poison

[gypsy_siren]

I cut all ties with my ex a few months ago. Since then, there has been verbal abuse, threats to my property and my person, and stalking. I obtained a restraining order, and for the first time felt some sort of protection and calm. Now my ex wants to appeal it.

 

When I see this person, my mouth goes dry, my knees buckle and my stomach turns. Every muscle in my body reacts, tightening up and I am sore for days after. We don't even have to speak. The mere mention of their name is enough to drain my energy.

 

I have written documentation of the threats, and copies of their criminal record. I also have witnesses who have either witnessed the threats to me or have been threatened, (or worse,) themselves. I believe I have a solid case, but I am still extremely afraid and stressed. The thought of losing the one thing that has made me feel a little safe through this terrifies me. This person is like poison to me. One dose, chance meeting or sighting, and I am ill for days. If anyone can help or has advice on how to keep my order in place, please comment. Thank you for reading.

[uriel]

I've been through a stalking myself. I broke up with a boyfriend when I was young, and he went crazy for several months. Finally, the threat of legal action and arrest put a stop to it.

 

What got me through it was I got very, very angry. I decided that I wasn't going to let anyone terrorize me. When he threw me against a car, tried to bite me, and spit on me, I pushed back. I threatened HIM.

 

I don't advocate that you threaten him back with physical force or destruction of property. You don't want to escalate things. But, you could use anger over being backed into a corner like this to fend off the fearful feelings that destroy your sense of safety. No one has a right to do this to you!

 

Take some sensible physical measures, too -- such as keeping a cell phone with you that has the police number on speed dial, varying your routines, changing your telephone number and email address, getting extra locks on your doors and windows, carrying mace in your pocket or purse, letting people around you know (at work, friends, family) that this is going on and that you'd appreciate their staying alert to your safety needs. (I had to convince two male friends not to drag my ex off and beat the living stuff out of him.)

 

Don't think of these measures as your becoming a fearful prisoner in your life. Think of this as your taking your safety seriously and taking your life back. Don't let anyone stop you from living.

 

-- uriel