Have I been friend zoned!? What do I do now?

[itsthechipmunk93]

Hi guys, first post here.

 

So I'm 18 and a college student. For the sake of this story I'll just use X and Y to sub for the boys I am talking about.

 

I had a somewhat crush / infatuation thing going on with X, and I tried dropping hints that I liked him as more than a friend and one day I thought it was a bit too obvious and I panicked so I went to his good friend Y, who I wasn't as close to and told him about the situation. Y gave me some good advice and then we started to get closer. Y and I basically talk every single day, text paragraphs to each other, vent to each other and have serious convos and funny ones also.

 

Y is the type of guy who likes the serious convos and stuff, he says he's not a good flirt and stuff. He found one of my friends attractive and because I cared alot for him I basically told him straight up she was just talking to him because he was giving her attention and stuff. Of course he was hurt but during this conversation he told me how I shouldnt be insecure because he sees me better than her, he likes our conversations better. I always tell him I'm insecure and he always just says there's no reason for me to be insecure. I vent to him alot also, we're very comfortable with each other and can talk about anything and everything. Our convos don't end. And sometime when I do feel bad about venting to him, I tell him, and he says how he loves to pick me up and help me out, he cares for me, and if he didnt wanna talk to me he wouldnt text me back and stuff. The two times I did "disappear" on him during text he was like "Oh why didn't you text me, you forgot about me," etc.

 

He also just got out of a 1 and a half year relationship about 2 months ago which was very hard on him, even though he says he loved the girl he knows shes not good for him. He was also neglected alot in that relationship.

 

He and I have a lot of things in common, and we always tell each other oh I wish every guy/girl was like you. We sometimes flirt around but not as much. We've only been talking for about 4 weeks as we have now but I've known him for a quite a while just through school and stuff. Just last week I realized he and I had been non-stop texting for the entire week, our convo did not end at all. Sometimes I just wanna go upto him and say "everything you want is right here stupid!!"

 

I'm starting to get feelings for him, however, I dont want him to think I friend zoned him because I went up to him to ask him relationship advice because I sort of liked his friend. And I have no idea if he friend zoned me or not . He also says how everything is a process and if 2 people talk enough then they can catch feelings but it depends somewhat on how they talk and idk how he talks to someone he likes. It's so frustrating because I don't know where we stand. We got really close really fast. He tells me he's comfortable around me because I made like that with him, we both trust each other a lot, look out for each other, give advice, but everything's up in the air with the things he says to me sometimes, it's so confusing.

 

I tried to make it somewhat clear last night. We were talking about friend zoning and friends with benefits because I wanted to see his point but he was being off and not his usual self so I messed around and said "I hope youre not sad because Im talking about friend zoning youre def not in it" and he's like "whats that supposed to mean?" so I said "you know what I mean" and he said "No" and I said "I was trying to make you feel better by saying you're not in the friend zone thing" and he still didnt get it so I said "i was talking about with me smh" but we were also having second convo at the same time so he completely ignored that part and went on with the second convo.

 

 

Sorry for the uber long post. PLEASE HELP ME. thanks

Edited June 2, 2012 by itsthechipmunk93

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

Has Y talked at all about his dating/relationship history in any detail? You mentioned that he recently exited a relationship where he loved the girl. If he was emotionally bonded, it will take some time for him to recover from that.

 

There's a nuance of 'style' which may have play here as well. You get on well with him, enjoy your contact, look forward to hearing from him and feel 'comfortable' with him. For you, all these factors appear to impel attraction which wasn't necessarily there when you met. It's unknown what his style is. A bit of it might be inferred from your last conversation about the friend-zone. If he feels 'comfortable' with women he's not attracted to, he might see you as a friend. He may be one of those who needs the instant chemistry thing to trigger his attraction. It's hard to know from your post but usually men who find a woman attractive and single act on that overtly, consistent with their relationship style. You've gotten to know each other. He hasn't asked you on a date. It does occur to me that you originally came to him because of romantic interest in his friend. That could also be a factor. His first impression of you was of a young lady expressing romantic/sexual interest in one of his friends. To him, that's like he's invisible. Again, dependent on his style, that could have flipped a 'friend' switch.

 

Lastly, it sounds like your 'serious' conversation about the friend-zone took place through texts. If so, put down the phone and look at each other face to face and talk. That's how you do relationship stuff. Good luck.