How does the dating and sex thing actually work?

[somedude81]

Not denying them, not acting on them. For example You meet someone and you are both very physically attracted to the other, but you wait to sleep together until you get know each other better. This can lead to all kinds of tension in the initial dating phase.

So then it's just based on physical attraction?

[Lonely Ronin]

So then it's just based on physical attraction?

 

No,

 

50/50 physical/personality. Personalities must jive as well.

[ThaWholigan]

So then it's just based on physical attraction?

Not necessarily. You can create a certain level of sexual tension with your words, body language, touch etc. It's a learnable skill that comes under the umbrella of being an attractive person IMO.

[somedude81]

Not necessarily. You can create a certain level of sexual tension with your words, body language, touch etc. It's a learnable skill that comes under the umbrella of being an attractive person IMO.

Any where to start?

[Lonely Ronin]

Any where to start?

 

Where several of us have told you to start. You need to be a happier, more social person, with more things going on in your life.

[verhrzn]

New thought!

 

What the hell is sexual tension?

 

... Dr. Nerdlove did an article on this like, just last week: What Is Chemistry? Part One: Building Sexual Tension | Paging Dr. NerdLove

 

Are you reading the articles, rejecting the advice out right, and then regurgitating the topic here??

[ThaWholigan]

Any where to start?

Start by downloading the links I sent you many moons ago .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, I'll give you 1 good tip.

 

When you are on LS, you are quite a witty and funny dude when you aren't whining about how women don't want you. You have to embrace this side of you a lot more, and when you're interacting with people - DON'T THINK!!! I know we've given you goldmines worth of info but all you can do is absorb some of it and do what you can. I liken it to the old musician's adage:

 

Master the instrument, master the music - then forget all that sh*t and just play

 

When girls drop their little innuendo that they think is subtle but isn't, you reply with your own form of innuendo. It's difficult to do if you aren't used to it, but I learned to banter on that level, plus I had help from the sources I downloaded too.

[ThaWholigan]

... Dr. Nerdlove did an article on this like, just last week: What Is Chemistry? Part One: Building Sexual Tension | Paging Dr. NerdLove

 

Are you reading the articles, rejecting the advice out right, and then regurgitating the topic here??

Good catch Verhrzn

[somedude81]

Where several of us have told you to start. You need to be a happier, more social person, with more things going on in your life.

I feel that, that belief is why I haven't gotten anywhere with the advice given.

Start by downloading the links I sent you many moons ago .

Ha! I was almost going to ask you if it was in one of the links you sent me.

 

 

 

 

 

OK, I'll give you 1 good tip.

 

When you are on LS, you are quite a witty and funny dude when you aren't whining about how women don't want you. You have to embrace this side of you a lot more, and when you're interacting with people - DON'T THINK!!! I know we've given you goldmines worth of info but all you can do is absorb some of it and do what you can. I liken it to the old musician's adage:

The problem is when I don't think, nothing dirty comes out of my mouth.

 

When girls drop their little innuendo that they think is subtle but isn't, you reply with your own form of innuendo. It's difficult to do if you aren't used to it, but I learned to banter on that level, plus I had help from the sources I downloaded too.

I haven't noticed innuendo from women that often. Frankly, I only got it from one girl this year and I played back with some of my own. A little bit later I asked her out and she had a boyfriend, then told me she's flirty with every one, oh brother.

 

I'm wondering if I should just throw out innuendo to all girls I could be interested in, and just see how they respond.

[Lonely Ronin]

I feel that, that belief is why I haven't gotten anywhere with the advice given.

 

what are you currently doing to be a happier & more social person? I don't know why I even ask, because I give it a 99% chance you won't answer this question, because that would mean owning up to the fact that you're just whining.

 

The problem is when I don't think, nothing dirty comes out of my mouth.

 

Well that's a big part of your problem, it's usually not dirty.

[henderson14]

I think people on here are using somedude's problems to boost their own confidence and brag about how great they are. Most normal people meet women casually through friends and social gatherings. I don't know anyone who randomly walked up to a girl on the street, gym, coffee shop etc, volunteering, and it lead to a relationship. It think its stupid to make him think that this is what all the "awesome people with game" (you guys), do on a regular basis.

Edited August 2, 2012 by henderson14

[ThaWholigan]

I think people on here are using somedude's problems to boost their own confidence and brag about how great they are. Most normal people meet women casually through friends and social gatherings. I don't know anyone who randomly walked up to a girl on the street, gym, coffee shop etc, volunteering, and it lead to a relationship. It think its stupid to make him think that this is what all the "awesome people with game" (you guys), do on a regular basis.

You haven't been reading this thread have you......

 

It has been suggested MORE than once, that somedude meet women through friends and social gatherings. I don't know what you're reading .....

[Cracker Jack]

I think people on here are using somedude's problems to boost their own confidence and brag about how great they are. Most normal people meet women casually through friends and social gatherings. I don't know anyone who randomly walked up to a girl on the street, gym, coffee shop etc, volunteering, and it lead to a relationship. It think its stupid to make him think that this is what all the "awesome people with game" (you guys), do on a regular basis.

 

Selective reading at its best.

 

This topic has reached 50 pages. If you honestly think the responses are merely posters boasting, you're not reading much.

[henderson14]

Selective reading at its best.

 

This topic has reached 50 pages. If you honestly think the responses are merely posters boasting, you're not reading much.

 

 

Ya, I started at page 46. Not going to read 50 pages.

[Meeks7]

Notice how he didn't clarify his living situation and how he affords it. Living alone in a SoCal apartment working part time RETAIL and having to pay tuition for college? He must be supported heavily by family and while that is a blessing in many regards, many people sadly become very complacent by such financial support. They tend to lack a sense of urgency in their lives. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case.

 

Something just doesn't add up in that situation. SD hasn't clarified, which indicates to me that this is likely the case. It would explain a whole lot... like many folks, he doesn't understand the value of hard work. Like many people, there's an overwhelming sense of entitlement and he wants everything handed to him on a silver platter, including the girlfriend.

 

He is free to clarify if he wants to. I just don't see how part time retail salary can support a single apartment AND pay for college tuition. Something doesn't add up.

 

Wow, I hadn't ever thought about that. You bring up a great point, Teknoe. How DOES he support himself on a part-time retail salary? Single apartments and college tuition aren't cheap things after all.

 

You might be right in that his family gives him a heap of financial support, and if so, that would help to color/explain a lot about why he is the way he is.

 

Since SomeDude hasn't clarified, I'm assuming this is all true. It's not always what a person says, but what someone DOESN'T say. Since he hasn't said anything at all regarding this, it makes one inclined to think he does receive financial support. Either that, or he actually is living at home with some family members. He doesn't strike me as someone who lies or would lie, though. He could easily have lied about having friends, or having had a GF before, but he's brutually honest in those areas. So I do believe he lives alone in an apartment.

 

How he affords that, however, is entirely another matter. Heavy financial support from family? It seems like it, and that would explain a lot.

[fortyninethousand322]

How he affords that, however, is entirely another matter. Heavy financial support from family? It seems like it, and that would explain a lot.

 

Financial aid/scholarships or loans?

[Els]

Wow, I hadn't ever thought about that. You bring up a great point, Teknoe. How DOES he support himself on a part-time retail salary? Single apartments and college tuition aren't cheap things after all.

 

You might be right in that his family gives him a heap of financial support, and if so, that would help to color/explain a lot about why he is the way he is.

 

Since SomeDude hasn't clarified, I'm assuming this is all true. It's not always what a person says, but what someone DOESN'T say. Since he hasn't said anything at all regarding this, it makes one inclined to think he does receive financial support. Either that, or he actually is living at home with some family members. He doesn't strike me as someone who lies or would lie, though. He could easily have lied about having friends, or having had a GF before, but he's brutually honest in those areas. So I do believe he lives alone in an apartment.

 

How he affords that, however, is entirely another matter. Heavy financial support from family? It seems like it, and that would explain a lot.

 

I was under the assumption that the USA provides student loans to any citizens who ask? A loan and a part-time job could definitely keep him afloat.

[Lonely Ronin]

I was under the assumption that the USA provides student loans to any citizens who ask? A loan and a part-time job could definitely keep him afloat.

 

It does, but a part time retail job most likely isn't going to cover rent & utilities & groceries in southern California, unless he is living in the ghetto.

[fortyninethousand322]

It does, but a part time retail job most likely isn't going to cover rent & utilities & groceries in southern California, unless he is living in the ghetto.

 

Well California is in the red, so maybe they give an awful lot of money in student aid?

[somedude81]

Financial aid/scholarships or loans?

And we have a winner!

 

I don't get any money from my family.

 

BTW, my financial situation isn't relevant to this thread.

[somedude81]

... Dr. Nerdlove did an article on this like, just last week: What Is Chemistry? Part One: Building Sexual Tension | Paging Dr. NerdLove

 

Are you reading the articles, rejecting the advice out right, and then regurgitating the topic here??

Thanks for the link V. I had forgotten about NerdLove.

 

Just some things I want to point out for anybody reading:

 

One of the key components of chemistry is sexual tension. Not attraction - you can find someone attractive or even be attracted to them but not feel that “spark” – but tension.

I do understand that. It's when I can see a woman I'm attracted to but don't really feel anything more than that. That must mean the tension was missing.

Sexual tension is desire for someone that is somehow thwarted, whether by circumstance, obstacles… or by design.

 

Yup – by design.

 

 

It’s a facet of our personalities that we want that which is denied to us. Ever want to make somebody want something? Tell them they can’t have it. Ever want to make them go nuts? Keep it juuuuust out of their reach. Y’see, when your desire for something is frustrated, you tend to want it more. The closer you get to actually getting it but without actually being able to achieve it causes the desire to grow.

Oh my God.

 

Well that explains what happned with that girl. Even though it was completely unintentional on her part, she played the game perfectly. I always felt that she gave me just enough to keep me going.

 

When people - usually guys -talk about “the thrill of the chase” in dating, they’re talking about the lead up to the “conquest”, the heady feeling of inevitability that grows like an orgasm to a crescendo just before you reach the point of no return.

And that's why I've never felt any pride in what I've done with women. There never was a chase.

 

This is how teasing and antagonistic flirting works: a compliment followed by a tease, or a tease followed by a compliment. They’re both a little combative, a little dismissive and a little playfully condescending, but they never cross the line into actual insult; it’s an unspoken agreement that this is just play fighting, pushing against each other and then pulling it away with the compliment.

The fighting flirting and teasing bit didn't make any sense to me. The clip was too Hollywood.

 

I can easily work on the eye contact thing though that's described seems to be something you do on a date.

 

The whole touch section was all about the date, so I'll come back to it once I actually get a date. Everything else seemed to intense for non-date unless I"m mistaken.

 

I need to look over the flirting article as well.

[brahmabull117]

From other thread

 

I'm betting your friend got lucky early in life

 

 

/facepalm

 

 

luck doesn't exist. Get that thought out of your head

 

 

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. My guess is that my friend has had many of the same opportunities you have had and he has converted on them because of his winning attitude while you have not because you expected yourself to fail

 

 

life is a self fulfilling prophecy

[fortyninethousand322]

luck doesn't exist. Get that thought out of your head

 

 

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. My guess is that my friend has had many of the same opportunities you have had and he has converted on them because of his winning attitude while you have not because you expected yourself to fail

 

 

life is a self fulfilling prophecy

 

Ok John Wooden. Luck happens when you are lucky. That's a better description.

[somedude81]

From other thread

 

 

 

 

/facepalm

 

 

luck doesn't exist. Get that thought out of your head

Are you serious?

 

A guy is sitting in a coffee shop. A girl keeps glancing over his direction. Eventually she gets up, walks over to him and says something to him to start a conversation.

 

Are you saying that luck would have nothing at all to do with that?

 

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. My guess is that my friend has had many of the same opportunities you have had and he has converted on them because of his winning attitude while you have not because you expected yourself to fail

The problem is that opportunities happening are luck.

 

I've asked out or hit on every girl that I thought I had a chance with. If I thought a girl was flirting with me, I asked her out. Without fail they all turned to be false opportunities. Meaning the girl had no interest in me.

 

See, having a girl be interested in somebody is based on luck. The only reason that none of the girls I have interacted with became interested in me is because of luck. And I have definitley put myself in situations where there were plenty of women around. For four semesters straight I have taken a college dance class where it was two thirds women and none of those girls ever liked me. The ones that I thought I had the biggest chances with all ended up having boyfriends or something was still going on with their ex.

 

If I had been lucky enough to have somebody like me back in High School, my life and how I am now would have turned out very different.

[ColdEggNog]

Are you serious?

 

A guy is sitting in a coffee shop. A girl keeps glancing over his direction. Eventually she gets up, walks over to him and says something to him to start a conversation.

 

Are you saying that luck would have nothing at all to do with that?

 

The problem is that opportunities happening are luck.

 

I've asked out or hit on every girl that I thought I had a chance with. If I thought a girl was flirting with me, I asked her out. Without fail they all turned to be false opportunities. Meaning the girl had no interest in me.

 

See, having a girl be interested in somebody is based on luck. The only reason that none of the girls I have interacted with became interested in me is because of luck. And I have definitley put myself in situations where there were plenty of women around. For four semesters straight I have taken a college dance class where it was two thirds women and none of those girls ever liked me. The ones that I thought I had the biggest chances with all ended up having boyfriends or something was still going on with their ex.

 

If I had been lucky enough to have somebody like me back in High School, my life and how I am now would have turned out very different.

 

I'm confused, are you still looking for advice/reassurance, or at this point do you just want listening ears to vent?