How does the dating and sex thing actually work?

[somedude81]

Hey LS is back!

 

I'll post more later today after class.

[Imajerk17]

Meeks, I'm not attempting to contradict you or anything, because I actually think the way you and Beth met is ideal. That's really the best way in my opinion, because that's how most people who are in great relationships have met. (I've been liking your posts on this thread even though we've taken different tacks.)

 

But a few guys are starting from scratch, and they need some "fast-start" advice to get them going while they work on interacting with others in more meaningful ways--volunteering, hobbies, and whatnot--to build up a vital social circle. And if you talk to enough women--easy to do if you are in a college campus or a big city, you will eventually meet someone great.

Edited June 6, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Meeks7]

Meeks, I'm not attempting to contradict you or anything, because I actually think the way you and Beth met is ideal. That's really the best way in my opinion, because that's how most people who are in great relationships have met. (I've been liking your posts on this thread even though we've taken different tacks.)

 

But a few guys are starting from scratch, and they need some "fast-start" advice to get them going while they work on interacting with others in more meaningful ways--volunteering, hobbies, and whatnot--to build up a vital social circle. And if you talk to enough women--easy to do if you are in a college campus or a big city, you will eventually meet someone great.

 

I absolutely agree with you that the way Beth and I met is ideal. Here's one of the PERKS of being in a healthy social circle. If you are genuinely a good guy, the guys and girls in your social circle will notice it. Trust me, they will. And as your quality seeps into their collective consciousness, they begin thinking "Meeks (or insert YOUR name) is a good guy! He really deserves a good woman. Hmmm, are there any good single women that I know?"

 

Of course, you don't go into making friends with that as your agenda. If so, you're doomed to fail and be miserable, because again, it's all about being a GENUINE person. If you go into friends looking out for just yourself and what YOU can gain, people will see through your act.

 

Having friends and BEING A GOOD FRIEND (I think people often forget to highlight that important aspect) brings many perks to the table. That's why I feel SomeDude is severely missing out on life by isolating himself and focusing 200% on getting a girlfriend.

 

Humans have a tendency to think "When I get so and so, I will be happy." One of the biggest illusions out there. I was happy BEFORE I met Beth. I learned how to give up my burning desire for a GF. I still wanted one, but it was no longer priority #1, #2 and #3. I learned how to be content living my own life, developing my gifts, and learning more about my own identity. I was happy and helping out others. My friends saw this. They went ahead and picked Beth for me.

 

I honestly don't think Beth and I would have ever gotten together if I was still in my cranky and woe-is-me mode. I had to learn how to be happy first and love myself, and others, before I was prepared and set up to realize my potential in being a good boyfriend.

 

That's why I say to everyone I can, don't wait for the magical "when." Until you change from the inside out, that "when" may never come. And you end up wasting your life waiting for something that never comes because you didn't attempt to change yourself from the inside out first.

 

It's a true lesson in life that I've learned. And if you can get this, you're halfway there.

[somedude81]

So were you and Beth introduced to each other and told that you two would be a good match? Or were you told about each other and that the other person is looking for somebody to date?

[marinelife3]

Hey some dude, I'm going to tell you the story of how me and my boyfriend met. We went to the same college. He saw me around and thought I was cute. He had a MUTUAL FRIEND of ours invite me to sit with them in the cafeteria one day and introduce us. I hated him instantly, but since he had the friend introduce us, he had an "in" to keep talking to me.

 

He knew that I went to the cafeteria at the same time every day, so he would sit outside and wait for me at that time. I had no idea until later that he was doing this. I would talk to him but I still didn't like him. (incidentally, part of why I didn't like him was that he was older then the other students and I thought it was creepy that he hung out with kids significantly younger then him). He was the only person I knew who was old enough to buy alcohol so sometimes I would call him when I needed to go to the liquor store.

 

One day after about six months of this, he finally convinced me to hang out in his room and watch a movie with him. During the movie, he kept creeping closer to me and I kept backing away. After the movie, he gave me a huge pretentious speech about how disappointed he was that I couldn't see what a good match we were. It didn't help matters, but I admired his guts in giving a big speech like that so I kissed him. Then he started feeling me up, and I got grossed out and ran out of the room. Then it was summer break.

 

That summer, I had a really gross threesome with two girls and I was feeling sick of women. Then I got back to school and started hanging out with him again, and I was in the mood to be with a dude, and I was already used to his presence, so I started sleeping with him. Eventually we began describing ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. Nine years and three breakups later, we are back together again. But none of it would of happened if we didn't have that mutual friend who pretended she wanted to have lunch with me as an excuse to introduce us, that's really my point.

[somedude81]

. During the movie, he kept creeping closer to me and I kept backing away. After the movie, he gave me a huge pretentious speech about how disappointed he was that I couldn't see what a good match we were. It didn't help matters, but I admired his guts in giving a big speech like that so I kissed him. Then he started feeling me up, and I got grossed out and ran out of the room. Then it was summer break.

 

That summer, I had a really gross threesome with two girls and I was feeling sick of women. Then I got back to school and started hanging out with him again, and I was in the mood to be with a dude, and I was already used to his presence, so I started sleeping with him. Eventually we began describing ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. Nine years and three breakups later, we are back together again. But none of it would of happened if we didn't have that mutual friend who pretended she wanted to have lunch with me as an excuse to introduce us, that's really my point.

WTF did I just read?

 

LOL, the moral of your story is so off the wall from how things happened

 

BTW, I once had a mutual friend reconnect me with a girl that I used to know and I started pursuing her. The friend is a lesbian. Sadly, the two girls never hooked up. It would have been great if the girl I wanted did the girl girl thing first, and regardless of how she liked it, wanted to try guys next (she's a virgin); and of course I'd be there for her

 

Even better would have been a threesome. I've had that fantasy many times.

 

Man, I haven't spoken to any of those girls in a long time.

-----------

I wish I'd given her a speech too. I never thought about trying to convince her that we were such a great match.

Edited June 7, 2012 by somedude81

[Meeks7]

So were you and Beth introduced to each other and told that you two would be a good match? Or were you told about each other and that the other person is looking for somebody to date?

 

When we first met, neither Roger or Tiffany told us that the two of us would be a good match. There's an unspoken rule not to do that. That just puts pressure on things and can make for a very awkward atmosphere. Just imagine, if you will:

 

Roger: Hey Tiff!

 

Tiff: Hey Roger!

 

Roger: HEY HEY HEY! Who do we have here???

 

Tiff: Oh, this is my SINGLE and AVAILABLE friend, Beth! Hey, who do you have there?

 

Roger: Oh this is my main man, Meeks! By the way, he's also SINGLE and READY TO MINGLE

 

OR

 

Roger: Hey Meeks, met Beth.

 

Tiff: Beth, meet Meeks.

 

Meeks: Uh, hey

 

Beth: Um, hi

 

Tiff and Roger: We think you two would be a good couple!

 

Can you say instant awkward?

 

Suffice to say, that's most definitely not how it went down. It went down casually, where we were introduced, but you can tell, if you know how to read body language, what Tiff and Roger's intent was. It was clear it was a set-up, but without any solid verbalization.

 

It was only after we became a couple that they later told us what we already know.

 

BTW SomeDude, Beth wants to know if you understood what she last posted, and what your thoughts were. Do you just sit at home alone Friday night? Do you see that such a lifestyle is not very conducive to personal growth? Are you starting to see why having friends AND learning how to be a good friend is actually a HEALTHY thing?

 

The longer you resist changing the way you think and live, the longer you're going to be in the same exact position. Except, eventually, you're only going to get worse. The decisions we make today affect our lives tomorrow. It's a good idea to start making some changes in your life, no matter how small they may be. Just get the ball rolling, and start picking up some positive momentum.

[Meeks7]

SomeDude, Beth asked about you last night. She was wondering about your thoughts on my last post in your topic. She says that she's cheering for you, but that you actually have to put forth a really good effort if you wish to experience success. You can't just stay home all the time, avoid making friends (having the mindset of "I'm not AGAINST having/making friends, but I won't initiate with people -- they have to befriend me FIRST" is not exactly a formula for success), do the minimal self-improvement work and expect yourself to magically find yourself a girlfriend someday.

 

The groundwork/foundation building for you needs to begin today. Again, it's all about taking small steps forward. No one is asking you to have 50 close friends by the end of this week. Start small, build up some positive momentum for yourself. I think if you really looked in the mirror, the real question isn't "How to self-improve?" (you already know many different ideas; you just need to be open to trying them more consistently) but rather the real question to ask is "Why am I scared to legitimately try?"

 

Before I snapped out of my funk (very similar to yours) years ago, I know how it feels to SAY you want something (i.e. a girlfriend) but not taking the proper (self-improvement) steps toward achieving your dreams. It's weird. Humans can get stuck in their ways and sometimes the familiar is so comfortable you don't want to risk failure by trying, because it would only confirm your fears that "see I tried, I really tried, and I still suck."

 

But winners in life (all throughout history like Winston Churchill or the average Joe in your town) persist, push through and make their own luck happen.

 

The problem is, when you're in so deep in a certain mindset and lifestyle, breaking free is very difficult (although not impossible). You really can't do it on your own, either. I was lucky, in that my cousin reached out to me, and he sort of became my mentor/life coach during my lowest life years. Now, I'm back up on my feet, and I have a beautiful girlfriend.

 

So that's why I'm telling you, it takes some initiative and work on your part. If you're going to change your circumstances, you really just have to change your lifestyle choices. Easier said than done, but it's not rocket science, either. Beth and I wish you the best.

[jobaba]

I absolutely agree with you that the way Beth and I met is ideal. Here's one of the PERKS of being in a healthy social circle. If you are genuinely a good guy, the guys and girls in your social circle will notice it. Trust me, they will. And as your quality seeps into their collective consciousness, they begin thinking "Meeks (or insert YOUR name) is a good guy! He really deserves a good woman. Hmmm, are there any good single women that I know?"

 

Absolutely bar, none the best advice I have ever heard on LS. In theory, at least ...

 

My buddy's wife has tried to hook me up with just about every woman she knows, no matter how pretty. Because she knows good gals, she thinks there's a chance every time.

 

Of course, there's not too many people who think like my buddy's wife. Most others would be saying, "Eh, he's not good looking enough, not tall enough, doesn't make enough $" for her or her or her.

 

So, she's a minority.

[jobaba]

SomeDude, Beth asked about you last night. She was wondering about your thoughts on my last post in your topic. She says that she's cheering for you, but that you actually have to put forth a really good effort if you wish to experience success. You can't just stay home all the time, avoid making friends (having the mindset of "I'm not AGAINST having/making friends, but I won't initiate with people -- they have to befriend me FIRST" is not exactly a formula for success), do the minimal self-improvement work and expect yourself to magically find yourself a girlfriend someday.

 

The groundwork/foundation building for you needs to begin today. Again, it's all about taking small steps forward. No one is asking you to have 50 close friends by the end of this week. Start small, build up some positive momentum for yourself. I think if you really looked in the mirror, the real question isn't "How to self-improve?" (you already know many different ideas; you just need to be open to trying them more consistently) but rather the real question to ask is "Why am I scared to legitimately try?"

 

Before I snapped out of my funk (very similar to yours) years ago, I know how it feels to SAY you want something (i.e. a girlfriend) but not taking the proper (self-improvement) steps toward achieving your dreams. It's weird. Humans can get stuck in their ways and sometimes the familiar is so comfortable you don't want to risk failure by trying, because it would only confirm your fears that "see I tried, I really tried, and I still suck."

 

But winners in life (all throughout history like Winston Churchill or the average Joe in your town) persist, push through and make their own luck happen.

 

The problem is, when you're in so deep in a certain mindset and lifestyle, breaking free is very difficult (although not impossible). You really can't do it on your own, either. I was lucky, in that my cousin reached out to me, and he sort of became my mentor/life coach during my lowest life years. Now, I'm back up on my feet, and I have a beautiful girlfriend.

 

So that's why I'm telling you, it takes some initiative and work on your part. If you're going to change your circumstances, you really just have to change your lifestyle choices. Easier said than done, but it's not rocket science, either. Beth and I wish you the best.

 

I think it's great that you guys are trying to help him. Most people wouldn't give two sh@ts about some random dateless guy.

 

I can tell you are awesome people.

[Meeks7]

Thanks, Joba. As for your situation, don't get too down on it. Sometimes it works out, most times it doesn't. Who knows, as long as you have someone lobbying your name out there in a positive fashion, anything's possible. You certainly have a better chance than the guy who has no friends lobbying for him! Look at it THAT way

 

I know where SomeDude is coming from. I've been there. After a while, you get used to the slump you're in, and you start to believe and expect the worst. So, to reduce the amount of pain, you live the same isolated lifestyle. Because it's risk-free. You just end up slowly withering away, without any contribution to the world. It's a very lonely and depressing lifestyle. I eventually reached out to my cousin and he helped me get back on my feet. I worked on myself and became more well-rounded. I made friends, and Roger eventually led me to Beth. The same could happen to him, but first he needs to shift his mindset.

 

I reached my boiling point and decided enough was enough.

 

He has to get to his boiling point as well. From his posts though, I sense he hasn't reached his BP yet. When he finally does, maybe he'll start changing his lifestyle choices. Until then, the slump will continue for him.

 

I speak from personal experience.

[somedude81]

Of course I'm at my boiling point.

 

The problem that everything seems so hopeless that it doesn't matter what I do because nothing is going to work.

[Meeks7]

Of course I'm at my boiling point.

 

The problem that everything seems so hopeless that it doesn't matter what I do because nothing is going to work.

 

Let's define boiling point as the point where you finally actually throw your hands up and say "I'm sick of the way my life is going. I'm ready to make some changes ."

 

In that respect, you haven't hit your BP yet. When you're ready to try, like REALLY try, then you've hit your BP. There IS a difference between sending out your resume to two places and saying "Well I tried!" versus sending out 100, even to locations outside your comfort zone (i.e. maybe you even apply out of state). There's a difference in how one "tries."

 

It might behoove you to start with baby steps. Step number one: getting a healthy support group around you to encourage and spur you on. You can't get out of this slump alone. I didn't. I only got out once I developed friends and learned how to be a good friend to others. It teaches you a lot about life that you can't learn otherwise.

 

You just can't skip this step on your way to success.

 

Since you're skipping it and appear adamant on not making friends, that explains why you haven't had success. Your social skills and "human connection" skills aren't being sharpened; they're only rotting with each passing week, passing month. Girls know this, and they purposely avoid guys who exhibit this. Trust me. Or trust your own track record: 0 girlfriends.

[Bristolius]

Somedude read about this idea:

Learned helplessness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[somedude81]

Let's define boiling point as the point where you finally actually throw your hands up and say "I'm sick of the way my life is going. I'm ready to make some changes ."

 

In that respect, you haven't hit your BP yet. When you're ready to try, like REALLY try, then you've hit your BP. There IS a difference between sending out your resume to two places and saying "Well I tried!" versus sending out 100, even to locations outside your comfort zone (i.e. maybe you even apply out of state). There's a difference in how one "tries."

Fine no, I haven't completely hit that point. But when I do, it will be my last day on this planet.

It might behoove you to start with baby steps. Step number one: getting a healthy support group around you to encourage and spur you on. You can't get out of this slump alone. I didn't. I only got out once I developed friends and learned how to be a good friend to others. It teaches you a lot about life that you can't learn otherwise.

 

You just can't skip this step on your way to success.

 

Since you're skipping it and appear adamant on not making friends, that explains why you haven't had success. Your social skills and "human connection" skills aren't being sharpened; they're only rotting with each passing week, passing month. Girls know this, and they purposely avoid guys who exhibit this. Trust me. Or trust your own track record: 0 girlfriends.

I can't just go to a store and buy friends. I have tried to make friends. I've joined clubs, organizations, sports team, both all guy and coed. I've tried to get a few guys that I met to hang out with me but they have other things going on.

 

From my experience, making friends is just as much work as trying to get a GF but the payoff is much smaller. I also know that I simply have more fun when I'm with a girl then when I'm with guys.

 

And no, girls do not avoid whatever you say I have. I have had many close female friends over the years. The only those friendships ended is because I wanted more and they didn't.

[Els]

Hrrm. So you HAVE tried to make friends, then? Our replies were mainly based on your own replies to our suggestions, in which you said things to the effect of, "But what is the POINT of having guy friends? I don't need any." So we inferred that you did not even make a genuine attempt.

[somedude81]

Hrrm. So you HAVE tried to make friends, then? Our replies were mainly based on your own replies to our suggestions, in which you said things to the effect of, "But what is the POINT of having guy friends? I don't need any." So we inferred that you did not even make a genuine attempt.

Yes I have tried to make friends but I have only mentioned my efforts in a few posts.

 

I haven't been asking "what is the point of having guy friends", more like, "how is having guy friends going to help me?"

 

From what I understand, having friends is going to let me meet more women. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it will have any affect in making girls actually like me; which is my problem, not that I don't meet any girls. I don't have a clue how to get girls to like me as anything more than a friend.

[LittlePrince]

Yes I have tried to make friends but I have only mentioned my efforts in a few posts.

 

I haven't been asking "what is the point of having guy friends", more like, "how is having guy friends going to help me?"

 

From what I understand, having friends is going to let me meet more women. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it will have any affect in making girls actually like me; which is my problem, not that I don't meet any girls. I don't have a clue how to get girls to like me as anything more than a friend.

In my experience women like men who dictate all the terms and rule their lives with an iron fist.

[Meeks7]

I haven't been asking "what is the point of having guy friends", more like, "how is having guy friends going to help me?"

 

From what I understand, having friends is going to let me meet more women. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it will have any affect in making girls actually like me; which is my problem, not that I don't meet any girls. I don't have a clue how to get girls to like me as anything more than a friend.

 

You are right on two accounts here:

 

1. Having friends is going to bring more women into your life

2. Unfortunately, that doesn't guarantee that they will actually like you

 

HOWEVER, if you can maintain a friendship (and not just befriend girls in the hopes that one will eventually fall for you) you might make yourself into a better catch simply by understanding the beauty of reciprocity. If all your female relationships ended poorly (i.e. as you said you wanted more and they couldn't offer you that so the friendship ended), then that's a red flag that you still have a lot to learn about what it takes to be a genuinely good friend (without any hidden agendas) and that oh-so-valued commodity known as "reciprocity"

 

It sounds to me like you're only looking out for yourself, and that you're trying to achieve your goal with as little effort as possible. Not a very effective combination.

 

My GF Beth said she avoids guys who have no friends. I asked her if most girls do, or if that was just her. She said all her female friends said the same thing as they've talked about guys over the years.

 

Fact is, most girls avoid loners. Sorry, I didn't make the rules. It's just how it is. And before you say you can hide this from girls, stop to think about it. Should you hide a weakness, or proactively work on it RIGHT NOW so that it can become a strength and not something you have to "hide" out of shame and guilt and fear?

 

You know being a loner is not a good thing. You know girls don't like it. You try to hide it but girls always find out. Trust me, they always do.

 

Like Beth said last time, you live in SO CAL. There are so many single events there it's insane. You should pick one out and attend this Friday night. No excuses, and please don't go to find a girl. Just go for the experience of getting out of the house on a Friday night. Break up your usual routine. Try something fresh. And just enjoy the process. Don't look for results. I think if you just attend a singles event, it's already a win.

[jobaba]

 

From my experience, making friends is just as much work as trying to get a GF but the payoff is much smaller. I also know that I simply have more fun when I'm with a girl then when I'm with guys.

 

And no, girls do not avoid whatever you say I have. I have had many close female friends over the years. The only those friendships ended is because I wanted more and they didn't.

 

It IS hard to make friends as an adult. People have their established network of friends and will not fully open themselves up to a new person usually. I counted for some reason the other day, and I have about 10 friends that I can hang out with one on one and count on, and most of those 10 I've spent many years building relationships with in one way or another.

 

If you don't spend time working on your social life, at some later date, you may regret it. Life gives you time to do certain things, and however you choose to spend it, that's what the result will be. Of course, some people make friends a lot easier than others.

 

In reality though, you don't need friends to get a GF. My buddy just came from a wedding and said that the groom had nobody on his side of the wedding except for immediate family and a smattering of relatives. His best man was his father. It can be done. But it will be harder than if you had friends to help you, wing you, hook you up, etc.

[zengirl]

Yes I have tried to make friends but I have only mentioned my efforts in a few posts.

 

I haven't been asking "what is the point of having guy friends", more like, "how is having guy friends going to help me?"

 

From what I understand, having friends is going to let me meet more women. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it will have any affect in making girls actually like me; which is my problem, not that I don't meet any girls. I don't have a clue how to get girls to like me as anything more than a friend.

 

It may also improve your social skills and maturity, which would improve your ability to attract women. I think social skills and maturity are two areas where you could use some major leveling, personally. People underestimate how important those things are to success in dating and success in life all the time. Sure, an immature guy with poor social skills who is also a 6'3'' male model with perfect abs and a chiseled face may be able to land plenty of women (plenty will also not be interested, because of the character factor), but most guys who are average live or die in the dating world by their maturity and social skills.

[Meeks7]

It may also improve your social skills and maturity, which would improve your ability to attract women. I think social skills and maturity are two areas where you could use some major leveling, personally. People underestimate how important those things are to success in dating and success in life all the time. Sure, an immature guy with poor social skills who is also a 6'3'' male model with perfect abs and a chiseled face may be able to land plenty of women (plenty will also not be interested, because of the character factor), but most guys who are average live or die in the dating world by their maturity and social skills.

 

Right. It's about how well a guy can hold himself up in the company of others. To be his own man, speak his mind, yet have compassion and tact. You simply can't sharpen your overall social skills if all you do is go to school, work and come right back home.

 

Socially, you might as well be a caveman. It's not attractive to the ladies, and you'll have a hard time getting a girlfriend, because your social skills are so rusty.

 

Maybe join a book club or something. ANYTHING. Join anything where there will be some consistency and maybe you can form some friendships.

[utterer of lies]

From what I understand, having friends is going to let me meet more women. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it will have any affect in making girls actually like me; which is my problem, not that I don't meet any girls. I don't have a clue how to get girls to like me as anything more than a friend.

 

Having friends will make you feel better about yourself, and help you get out of your spiral of depression and helplessness.

 

Being more confident and happy will make you more attractive to women.

[somedude81]

You are right on two accounts here:

 

1. Having friends is going to bring more women into your life

2. Unfortunately, that doesn't guarantee that they will actually like you

 

HOWEVER, if you can maintain a friendship (and not just befriend girls in the hopes that one will eventually fall for you) you might make yourself into a better catch simply by understanding the beauty of reciprocity. If all your female relationships ended poorly (i.e. as you said you wanted more and they couldn't offer you that so the friendship ended), then that's a red flag that you still have a lot to learn about what it takes to be a genuinely good friend (without any hidden agendas) and that oh-so-valued commodity known as "reciprocity"

None of that has any affect on attraction.

 

I know how to be a good friend and just because I wanted a girl to be my girlfriend is not an argument against that. Also it's not a hidden agenda. The last girl I spent time with knew that I liked her a few weeks after we met. We then when on to hang out for almost two years.

 

So tell me how it's a red flag and that I why you think I don't have reciprocity because I fall for my female friends and they don't like me back.

 

It sounds to me like you're only looking out for yourself, and that you're trying to achieve your goal with as little effort as possible. Not a very effective combination.

Instead of being out for myself, what should I be doing?

My GF Beth said she avoids guys who have no friends. I asked her if most girls do, or if that was just her. She said all her female friends said the same thing as they've talked about guys over the years.

 

Fact is, most girls avoid loners. Sorry, I didn't make the rules. It's just how it is. And before you say you can hide this from girls, stop to think about it. Should you hide a weakness, or proactively work on it RIGHT NOW so that it can become a strength and not something you have to "hide" out of shame and guilt and fear?

 

You know being a loner is not a good thing. You know girls don't like it. You try to hide it but girls always find out. Trust me, they always do.

And how long does it take for a girl to find out? I'm guessing it would be long enough time that we could have gone on a few dates by the time she wants to meet my friends or something.

Like Beth said last time, you live in SO CAL. There are so many single events there it's insane. You should pick one out and attend this Friday night. No excuses, and please don't go to find a girl. Just go for the experience of getting out of the house on a Friday night. Break up your usual routine. Try something fresh. And just enjoy the process. Don't look for results. I think if you just attend a singles event, it's already a win.

Actually, I haven't heard of any single events in Socal. Unless you are talking about going to a bar, club or some random party.

It IS hard to make friends as an adult. People have their established network of friends and will not fully open themselves up to a new person usually. I counted for some reason the other day, and I have about 10 friends that I can hang out with one on one and count on, and most of those 10 I've spent many years building relationships with in one way or another.

 

If you don't spend time working on your social life, at some later date, you may regret it. Life gives you time to do certain things, and however you choose to spend it, that's what the result will be. Of course, some people make friends a lot easier than others.

Yup, that's what I'm talking about, many people are fine with the friends they already have, and aren't really interested in making new ones. I've tried to get into an already established circle and it never happened. It's also pretty hard to get a guy I don't know to hang out with me.

 

As for working on my social life, I don't even really have a clue where to start.

In reality though, you don't need friends to get a GF. My buddy just came from a wedding and said that the groom had nobody on his side of the wedding except for immediate family and a smattering of relatives. His best man was his father. It can be done. But it will be harder than if you had friends to help you, wing you, hook you up, etc.

I never doubted it. All it takes is having one girl like me as more than a friend. And she's not going to like me based on how many friends I have. There will be other things much more important to her.

[ThaWholigan]

None of that has any affect on attraction.

 

I know how to be a good friend and just because I wanted a girl to be my girlfriend is not an argument against that. Also it's not a hidden agenda. The last girl I spent time with knew that I liked her a few weeks after we met. We then when on to hang out for almost two years.

 

So tell me how it's a red flag and that I why you think I don't have reciprocity because I fall for my female friends and they don't like me back.

 

Instead of being out for myself, what should I be doing?

And how long does it take for a girl to find out? I'm guessing it would be long enough time that we could have gone on a few dates by the time she wants to meet my friends or something.

Actually, I haven't heard of any single events in Socal. Unless you are talking about going to a bar, club or some random party.

 

Yup, that's what I'm talking about, many people are fine with the friends they already have, and aren't really interested in making new ones. I've tried to get into an already established circle and it never happened. It's also pretty hard to get a guy I don't know to hang out with me.

 

As for working on my social life, I don't even really have a clue where to start.

I never doubted it. All it takes is having one girl like me as more than a friend. And she's not going to like me based on how many friends I have. There will be other things much more important to her.

I have some links for you that I will PM you that is pretty much geared to building a social circle if you're struggling with this.

 

But you have to stop looking at everything in such a hopeless manner, this is why nothing works for you.