Shohane Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 In case that your friendship ended on a sour note, with one or both of you hating each other or being hurt due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication from one or both, would you later write a letter to your friend clearing out the misunderstanding, even though you may not wish to rekindle the friendship? If yes, then how long should you wait before sending the letter? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Sure. Think about it this way - if you don't say what you are feeling, you will live with the regret for not being honest. I'd do it now. Why wait? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 I think of waiting because... - Time allows him to cool off - Time allows myself to let go of worries about how he responds to my honest thoughts, if he chooses to respond at all. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I think of waiting because... - Time allows him to cool off - Time allows myself to let go of worries about how he responds to my honest thoughts, if he chooses to respond at all. Both of those are about him though. Who cares if HE is cooled off? You have no control over whether he's cooled off, and no control over how he responds. You already said you don't want to keep the friendship, so writing your thoughts is about YOU. It's ok to do this for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I am in this situation now and frankly wouldn't bother. The friendship is over and I hope to never see the person again. What would be the point? It is not going to change anything. It is a waste of time and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) No I would not waste time after-the-fact to explain why the friendship ended. Did you end it or did your friend end it? The only reason to contact your friend at this point would be if you wanted to reconcile and apologize. Otherwise there is no reason to contact your friend anymore. What's done is done. The friendship is over. I will tell you that when my former friend randomly texted me recently -- 2 years after she ended the friendship -- it caused me so much stress that I had to post about it here in order to process it - a stupid text from someone who no longer wants my friendship. There was no reason for her to reach out to text me other than to say she found an old pic of one of my cats on her phone, and then she wished me well. Why was that text necessary? It wasn't. If she had emailed me to explain why she ended the friendship (which wasn't necessary because we both knew why it ended), I would have deleted her email and not responded because my thoughts would be, "what's the point?!" Don't contact your friend. For both your benefit. Edited June 2, 2012 by writergal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 2, 2012 Author Share Posted June 2, 2012 (edited) Did you end it or did your friend end it? My friend ended it last week. He carries some misconceptions about me and assumptions about the real cause of conflict. Edited June 2, 2012 by Shohane Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Without knowing the details, it doesn't sound like you two were compatible as friends. Incompatibility can mean many things to a friendship. If he carried around misconceptions about you that you may have tried to clear up then the issue is his, not yours . Sorry that this happened but maybe it is for the best. My friend ended it. He carries some misconceptions about me and assumptions about the real cause of conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 Can we private-message each other on here?? -_- I think I need some confidential advice... Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 Sure. Send me a PM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 I wonder how.... I clicked on your profile but there's no option to send PM... Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 Under the "contact info" tab there should be an option to send me a message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 I think only Established Members can use PM ... -__- Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I think you're correct. Well, feel free to post here what you would have PM'd me. I'm sure others will happily pitch in their advice too. Link to post Share on other sites
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