Ang Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Do you think once a cheater, always a cheater ? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Nah, they don't cheat after they die, except perhaps in the spirit world. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 No I don't. I think it has alot to do with maturity and finding that special someone. I think that once you truly love someone those needs to cheat will go away. Now this may not be true for everyone, because some men and some women just don't ever grow up. Thats my personal opinion. Heather Do you think once a cheater, always a cheater ? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 Heather has a very good point, to a point. If a man is very focused on and intensely in love with a woman, he probably won't cheat. But if he is disposed to dishonesty and betrayal, he lacks a sense of commitment. When the focus and intensity for a specific person diminishes over time, he will look for passion and excitement elsewhere. I think this is true of many women as well. I read their posts on this forum almost every day. This is a character issue. If someone is lacking in morals and ethics, they will cheat again and again except that as time goes on they will perfect their skills at not being detected. This is not true in every case, but if someone cheats once, he has the necessary software installed and functioning to do it again. Only a lobotomy will uninstall the program. Yes, as Heather says, maturity has a lot to do with it. Once a man is old enough that those chemicals of desire don't rush through his body so much, his desire to stray is certainly much less. Depending on genetics, stress factors, environmental factors, social considerations, financial considerations and various other personal health issues, this could happen somewhere between ages 45 and 95 for a man. I've seen it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted October 11, 2000 Share Posted October 11, 2000 I agree with Tony - it has to do with morals and ethics. I've known men and women who have carried on long term (and I mean years) affairs. Either extramarital affairs or they have strayed when involved in a long term, monogomous relationship. I've always thought that if you were that attracted to someone else, have the morals, ethics, courtesy and respect to leave your partner before engaging in a relationship with someone else. I'm a good case in point. Recently legally separated from my husband, I have met, through friends, a very nice man with whom I share a mutual attraction. While we are very aware of this attraction, we have both agreed that until my divorce is final, we will pretty much stay away from each other. We do see each other in social settings with other people around and, of course, we talk in a group setting but anything else is out of the question until the final decree comes through for me. He is respecting my wishes and situation because he shares the same morals and ethics that I do. Although the wait is hard, I feel the reward will be worth it and, if things work out, we can enter into a new, fresh, clean relationship without the cloud of adultery hanging over both our heads. If we had pursued each other at this point, there would always be the doubts later on - "she cheated on her husband to be with me, will she do the same to me?" and for my part, I would always have a little nagging doubt that this guy was with me knowing I was not a totally available woman which would cause me to lose respect for him probably in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
phil Posted October 12, 2000 Share Posted October 12, 2000 i don't think that is entirely true.... i have been in two serious relationships. one that i was not entirely fulfilled with in which i cheated on my girlfriend on more than a few occasions and the other where i love her so much that in 6 years i have not had the slightest desire even to look at another woman. of course you may question the morality / ethics of the cheater and that they somehow find it acceptable to deceive another person but according to me it is mostly situation specific... Link to post Share on other sites
Ang Posted October 13, 2000 Share Posted October 13, 2000 Do you mean sexually unfulfilled ? Link to post Share on other sites
phil Posted October 13, 2000 Share Posted October 13, 2000 i meant fulfilled with the relatioship as it existed between us. not just sexually. in fact the sex was great. the relatioship was not giving either of us what we really wanted from a partner. it was emotional as well as intellectual so i was not into it completly and that sort of justified the cheating in my head for me Link to post Share on other sites
Ang Posted October 16, 2000 Share Posted October 16, 2000 Did you love the girl ??? How long were you with her ? I just dont understand how someone could do that !! My boyfriend cheated on my at the begining of the relationship - he said that he didnt love me then, and would never do it now - I dont think I trust him - what are the odds of him doing it again, do you think ??? I want to understand !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts