Wrote her a "Love Letter..." 8(

[Solo34]

I met a girl at College, and we went out on a date, kissing, etc.

 

Well after that date, she disappeared for about a week and then reappeared telling me that even though she had a great time, that she doesn't need to date or have a relationship at the moment.

 

We agreed to be friends, and we became friends. We were spending lots of time together, literally all nighters talking and stuff. Just the both of us having a great time enjoying each others' company.

 

We kissed again another time, and it was fine...I even touched her a couple of times, and it was no big issue between us at all. We just maintained our friendship and meeting up together and having a good time together talking, etc.

 

She knows I like her, and she asked me to write her a "love letter." Now I don't love her, but I do care about her, and I know it would be a bad idea to confess I love her (even if I did, which I don't), or to show my hand so to speak.

 

So long story short, I wrote it telling her that I do care for her, that I'd like to see where it could go in the future, that I wouldn't want to lose her from my life, etc. Just things like that and how I appreciate her mind, her personality, and her sense of humor as much as her beauty.

 

Well, I held off on giving it to her, but everytime she'd see me, she'd ask for it and smile. I eventually gave it to her and told her "It was nice being with you...and I'm sure I won't see you again after you read this." She tells me "Don't be silly. Of course I still want to see you."

 

She goes home and reads it, texts me that we will talk about it next time we meet. I told her "It's OK, you don't have to explain why you don't feel the same way..." and she replies "Don't put words in my mouth, nothing has changed between us, let's talk when we meet. I want to talk about this."

 

Well, I hadn't heard from her since I gave it to her for 5 days, so I sent a simple text asking how she was. I heard nothing back.

 

5 days after that, I sent her an email on FB telling her that I knew I'd push her away, but wasn't sure what had happened to her saying she wanted to talk about it, and that nothing's changed. I also told her it was nice to have known her and to have spent time with her, but that I wouldn't trouble her anymore.

 

I haven't heard anything from her 2 weeks total since giving her that "love letter" that she herself requested I write to her.

 

What do you all think?? Did I screw up our friendship even though she requested the letter?? Do I try and contact her again??

 

I'm really bummed out and feeling down about this. I really value her as a friend and I do miss her.

 

Thank you for reading this, and I know it's very long but I had to get it all out there.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Solo34

[TaraMaiden]

......even though she had a great time, that she doesn't need to date or have a relationship at the moment.

 

.....she asked me to write her a "love letter."

 

......every time she'd see me, she'd ask for it and smile. I eventually gave it to her ......"Of course I still want to see you."

 

....."let's talk when we meet. I want to talk about this."

 

.....

I haven't heard anything from her 2 weeks total since giving her that "love letter" that she herself requested I write to her.

 

What do you all think?? Did I screw up our friendship even though she requested the letter?? Do I try and contact her again??

No, she screwed it up.

What a dumbass she is....

First she tells you that she doesn't need to date or be in a relationship at the moment.

then she pressures you for a love letter...?!

WTF??

Why, for goodness' sake?!

I'll tell you why....

she's on one big ego-trip and wants to hear how loved she is - but she has no intention of either reciprocating or taking it anywhere.

She just wants you to tell her how wonderful she is.

 

So now she realises she's gone too far, and doesn't really know what to do.

she still doesn't want a relationship with you (trust me on that one) but she realises she's over-stepped the mark in getting you to wear your heart on your sleeve.

 

Go No Contact, let her make the next move, and when she does, tell her to take a hike, because you are really not interested in being jerked around like this, and serving as an ego boost, by telling her how wonderful she is, only to have her disappear and be so inconsiderate as to completely ignore you.

 

Cow.

[Solo34]

TaraMaiden, thank you very much.

 

I've been thinking "What did I do wrong??" and things of that nature. 2nd guessing myself, playing back what I did, retracing my footsteps where I could've gone wrong, etc., etc.

 

I've been driving myself nuts about this. Your input and advice is great. I just don't know why she'd do such a thing to play with me like that.

 

What you said makes sense, though. I even called her out one time about how she just likes me around to tell her how great she is, how pretty she is, etc. That she was just using me for that...and she said "No. I am not..." However, just as I told her, actions speak louder than words.

 

Thank you again.

[TaraMaiden]

It reminds me of that joke:

 

"Oh please, let's stop talking about me, let's talk about you....

how do you like my dress....?"

 

no person ever told another person to shut up, while they were being told - by that person - how wonderful they are....

 

For her to tell you that a relationship was off the cards, then to ask you for a love letter, says two things about her:

She has an Ego that needed feeding, and, paradoxically, she has low self-esteem.

She believes the only way to raise her worth in the eyes of others, is for them to confirm that she is indeed, as wonderful as she hopes she is.

 

think very carefully about whether you really want to work that hard, keeping her happy and feeding her ego reassurance...

 

This is drama waiting to happen, truly it is........

[Solo34]

Well the drama is already happening and has happened previously.

 

She even told me that she "Doesn't know what's wrong with her..." and that if she gets close to a guy, she'll intentionally do things to hurt him. And she even told me that she doesn't want to hurt me ever, that we should just be friends. But she found herself getting comfortable and apologized because she got angry with me for nothing. She told me how sorry she was because she realized that we were becoming close, and that when people are close to her (Family, etc.), she mistreats them and knows that it is wrong.

 

I told her it's because I feel that she has issues with her own Father...she almost broke down and cried, because she realized that I was correct about that...but never knew that.

 

She's a good person, but she does have her issues...especially for what she just did to me after requesting the damn letter.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Solo34

[TaraMaiden]

Like I said... do you really want to work this hard and play into her drama?

she doesn't need a relationship.

 

She needs therapy.

 

Seriously.

 

And there is absolutely no reason whatsoever why you should be expected to be the one to provide it for her.

 

Really, if you truly want advice, steer clear of this one.

[Solo34]

I agree with you, was just filling in the rest of the story is all.

 

Thank you, again. I was truly down and out and not knowing what I did or should do.

 

You cleared it up beautifully with your posts, especially the 1st one!!

 

Thanks!!

[Solo34]

Even though I agree and appreciate TaraMaiden's amazing advice and insight, does anyone else have anything to add to this??

 

Thank you.

[Professor X]

Even though I agree and appreciate TaraMaiden's amazing advice and insight, does anyone else have anything to add to this??

 

Thank you.

 

Yeah, I do.

 

TM is right. She's an attention wh*re. You play into her hands.

 

Though, truth be told, the first thing that came to my mind is sh*t test in which you failed. BUT, I doubt it's the reality of things.

 

So for your questions, you did not screw up, she did and you should not contact her - She's a nut-job, why would you want to anyway???

[Kamila]

I met a girl at College, and we went out on a date, kissing, etc.

 

She knows I like her, and she asked me to write her a "love letter." Now I don't love her, but I do care about her, and I know it would be a bad idea to confess I love her (even if I did, which I don't), or to show my hand so to speak.

 

So long story short, I wrote it telling her that I do care for her, that I'd like to see where it could go in the future, that I wouldn't want to lose her from my life, etc. Just things like that and how I appreciate her mind, her personality, and her sense of humor as much as her beauty.

 

What do you all think?? Did I screw up our friendship even though she requested the letter?? Do I try and contact her again??

 

I'm really bummed out and feeling down about this. I really value her as a friend and I do miss her.

 

Thank you for reading this, and I know it's very long but I had to get it all out there.

 

She's quite a persona isn't she ?

You can't force someone to write a love letter. She's toying with you and pushing your buttons to see how you'll react. And now you feel guilty. See ...her plan is working.

 

My advice would be: total indifference.

Trust me, if she can play that game, you can too. You just need to learn the rules.

 

And since you're at the early stage of your relationship, you can't really label it with 'love'. So a 'love letter' is not appropriate here.

I would consider it a deeper interest for someone, more than a friend. But love, nah, not just yet.

[Solo34]

Yeah, I do.

 

TM is right. She's an attention wh*re. You play into her hands.

 

Though, truth be told, the first thing that came to my mind is sh*t test in which you failed. BUT, I doubt it's the reality of things.

 

So for your questions, you did not screw up, she did and you should not contact her - She's a nut-job, why would you want to anyway???

 

Your advice is great, just like TaraMaiden's. Thank you, Professor X.

 

Is a sh*t test just a test that women run game on you or something??

[Solo34]

Oh, I also think I forgot to mention how she would get jealous of me being on dates with other females and everything.

 

Made me feel as though she was interested in me or something. I mean, why even get jealous if you don't care "more" about someone than you want to admit/let on??

 

Only reason I can think is that she just wanted me all for herself with my attention only on her and stuff like that.

[TaraMaiden]

Have you guys spoken since....?

I hope not......

[Ms_Sweetness]

She is definitely playing games with you. I wouldn't be surprised if she asked you to write the letter so that she can use it to make an ex or someone she still has feelings for jealous. Be careful!

[Solo34]

Have you guys spoken since....?

I hope not......

 

Hi TaraMaiden, nope...I haven't tried to say a word, and I haven't heard from her, either.

 

I'm just embarrassed with myself for even writing it (because that's not me), and I really don't want to see her or bump into her at the College.

 

I just wish I could forget about how foolish I was and that I even let this girl know I care about her.

 

It bothers me because she has a hand written letter with my honest feelings on it that she's probably laughed at me with her friends together with.

 

No matter what she did with it, it just sucks that she has something personal like that from me to do with what she wants...and it don't even matter to her.

 

I'm a damn fool...

[Solo34]

She is definitely playing games with you. I wouldn't be surprised if she asked you to write the letter so that she can use it to make an ex or someone she still has feelings for jealous. Be careful!

 

Hi Ms. Sweet, it wouldn't be an Ex because she's an au pair here from another Country.

 

What I do think happened is that she probably used it as an excuse to stop seeing me and/or the letter pushed her to some other emotionally unavailable guy (just like her) that she can spend time with and have her no-strings fun with.

 

Thanks for the response.

[Professor X]

Your advice is great, just like TaraMaiden's. Thank you, Professor X.

 

Is a sh*t test just a test that women run game on you or something??

 

It's a test to see if you got a spine, like, see how desperate you or how easy it is to tell you what to do, something like that. Yeah, some chicks actually do it in real life, go figure.

[Solo34]

It's a test to see if you got a spine, like, see how desperate you or how easy it is to tell you what to do, something like that. Yeah, some chicks actually do it in real life, go figure.

 

Yeah, that's what I figured it was. I don't fall for those, but possibly I did this time, though I doubt it.

 

I really think she just wanted me to let her know how amazing she was like Maiden said, only to run away afterwards.

 

Screw that b*tch, man.

 

Oh well, I learned a valuable lesson here. Never trust a skank.

[spiderowl]

Hey, don't feel bad about this, you've done nothing wrong. You liked a girl, got to know her and fell in love with her. You've hung out with her because you like her a lot. What exactly is wrong with that - nothing!

 

On the other hand, her behaviour seems bizarre. She knew how you felt and how much you liked her. If she wasn't interested, she should have made that clear and taken care not to say or do anything to suggest she wanted anything else. Instead, she asks you to write her a love letter? Did she say why she wanted this love letter? There's something really odd in all this. She even chased you for the letter, by the sound of it. I think she is very insensitive.

 

I don't know why you haven't heard from her. Her behaviour isn't consistent at all. She was seeing a lot of you and then she asks for the love letter and then disappears? Very strange. The previous poster could be right and she realises she's gone too far. I don't see why she suddenly cut off though because someone who is that insensitive would probably carry on being so. I don't know. If that was the case, you are better off without her. I'm only sorry that you've been treated like this.

 

I suppose I feel there must be another explanation for her disappearing as none of this makes sense. I can understand you must feel very confused and hurt, as anyone would. Sometimes things never make sense and one has to accept that the person was weird. Trust me, not every woman would do this so please look forward to better experiences in the future and put this down to a strange aberration on her part.

[Solo34]

Also, just to confirm that she did in fact get my email on FB where I told her I wouldn't bother her anymore, I can be 100% sure she did.

 

Reason I know is because she changed her FB picture.

 

No, I'm not "stalking," because I'm not friends with her. But when I sign in, I just check my message history to see if she changed her pic. If and when she changed it, that was my "tell" if she got it or whatever.

 

So now I know she definitely got it, and it confirms what I have been told from you guys and also my own thoughts.

[Solo34]

Hey, don't feel bad about this, you've done nothing wrong. You liked a girl, got to know her and fell in love with her. You've hung out with her because you like her a lot. What exactly is wrong with that - nothing!

 

On the other hand, her behaviour seems bizarre. She knew how you felt and how much you liked her. If she wasn't interested, she should have made that clear and taken care not to say or do anything to suggest she wanted anything else. Instead, she asks you to write her a love letter? Did she say why she wanted this love letter? There's something really odd in all this. She even chased you for the letter, by the sound of it. I think she is very insensitive.

 

I don't know why you haven't heard from her. Her behaviour isn't consistent at all. She was seeing a lot of you and then she asks for the love letter and then disappears? Very strange. The previous poster could be right and she realises she's gone too far. I don't see why she suddenly cut off though because someone who is that insensitive would probably carry on being so. I don't know. If that was the case, you are better off without her. I'm only sorry that you've been treated like this.

 

I suppose I feel there must be another explanation for her disappearing as none of this makes sense. I can understand you must feel very confused and hurt, as anyone would. Sometimes things never make sense and one has to accept that the person was weird. Trust me, not every woman would do this so please look forward to better experiences in the future and put this down to a strange aberration on her part.

 

Thank you, your words mean alot to me. I do appreciate them.

 

However, the more I've failed with women over the years, (especially when I think they are worth it and end up being wrong) the more I just want to give up. That's honestly the way I feel about dating and women.

 

Now pertaining to her, like alot of you have said, it just doesn't make sense and it's drove me nuts as to why she couldn't be human about this...especially because it's what she herself wanted from me.

 

Nope, she never even said why she wanted it, either...

 

Like I said though, it felt as though we were becoming a bit closer, she would be jealous of me being out with other women, and she asked for a "love letter."

 

Add those up, and it would make me think (maybe I was wrong?) that she actually was interested in me.

 

Only she knows, but I never will it looks like...

 

Oh well, just another shot to my self-confidence and women in general.

[spiderowl]

It's still very strange. It seems odd that you were so close and then nothing. I'm sorry this has happened - you obviously found a very odd woman.

[Solo34]

It's still very strange. It seems odd that you were so close and then nothing.

 

Yes. Exactly my thoughts...

[spiderowl]

There's probably something else going on behind the scenes that you don't know about. Maybe she just met someone else and has been distracted by them. It's all very odd.

 

I've had guys behave very oddly with me and it's left me feeling really uncertain and the not knowing what happened can be very damaging. But at some stage I realised that I probably would never know and that THE OTHER PERSON BEHAVED WEIRDLY. There is no accounting for weird people and they should be confined the to mental dustbin of 'nutters' so that you can move on with your life.

 

I know you think that lots of things have gone wrong but basically dating is a bit like that - either it works out or it doesn't. It's quite rare for two people to meet, be attracted, get on well, fall in love and for it to end happily ever after. Most of the time in dating, we meet someone, spend time with them, then one or the other decides it's not for them and opts out. So you just carry on basically until that special time occurs and both are on the same page. Don't let it affect your confidence, just put her down as being the wrong one. Trust your instincts - if you don't feel it's time to tell someone you love them, don't. You've learned something from this experience. Maturity comes at a price, as we older ones have found.

[Solo34]

There's probably something else going on behind the scenes that you don't know about. Maybe she just met someone else and has been distracted by them. It's all very odd.

 

I've had guys behave very oddly with me and it's left me feeling really uncertain and the not knowing what happened can be very damaging. But at some stage I realised that I probably would never know and that THE OTHER PERSON BEHAVED WEIRDLY. There is no accounting for weird people and they should be confined the to mental dustbin of 'nutters' so that you can move on with your life.

 

I know you think that lots of things have gone wrong but basically dating is a bit like that - either it works out or it doesn't. It's quite rare for two people to meet, be attracted, get on well, fall in love and for it to end happily ever after. Most of the time in dating, we meet someone, spend time with them, then one or the other decides it's not for them and opts out. So you just carry on basically until that special time occurs and both are on the same page. Don't let it affect your confidence, just put her down as being the wrong one. Trust your instincts - if you don't feel it's time to tell someone you love them, don't. You've learned something from this experience. Maturity comes at a price, as we older ones have found.

 

I agree, SpiderOwl. I do in fact think she met another guy pretty much the same time I gave her the letter. I think the letter helped push her towards the new guy or whatever.

 

It doesn't matter, because I'll probably never know, and I have to chalk all of this up as a lesson (also like you said).

 

Thanks for the great advice and reasoning. It really does help me alot.