Debster Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I have concerns about a recently married sister. Actually, I had concerns before the marriage that neither one of them treated each other well. They would fight frequently and harsh, cruel words are exchanged. Anyways, I did talk to my sister prior to her marriage to see if she was 'sure' this is what she wanted and to ask her if she was happy. She said yes to both. My concerns were still present during their engagement - to the point where my fiance and I were uncomfortable being around them because of they way they treat each other. Recently, my mother has become aware of just how badly they do treat each other - and more specifically the cruel, hurtful things he says to my sister. My mom said that she said he was talking to her as if he couldn't stand her. While I know that I should stay out of their marriage and just let my sister know that I am there for her if she needs me - I wondered if anyone else had any opinions/advice. Do newlyweds go through a HORRIBLE adjustment period - that I am not aware of? Has anyone gone through a similar situation? If so, what did they find helpful? Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Take your own advice: let her know you are there to listen if she needs you, but otherwise stay out of it. She's more likely to come to you if she doesn't feel like she has to eat a plate of crow to do it. It is common for newlyweds to fight more than more settled couples. There's an adjustment period. But, if he's saying mentally abusive things (calling names, showing open contempt), then that's not appropriate. Not much you can do about it if your sister won't. If he does it in front of you, you might say that you're uncomfortable hearing anyone talk to your sister that way. Nothing wrong with your asserting that. You can also suggest they go to another room to argue; the family doesn't need to be exposed to their conflict (it's not polite of them to do it in front of you). Only if you should fear for her safety should you directly intervene. Otherwise, don't get caught up taking sides in the actual substance of the argument. That's between them. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Debster Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Thanks I will stay out of it. If I hear him calling her names in front of me again, though I will say that "I don't appreciate him talking to my sister that way." Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I agree. That sounds like the best way to go. Let her know you're there is she needs a shoulder to lean on. It's unlikely she'll want to admit there's anything wrong though, when she probably really wants everything to be RIGHT. Link to post Share on other sites
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