is life realy so funny??

[llily]

my greeting from germany

 

my bf had an affair ones and so many phone and mail dates with other woman. I asked him why he done all this things to me and i said maybe he loves me but he wants to go around and to sort out i realy don't kbnow why and i realy don't even want to know because i don't think that he will tell me the truth??

 

at that time i was so sick crazy and i don't want to loose him but now after 4 month i had realy worked out so hard that i can leave him now with out hearting myself like before 4 month.

 

but the problem is he wants one chance from me he wants to stop everything and wants to stay with me. He told me he had sorted out and i'm the one for him. first you know i don't love him like before, second wenn ever i want to make love with him i see him with the woman and i don't have any feeling further. i can't stop thinking what he had done to me while i was monogamy in the relationship. even after everything has changed between us.

 

I CAN'T FORGET WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I WAS I HELL AT THAT TIME WHILE HE WAS ENJOING, so he feels sorry for that, he said "as i did that i didn't even want you to be hearted but i coudn't think rational, because as that time there was no feeling between us."

 

It is realy hard for me to give him a chance to be with me,

 

because i tried to forget, but i can't it is now 4 month.

 

so i realy don't know what to do if i nead time or if this horror things follows me for the rest of my life. what do you think????

[Tony T]

It sounds like this could affect you for a long time. Your boyfriend did these things without any consideration for your feelings and he should pay the consequences.

 

There is no good reason for you to invest the time and energy to see if you can get those feelings back for him...just hecause he wants you to. If you take him right back, you send him the message that he can hurt you anytime and you will forgive and forget and things will go back to the way they were. That's not what you want to show him.

 

You need to move on with your life and do what you feel you need to. If at sometime in the future you think you can be involved with this man and not remember the betrayal and disloyalty and your trust in him is retored, by all means see him again at that time.

 

It will take a very long time for you to get to the point of forgetting the terrible pain he has put you through. There is no way of knowing if his desire to change now is due to guilt...or even if it's actually sincere. People don't just change overnight. It may not be possible for you to every trust someone again who has put you through so much hurt. Only time will tell.

 

I don't think any amount of counselling will help this matter between you and him. Maybe talking to a professional could help you heal your feelings and enable you to move on with your life.

 

Chances are much better that you can find another man for whom you can have great feelings of love and who will not betray you or hurt you as this man has done. That is my suggestion.

 

I just don't think the man of your dreams will have affairs and engage in phone and mail relationships while he is trying to create a better relationship with you. Of course, I have been wrong before.