Am I Being Used For Attention?

[NotSteve]

Evening ladies and gents,

 

A little preface so we know where we're at; when I was sixteen I came down with quite serious depression and anxiety issues, all of a sudden. It was just one of those things that happen. I got better, but it took many a year, and consequentially I'm a bit behind on the social and dating games. I'm nearing the mid twenties now.

 

So, there's this girl. She lives quite far away, which is warning sign number one. She's talked about coming to visit, and while it's been fun to dream I can't help but feel that'll never eventuate. We've been in touch over the internet and via text message, and she seems quite attracted to me- so she tells me in no uncertain terms. Much as I didn't want to find myself falling for someone so far away and causing myself more abject misery, well, she wore me down (not hard to do, to be fair) and it kind of happened. She seems nice, if a bit too sexual, and can be sweet ("I'm really glad we met", etc).

 

But for this whole time, I can't help but wonder if she's just getting a thrill from the attention. She'll also talk about other guys she finds attractive- usually famous, or a cultural thing, and I mean sure, I don't realistically expect any one person to be attracted to only one other (read: me), but if she really does feel that way about me, well it can come off as a little hurtful. On the other hand I'm not sure if that's just me being jealous.

 

I also wonder if she's attracted to me because of what I am rather than who (again, culture and countries and so forth).

 

On the other hand, she'll stay awake until absurd hours at her time (we really are quite distant), just to talk to me, she says. Today, she took a nap so she'd be able to wait up longer for me. Of course, today when we talked it happened to be somewhat obvious that she couldn't get another guy she'd had a thing for off her mind, as he'd told her he'd found someone else. She liked him but she didn't like him (I don't know...), he got fed up with it all and... Though I didn't say much about that I was unimpressed, and I think that came through a bit.

 

Now that we've gone our separate ways for the day, even now as I've been sitting here, she's been sending me text messages, one every fifteen minutes or so. I know she keeps sending them because I haven't responded to her today, and I think she's probing a little. They've stopped now (she's probably gone to sleep), and I don't know if I should reply today or not. I'm deciding not to, until I run into her tomorrow, or she messages me then. I don't want to lose her, but... well, I'm torn. No easy way to put it.

 

So, as times I find hard tend to do nowadays, I'm slipping back into depression. I really do not want to go back there, though I realise this'll probably only get worse before it gets better... which is why I am here. I would like some advice. How do you suppose I could ask the question of, or otherwise find out, whether or not I'm simply being used for attention. If it turns out I'm not, I'd rather not have that awkwardness over us- there's got to be a proper way of doing this... I don't know if she's just playing over the Internet, but I'm certainly looking for more than that.

 

Or, of course, am I simply being completely unreasonable and paranoid? I don't want to set myself up to fall, either way.

Edited May 31, 2012 by NotSteve