How does the dating and sex thing actually work?

[somedude81]

..............................

Nice to see how you proved I was wrong...........................

[Badsingularity]

Nice to see how you proved I was wrong...........................

 

 

I had a long post written out but decided it wasn't worth it.

 

but, since you decided to come back with a weak passive aggressive sarcastic comment

 

How can you meet all of the requirements to be a good boyfriend when you don't even know what those requirement are?

 

A good boyfriend understands what women find attractive. He knows how to be attractive. He understands and accepts that women are very intuitive. He has an attractive attitude and personality. He is strong and open minded. He is able to listen and admit when he is wrong. He is assertive and has leadership skills. He is not scared to do what needs to be done in difficult situations. He understands what truly makes women happy and he also knows what makes them horny.

 

You only have some of the needed requirments. The rest you still haven't learned, but you can if you start listening to people trying to help you and doing all the hard things that you need to do if you want to succeed.

[zengirl]

I'm not surprised you are not able to answer the majority of these questions. Like I said, I don't get the sense that you knew her half as well as you like to believe. I think your mind formulated an idea of who she was, and you were so fixated on the Dani you MADE UP in your mind. It's not your fault or anything. You just haven't had any real sort of friendships in the past to help teach you. That's why we keep telling you making and maintaining PLATONIC friendships (with guys, and girls, but at this point, I'd suggest a combination in the same group) is so vital for you going forward.

 

This, exactly this, is what I'm saying too, SD. It's not that I'm criticizing you because I want to beat up on Somedude and I wouldn't say anything if I thought you were truly hopeless. You just don't really understand people, and you can't skip ahead to dating if you don't have basic social cues down.

 

I disagree. This girl doesn't sound like she cared enough to share with SD some of that stuff. He was a hangout buddy nothing more. You don't share your inner thoughts with hangout buddies. If you're the sharing type, you usually share that stuff with people you actually care about.

 

I agree with that, 49, but SD believes they were 'close.' I'm not saying he just wasn't listening as much as: You guys were never close at all. So it amounts to the same as what you're saying.

 

I personally disagree with the masses here.

 

You don't have to know a woman inside out and make a connection with her to date you.

 

That's not what we're saying. I agree that's the wrong way to go about dating. Our point was that SD doesn't even quite know what it is to be close to someone - it's a slightly tangential point to dating but not really. jobaba, you may have trouble with dating, but you clearly already have the ability to make and keep friends and be close with others etc etc. We're just saying that even though SD will have to do other things AS WELL to build his romantic skills, he has to build his general social skills and understanding of people, social cues, appropriate social speech/tone/behavior FIRST or else it's probably all for nothing.

 

I'm not trying to imply being close, close friends with a woman and secretly wanting to date her is a good idea in ANY respect.

 

I think SD's social skills are good enough now. He's fairly eloquent and has a decent sense of humor. He's more eloquent than several posters here who have never had trouble getting into relationships.

 

I think SD can be witty and fun to talk to on an internet message forum where he feels much less pressure to respond and where everything is laid out clearly in print, yes. I think those skills are useful to a degree but not the same as RL social skills. He often tells stories that make me think, "Does he really not know any better?" and he even puts his foot in his mouth that way here. Women scrutinize that sort of stuff MUCH more than men on average.

 

I do think if he met enough women, even with his current social skills, he may get lucky and meet someone with whom he had enough synergy to get somewhere. And in the meantime, he should build his social skills AND meet more people, both of which would get him closer to his goal. 'Game' is a part of social skills and should not be ignored, but I think you have to read and understand people to really utilize 'game' effectively.

 

For SD and anybody else who is whining about not meeting opposite sex members ... meetup groups.

 

Agree!

 

No, I didn't want her to have any negative feelings and associate them with me.

 

I know what you meant. But I think you just miss. . . how things work. I know you know that, but when we give you advice on how to figure out how things work, you don't take it.

 

Anyway, talking this much about D is probably not productive. The bottom line is, SD: You need to socialize A LOT more than you do, and not JUST for romance, or else this section of your life will never improve. That's what I believe. I could be wrong, certainly, so if you hear a better idea, try that. But for goodness sake, try SOMETHING dramatically new because otherwise you'll be asking the same questions at 40.

 

As to your strong belief that you meet every requirement to be a great boyfriend, I think that's holding you back. If you can admit where you're lacking, you can fix things. If not . . . you're doomed to remain the same. There's no shame in being lacking in something if you endeavor to fix it.

[somedude81]

I had a long post written out but decided it wasn't worth it.

 

but, since you decided to come back with a weak passive aggressive sarcastic comment

 

How can you meet all of the requirements to be a good boyfriend when you don't even know what those requirement are?

 

A good boyfriend understands what women find attractive. He knows how to be attractive. He understands and accepts that women are very intuitive. He has an attractive attitude and personality. He is strong and open minded. He is able to listen and admit when he is wrong. He is assertive and has leadership skills. He is not scared to do what needs to be done in difficult situations. He understands what truly makes women happy and he also knows what makes them horny.

 

You only have some of the needed requirments. The rest you still haven't learned, but you can if you start listening to people trying to help you and doing all the hard things that you need to do if you want to succeed.

The vast majorities are qualities not requirements. They are also very subjective.

 

A good boyfriend understands what women find attractive. He knows how to be attractive.

 

That sounds more like something one does to attract the girl in the first place. Aside for not letting oneself go, I don't know how that affects the relationship.

 

But yes, I do need to learn what attracts women and to become that. Not being able to do so is the very reason why I can't get a GF.

 

He understands and accepts that women are very intuitive.

 

OK, not really sure how that affects anything.

 

He has an attractive attitude and personality.

 

Again that's something that is very subjective. My attitude isn't the best now, but it's not always bad and once I get a girl, that won't be an issue at all. As for personality, once I get to know someone and am comfortable with them, it's not an issue at all.

 

He is strong and open minded.

 

What do you mean by strong?

 

He is able to listen and admit when he is wrong.

 

Got both covered.

 

He is assertive and has leadership skills.

 

I understand assertive being a good quality because women are naturally passive, but leadership skills, how are they relevant?

 

He is not scared to do what needs to be done in difficult situations.

 

Are we still talking about the qualities of a good boyfriend?

 

He understands what truly makes women happy and he also knows what makes them horny.

 

Yup I'm completely lacking in those two. But those are two things that I will learn when I'm in a relationship, and being in a relationship is the only way to learn them.

Edited July 19, 2012 by somedude81

[Badsingularity]

 

He understands and accepts that women are very intuitive.

 

OK, not really sure how that affects anything.

 

It does. Understanding that women can feel when you are carrying around a weak or negative vibe will keep you focusing on improving yourself, becoming stonger mentally, and being positive

 

 

He is strong and open minded.

 

What do you mean by strong?

 

Strong mentally and emotionally.

 

He is assertive and has leadership skills.

 

I understand assertive being a good quality because women are naturally passive, but leadership skills, how are they relevant?

 

They are very relevant. Women are attracted to leadership abilities in men. Many women want their man to lead in the relationship

 

He is not scared to do what needs to be done in difficult situations.

 

Are we still talking about the qualities of a good boyfriend?

 

yes

[Lonely Ronin]

A good boyfriend understands what women find attractive. He knows how to be attractive.

That sounds more like something one does to attract the girl in the first place. Aside for not letting oneself go, I don't know how that affects the relationship.

 

Dating & Relationships is not an unbreakable contract, either of you can split at any time. Even if you've been together for many years, you still need to keep the relationship new and fresh. That means knowing how to spice things up, as you evolve as a couple. And to be 100% clear, I'm not talking about sex.

 

He understands what truly makes women happy and he also knows what makes them horny.

Yup I'm completely lacking in those two. But those are two things that I will learn when I'm in a relationship, and being in a relationship is the only way to learn them.

This statement shows you don't know WTF you're talking about. It's not the only way, it's not even the predominant way. If it was the only way, no one would have a successful relationship until their 30's. People learn as children & young adults by observing their parents, relatives, & the general public. Sure some stuff is learned along the way, but most people know how to act by the time they graduate highschool.

 

As others have said, & I'm going to reiterate yet again.... Get the the He** out and interact with people in a social setting, or you will still be single at 42.

[Meeks7]

How do you subtly pick up on somebodies favorite childhood memory or their best life experience?

 

Converse, listen. Rinse and repeat. If you're close enough with somebody, and you spend enough time talking with them, these things have a decent shot of coming up. You just have to be close, and know how to listen. That's why I say you probably weren't as close to Dani as your mind likes to believe.

 

I know you want to sound all high and mighty

 

Um, OK. This is part of your problem. I'm not trying to sound high and mighty at all. I'm trying to offer you insight you may not be aware of. But of course, you're caught up in this "LoveShack vs. SomeDude81" crusade.

 

I know you want to believe that you were right thinking that I didn't know Dani at all, but did you forget the part where I said that I can't answer 2-5 about anybody on this world not even my parents nor the closest friends I have ever had? How about some reading compression there meeks?

 

LOL. Um, check this, SomeDude. You can't answer 2-5 about ANYBODY in this world, not even your parents nor the closest friends you have ever had.

 

Think about this: does it say more about my reading comprehension skills, or how you lack communication skills?

 

Think about it... I know 2-5 not just for Beth, but about my parents, my brother, my closest cousin and my closest friends.

 

That's the problem. You not only didn't really know Dani that well... you lack that with other people in your life as well, including your own blood family. It all goes back to social skills or a lack thereof.

 

Exactly I chose not to. I feel that I've written enough about her.

 

If you feel that you've written enough about her, why did you ask me to ask you questions about her?

 

That makes no sense at all.

 

Hey, you were the one who asked me to ask!

 

Again, this is yet another example of how people, even on the internet, pick up certain cues about you as a person and what kind of character you have. You ask for something, people offer, and then you shrink away.

 

If you had written enough about Dani already, why even ask in the first place?

 

I completely disagree with you.

 

I strongly believe that I can meet every requirement to be a great boyfriend.

 

So, you have no clue how this dating (and sex) thing works. You admit that you lack social skills. You have no friends. You're almost 31 but admittedly act like a 16 year old... yet people with ACTUAL SUCCESS give you tips that have proven to work in more cases than not... and yet you reject it.

 

You only reject it because you fear the unknown, and it's always easier to do nothing than to try something. It's that simple.

 

If you strongly believe you can meet every requirement to be a great boyfriend presently, it only shows how delusional you are.

 

This is unbelievable. You are absolutely hell-bent on driving a square peg into a triangular hole. That's served you well so far, hasn't it...

[Teknoe]

Catching up on threads I missed recently, and I see our oleeee friend SD81 is at it yet again. Hmm, some things never change.

 

 

The biggest lesson I learned is not to be friends with a woman I like. If she says no, move on. There is no hope in trying to get a girl to fall for me over time.

 

Yeah, usually going the "let's-be-friends-but-I-really-like-you" route doesn't work. You have to be bold and fearless... ask out girls ASAP, before they can classify you as just a buddy. Have you been trying this approach?

 

 

The sad thing is, doing that will only lessen my chances of getting hurt, but will not actually increase my odds of getting a girl.

 

Not necessarily. Why don't you try asking out more girls? It's as simple as that. You will receive immediate feedback. The only way your odds decrease is if you continue to live this super safe lifestyle that you have been living for most of your life.

 

 

Try me. Ask something (about D).

 

I chose not to answer (that question about D). I feel that I've written enough about her.

 

Sorry SD I gotta call it like I sees it. This is bush league, man. Why ask someone to ask you about D, and then bail out like that? It honestly makes me wonder if you can even put together a (meaningful) paragraph describing your former 2 year long crush, D.

 

Can you?

 

 

Also, I went back and read Page 1 of your infamous "I Feel Like Crap" thread. You wrote this on August 4, 2011. It's been almost ONE YEAR!

 

 

Wow, so much anger today.

 

I did a nice bike ride, almost an hour long but my mind keeps going and I was basically pissed the whole time.

 

A while later I got a call from my job telling me that there isn't a lot to do and I could take the day off, which I gladly did. With a new feeling of happiness I called up the girl I like wanting to hang out. Unfortuantely she didn't answer and I left her a voice mail. About 30 minutes later I sent her a text. Then I sent her another text 5 hours later. And I still haven't heard from her. The last time something like this happened she actually lost her phone. Hopefully that's the case.

 

I haven't seen her a while now and really wanted to see her today since she has family coming over for the weekend and I'd need to wait until next week.

 

Either way, I've been mad for most of the day. Today could have been the one good day I can have all week. Now I'm going to be bored for the rest of the f-ing week.

 

Damn my life sucks.

 

Ugh, I'm turning 30 at the 30th. I am not looking forward to that at all. How did I screw things up with my life so much?

 

Honestly though, I wish the girl would just be rude to me so I can yell and scream at her. She has caused me so much anger, sadness and frustration. I'm just waiting for a reason to blow up at her. There's a lot of things I want to say to her. Of course I would never touch her.

 

It's funny how feelings can switch between love and hate so quickly. Both are really strong emotions so that's probably part of it.

 

The bolded parts are to show you how clingy you were to D, and how that did not help matters. You were pushing her away by how desperate you were. The 2nd bold part shows me you have no clue what love is. You can't even describe D in a paragraph! Replace "love" with "infatuation." Your anger issues are a whole 'notha issue I won't get into.

 

SD, in life you either learn from your mistakes, or you repeat them. Those who don't learn from their past are doomed to repeat it, and those who repeat their errors usually end up in a pretty bad spot in life. It's not fate. It's just poor decisions a person makes over and over. Living an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd hate to see you in the same exact position you are today one year from now. But until you start taking some action, it's going to happen.

 

I mean, look at your quote above. That was from August 4, 2011. It's now nearly one year later at July 22, 2012... and I don't see any changes in your ways of thinking. You're still hung up on this whole D episode... you haven't tried any new dating or self-improvement strategies... you haven't attended meet-ups... you haven't tried speed dating... online dating... consistent exercise... made and kept friends, etc. You still have the same mindset and lifestyle as you did a year ago, except now D is no longer in the picture and you're a year older.

 

It's time to man up, stop the excuse train, and start taking small steps in the right direction.

 

Honestly, what is stopping you from taking action? And why are you so scared of actually work toward becoming the kind of person you can become? Don't give me that "it feels impossible" crap. Do something with your life!

[somedude81]

Why ask someone to ask you about D, and then bail out like that?

Shortly after I asked Meeks to "try me" I got tired of writing about her. I felt I wrote about her enough already. The first post I wrote about her was from April 2010. Ever since then I felt like I was chasing a ghost. She's still on my mind, but I'm trying to change that.

 

You have to be bold and fearless... ask out girls ASAP, before they can classify you as just a buddy. Have you been trying this approach?

That depends on how long it takes for a girl to consider me a buddy. I don't know when the cutoff is and it's something I have always had trouble knowing about.

 

Right now my biggest issue is that I've always been a quiet guy and mainly keep to myself. I go out of my way to talk to girls and joke with them, but in return they just think I'm being friendly. It's basically me trying my hardest to hit a home run and yet the ball only rolls slowly on the dirt. It's very disheartening when I don't get the results I wanted, or anything close to them, and I feel like I'm exerting myself for nothing.

 

It would be different if I had any success to look back to, so I can say, "I've done it before, which means I can do it again." But I've never had any success, and don't know if I've even ever came close.

[Teknoe]

It's basically me trying my hardest to hit a home run and yet the ball only rolls slowly on the dirt. It's very disheartening when I don't get the results I wanted, or anything close to them, and I feel like I'm exerting myself for nothing.

 

As others have mentioned in the past, you keep skipping steps. Sorry, you cannot skip steps and get a girlfriend. You really lack social skills and that is a critical key to attracting females. Being able to hold a conversation, especially if you're not insanely rich or handsome (which you are neither of). You keep avoiding this issue though and that's why you're in the same exact place as last year.

 

You can't skip steps.

 

Following the baseball analogy you brought up, you're trying to make the Major Leagues without first proving yourself in Single A, AA and AAA ball. You can't skip steps!

 

It would be different if I had any success to look back to, so I can say, "I've done it before, which means I can do it again." But I've never had any success, and don't know if I've even ever came close.

 

A. More excuses

 

and

 

B. Actually, it would be different if you just tried, and persisted. But it's obvious to everyone here you intend to self-sabotage yourself to your grave. Until further proof of effort and lifestyle change is given, that's basically what you are doing. Slowly withering away all by your lonesome... SD, the guy afraid of sticking his toe into the waters of life.

Edited July 23, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[pharmmage]

Hey Somedude,

 

I'm really sorry that you have had such bad lucks with women. Perhaps you should NOT pursue dating for say...3-5 years? During those 3-5 years you can finish your degree, perhaps enroll yourself in grad school, and then find a good job. Let's face it, you're a 30 year old man working at a retail probably not making as much as you should. This is a huge turn off for women. You are never going to attract normal looking women if you don't have a career.

 

Why am I emphasizing on advancing your career? Well from your posts, you claim that you don't have game, you think you're physically unattractive, and you lack social skills. You really don't have any thing to offer to women if you don't have these things. Fortunately, you're in college, so I say you should focus on your education and leave the dating scene until you have something to offer to women such as financial security. And please don't tell me that you have something to offer to women because I'm guessing what you are offering is the whole "I will always be there for you"? Well you see, if your girl is living by herself and barely making end's meet, then how are you going to going to support her? Think about that. She knows you'll be there for her, but she needs help and that is something you can't help her unless you have money.

 

Now I'm not saying that women in general go after guys with money. No, I'm saying that you need to be financially stable. In your case, you MUST be financially stable since you admit that you don't have game. Let's say that you do get a girlfriend, but you still work at your retail job. Suddenly, you guys decide to live together, and wanting to buy a house is expensive. What will you do then? Be there for her?

 

Also, I read your thread on that girl you tried to date. I understand that you are hurt, and not wanting to have anything to do with her. But let's face, she was being nice to you because she didn't know how to properly reject you. She was also nice enough to spend time with you, although during those times instead of focusing on bonding with her platonically, you kept on pushing the whole relationship agenda onto her. Do you understand how annoying it is when someone you're not romantically interested in kept on trying to get you to date them? Or let's have an example, let's say that a unattractive woman approach you and want to ask you out. You're a nice enough person to wanting to go and hang out with them, but you're just not into her. You hang out with her a couple time, out of niceness, tried to make her understand that you guys are friends only, but she just doesn't get it. After a while, it becomes annoying and decide that enough is enough, and you drop her.

 

I know what you are going through because I went through the same thing. For a time I was obsessed with this girl to the point where I couldn't focus on anything. I thought about her constantly, and annoyed her with text messages. She was nice enough to reply because she was being polite. Whenever I asked her to hang out, she would make excuses. After a while, I realized that I wasn't attractive to her in her eyes. So I decided to gracefully stepped aside. It really hurts, especially when I found out she had a boyfriend while we were talking.

 

My life completely stopped when I focused on her. As a result my grades dropped tremendously to the point where I was afraid that I would never get my dream job. So I stepped aside, spent the last two years of my undergraduate focused on my education (and going on friendly dates, nothing serious!). Afterwards I realized that I was happy being single, because I had the time I needed to work on myself. Some people used that absence to work on their social skills, physical appearance, get new hobbies, and for me I used that time to focus on my education. Now I am very content with my life, and I am looking forward to my next adventure. I feel that now I have something that I can offer to women, and at anytime, if I meet the girl I am attracted to physically and emotionally, I would no doubt ask her out.

 

I am trying to help you realized that you are not alone in your struggles with dating. A lot of the regulars on LS offered you advice because they know exactly what you've been through and would like to help you out. I am doing the exactly same thing. Please take my advice into consideration.

[Meeks7]

Hey Somedude,

 

I'm really sorry that you have had such bad lucks with women. Perhaps you should NOT pursue dating for say...3-5 years? During those 3-5 years you can finish your degree, perhaps enroll yourself in grad school, and then find a good job.

 

I agree with the general gist of your overall post, but SomeDude could do both at the SAME time. I don't think he should set aside 3-5 years. HOWEVER, I think setting aside a solid year to work on himself and setting himself up would be wise.

 

After that year, he can do both. Continue walking on his career while asking out girls.

 

But for right now, he's in no state of mind to be pursuing girls. I think he needs to give himself 6-12 months to just focus on improving HIMSELF.

 

No need for 3-5 years, but I do think 6-12 months is a must.

 

 

Shortly after I asked Meeks to "try me" I got tired of writing about her. I felt I wrote about her enough already.

 

Everybody has the free right to change their mind at any time, but know that for every action there is a reaction.

 

I could tell my GF Beth that I'll pick her up for a date tonight. I could change my mind, call her and tell her "Sorry hun, something came up." She'd be disappointed. If I repeat this multiple times (in a short span), she would be fed up.

 

When you offer someone something, they take you up and then you change your mind, it says you're not a man who knows how to honor your word. Honestly, I think you got tired of writing about her because you couldn't piece together a substantial paragraph on Dani.

 

So you have free choice to pull back and change your mind, but just know it all helps to paint people's perception of you... and this is further proof that you probably, most likely, didn't really know Dani.

 

You've written this much about her so far, one paragraph describing her can't hurt. The fact that you declined lets the world know you probably didn't really know her all that well.

 

Just letting you know. This is probably something you're not aware of. Be a man who honors his word. If you can't describe Dani, then at least be honest and say "You know, honestly, I can't really... hmm..."

 

The whole "I change my mind thing" is weak.

 

Sharing this with you because things like this say a lot about you as a person, and while you may say who cares it's clear you DO care about your "Loveshack status/persona."

[borkus]

I personally disagree with the masses here.

 

You don't have to know a woman inside out and make a connection with her to date you. In fact, that's the wrong way to go about doing things. Chances are, she won't be attracted to you, reject you, and then, you'll be f@cked up from it.

 

I think SD's social skills are good enough now. He's fairly eloquent and has a decent sense of humor. He's more eloquent than several posters here who have never had trouble getting into relationships. He definitely has enough social skills for a woman to give him a chance. Enough game to close the deal? That might be a different story.

 

For SD and anybody else who is whining about not meeting opposite sex members ... meetup groups.

 

A friend of mine took me to his meetup group last weekend and there were probably 3 or 4 single women. I was thinking which one I could ask out, and it would have been easy.

 

But I really don't have time to take women on dates right now. So, I'm letting it sit for a while.

 

Ironically, I somehow do have time to post on LS...

 

I agree with this post. I think that failing to build a connection is not the reason that D rejected somedude. I have a hunch that she rejected him over something as simple as not being physically attracted to him. That's all.

 

 

Right now my biggest issue is that I've always been a quiet guy and mainly keep to myself. I go out of my way to talk to girls and joke with them, but in return they just think I'm being friendly. It's basically me trying my hardest to hit a home run and yet the ball only rolls slowly on the dirt. It's very disheartening when I don't get the results I wanted, or anything close to them, and I feel like I'm exerting myself for nothing.

 

 

somedude, I think you came up with a major reason why you get rejected by women in your social circle. Women have a hard time feeling a connection to a quiet guy who keeps to himself. How can she feel rapport with a guy if she doesn't know all that much about him? You've created a wall that makes it extremely difficult for women to connect with you.

 

On top of that because you keep to yourself, women aren't going to think of you as that cool guy that she would consider dating. Even if she has a boyfriend or a husband, she will say good things about you when her single friends talk about you. Based on how you describe yourself, women in your social circle are just going to see you as that quiet guy that she tolerates. I think that your vibe is a problem for you.

 

I think that you should consider getting a dating coach. You say that your problem is flirting. Well, your coach can teach you about how to flirt. More importantly, he can train you how to open up and become more comfortable around women you find attractive.

[somedude81]

As others have mentioned in the past, you keep skipping steps. Sorry, you cannot skip steps and get a girlfriend. You really lack social skills and that is a critical key to attracting females. Being able to hold a conversation, especially if you're not insanely rich or handsome (which you are neither of). You keep avoiding this issue though and that's why you're in the same exact place as last year.

Those steps being to get friends and magically improve my social skills?

 

What makes you think I can't hold a conversation?

 

How do you think I got girls like D to spend time with me without being able to have a conversation with them first? Though I tied them up and took them wherever I went?

 

 

A. More excuses

 

and

 

B. Actually, it would be different if you just tried, and persisted.

I love how you can not understand that it is hard and tiring to to try something and fail it it repeatedly. Is Teknoe a robot?

 

Also do you know nothing about gaining confidence from successful actions?

 

 

But it's obvious to everyone here you intend to self-sabotage yourself to your grave. Until further proof of effort and lifestyle change is given, that's basically what you are doing. Slowly withering away all by your lonesome... SD, the guy afraid of sticking his toe into the waters of life.

Yes, because I have never taken any risks in regards to women

I agree with the general gist of your overall post, but SomeDude could do both at the SAME time. I don't think he should set aside 3-5 years. HOWEVER, I think setting aside a solid year to work on himself and setting himself up would be wise.

 

After that year, he can do both. Continue walking on his career while asking out girls.

 

But for right now, he's in no state of mind to be pursuing girls. I think he needs to give himself 6-12 months to just focus on improving HIMSELF.

 

No need for 3-5 years, but I do think 6-12 months is a must.

After things ended with D back in November of last year I haven't pursued anybody. So there's the 6 months of not chasing any girls.

 

 

Everybody has the free right to change their mind at any time, but know that for every action there is a reaction.

You can't be f-ing serious.

 

When you offer someone something, they take you up and then you change your mind, it says you're not a man who knows how to honor your word. Honestly, I think you got tired of writing about her because you couldn't piece together a substantial paragraph on Dani.

I can write a fu*king five page essay about Dani. It is nothing about honoring my word. I don't remember promising you anything at all.

 

 

So you have free choice to pull back and change your mind, but just know it all helps to paint people's perception of you... and this is further proof that you probably, most likely, didn't really know Dani.

 

You've written this much about her so far, one paragraph describing her can't hurt. The fact that you declined lets the world know you probably didn't really know her all that well.

 

Just letting you know. This is probably something you're not aware of. Be a man who honors his word. If you can't describe Dani, then at least be honest and say "You know, honestly, I can't really... hmm..."

Let me put it this way, what can I possibly gain by writing more about her?

 

If you were not aware, I'm trying to get completely over her and get her out of my head

 

 

The whole "I change my mind thing" is weak.

 

Sharing this with you because things like this say a lot about you as a person, and while you may say who cares it's clear you DO care about your "Loveshack status/persona."

Geez, are you this annoying in real life.

 

No meeks, I don't care about my LS persona. I'm not here to try and make anybody like me. I'm not going to try and prove myself to you or anybody else on this forum.

 

I agree with this post. I think that failing to build a connection is not the reason that D rejected somedude. I have a hunch that she rejected him over something as simple as not being physically attracted to him. That's all.

I completely agree with you, she was simply not physically attracted to me.

 

The fact of the matter is, I'm only average in looks, my body is nothing special and I'm only 5'6. Those things make it harder for a woman to be attracted to me. Also Dani is 5'8 and I'm sure her being taller than me made it even harder for her to be attracted to me.

 

So I'm trying to make this dating thing work when women aren't being physically attracted to me, and it's obviously very difficult.

 

 

somedude, I think you came up with a major reason why you get rejected by women in your social circle. Women have a hard time feeling a connection to a quiet guy who keeps to himself. How can she feel rapport with a guy if she doesn't know all that much about him? You've created a wall that makes it extremely difficult for women to connect with you.

When I say keep to myself, I mean that I don't go out of my way to talk to everyone when there is a lot of people. I do much better when the situation allows for one-on-one interaction.

 

 

On top of that because you keep to yourself, women aren't going to think of you as that cool guy that she would consider dating. Even if she has a boyfriend or a husband, she will say good things about you when her single friends talk about you. Based on how you describe yourself, women in your social circle are just going to see you as that quiet guy that she tolerates. I think that your vibe is a problem for you.

Yeah, I really doubt any girl has ever seen me as the cool guy and that's probably why girls never introduce me to their friends and so on.

I think that you should consider getting a dating coach. You say that your problem is flirting. Well, your coach can teach you about how to flirt. More importantly, he can train you how to open up and become more comfortable around women you find attractive.

That is something I simply can not afford.

 

If I had the cash I would definitely do it, but that will have to be after I graduate and get my career going.

[Teknoe]

Those steps being to get friends and magically improve my social skills?

 

What makes you think I can't hold a conversation?

 

 

I'm not saying you can't hold a conversation for 5 minutes. Just about anyone can do that. But it's about more than 5 minutes. Just going off on the fact that you have zero meaningful friendships in your life right now, and haven't for many years, says it all.

 

For whatever reason, you lack an ability to make, and certainly maintain, healthy friendships. That says everything you need to know.

 

How do you think I got girls like D to spend time with me without being able to have a conversation with them first? Though I tied them up and took them wherever I went?

 

Again, it's not about being able to hold a 5 minute conversation, ask a girl lots of questions and she liking your attention initially, it's about the healthy upkeeping of a friendship/relationship aspect that you lack. You just lack understanding on what it means and what it looks like to be a good friend, and how to cultivate a healthy relationship.

 

I love how you can not understand that it is hard and tiring to to try something and fail it it repeatedly. Is Teknoe a robot?

 

Oh I know all about trying and failing.

 

But I also know when you try and fail, you keep trying and you TRY DIFFERENT STRATEGIES. You don't seem able to comprehend this.

 

Also do you know nothing about gaining confidence from successful actions?

 

Life's all about building positive momentum, and taking small steps in the right direction each day. It can be overwhelming and scary which is why many people just cite fate, bad luck and never try. The successful people are the ones who try and try different strategies until something clicks.

 

Yes, because I have never taken any risks in regards to women

 

Again, it's not about you NEVER ever taking risks with women in the past. I don't think I even said that.

 

It's about how many risks you are taking TODAY... and not just with women, but life in general. Again, the big picture flies over your head. You like to point to technicalities while constantly overlooking the big picture. You do this constantly.

[seachangeoflove]

 

If I had the cash I would definitely do it, but that will have to be after I graduate and get my career going.

 

 

I can't wait until you do.

 

Im betting there will be five million threads on why you're having a hard time getting and/or keeping a job outside of a retail environment.

 

You might think getting a gf is the biggest of your problems. But man are you in for a wake up call when you join the real world, if you ever do. It might be good for you though.

 

go ahead and tell me all about how you have no problem at jobs now...but don't waste your time. Just go apply for a real job when you get that degree.

[Teknoe]

I can't wait until you do.

 

Im betting there will be five million threads on why you're having a hard time getting and/or keeping a job outside of a retail environment.

 

You might think getting a gf is the biggest of your problems. But man are you in for a wake up call when you join the real world, if you ever do. It might be good for you though.

 

go ahead and tell me all about how you have no problem at jobs now...but don't waste your time. Just go apply for a real job when you get that degree.

 

*sigh* You are correct. I don't mean like I'm being harsh, but truth is our friend SD is definitely in for a wake up call. That is, if he finishes his studies. He said somewhere he's waiting to be kicked out of college for poor grades, which we've seen him admit that his emotions for girls gets the worst of his studies.

 

I wonder how he would do in a real job interview setting. Just the most basic questions like "So, tell us about yourself." How would he answer? What kind of eye contact would he have? Would he posture his body in a way that reveals he is positive and confident? Would he understand tonality and such?

 

He's definitely been living in his bubble fantasy world. In the background of his life, he's going to school and working retail part-time. I honestly can't tell how hard he's working on his career... it almost seems as though he's going to college moreso for young girls in their early 20s.

 

He's prolonging manhood. It'll be interesting to see where he is 2-3 years from now if he continues to ignore his core issues.

[somedude81]

Please refrain from off-topic discussions, which is dating and sex, not careers.

[Cracker Jack]

You've exausted the well, SD. What is it you're seeking about Dating and sex that hasn't already been discussed? Could your hunger for answers ever be sated?

[SmileFace]

You've exausted the well, SD. What is it you're seeking about Dating and sex that hasn't already been discussed? Could your hunger for answers ever be sated?

Reported!

 

That is not about sex or dating...haha just kidding.

[Cracker Jack]

No. You!!!!!!!

[ThaWholigan]

I think absolutely everything I needed to say is already in this thread about 20 times already

[Meeks7]

After things ended with D back in November of last year I haven't pursued anybody. So there's the 6 months of not chasing any girls.

 

It's ironic you accused me of poor reading comprehension skills. Please read this portion of my post again

 

 

right now, he's in no state of mind to be pursuing girls. I think he needs to give himself 6-12 months to just focus on improving HIMSELF.

 

You haven't been focusing on self-improvement these last six months. You've whined, complained, etc. BIG difference. I'm talking about setting aside a minimum of six months just to clear your thoughts and improve certain aspects of your life.

 

You can't be f-ing serious.

I can write a fu*king five page essay about Dani. It is nothing about honoring my word. I don't remember promising you anything at all.

 

Anger issues, much? No need to start cursing, lol. You don't seem like a stable dude. You think you want something one second, and you flip flop the next. That's all I'm saying.

 

No meeks, I don't care about my LS persona. I'm not here to try and make anybody like me. I'm not going to try and prove myself to you or anybody else on this forum.

 

Says the dude who gets upset when he's "painted as some sort of monster"

 

If you didn't really care, you wouldn't get your underwear in a bunch anytime someone challenges you to view your own life on a deeper scale.

 

But, whatever. You are what you are, and I don't think you're going to change without some major life event shaking up your bubble fantasy. Good luck.

[Cracker Jack]

Also, I'm not sure why SD often takes a snide stance towards some of the posters who really try to help him. I often see you do this towards certain posters (teknoe, meeks) and I just...don't get it. It might seem like they're a bit tough on you, but really, that's the only way one can be with you at this point.

 

Hell, meeks actually had his girlfriend talk to you, and tried to get you help offline. If that isn't care, I don't know what is.

 

You can't just make this a black and white thing. What you're really in need of goes beyond something as simple as "sex and dating", despite how much of a cure you believe this'll be once you acquire it. Your entire lifestyle needs to be reanimated.

[veggirl]

Also, I'm not sure why SD often takes a snide stance towards some of the posters who really try to help him. I often see you do this towards certain posters (teknoe, meeks) and I just...don't get it. It might seem like they're a bit tough on you, but really, that's the only way one can be with you at this point.

 

Hell, meeks actually had his girlfriend talk to you, and tried to get you help offline. If that isn't care, I don't know what is.

 

You can't just make this a black and white thing. What you're really in need of goes beyond something as simple as "sex and dating", despite how much of a cure you believe this'll be once you acquire it. Your entire lifestyle needs to be reanimated.

 

Honestly, the remarks that people make towards SD come off as very condescending. I completely understand why he gets defensive. Everyone treats him like he is a social retard who needs his hand held to go to the grocery store. Everyone tells HIM it's not black & white...but everyone's advice to him is basically just that.

 

No advice on the internet is going to benefit him really, I don't think. He will learn by trial and error and he is obviously very adamant on what he wants to do--no one is going to change his mind. That's very, very clear. So, I don't understand why people don't give advice around that or just not bother. Everyone tells him mostly the same things over and over, either stop if it is so frustrating or adjust to the type of person he is.

 

 

Anyway, I think taking a year to year and a half off thinking of dating / girls and focusing on finishing school and just letting the OTHER stuff happen would be a great idea. You will still be young, but you will have either all or most of your schooling behind you. Maybe you will naturally and organically develop some sort of relationships (friend or otherwise) by just going about your business. Put yourself out there when you have yourself put together. I disagree that a man or woman needs a social circle or fab social skills to be in a relationship. I literally have a best friend and my sisters. That is my social circle, other than my boyfriend. He comments on how socially awkward I am! S.hit he just did this weekend when we had dinner with his grandparents, said I seemed uptight and weird! LOL. Cause I am! He is still with me, he is someone who has a large social circle, life of the party type of person. I have one friend!