Tkay Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hi all.. Long time no see :-) I've been doing kinda good with a girl (which i sadly enough only saw once irl) and I asked if she wanted to get to know eachother better... and she said yes So I want to ask her out.. I'm not sure on what.. a date, or just having fun: With the 2 of us, or with a group of people, or anything But I'd like her to say what she wants.. So is it possible to ask it so she has to say it? I don't want to just say "Wanna go out together? "yes" so.. with the 2 of us or with friends Thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 My suggestion would be to think of something she's shared with you that gives you an idea of what she likes to do. Has she ever made any comments regarding something she's always wanted to try or of a place in your area that she's always wanted to visit but hasn't had the time to go? I would give it some thought and come up with an original idea instead of just using the same old dinner and a movie theory. Plan either a day event or an evening event but not necessarily and entire day (morning until night) as it may be too exhausting for both of you. Secondly, once you get the idea I would arrange everything. Every single detail and then tell her that you have a special day planned just for her and you would like for her to reserve (pick a date) on her calendar and you'll pick her up at (specified time). Tell her how to dress, whether she should be in comfortable clothes or dress clothes and that the entire day has been planned for the sole purpose of seeing her smile. Women want to be swept off their feet! Romance makes us melt. Plan a day for just the two of you and enjoy yourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Originally posted by Olivia_19742004 My suggestion would be to think of something she's shared with you that gives you an idea of what she likes to do. Has she ever made any comments regarding something she's always wanted to try or of a place in your area that she's always wanted to visit but hasn't had the time to go? I would give it some thought and come up with an original idea instead of just using the same old dinner and a movie theory. Plan either a day event or an evening event but not necessarily and entire day (morning until night) as it may be too exhausting for both of you. Secondly, once you get the idea I would arrange everything. Every single detail and then tell her that you have a special day planned just for her and you would like for her to reserve (pick a date) on her calendar and you'll pick her up at (specified time). Tell her how to dress, whether she should be in comfortable clothes or dress clothes and that the entire day has been planned for the sole purpose of seeing her smile. Women want to be swept off their feet! Romance makes us melt. Plan a day for just the two of you and enjoy yourselves. Wow. Great reply. Just what I need. But I was wondering... Isn't it too fast to date already? Ok, the first time we had contact was 3 months ago. But I've only seen her once. I'm a bit afraid to go on a "real date" because I completely don't know her. My plan was to "run into her" by accident e.g. on partys but she rarely goes clubbing, so that makes it rather hard to just run into her. Anyway, about your reply again; It looks VERY nice, but I don't have a clue what to do yet.. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Dating is social ritual intended to provide an opportunity to become acquainted with a person. I don't think that it's too soon to date if you met her three months ago. We're only talking about going on a date we're not talking about a confirmed discussion between the two of you that labels you as "dating". Do you see the difference? If you don't go on a date how are you going to get to know her? How is she going to get to know you? Do you have her telephone number? If you have her telephone number she's already made it clear that she's interested in going on a date with you. Don't procrastinate! Even if you can't think of something she's shared that she'd like to do just plan something special. Look in your local paper for community events, shows, festivals, something that will be able to occupy your time with activities and not place too much pressure on conversation. Plan something that will reduce the amount of stress you both may feel when it comes to conversation, but don't plan something that doesn't allow you any time to converse either. Just keep it balanced. Link to post Share on other sites
crrgoers Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Wow, Olivia, that really was a very well thought out, very well written reply! Link to post Share on other sites
rightintentions17 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 herm.. ask her to something fun, where you probably can lead into a conversation based on your souroundings such as, go see some improv. Then you can talk about it and such or go to 6 flags , and you can talk about rides/fav attractions/ other amusment parks/ places oyu want to go Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 if you want something a little less formal, maybe she could come over to your house to watch some TV or something. If there is a certain show that you happen to both like, then that would be perfect. The setting is very casual, with opportunities for conversation during commercials, or even through the show if there is a lot of chemistry. If things aren't clicking right off the bat, then you 2 have show you both like to watch right? This is just an idea, but like others mentioned, make sure you do something where you dont sit and talk to each other for hours. Keep it low pressure, where the 2 of you can enjoy yourselves without having to worry about what to say. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Recently I've changed my approach to dating a little. I used to set up dinner dates, thinking I would impress a woman by showing her that I had class and that I wasn't a tight ass. But over time I've discovered that the formal date idea somehow seems to keep backfiring for me, and I could never figure out why. What I'm beginning to find out is that sometimes the formal dating idea can create an unecessary tension. All of this buying a nice dinner and hoping that you'll have a chance to see her again...it makes me think too much during the date when I should be chatting her up instead. So these days I try to stick to coffee dates and casual encounters at first, and to be honest, I don't even treat it like a date. I'm getting to the point where, frankly, I don't even pay for the meal, because I don't even call it a "date". I'm beginning to think that the most important thing for me on a first date is for a girl to get to know me, and for me to get to know her. I don't mind picking up a coffee date, but a lunch or dinner? F_ck that. I'm a man, not a meal ticket. I think a coffee date is a good segueway into classic dating, but to tell you the truth, I think you come off looking a lot better if you can think of something fun to do together. Hiking, visiting a good museum, sightseeing, or doing something unique or different is going to get her attention. Whatever you do, make sure it's something that will be interesting to both of you, and something that will give you some good one-on-one time so you can talk and get to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 So these days I try to stick to coffee dates and casual encounters at first, and to be honest, I don't even treat it like a date. I'm getting to the point where, frankly, I don't even pay for the meal, because I don't even call it a "date". I'm beginning to think that the most important thing for me on a first date is for a girl to get to know me, and for me to get to know her. I don't mind picking up a coffee date, but a lunch or dinner? F_ck that. I'm a man, not a meal ticket. Awesome! I absolutely believe in gettig to know someone that way - exactly the way you get to know a friend. And I also do not think the man should be a meal ticket if he's going out with an employed woman! Never did think that was fair at all. Now if he's making six or seven figures (not counting decimals LOL) and she's not - maybe it's cool for him to treat but other than that, I figure adult employed women ought to do their bit as part of this whole getting-to-know-you deal. I feel I'm taking advantage of a fellow if I let him do all the paying Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted June 29, 2004 Author Share Posted June 29, 2004 I believe you're missing the fact that we're just kids (18 & 17yr old) Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Awesome! I absolutely believe in gettig to know someone that way - exactly the way you get to know a friend. I guess I sometimes worry that someone else might come out of nowhere and swoop in for the kill. But that's why I've decided that it's a good idea to have options. I know some won't agree with it, but I don't see a problem dating several women at a time as long as each woman knows that there isn't a commitment involved at this point - and I try to avoid the issue of whether I'm seeing other people. It's not their concern unless we have a commitment. Let them fill in the blanks. And I also do not think the man should be a meal ticket if he's going out with an employed woman! Never did think that was fair at all. Now if he's making six or seven figures (not counting decimals LOL) and she's not - maybe it's cool for him to treat but other than that, I figure adult employed women ought to do their bit as part of this whole getting-to-know-you deal. I feel I'm taking advantage of a fellow if I let him do all the paying And what did you think of the guy after he spent wads of cash on you without even knowing you? It feels like a bribe, doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest to amerikajin Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Hi Amerikajin, As i was reading this thread, you said something interesting that i agree with and that is to avoid answering questions about seeing other people. What kind of things do you say to deflect these types of questions? and what do you say when a person really presses the issue? How do you keep them in the dark, so to speak, when they are pressing the point maybe in one sitting or over various sittings or perhaps through other people coming up to ask? What is a good polite answer that gives nothing away, while keeping your options open? Thanks in advance for your response to each of these questions Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 How do you keep them in the dark, so to speak, when they are pressing the point maybe in one sitting or over various sittings or perhaps through other people coming up to ask? Well, you can't keep them in the dark forever, so you may as well shoot straight. If she presses, then tell her the truth - and then be sure to start asking her about her current and past boyfriends in return so that she'll get a sense for what she's doing to you. If someone asks me about it early in a relationship, I might ask why they want to know? I might say, I don't have a steady girlfriend right now and leave it at that. If they follow up with more pointed questions then you'll have to respond to them. Whatever happens at that point, happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tkay Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 Heh. Funny. This thread still lives. Well by now I have a girlfriend for almost 10 months, and I'm still in control. Amerkanjin is right about most stuff, listen to him. Greets Link to post Share on other sites
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