two weeks after discovering my wife in an affair

[jiltedkoss424]

I caught my wife having an affair two weeks ago. It started at the middle of April she when she went on a weekend trip with about 7 of her girlfriends to Michigan (we live on a border town in Canada) for a Spa Weekend. I've always supported her in this knowing that she needed some time to herself too as she has been supportive of my activities.

 

I'll give a bit of a background on our marriage; this might be long.

 

I'm 38 and she's 34. We've never had any serious marriage problems since our wedding 10 years ago.

 

Although our bedroom has been dead since our last daughter was born four years ago. I used to try and initiate sex but my wife continually had excuses.

 

It was a trying time for us when our youngest daughter was born, as our oldest daughter got sick (and made a full recovery thankfully) and was hospitalized for nearly a month soon after the birth. I know this was hard on my wife as we had to visit a few hospitals in larger centres for care. (we live in Northern Ontario). It was hard on me too, but I made sure to be the rock for our family.

 

My wife started gaining weight after that, and eventually went on anti-

depressants. She came off them a little bit later on my advice, when I

recommended that she join a weight loss centre and a gym and do some

things naturally to make herself feel better. I’ve always been supportive of

her in things like this.

 

After two years of very little sex, I found myself not even trying to initiate

any more, and that seemed to be okay with my wife. She always found

a reason to not feel well, or to go to bed early, or to stay with the kids in

their room when they woke in the middle of the night as ‘they needed her’.

I talked to her about that not being good for the kids or our marriage but it

fell on deaf ears.

 

Then I just quit coming to bed, finding things to do late at night; new hobbies and porn. We’ve maybe had sex 6-8 times in the last three years. Our lives got busier, and we barley spoke to each other at all other than being with the kids. We’ve always been very family oriented, we keep our kids busy and she really is a great mom.

 

Anyway, she has lost quite a bit of weight recently and I could tell she was feeling better about herself.

 

Two weeks after that 'Spa' trip in April, my wife told me that her and two of her friend where planning another trip to Michigan to finish some of the shopping they didn't have time to complete. I was surprised and I knew it was going to be a busy weekend for me with our two girls (4&7), but hey, she didn't get a lot of time for herself in the last few years, so again I supported her in this trip.

 

Then, not even 10 days later she tells me that her and one of her friends wanted to go back to Michigan to celebrate her birthday.

 

Her suitcase hasn’t even been unpacked yet since her first trip in April and

my curiosity got the best of me and I looked through it after my spider senses went off with the news of this another Michigan trip.

 

I was surprised to find lingerie, frilly panties and very sexy tops; things she never wears for me. Then I went through her drawers, I knew it was wrong but this didn’t sit well with me.

 

In her top drawer at the bottom I found some American cash she had

stashed away. This was surprising too has we have never hid money from

each other as far as I knew. I counted the money, nearly $500 and, a phone

number on a piece of paper that wasn’t her handwriting. It was a mid-

Michigan area code and google tells me it’s a cell phone number. I started

to tremble, but I wrote the number down and put the piece of paper back in

her drawer.

 

I Skyped the number so it would show up as ‘unknown number’, and of

course a man picks up. I tell him it’s a wrong number.

 

Now things start to fall into place, of the time she has spent texting on her

phone in the last two weeks (something she rarely does), quickly putting it

away when I walk into the room. One time last week I came to bed, and she

got up, went to the washroom for a bit and then went to sleep in the kids

room with her phone.

 

So that night I tried to make excuses to see her phone at the kids baseball

practice. I knew she had it with her, but she quickly told me she forgot it

had home. Then I tell her when we get home I wanted to update the OS

of our phones and she finally gives in. Again, I shouldn’t have, but I went

though her text history quickly when she wasn’t around and it was blank –

nothing there. This is a person that usually had 500 emails and texts saved

on her phone because she doesn’t clear her inboxes. I sent a text to the

number just asking if he was there and didn’t get a response back.

 

When I came back upstairs. She asked me if something was wrong. I told

her I was upset about her going away again to Michigan. I wasn’t ready to

tip my hand about what I knew yet.

 

I asked her if everything was okay with us. Ironically, we had a long talk.

I never brought up what I knew about the lingerie or the phone number as

I’m confused and want to keep the upper hand in this. It was the best talk

we had in a long time and she told me how much she misses me and that

we don’t spend enough time together and that we need more us time. She

even asked me to go to bed to have sex. I stupidly did and it was the best

sex we’ve had in a long time.

 

The next day I paid for a report on that phone number and came up with a the name and location of who owned it. I then went through her phone records online and saw that my wife wend from 20-40 text a month to sending/receiving over 3000 texts between the Michigan man, and her two closest friends who were on the trips with her.

 

It was then that I disclosed what I found and over six hours, my wife finally admitted that she hooked up with this guy on the first trip when a bunch of guys came back to the girls hotel room and they ended up spending the next two nights there. She also admitted that she and her friends immediately started making plans with her to meet up with him (specifically for my wife) and his friends again in two weeks time. She had sex with him for the first time (so she says) on the 2nd trip.

 

After the 2nd trip, my wife and the Michigan man started talking more, exchanging pictures via text with each other. My wife, Michigan man and her two friends started making plans for a third trip immediately after returning from the 2nd trip.

 

Things have been rocky for us for two weeks now, but I've not lost my cool. I'm unbelievably hurt and embarrassed at the way my wife and her friends treated me.

 

We've cried, fought, hugged, had sex (more in the last two weeks than I've got in 3 years). But I'm still not sure I can get over this.

 

My wife started councilling today and I go on Monday.

 

She says she's sorry and that the affair is over. She wants nothing more than to make things right with us. Part of me wants that too, but I'm not sure what to do.

Edited June 1, 2012 by jiltedkoss424

[whichwayisup]

Your wife needs to ditch all those friends as they are POISON to you and your marriage! I cannot believe they 'helped' her with cheating on you!

 

Get tested for STD's, as should she.

 

Sorry for your pain..

 

I do hope she is sincere and truly is remorseful for her selfish choice to go and cheat on you.

 

Do marriage counselling, together and apart.

 

Get ahold of the OM and let him know he is to NEVER contact your wife again. This letter can done together and sent to him. If he is married too or has a girlfriend, she should know the truth too.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm sorry for what you are going through A lot of us have been there. I wouldn't rush any decisions. Take care of yourself, day by day. Give yourself time. You are going to go through all kinds of emotions, all over the map. You've got a long road ahead of you. Make sure you have good counselors...makes a big difference. Your wife should be transparent as possible with you. What helps regain trust? Truth, especially hard truth. She needs to know that. Hiding things to "spare" you will only erode trust. It sounds like you've done a good job so far on keeping your cool, that's good. Don't expect miracles forever from you though. We all have our limits and this is likely the most trying\painful experience of your life. Don't get too down on yourself if you make mistakes. You will make mistakes We're all human, and you are in a very trying place. I commend you for doing well this far. What eventually made me lose cool was continued lies from my wife, it's what eventually blew the tops of some other guys around here as well. Keep posting, good luck

[jiltedkoss424]

Your wife needs to ditch all those friends as they are POISON to you and your marriage! I cannot believe they 'helped' her with cheating on you!

 

Get tested for STD's, as should she.

 

Sorry for your pain..

 

I do hope she is sincere and truly is remorseful for her selfish choice to go and cheat on you.

 

Do marriage counselling, together and apart.

 

Get ahold of the OM and let him know he is to NEVER contact your wife again. This letter can done together and sent to him. If he is married too or has a girlfriend, she should know the truth too.

 

I texted the OM (who is also married with two young children) from a throw-away gmail account saying to never contact my wife again the night I made the discovery. My wife tells me that she called the OM a couple of days later and ended the affair. This was during one of the two emergencies coffee meeting with her friends after I caught her.

 

I've also called the husband of my wife's friends to tell her what I knew about my wife and how their wives were involved. It's tough because I'm friends with both of the husband's too.

[SomedayDig]

Sorry you're here 424. Alot of us can relate to your story, man and it isn't easy one bit. First things first, though: You say there haven't been any marital issues, however not having sex IS a marital issue. There is more of a reason than having children. A deeper reason and it begins with communication. It seems you, like many of us, stopped communicating. I hate to say this, but do you really know if this is the ONLY affair that she's had. See, my wife had a 5 year long affair. I can see a bunch of similarities in our stories. The weight loss thing is a big red flag. Her feeling good about herself but still not communicating is another red flag. I hate to imply, but I just want you to be ready just in case she does admit to previous affair(s). Keep coming back here and posting. Let us know what's going on and how she is reacting to her counseling. Mostly, make sure that she is totally transparent with you. That means you have ALL of her emails and passwords as well as phone records.

 

In the end, the question is...what do you want to do? What does she want to do?

[jiltedkoss424]

I understand that the lack of sex is a martial problem. I guess I just didn't realize how important it was. It's not like I wasn't horny and didn't want to have sex with my wife. I was rebuffed and given constant excuses not to have sex while she was on anti-depressants. She would constantly find ways to keep the kids between us, sometimes litterally in our bed. I just gave up after awhile.

 

I'm guessing she got better at some point and I wasn't available. But one of the things that hurts the most is that she denied me what she freely gave to a stranger.

[jh52]

424 -- I would be cautious of a couple of things. One -- your wife called OM to break it off -- please make sure that indeed is the case and they didn't take the affair underground. She should have had NC since the DDay.

 

You contacted OM -- now contact OMW. She deserves to know -- and whatever she does with that information is up to her. The OM chose to have an affair with your wife -- so don't feel gulity about this. If his wife found out, wouldn't you want to know.

 

As far as your wife's friends -- don't think they didn't hook up with the other guys -- and cheat on their husbands. They didn't go just to watch. I think you told her friends husbands -- what was their reponses?

 

You wife has to get rid of these toxic friends who pushed and enabled her.

 

Good luck !!

[drifter777]

I understand that the lack of sex is a martial problem. I guess I just didn't realize how important it was. It's not like I wasn't horny and didn't want to have sex with my wife. I was rebuffed and given constant excuses not to have sex while she was on anti-depressants. She would constantly find ways to keep the kids between us, sometimes litterally in our bed. I just gave up after awhile.

 

I'm guessing she got better at some point and I wasn't available. But one of the things that hurts the most is that she denied me what she freely gave to a stranger.

 

So it's all your fault? Somehow you should have just knew that your wife magically became horny again and if you didn't jump on her then she would go find someone who would? Do you know how crazy this sounds? It's also very typical for a BS to defend their WS in the wake of d-day. Stop doing this. The sooner you can see this as a selfish, hurtful, disgusting betrayal the sooner you can begin the healing process.

 

Whether you choose to reconcile or not, you need to put your personal recovery first. Open up to your counselor, he is on your side and is there to help you so don't hold anything back.

[jiltedkoss424]

424 -- I would be cautious of a couple of things. One -- your wife called OM to break it off -- please make sure that indeed is the case and they didn't take the affair underground. She should have had NC since the DDay.

 

You contacted OM -- now contact OMW. She deserves to know -- and whatever she does with that information is up to her. The OM chose to have an affair with your wife -- so don't feel gulity about this. If his wife found out, wouldn't you want to know.

 

As far as your wife's friends -- don't think they didn't hook up with the other guys -- and cheat on their husbands. They didn't go just to watch. I think you told her friends husbands -- what was their reponses?

 

You wife has to get rid of these toxic friends who pushed and enabled her.

 

Good luck !!

 

One of the other wives, who was most involved in the planning, and did indeed have a man set-up for herself but he didn't make the 2nd trip at the last minute. She did a pretty good job of saving herself after I meet with her husband for some drinks and had my wife call him to tell him everything she told me on D-Day. The wife told her husband that she went down on these trips to stop the affair and look out for my wife but she wouldn't listen. My wife hasn't spoke with her since that news got back to us.

 

The other husband just thinks that my wife was the only one that did anything wrong. I was infuriated when they told us that they would be here for us if we needed anything.

 

I've been on the fence about contacting the OMW. I don't think I want to do that, but I know that I really should. I found their home number the other day and I did call the house earlier today (even before posting this). I wasn't sure what I would do if someone answered. Luckily no one was home and they didn't have voice mail.

[96nole]

One of the other wives, who was most involved in the planning, and did indeed have a man set-up for herself but he didn't make the 2nd trip at the last minute. She did a pretty good job of saving herself after I meet with her husband for some drinks and had my wife call him to tell him everything she told me on D-Day. The wife told her husband that she went down on these trips to stop the affair and look out for my wife but she wouldn't listen. My wife hasn't spoke with her since that news got back to us.

 

The other husband just thinks that my wife was the only one that did anything wrong. I was infuriated when they told us that they would be here for us if we needed anything.

 

I've been on the fence about contacting the OMW. I don't think I want to do that, but I know that I really should. I found their home number the other day and I did call the house earlier today (even before posting this). I wasn't sure what I would do if someone answered. Luckily no one was home and they didn't have voice mail.

 

One of the reasons to tell the OMW is now she can keep an eye on him. But it could backfire in that if she leaves him, there is nothing keeping him from contacting your wife. He's not worried about losing his wife if she has already left.

 

Yes, he is a few states away. What's to keep him from going to your area and your wife secretly meeting him? She told you she stopped the affair. But perhaps you need to do a little verification on your own. Check her email and texts. If possible, put a GPS on her phone. That was very handy for me watching my cheating ex wife. They can always tell you they are someplace, but if the GPS says something different, bad news.

 

Stop blaming yourself. Her cheating is 100% her fault. Her clothes didn't accidentally fall off a few states away and then she didn't accidentally fall onto another man's junk. And she went back a second time. Accept no more than 50% of any marriage problems you had. But the cheating is all her.

 

She seems to have told you everything. That's good. But it took you confronting her about it. That's bad. If you didn't find out what you did and confront her, she would most likely be still doing it.

 

You're still in the shock phase. You're doing what ever you can to feel better about yourself and her. The whole magnitude hasn't hit yet. There is a whole roller coaster of emotions you're still going to go through. And that roller coaster really sucks! She is going to have a lot of work to do. She is going to have to support you as you go through the emotions. She is going to have to keep showing regret. You are not going to get over it in a few weeks or a few months. She is going to have to understand that.

 

Keep posting on here and keep reading what others have gone through. It will help educate yourself and understand what to do.

[Wanderer25]

Friend from reddit here. Good luck

[whichwayisup]

I've been on the fence about contacting the OMW. I don't think I want to do that, but I know that I really should. I found their home number the other day and I did call the house earlier today (even before posting this). I wasn't sure what I would do if someone answered. Luckily no one was home and they didn't have voice mail.

 

Situation reversed, would you want the BS to call you and tell you the truth? Pretty sure you would want to know..

[jiltedkoss424]

Friend from reddit here. Good luck

 

Thanks. You probably recognised some of my cut and paste from my original reddit thread when I was only suspicious that my wife was cheating.

 

Honestly when I made that thread I thought must be crazy because there was no way my wife would do what I ended finding out she did.

 

Although it was good to get away from the internet for a couple of weeks and concentrate on what I need now.

 

However, I feel like I hit the wall yesterday. I spent first two weeks taking care of certain things like getting the kids passports and IDs and putting them away so my wife couldn't take the kids out of the country and getting a post-nup signed that basically says that she had no claim on a cottage I inherited and has been in the family for years.

 

I also spent that time obsessing with the details of the of the affair trying to piece it together based on her phone bill and the deleted texts I was able to recovery from her phone. I finally told her a couple of days ago that wanted to know every detail of the affair, because it seemed to be what I needed at the time.

 

And she did go through the phone bill and the trips with me giving me the details of how they met, what they did, what they talked about.

 

Did I get the total truth? Probably not, but it was enough for me and I was glad to see her co-operate that way. It actually helped me at the time and I had a pretty good day the day later.

 

However, now that the affair is less of a mystery, I seem to be feeling some new emotions that I haven't felt so far. I really feel like I don't have a lot of control any more over this and it's a waiting game to see if I can live with this affair and move on, or cut my losses and heal on my own.

Edited June 2, 2012 by jiltedkoss424

[The Blue Knight]

I understand that the lack of sex is a martial problem. I guess I just didn't realize how important it was. It's not like I wasn't horny and didn't want to have sex with my wife. I was rebuffed and given constant excuses not to have sex while she was on anti-depressants. She would constantly find ways to keep the kids between us, sometimes litterally in our bed. I just gave up after awhile.

 

I'm guessing she got better at some point and I wasn't available. But one of the things that hurts the most is that she denied me what she freely gave to a stranger.

Quite honestly I was surprised reading your OP when you said that sex was practically non-existent for the past few years and the fact that you accepted it and allowed her to avoid you whenever she felt like it.

 

Maybe you're just a passive personality, but I would have confronted my wife if she was playing the "avoidance game" and we would have dealt with it very early on.

 

I'm not sure what led to her coldness toward you, but in retrospect, you should have called her out on it and not let her just withdraw sex and intimacy the way that she did.

 

This of course is 20/20 hindsight observations, and what's important is how you'll proceed from this point forward and of course discovering what she really wants.

[The Blue Knight]

One of the reasons to tell the OMW is now she can keep an eye on him. But it could backfire in that if she leaves him, there is nothing keeping him from contacting your wife. He's not worried about losing his wife if she has already left.

 

Yes, he is a few states away. What's to keep him from going to your area and your wife secretly meeting him? She told you she stopped the affair. But perhaps you need to do a little verification on your own. Check her email and texts. If possible, put a GPS on her phone. That was very handy for me watching my cheating ex wife. They can always tell you they are someplace, but if the GPS says something different, bad news.

 

Stop blaming yourself. Her cheating is 100% her fault. Her clothes didn't accidentally fall off a few states away and then she didn't accidentally fall onto another man's junk. And she went back a second time. Accept no more than 50% of any marriage problems you had. But the cheating is all her.

 

She seems to have told you everything. That's good. But it took you confronting her about it. That's bad. If you didn't find out what you did and confront her, she would most likely be still doing it.

 

You're still in the shock phase. You're doing what ever you can to feel better about yourself and her. The whole magnitude hasn't hit yet. There is a whole roller coaster of emotions you're still going to go through. And that roller coaster really sucks! She is going to have a lot of work to do. She is going to have to support you as you go through the emotions. She is going to have to keep showing regret. You are not going to get over it in a few weeks or a few months. She is going to have to understand that.

 

Keep posting on here and keep reading what others have gone through. It will help educate yourself and understand what to do.

96 makes a good point 424. These were premeditated movements. If she'd had a moment of being caught up in the attention and had a one night stand and then realized the enormity of her mistake, that would be one thing. But, she in fact went back for more.

 

I don't think you can worry about the OM being free of his wife if you tell her. This is about the OMW knowing the truth and letting her deal with it as she sees fit. Besides, I'd want my wife to choose to stay with me no matter what the OM's status was . . . single or married. Do you want to be left thinking that your wife is only remaining in the marriage because the OM is jammed up in a marriage that he can't leave?

 

I'd tell the OMW. It's the right thing to do.

[Bryanp]

I am sorry but this was so planned out so carefully. I doubt you have the full story at all. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would have been so forgiving and accepting as you have been? She never had any intention of stopping this betrayal to you.

 

You both must be tested for STD's immediately.

 

You seem like a nice guy. Is it possible that your wife knew that even if she got caught you would forgive her anyway so she really had nothing to lose?

 

I think it is interesting that if you had not caught her she would still be going back having sex with this guy over and over.

 

If the OM's wife had found out first, wouldn't you have wanted her to contact

you? The fact that the OM knows you know and you have not exposed this to his wife, you have sent a clear message to the OM that there are no consequences to him banging your wife. You are making a huge mistake here.

 

Your wife's actions clearly shows that she has very little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.

[jiltedkoss424]

I am sorry but this was so planned out so carefully. I doubt you have the full story at all. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would have been so forgiving and accepting as you have been? She never had any intention of stopping this betrayal to you.

 

You both must be tested for STD's immediately.

 

You seem like a nice guy. Is it possible that your wife knew that even if she got caught you would forgive her anyway so she really had nothing to lose?

 

I think it is interesting that if you had not caught her she would still be going back having sex with this guy over and over.

 

If the OM's wife had found out first, wouldn't you have wanted her to contact

you? The fact that the OM knows you know and you have not exposed this to his wife, you have sent a clear message to the OM that there are no consequences to him banging your wife. You are making a huge mistake here.

 

Your wife's actions clearly shows that she has very little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.

 

Trust me all of these things are on my mind and that's what's making things so hard when I really have time to sit down and think about what I'm going through.

 

My WW has on more than one occasion shown signs of fear and remorse. Of course I take this with a grain of salt. I mean, I want to see that, but if she found it so easy to lie to me for a month before this, what's to say she's being honest now.

 

I've realized and told her that it's going to take time to rebuild this trust. However, like I said earlier, she has done a lot to win back some points with me, including calling her friends husband herself when I asked her to tell him what happened on these trips and being open about the details of the affair when I ask for them ( minus D-Day when getting info from her was like pulling teeth). Plus she has been very supportive in both of us getting some counselling. Of course, it's easier to want to fix a problem when you are the cause of it.

Edited June 2, 2012 by jiltedkoss424

[firemanq]

 

what's to say she's being honest now.

 

However, like I said earlier, she has done a lot to win back some points with me, including calling her friends husband herself when I asked her to tell him what happened on these trips and being open about the details of the affair when I ask for them .

 

Were you present when she called her friends husband?

 

Worst case scenario, you will know she no longer lies when have gotten rid of her and moved on. In my situation, I know she has not lied to me for several years, as it has been several years since I spoke to her. I think at my 3rd daughters marriage, 10 years ago.

 

I do hope she comes clean and tells you everything you need to know. I would give you a hug, except us manly guys don't do that except at our mother's funeral, right?

[jiltedkoss424]

Were you present when she called her friends husband?

 

Worst case scenario, you will know she no longer lies when have gotten rid of her and moved on. In my situation, I know she has not lied to me for several years, as it has been several years since I spoke to her. I think at my 3rd daughters marriage, 10 years ago.

 

I do hope she comes clean and tells you everything you need to know. I would give you a hug, except us manly guys don't do that except at our mother's funeral, right?

 

For the call I was with hubby having a beer when she called. And no I don't think I got 100% of the story but I think it's close.

[Steadfast]

The other husband just thinks that my wife was the only one that did anything wrong. I was infuriated when they told us that they would be here for us if we needed anything.

 

I've been on the fence about contacting the OMW. I don't think I want to do that, but I know that I really should.

 

Funny. Not your situation (that's anything but) but the lack of response from those who encourage -at all costs- to expose! Tell everyone! Tell the gardener! Expose!! Where are you? What is the next bit of advice?

 

Fact: Exposing never gets the response expected or the desired results. And it isn't the fact that you are -in fact- doing the right thing, it's expecting some sort of united front. To those hearing the news, the suspicion that you are trying to spread the blame, pain, or to use them to forward your agenda is what they usually hear. Next, someone will advise you to tell her parents. You will, and they'll ask you what you did to make their precious daughter run off the rails. There are too many fools denying that blood is thicker than water. I would have told the OM's wife what you know. No one else.

 

The biggest red flag I see here is your wife's betrayal up to the point where she was caught. Following the established pattern, the next time she cheats, she'll be a lot better at hiding it from you. Practice makes perfect.

 

IMO, she was plenty interested in sex, just not sex with you. Who knows, maybe she blamed you for her getting fat after having kids. Whatever the case, knowing she was denying you and traveling to boink a stranger is something even the best counseling will be hard pressed to fix. Flawed.

 

I would prepare to divorce, papers and all settlements written and agreed to. Afterward, if she still wanted to be together, you could date and slowly try to build the relationship into health. Now? Your marriage is over.

 

Start over.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Steadfast

[Bryanp]

The points by Steadfast makes a great deal of sense. She only stopped because she was caught and had no intention of stopping it. The fact is that she was willing to destroy the marriage and totally humiliate and disrespect you her husband for her own selfish pleasure while denying you the ability to please her.

What is wrong with this picture? Where are the consequences to her actions/ Again if the roles were reversed would she be so accepting as you have been? Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat. Good luck.

[2sunny]

What is it you wish to accomplish NOW?

 

What work has SHE been doing to repair the damage she caused in the past few weeks, if any?

 

Looks like mainly damage control... By having sex with you (manipulation) and meeting with her friends to get their "stories" straight.

 

If she's only acting like she's sorry she got caught - not sorry she did it - you have bigger problems than you think.

 

Does she work? I'd get her working now!

 

What consequences have you given her based on YOUR healthy boundary?

 

I'd be pissed! You funded her trips to screw him and betray you! Her lack of character is concerning - is she addressing that in counseling?

 

Have you been tested for stds?

[Hoping4Better]

I would prepare to divorce, papers and all settlements written and agreed to. Afterward, if she still wanted to be together, you could date and slowly try to build the relationship into health. Now? Your marriage is over.

 

Start over.

THIS. I filed for D days ago on STBXW then finally realized - when she asked me if we could ever get back again - that you really have to 'let them go' in order for you to begin healing process; I feel like new me because I no longer am tied to XW's affairs. This means no more checking anything, it drove me insane! It's not to say that she has her fun then comes back to you, no, I am simply saying that because XW's past no longer should bother you if you still like new XW because you both are single, if not, move on and find a new love.

Edited June 3, 2012 by Hoping4Better

[exit82]

what was the deal with the $500.00 cash in her drawer? was it his money he gave her or your joint acct money?

[jnj express]

Hey JK----Bryan's question was on point----where is the accountability here.

 

Your wife is still lying to you---she told you she had sex for the 1st time, the 2nd trip---if that is the case---what did she, all the other women, and all those men do for the 3 days they were in that hotel, the 1st trip,----maybe they played darts, maybe pictionary, how about 20 questions, or maybe they played truth or dare---and the dare was to have sex----or maybe it was strip poker---SOMETHING HAD TO HAPPEN IN THREE DAYS TIME, and I promise you it wasn't complimentary toward your mge.

 

You have given us some reasons why, in her mind she found it necessary to destroy the lives of her own children, along with your life---for this will never go away-----it may lessen somewhat, but you may trigger, the rest of your life-----tell me, the sex you had, did you enjoy it, knowing there was an elephant in the room, did you mentally try to compare yourself with him-----these are problems you are gonna face as long as you stay with her---they have to be dealt with and overcome----can you honestly say you can look at her, at times, and not wanna puke.

 

Why is she all of a sudden wanting to be back in your good graces, why does she all of a sudden "get it"---after she was willing to do everything for her lover---money that belonged to the family, was to go toward him, clothes she never got for you----they were for him----why all of a sudden is she back

 

Is it cuz she is scared sh*tless of having you D., her, making her a divorced, single mother of 2 kids, with an adulterer label on her----knowing she will have to work extremely hard to make ends meet----knowing there probably are not a whole of great choices out there for her to hook up with----the above could very well be why she is all of a sudden allegedly working her butt off----Do you really think it is cuz she loves you-----you are gonna wonder about this the rest of your married life

 

When you took vows did you sign on to become a parole officer, well guess what, that is exactly what you will become---for how long only you and your sub--conscious knows

 

I will tell you one thing---you had better treat this whole A., with harshness, for if she percieves you were easy about the way this went down, she will KNOW she can cheat again, cuz you will basically do nothing about it!!!!!!---Good luck to you, you got a long road ahead, and a big mountain to climb, if you stay with your children's mother.