Crazy stalker GF of former OM

[viennawaits]

Wow, haven't been here in a while! I have a whole new kinda problem now. My marriage has gone from hanging by a thread to pretty healthy in the 2.5 years since the A. It has taken a lot of work to rebuild my relationship with my H. He has been down the detox and rehab tracks a couple of times since then, but has finally managed nearly a year of sobriety. We have our challenges, but honestly the problem now is the OM current GF.

 

I met her as the A was going on. She was very young and I felt sorry for her being alone in a new town. She is highly clingy and actually annoying as hell. Still, I was nice to her. She slept with my stepson, then pursued (and subsequently caught) the OM. OK, fine. I have spoken about that mess here many times, but that is not the issue now.

 

I made the decision to work on my marriage and that is exactly what I have been doing. I won't tell you that things have always been easy, but when the OM kicks her out and decides to call in a drunken stupor to tell me how much he loves me, I simply tell him not to call.

 

She periodically reconnected with me to make things right, and it always ends up the same way. She is obsessed with the idea that I am still in love with him. I have told her in no uncertain terms that he is all hers. So, about a year ago he makes an unwanted call and I tell him not to do it again. The only contact I have had with him since August 2011 is to wave in the hallway or say good morning at a meeting. PERIOD. He is still drinking off and on. Although I sympathize with her from the addiction viewpoint, I have managed to stay out of the drama that had sucked me in for the 1.5 years before that.

 

Now to the problem. She is stalking me. She is obsessed with me. She reads my blog and takes up my hobbies and befriends my friends. To her it is a competition; only this time she is the only one competing. I am so creeped out. She had him text me a month ago to comment on something on my blog and ask me to be nice. She asked to be my friend again. I did what I thought I needed to do. I told her I wanted no part of their lives. Not ever.

 

She continued to message. I ignored. She attempted to have a friendship with my friends, then try to convince them what a horrible person I was. When they told her to stop, she continues to message and call. One of my friends is now contemplating changing her phone number to avoid her.

 

How the hell do you extract a person like this from your life? I ignore and ignore and she still finds a way back in.

 

Fatal attraction ensues, 2.5 years after an affair and it just never stops. Has anyone dealt with this? I don't want to have to stop doing what I love or change my numbers/emails/social interactions just to get away from her. HELP!!!

[beenburned]

My SIL's former OW did this to my D until they finally had to get a restraining order against her. That took care of the problem.

[viennawaits]

Yes, this would make sense, except she doesn't threaten me. When I am unresponsive to her, she finds someone close to me and then hounds them. It is so friggin annoying. Honestly, I got myself into a situation in which I had an affair (which had nothing to do with her, there was no overlap) and she has made this all up in her mind. I don't want my friends to have to go through this simply because she is crazy.....

If there is no legal standing (plus I live in a foreign country and have no idea what the legalities here are), I don't know what to do. How else might I dissuade her from inserting herself in my life?

[pureinheart]

Wow, my heart goes out to you:( I've been there and it's not fun. I live in the states so a R/O was an option.

 

I don't have any decent advice because I don't understand this type of mentality. I would study the laws of your country and study the behavior (motivating factors), then if you have to put something in writing, you have more info which will make your statement more crediable.

 

Good luck and best wishes...