...you're the only one here who seems very upset. I don't really care about how many MM leave to marry their OW. You are the one currently in an A and trying to show everyone something...not sure what though...I am not, so it matters not one bit to me. I don't see why everyone needs to wise up. Even if I were in an A, and in fact while I was in one, I was not looking up statistics or trying to disprove or prove anything on a forum. I was simply living my A happily. I have no emotional stake in this issue. I am discussing purely from an intellectual standpoint, please know this.

 

What should I wise up about? Have you ever asked me what I think? What do I think about the issue? When did I ever say MM never have someone in the wings? We've never discussed this so I'm not sure where you got that idea that I need to wise up.

 

In any case, I am still confused about all of this. What is the goal? Are you interested in having an intellectual discussion, citing studies to talk about the current statistics and ideas about MM leaving for OW...or are you just interested in talking about people you know and telling everyone that we know nothing and that you are happy?

 

Wow, really? Because I'm not upset at all! I seriously, honestly find this fascinating. Of course what anyone else thinks won't change my opinion or feelings on my own relationship. But I have known several people from this forum that were OW and were so traumatized by BS's attacking them, ripping them to shreds, telling them they were evil, I thought I would post the fact that many more MM leave for another woman than the BS would care to admit. Statistically, there is no way to say where it lands. I am simply stating that, from what I have seen, and from the many people I have spoken to who have been involved in these situations, it happens more than anyone knows.

[bentnotbroken]

Yes, and some seem to have a real Need to commiserate here.

 

 

Not sure what you mean...explain please.

[woinlove]

Wow, really? Because I'm not upset at all! I seriously, honestly find this fascinating. Of course what anyone else thinks won't change my opinion or feelings on my own relationship. But I have known several people from this forum that were OW and were so traumatized by BS's attacking them, ripping them to shreds, telling them they were evil, I thought I would post the fact that many more MM leave for another woman than the BS would care to admit. Statistically, there is no way to say where it lands. I am simply stating that, from what I have seen, and from the many people I have spoken to who have been involved in these situations, it happens more than anyone knows.

 

Thanks for explaining more. So, is your thread mainly directed toward BSs, and when you state what other posters think and what they need to understand, do you mean BSs? Also, do you really put all BSs in the same category, as your other posts suggest with the words "all" in front? I'm trying to get a better idea of what this thread is really supposed to be focussed on. The new title simply suggests affair statistics, but some of your posts suggest the old title was a more accurate description.

[MissBee]

Wow, really? Because I'm not upset at all! I seriously, honestly find this fascinating. Of course what anyone else thinks won't change my opinion or feelings on my own relationship. But I have known several people from this forum that were OW and were so traumatized by BS's attacking them, ripping them to shreds, telling them they were evil, I thought I would post the fact that many more MM leave for another woman than the BS would care to admit. Statistically, there is no way to say where it lands. I am simply stating that, from what I have seen, and from the many people I have spoken to who have been involved in these situations, it happens more than anyone knows.

 

 

Where did you meet these OW from here, if you don't mind me asking? Another forum or offline?

 

So this is directed at BS's? I'm not a BS so maybe it doesn't apply to me.

 

I guess I find it quite murky to say "there is no way to say where it lands" while simultaneously asserting that it happens "more than BS's think". If there is no way to say, how can you then say it happens more? How much more? What does that really mean? If people think it only happens 20% of the time, are you saying no it is infact 21%? 50%? With no evidence to prove this then we will talk in circles all day.

 

And when BS's wise up and see that more MM leave...whether only 1% or 20% more than they thought...then what? That won't stop anyone from ripping OW to shreds if they want to. I guess I don't see the correlation between someone disliking OW or what they're doing and MM leaving. I feel the two are unrelated. I do not believe BS's ripping OW to shreds is because they falsely believe less MM leave to be with their OW and I do not think that (especially without some study to show how much more leave or how many actually leave) that this new information will make a hostile BS less hostile towards OW.

Edited May 30, 2012 by MissBee

[bentnotbroken]

Where did you meet these OW from here, if you don't mind me asking? Another forum or offline?

 

So this is directed at BS's? I'm not a BS so maybe it doesn't apply to me.

 

I guess I find it quite murky to say "there is no way to say where it lands" while simultaneously asserting that it happens "more than BS's think". If there is no way to say, how can you then say it happens more? How much more? What does that really mean? If people think it only happens 20% of the time, are you saying no it is infact 21%? 50%? With no evidence to prove this then we will talk in circles all day.

 

And when BS's wise up and see that more MM leave...whether only 1% or 20% more than they thought...then what? That won't stop anyone from ripping OW to shreds if they want to. I guess I don't see the correlation between someone disliking OW or what they're doing and MM leaving. I feel the two are unrelated. I do not believe BS's ripping OW to shreds is because they falsely believe less MM leave to be with their OW and I do not think that (especially without some study to show how much more leave or how many actually leave) that this new information will make a hostile BS less hostile towards OW.

 

 

:bunny::bunny:Good post.

[UpwardForward]

Not sure what you mean...explain please.

 

My bad. Completely misinterpreted the word 'commiserate'. It means condole/sympathy. I thought it meant to crow.

[bentnotbroken]

My bad. Completely misinterpreted the word 'commiserate'. It means condole/sympathy. I thought it meant to crow.

 

 

Mmmkay. Thanks for clarification.

[bentnotbroken]

So VERY true. Across the board.

 

 

Indeed. And some just like to view the scenery.

[stillafool]

Thanks for explaining more. So, is your thread mainly directed toward BSs, and when you state what other posters think and what they need to understand, do you mean BSs? Also, do you really put all BSs in the same category, as your other posts suggest with the words "all" in front? I'm trying to get a better idea of what this thread is really supposed to be focussed on. The new title simply suggests affair statistics, but some of your posts suggest the old title was a more accurate description.

 

Apparently this thread is only directed to BSs who are women because she keeps stating when "men" leave. OP what about BSs who are men?

[Lostinlife4now]

Wow, really? Because I'm not upset at all! I seriously, honestly find this fascinating. Of course what anyone else thinks won't change my opinion or feelings on my own relationship. But I have known several people from this forum that were OW and were so traumatized by BS's attacking them, ripping them to shreds, telling them they were evil, I thought I would post the fact that many more MM leave for another woman than the BS would care to admit. Statistically, there is no way to say where it lands. I am simply stating that, from what I have seen, and from the many people I have spoken to who have been involved in these situations, it happens more than anyone knows.

 

 

Hi allgoodhere!!

 

When I first came to LS as the OW I was afraid to post regarding the A.

While at the time I was Somewhat happy, I got tired of being alone all the time....so I ended it...but not without reading and seeing how BS really hated the OW. I felt terrible! Maybe it was a good thing to read these sad stories, but I really felt like a piece of Shyte. And I am NOT...I am a good person with a very big heart.

 

While the xMM and I DO NOT see each other anymore, I still talk to him from time to time on the phone just to see how he is doing and how his kids are. He has been in my life for 10 years and I just did not want to give up the friendship. Oh Well, does that make the evil witch...I DON'T THINK SO.

 

Some BS have to start understanding that some marriages, just like friendships, work relationships, so on...just RUN THEIR NATURAL COURSE and are over. I would not want to be married to a man that did not WANT me anymore. These are just the facts of life! Not my facts, just the facts.

 

My XMM marriage has run it's natural course also. They are roommates and he travels constantly so he needs to have someone look after his kids and for him to be a part-time parent with his travel schedule, it is just easier for him to stay right now. And I respect that! He is doing absolutely NOTHING to make his marriage better...He is too busy working on his career.

 

But back on point....I do agree quite a few MM do have an OW waiting in the wings. I have not met too many men that can be alone without a woman at their side.

 

Thanks allgoodhere! Peace to you!