Kamille Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 SD, what are the things you find interesting? What are you focusing on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Honestly, I wasn't aware of what self-actualized fully meant. So I looked it up in trusty wikipeida. However, the concept was brought most fully to prominence in Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory as the final level of psychological development that can be achieved when all basic and mental needs are fulfilled and the "actualization" of the full personal potential takes place. So a quick look at Maslow's chart http://thelemontwist.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/maslow.png Do I have all my basic and mental needs fulfilled? I'll give that a resounding, hell no! Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Honestly, I wasn't aware of what self-actualized fully meant. So I looked it up in trusty wikipeida. However, the concept was brought most fully to prominence in Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory as the final level of psychological development that can be achieved when all basic and mental needs are fulfilled and the "actualization" of the full personal potential takes place. So a quick look at Maslow's chart http://thelemontwist.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/maslow.png Do I have all my basic and mental needs fulfilled? I'll give that a resounding, hell no! That person never existed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 That person never existed. Uh, Abraham Maslow was a real person. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Okay, maybe not fully self actualized. At least be walking in that direction. It's completely accepted wisdom that you can't get another person to fulfill you. You are not going to be the exception. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 If you are looking to find someone of the opposite sex that's a good way to do exactly the opposite. Broadening horizons outside of what one's sex typically enjoys will be required. I never said don't try new things. I said you should have some kind of interest in it. So the main focus isn't finding someone but meeting someone who shares a similar interest as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Honestly, I wasn't aware of what self-actualized fully meant. So I looked it up in trusty wikipeida. However, the concept was brought most fully to prominence in Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory as the final level of psychological development that can be achieved when all basic and mental needs are fulfilled and the "actualization" of the full personal potential takes place. So a quick look at Maslow's chart http://thelemontwist.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/maslow.png Do I have all my basic and mental needs fulfilled? I'll give that a resounding, hell no! But the thing is that in life, no one is entitled to having all their needs fulfilled. People have to work for them. Not even the basic ones, tbh. You may not understand this fully because you were born in a developed country with social welfare, but it is something that bears thinking about. Lots of people, if they sit around expecting to be given food and not doing anything about it... well, they don't get food. It's as simple as that. Needs aren't something that the world owes you. Link to post Share on other sites
Meeks7 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Drastically changing how I approach everything in life hardly seems possible. I'm confused. Can you tell us WHY exactly it's impossible? It's one small step at a time. It definitely IS POSSIBLE. I have no interest in a life where I have self-actualization but living without a partner. What MC was trying to say is you won't get a partner UNTIL you are on the right path of self-actualization (you don't have to be there all the way 100%... but at least moving toward 100% every single day that you wake up). Once you have more self-actualization, the GF might come. No guarantee but your chances would shoot up. If you continue the way you are right now, your chances are very slim to none. That's just how it is. You are not healthy to date right now. You have issues you need to address and really iron out first before you will attract a woman to become your GF. It's so strange how you claim all you want is a GF, but you're making every choice possible to see that that DOES NOT happen for you. Can you at least see this and acknowledge it? Or do you feel this is untrue? And if so, why is it untrue? The real world is not getting to know SomeDude81! And if no one is getting to know you, forever you shall remain single. So maybe it's time to be a little more open minded about different things... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 The thing is, I feel that I've done enough that I should have gotten at least one girlfriend by now in my life. Many guys have put in far less effort than I have and gotten more women than I. But yes, I know the world is not fair. The problem with something like getting women, is that it's impossible to know how close I actually am and how much further I have to go. There is no way to tell if what I'm doing is going to be productive. Yes there are a whole bunch of things I can try and simply no way to tell it will be worth my time or not. Right now I don't have a lot of motivation or energy. Frankly, it feels like I'm just getting by in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 What are those things? Things that require as little effort and energy as possible. Basically anything that keeps my mind occupied. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I give up. I'm actually done, I submit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 The unfortunate thing is you'll never change your situation with that way of thinking. What other guys have done to get girlfriends are totally irrelevant here. You're not them, so it doesn't matter. At this point, it just all seems backwards. You're lacking courage and commitment, but the one thing you're unfortunately not lacking is excuses. It's not like you can't do things differenly, you just simply don't want it enough. You don't want to make friends, go to singles events, meet up with Meek's friend's friend, approach more women, do things outside of your normal routines, etc. I'm sure you really desire a girlfriend, but the fact that you're so willing to go against many of the things that makes it easier to acquire one is rather apalling. The bad part is I know what it's like....really, I do. Constantly making excuses, believing "I couldn't do it", but after awhile, you need to realize you're not acting like a man. If you're not going to adapt and make your situation better, then you're really in no position to continue complaining. There's really no reason why a woman would choose someone who's not willing to expand themselves. You're in your own way more often than you think. Personally, I don't think you're a lost cause, but you really need to get it together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Meeks7 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Things that require as little effort and energy as possible. Basically anything that keeps my mind occupied. I thought so. So basically, surfing the net, posting on Loveshack, watching movies and playing video games... all of these things done by yourself. Congratulations. You reap what you sow. The thing is, I feel that I've done enough that I should have gotten at least one girlfriend by now in my life. Many guys have put in far less effort than I have and gotten more women than I. But yes, I know the world is not fair. The problem with something like getting women, is that it's impossible to know how close I actually am and how much further I have to go. There is no way to tell if what I'm doing is going to be productive. Yes there are a whole bunch of things I can try and simply no way to tell it will be worth my time or not. Right now I don't have a lot of motivation or energy. Frankly, it feels like I'm just getting by in life. OK, so rather than try, you're just going to keep doing what you already know hasn't worked. You give up too easily. You are absolutely scared of actual change happening, because actual change requires hard work. And you obviously lack the drive and discipline to better yourself. You're never going to get a girlfriend this way. I was like you years ago. But I got my act together and today am happily with Beth, my awesome girlfriend. You can do it too, but apparently, you just don't want to. I don't know what else to say, except it seems you have some major psychological issues that badly need to be addressed. Sadly, I already know you're not going to do a thing about it. You seem intent on watching your own life fall apart. You said this earlier in this thread, and guess what, at the rate you're going, it's going to happen. It's only a matter of time. Congratulations? *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I give up. I'm actually done, I submit Hhahaah, that's what Teknoe said a couple months ago, and look what he's doing now. I think SD is just irresistable. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hhahaah, that's what Teknoe said a couple months ago, and look what he's doing now. I think SD is just irresistable. He's on ignore, I just can't deal anymore . Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 The unfortunate thing is you'll never change your situation with that way of thinking. What other guys have done to get girlfriends are totally irrelevant here. You're not them, so it doesn't matter. Not to mention, you view all these "other guys" and what they did or didn't do through your own very warped and biased perspective. You know what? I did the exact same thing as my friend. We were in school together, with the same major, and even worked at the same company for a while. She is the president of a multi-million dollar business now. I'm not. NO FAIR. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Hhahaah, that's what Teknoe said a couple months ago, and look what he's doing now. I think SD is just irresistable. Me too! Yet here I am. I do need to stop though. I feel like we are all participating in enabling a very negative and sick thing by playing this game with SD. Posting here appears to be just a little hobby for SD - to kind of provide a semblance of social interaction. I don't believe he has any intention of doing one single thing to move an iota from the exact spot he's in right this moment. Zero. We're helping him pretend like he might. Onwards to the next decade, SD. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Me too! Yet here I am. I do need to stop though. I feel like we are all participating in enabling a very negative and sick thing by playing this game with SD. Posting here appears to be just a little hobby for SD - to kind of provide a semblance of social interaction. I don't believe he has any intention of doing one single thing to move an iota from the exact spot he's in right this moment. Zero. We're helping him pretend like he might. Onwards to the next decade, SD. I generally find SD a much nicer person to talk to when you aren't trying to help him, so that's pretty much win-win for me. What he does with his RL isn't really my business, I've done my best and I don't think there's anything more I can do, so I cheerfully give up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 LS is his social life Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I generally find SD a much nicer person to talk to when you aren't trying to help him, so that's pretty much win-win for me. What he does with his RL isn't really my business, I've done my best and I don't think there's anything more I can do, so I cheerfully give up. Good point, maybe the ignore was hasty ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Good point, maybe the ignore was hasty ..... Too bad we can't selectively ignore only OP's threads / posts that have to do with dating, girls and sex. But … would there be any left? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Too bad we can't selectively ignore only OP's threads / posts that have to do with dating, girls and sex. But … would there be any left? I'd imagine there would be a few, he can be very funny at times. It just annoys me when people refuse to even expend the energy necessary to improve to the level that they want, when they quite clearly can if they put the energy to it. Not a lot of things annoy me, but that highly gets on my nerves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 It just annoys me when people refuse to even expend the energy necessary to improve to the level that they want, when they quite clearly can if they put the energy to it. Not a lot of things annoy me, but that highly gets on my nerves. Me too. Well, in my case, quite a few things annoy me. The refusal to do a thing. The constant fishing for advice (attention, interaction) and then rejecting ALL of it, in insulting ways. And, worst, then saying things like he'd prefer to not live than to go on like this. Frustrating and angering. Bottom like, SD - all the attention you've garnered here, even the negative, shows that people really do care about your plight and have wanted to try to help you out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Too bad we can't selectively ignore only OP's threads / posts that have to do with dating, girls and sex. But … would there be any left? Of course you can. Step 1: Don't go into the threads he makes about dating, sex or women. Mission complete. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'd imagine there would be a few, he can be very funny at times. It just annoys me when people refuse to even expend the energy necessary to improve to the level that they want, when they quite clearly can if they put the energy to it. Not a lot of things annoy me, but that highly gets on my nerves. What I don't think you or anybody is aware of, is that I extremely emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausted. Often that manifests as physical exhaustion, as no matter how many hours I sleep, I'm still tired most of the day. Some days I just lay in bed in the middle of the day because I'm just to tired to do anything. I'm pretty sure that it's all mental. Basically, I'm running on empty. Link to post Share on other sites
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