How does the dating and sex thing actually work?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Originally Posted by somedude81

Right now I'm trying to find out what is so unattractive about me, that it's basically making me equivalent to an obese woman.

What?????????

 

I know! In this world of SD's, an overweight woman is viewed as an "untouchable." Spurned by society, delegated to clean the chamber pots and spittoons of the svelte.

 

Meanwhile, lots of fat people are having lots of fun, sex, and love. Some of them are on diets. None of them, however, are being given a chance by SD, and that's all as it should be.

[seachangeoflove]

He thinks that since those behaviours and traits don't turn him off, then they shouldn't turn women off.

 

 

doesn't work that way. I was a very ugly girl with no and I mean NO NONE NO HOW interest in changing my appearance. I was a science geek and men should love me for that, my brain and my fantastic personality and wit which every one told me I had.

 

I figured, I could just make a lot of money and the men would flock to me. I work in a male dominated field and saw my geeky and unattractive co workers score hot babes by taking them to nice dinners and impressing them with fancy gifts and trips.

 

So I thought that would work for me. Nope, it did not. I bought a sports car, I asked men out and I paid for dates. They all friend zoned me.

 

Now, i downplay my success and wear a push up bra, make up, heels etc..... I 'sold out' seems to be working a bit better....kinda sad but hey what ever it takes right?

[somedude81]

Can we get off the topic of heavy people please?

 

Thanks.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Can we get off the topic of heavy people please?

 

Thanks.

 

As long as you NEVER talk about how somebody who is not initially attracted to YOU should give YOU a "chance."

 

Deal?

[SmileFace]

Originally Posted by somedude81

 

 

 

I know! In this world of SD's, an overweight woman is viewed as an "untouchable." Spurned by society, delegated to clean the chamber pots and spittoons of the svelte.

 

Meanwhile, lots of fat people are having lots of fun, sex, and love. Some of them are on diets. None of them, however, are being given a chance by SD, and that's all as it should be.

 

yet, him and all the other guys who bitch about this is single.

[Mme. Chaucer]

yet, him and all the other guys who bitch about this is single.

 

But NOT FAT! Which renders them superior beings! All hail!

[SmileFace]

But NOT FAT! Which renders them superior beings! All hail!

 

Why of course!! How dare I?

 

Sorry SD but I find your correspondance with obese women and you inability to find a date ,disgusting.

[seachangeoflove]

Can we get off the topic of heavy people please?

 

Thanks.

 

 

this thread has never been on the topic of heavy people. Heavy people are being used as a device to create situations. You have reading comprehension issues for sure.

 

 

Ugly men can get women by using money, BUT ugly women CANNOT get men with the same tactic. I tried. This means fundamentally that women and men value different things in a relationship.

 

You place value on a girl by her appearance....girls value a man on his status or money. (which can be related but are not the same)

 

so if you aren't what girls want, you are going to get the scraps...

 

 

female scraps = fat girls

 

male scraps = men with out money or status.

 

so there you have it. You = fat girl.

 

happy now?

[somedude81]

As long as you NEVER talk about how somebody who is not initially attracted to YOU should give YOU a "chance."

 

Deal?

No deal.

 

I see those as completely different topics.

 

Either way, from now on I will simply not respond to any posts about overweight women and I will start reporting posts that only talk about overweight people as they are off-topic.

Edited June 26, 2012 by somedude81

[Mme. Chaucer]

No deal.

 

I see those as completely different topics.

 

That does not make them so, however. They are IDENTICAL.

 

Either way, from now on I will simply not respond to any posts about overweight women and I will start reporting posts that only talk about overweight people as they are off-topic.

 

Oh, come on. The poster above is correct - the example of overweight people is a perfectly pertinent example in this thread of yours, where people have been 'splaining to YOU for many a page how the dating and sex thing work.

 

You don't get it - so people try different angles.

 

If you don't want to hear the truth from people who know about dating, sex and relationships, do yourself a favor and quit with these redundant threads.

 

If you want to report because people are not responding to you in the way you want them to, I don't think you're going to get the results you are after.

[somedude81]

Why of course!! How dare I?

 

Sorry SD but I find your correspondance with obese women and you inability to find a date ,disgusting.

Which is exactly why I want to stop talking about it and obese women as well.

 

Would you mind yelling at seachangeoflove for her post of doing exactly that, even after I requested that people get off that topic.

[zengirl]

I don't have any issues with reading comprehension or listening skills, as zengirl would like me to believe, never mind the fact that we've never actually communicated verbally

Just to be clear, you are saying that people I come across in reality are reading me wrong?

 

You don't know anyone well enough who still hangs out with you and wants to be around you to know how anyone reads you, do you?

 

You aren't having any luck attracting women, as you say. Sounds to me like they're reading you right, but you're not understanding the feedback that life is giving you.

 

Nope, I rarely have to explain myself.

 

Who would there be to explain yourself to? We don't typically explain ourselves to people or ask people to explain themselves unless we have some deeper connection. You don't have any of those connections and therein lies the problem.

 

 

I know! In this world of SD's, an overweight woman is viewed as an "untouchable." Spurned by society, delegated to clean the chamber pots and spittoons of the svelte.

 

Meanwhile, lots of fat people are having lots of fun, sex, and love. Some of them are on diets. None of them, however, are being given a chance by SD, and that's all as it should be.

 

This is what I find bizarre. I have no problem with SD not wanting to date overweight women -- I wonder at his investment in insisting that other people think they are not worth dating. Why try to establish it as some kind of universal? Even if it was, I wouldn't get his investment in it. It's bizarre to try so hard to make some kind of "acceptable preferences" list, especially based on made-up, self-perceived ideas.

[somedude81]

You don't know anyone well enough who still hangs out with you and wants to be around you to know how anyone reads you, do you?

 

 

 

Who would there be to explain yourself to? We don't typically explain ourselves to people or ask people to explain themselves unless we have some deeper connection. You don't have any of those connections and therein lies the problem.

What is your point for saying these things?

[zengirl]

What is your point for saying these things?

 

To show that your reality demonstrates your poor social skills, and that is why we draw the conclusions we do. You're thinking because people IRL aren't saying, "You have poor social skills!" then they aren't affecting you, but that's a sign of poor social skills: not being able to pick up on what's between the lines based on the effects.

[somedude81]

To show that your reality demonstrates your poor social skills, and that is why we draw the conclusions we do. You're thinking because people IRL aren't saying, "You have poor social skills!" then they aren't affecting you, but that's a sign of poor social skills: not being able to pick up on what's between the lines based on the effects.

From my point of view, it looks like all you're trying to do is say hurtful things about me.

 

You keep mentioning empathy and here you giving a great example of how not to show empathy.

 

Couldn't you thought of something nicer to say than, "You don't know anyone well enough who still hangs out with you and wants to be around you to know how anyone reads you, do you?"

 

No, I haven't been close to anybody in a few months. Does that mean that I've never been close to people who could have read me and comment on how I am? Of course not.

 

 

To show that your reality demonstrates your poor social skills

Frankly, the best you can gather with my current reality would be and social skills would be, "Not enough information available to answer."

[Mme. Chaucer]

if you were in some kind of self help group, or group therapy and you sat among peers and told them what you tell us here time and time again, you would get many similar responses.

 

If you had close friends, and told them these things, you would get similar responses. Except for if you had close friends, that would make some of these things untrue, so they would not be said.

 

The way your life is, however, no one is going to say these things to you. Because the people in your life are all virtually strangers, or at most, acquaintances.

 

But these things we keep repeating to you are the REASON that you don't have anything close to a "girlfriend," and, in fact, why you don't even really have a realistic concept of what a "girlfriend" is.

 

Do you eve GET that your frequent mention of "fat girls" and then your refusal to discuss or even give thought to your point of view (along with the threat to 'tell on us' if we mention fat girls again) is a perfect example of WHY and HOW your relations with other human beings are the way they are? You just want things to align themselves magically to "fulfill" you. If they don't - you are not participating. And they don't.

 

That is a dysfunctional way of relating with people, even on the Internet.

 

And you are 100% unwilling to learn, or to take a real good look at YOU. Right?

 

I'm sure you know, SD, that you frustrate me a lot, and I am not the only person feeling this way.

 

I believe the ONLY reasons you are here are:

 

1) to have a make-believe social life, and

 

2) to cast about for any voice that will validate you and how you choose to carry on, so you can keep it up forever.

 

The reason many of us keep on trying is because we feel like helping you. Someday, though, you might even lose the tenuous connections you have with people here on LoveShack, since you won't even "own" your own crap here.

[seachangeoflove]

Which is exactly why I want to stop talking about it and obese women as well.

 

Would you mind yelling at seachangeoflove for her post of doing exactly that, even after I requested that people get off that topic.

 

 

my post wasn't about 'heavy people' the topic you so dearly want to get off...

 

 

if you read my post, and you're take away was that...you have big, big problems. I think one of them might be denial.

[seachangeoflove]

No, I haven't been close to anybody in a few months. Does that mean that I've never been close to people who could have read me and comment on how I am? Of course not.

 

 

 

what happened to the people you were close too? Why aren't you close anymore?

 

 

I find losing a friend to be more traumatic then the end of a relationship. and "in a few months" and I don't even mean 'losing' in the way that they are gone forever but in a way that changes our relationship. I mean 'losing" as a change in our relationship either due to a fight or someone moving , them having a baby etc.

 

so, did you take a break from being friends with these people or did some event happen to break your bond? If you are transiently coming in and out of someone's life you are not close to them. You might think they are close to you but you're not.

[zengirl]

From my point of view, it looks like all you're trying to do is say hurtful things about me.

 

No, my goal is not to hurt you. But you are being truly obtuse, so sometimes I feel the need to lay some hard truths out there. I have empathy for you, but that doesn't mean I plan to enable you or coddle you or accept that you deserve to get changes in your life without making real, meaningful changes inside.

 

Couldn't you thought of something nicer to say than, "You don't know anyone well enough who still hangs out with you and wants to be around you to know how anyone reads you, do you?"

 

I could've, but you wouldn't have understood it. When I try to say things nicely, you often miss the truth hidden within. You don't get past candy coating, SD.

 

At any rate, I disagree with you on your level of social development, and I hope you wake up soon and make some changes, so you aren't posting the same stuff at 35 or 40 or whatever. I think you can still turn it around, absolutely, but you'd have to wake up.

[Mme. Chaucer]

"I haven't been close to anyone in a few months" belies the whole reality of what being close to other people means.

 

SD - my intention is not to pick on you, but I agree that you are in profound denial. I think you are desperately fighting to control your little fake world where everything is the way you want to say it is. Even though it's miserable it's your comfort zone and you are fighting hard to keep yourself in it. Yet, you keep asking all these questions that you DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE ANSWERS TO.

 

WHY?

[SmileFace]

Lets apply some logic here ... you claim that what people are insisting you to do isn't going to make a difference.

 

Guess what ! What you are doing isn't make a diffference so why not take the advice here.

 

This is like me coming on a forum asking how to be more approachable . Getting advice and not agreeing with it but still stuck in the same hole. Get out and try!!

 

Put up or shut up!

Edited June 26, 2012 by SmileFace

[Meeks7]

People, I know it's hard to resist, but it's clear SomeDude is way over the deep end in terms of adamantly living out his delusional world. He is not interested in putting in the scary, hard work, he is not interested in self-improvement and he is not interested in truly changing his life. He even admitted recently that he's just waiting to be kicked out of college and hit complete rock bottom.

 

No words, no posts, no quotes, nothing we could possibly post would ever contribute to changing him. All we're doing is distracting him from his own "silence."

 

I would urge you, as much as it is possible, to just leave him alone. Sadly, the more he posts the more he reminds me of a socially awkward self-absorbed delusional dude I once knew. Everywhere he went, he made people feel uncomfortable, he spoke awkwardly, conducted himself awkwardly and just was a very... awkward dude. I tried talking with him about this, but he got angry and ran out of the store, refusing to listen to constructive feedback.

 

Sadly, there are some people out there like "Bob." They are self-warped, self-condemned, and in major denial/delusion. You try to help them for a while, but after some time you realize it's best to just steer clear of these cats, especially since they are adamant on rotting away in their sinking boats.

 

Beth and I have tried to help out SomeDude but now we realize he's just like Bob. He just makes people feel uncomfortable, gets a rise out of people with his outlandish comments (i.e. we've seen that many times with SomeDude), and the more we engage with them, the more we enable them.

 

Best to leave them alone. It's not giving up on them. It's wisely moving on to people who deserve your time.

 

And remember, trying to help someone is actually a form of control. I dunno who else wants to join me, but I'm making a pact to stop replying to SomeDude. He does use this place as a make-believe social circle substitute. I've never met someone so dense and incapable of thinking outside his small comfort zone. SomeDude you need professional help. Good luck with your life.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Annnnnnnnnd …..

 

The next thread has already begun!

[somedude81]

Wow, I am just really depressed.

 

I posted this in the off-topic thread a while ago but I just felt like re-posting as it makes more sense here.

 

----

So I'm at my hometown for a family event, was at my grandma's house. My neighbor who is my age comes over and we catch up. I haven't talked to her in years. We've hung out a few times but never actually did anything. I used to have a little crush on her. She still lives with her parents.

 

She then invites me to hang out with her, go to an outside concert and then she suggested that I can stay with her at a house that she is pet-sitting at. She mentioned having some drinks too.

 

So I'm thinking, "Woah, she wants to hang out and then go back to a house where we can be alone, have some drinks and stay the night? I could actually get laid tonight??"

 

We're finalizing plans, "Oh my friend is coming over too. He's like my first boyfriend ever and he's homeless now. So he's going to be staying the night, hope you don't mind another guy in the house."

 

And here I am posting this from my dad's house while I'm in my pajamas

---------

 

I know that odds are we weren't going to have sex. But it was still the closest thing to an opportunity I've had in years. Hell, it's not even the first time where having sex with her was a possibility. I can think of at least two other occasions where I probably could have sex with her, if I did something differently. Of course things like this have happened with other girls and I've been much closer to actually getting laid.

 

I really don't get it. How come stuff like this happens, and I only get teased by what could have been?

 

I know I'm getting way too worked up over nothing, but this is how I feel when I've had absolutely nothing and it actually seems like something could happen for once.

 

Having sex with her would be a complete absolute game changer confidence booster everythinger for me. And I did like her when I lived at my grandmothers house. She was the girl next door, and I always fantasized about having an ongoing thing with her.

 

I'm going back home tomorrow. Somehow I got to do something. It's retarded how I'm still in this situation. I know I'm not a bad guy and I have many good qualities. But things are just missing from my personality.

 

Having better luck wouldn't hurt either...

[jobaba]

Wow, I am just really depressed.

 

I posted this in the off-topic thread a while ago but I just felt like re-posting as it makes more sense here.

 

----

So I'm at my hometown for a family event, was at my grandma's house. My neighbor who is my age comes over and we catch up. I haven't talked to her in years. We've hung out a few times but never actually did anything. I used to have a little crush on her. She still lives with her parents.

 

She then invites me to hang out with her, go to an outside concert and then she suggested that I can stay with her at a house that she is pet-sitting at. She mentioned having some drinks too.

 

So I'm thinking, "Woah, she wants to hang out and then go back to a house where we can be alone, have some drinks and stay the night? I could actually get laid tonight??"

 

We're finalizing plans, "Oh my friend is coming over too. He's like my first boyfriend ever and he's homeless now. So he's going to be staying the night, hope you don't mind another guy in the house."

 

And here I am posting this from my dad's house while I'm in my pajamas

---------

 

I know that odds are we weren't going to have sex. But it was still the closest thing to an opportunity I've had in years. Hell, it's not even the first time where having sex with her was a possibility. I can think of at least two other occasions where I probably could have sex with her, if I did something differently. Of course things like this have happened with other girls and I've been much closer to actually getting laid.

 

I really don't get it. How come stuff like this happens, and I only get teased by what could have been?

 

I know I'm getting way too worked up over nothing, but this is how I feel when I've had absolutely nothing and it actually seems like something could happen for once.

 

Having sex with her would be a complete absolute game changer confidence booster everythinger for me. And I did like her when I lived at my grandmothers house. She was the girl next door, and I always fantasized about having an ongoing thing with her.

 

I'm going back home tomorrow. Somehow I got to do something. It's retarded how I'm still in this situation. I know I'm not a bad guy and I have many good qualities. But things are just missing from my personality.

 

Having better luck wouldn't hurt either...

 

Yup. Been there. The 'Oh so close, she wants me' gal. Some gals have a knack for leading you on and making you think they like you.

 

No sweat. Kudos for going through with the motions.

 

Count it as a rejection and keep plugging.