Wireframe Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I can't think of any way to introuduce this, so I'll just start telling the story. Hmm...come to think of it, this in itself is an introduction. Heh. Oh, and I'm 19, btw. Anyway... I met this girl in a 5-week class about 4 weeks ago. Seemed pretty cool, so I decided to go for her...4 weeks in. I managed to launch a brief conversation with her for about 10 min and I asked her a bunch of questions. I found that she works for some company selling knives door to door to pay for her culinary schooling in Florida (one year left; goes back in August) and it's keeping her really busy. I mentioned that I wanted to go into that too (I did). I sorta waded into the water and asked had she left any friends there and she said no. I also found that when she's at home, she's either studying or maybe watching movies late at night (Score!, I was thinking. ) We parted with a "See ya later." I noticed that during the convo, she didn't smile at all. Granted, I didn't crack a joke, but during the course of the class, I haven't seen her smile at all. That was last week. This week is the last week of class. I said hello to her today and she said hello back. But I noticed she looked sick. After the power failure (yeah, but that's another story) and the power came on, we were going back to class and I asked her what was wrong. She said something happened (she was speaking kind of low, as we were in class) and now she's not getting paid. I felt for her, but before I could say anything else, the professor started class. Then, when he finally let us out, I asked her to hold back after class (I was gonna ask her to take a day off from work and hang out with me. Catch a flick and some dinner on me. Until late Wednesday, when I'm not broke. heh.). Then she sorta snapped at me and said that she had to go to some meeting about her job and about how she wasn't getting paid for it. It shocked me into this rut of doubt. I know she was mad about that paycheck (I would be, too.), but this situation ain't helping me at all. I wish I could stab those suits for messing with her pay. Here's the stipulations: 1. We have 3 days left in class (which equals the times I get to see her). 2. I don't have her number. 3. I am broke until Wednesday. Questions 1. How or should I still try to go after her? This paycheck thing is surely a #1 priority for her, but it's eating my time. 2. What could I do to play on her love of cooking? I'm a beast in the kitchen myself, not to toot my own horn. 3. She seems so sad to me today. Should I try to cheer her up or leave it? 4. How do you think she might reply to my asking her out, all on me? 5. Should I try to get her number before the end of class on Thursday or should I just drop the whole thing? So much of this is riding on this timetable. To think, if I had only started sooner (but I can't worry about that now). Any suggestions will help me tremendously, as I was thinking of her all last weekend and I'm tapped for ideas. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Just ask her for her number. Why are you making it so difficult.? If she doesn't give it to you, you know she's not interested. If she does, you know she is at least interested enough to try a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Well, yeah. But she seems to be in a bad mode. Wouldn't that change the game a little? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 No, bad mood or good mood, interest is interest. If she's interested, she'll take your number; if not, she won't. It's that simple. Put yourself in her shoes. If some girl you liked suddenly came up to you and asked for your phone number, you'd probably give it to her even if she caught you at a bad time...right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 28, 2004 Author Share Posted June 28, 2004 Yeah, I would. I guess I wanna try to rationalize in case it doesn't go my way, but what the hell? I think a problem I've had in the past is I put too much pressure on myself to suceed and really it's up to chance. Just gotta pump myself up. I wonder if some diety gets his kicks from watching us run around in this game. Link to post Share on other sites
rightintentions17 Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 stop over analyzing things. just ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Wire...tap Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 You guys make this sound easy. Thanks for the advice. I'll try it out next chance I get. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 Here's another tip: don't focus on one girl. Just start asking girls out and invite them out for a drink or two. Get to know them. Play the numbers game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 Holy shizzle! I got the number today! I was totally worked up. I just said "Hey, I probably won't get to ask you tomorrow, so can I have your number?" And she said "Sure," and gave it to me. I didn't have paper on me, so she gave me a piece of scrap for me to jot it down. The whole thing is beyond my believing, for sure. But I guess that just the beginning of this whole thing, hmm? I guess I'll call tomorrow...or maybe today? What do you think? Oh, and thanks for the advice so far. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 NOOOOOO!!!!! Don't call her today or tomorrow!!!! Wait!!! Give it at least 3 days, and preferably five to seven. If you call her tomorrow or the next day, you'll look really desperate and fixated on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 Ah. Thanks for the save. I guess I'll call after the 4th of July, perhaps? July 5, maybe? I have a lot to learn about this stuff, but I guess I'm here to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 A few quick tips while I'm at it. 1. Don't focus on this girl. Don't think of her as "marriage material". You don't even know her yet. She might look nice (and she might be nice) ...but she could turn out to be a real b!tch. 2. Which brings me to point two: keep your options plenty, and keep them open. Find other girls and start dating them, too. And don't open your mouth about your dating situation too much. 3. Make her think you're busy with other things. That means keeping your phone contact to a minimum. Use the phone and the Net to set up a date -- that's it! Nothing else. No idle chat. Not until you're already pretty much goin' steady. 4. Don't come on too strong. Make her wonder about you and want to get to know you more. I'd make the first date a coffee date or something cheap. That way, if it goes bad, you're only out a few bucks. Then decide where to take things from there. 5. You seem to have built some rapport with her, so that's good. Keep up the good work when you meet her. Just keep the conversation light and pleasant. Talk about positive things. Ask questions that get her thinking about feelings, and then sit back and let her talk while you listen carefully. One of the biggest bonehead mistakes we make is talking when she hasn't asked us to talk. Let the chicks talk about themselves until you turn blue in the face. When she wants to hear you talk, she let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 The fifth! I like that date better. You could just briefly - and I stress briefly - shoot the s*** about what a great 4th you had and then say, well, I gotta run in a minute but let's meet at Starbucks (or somewhere else if it's better - somewhere you two can chat). Set the time, the place and basically, say, "great. well, gotta run but I look forward to seeing you on (whenever - maybe sometime during the week). Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 amerikajin, if he waits too long won't she sort of forget about him, to a certain extent? Or is that all part of the game, get her longing for him then when he calls she's really happy/excited? i definetly agree about the part of making yourself look busy tho. Nothing looks worse if you are constantly available, which can come off as desperate sometimes. Nice job on getting the number tho dude, that's great! I had a similar situation which didn't turn out as good, i'm happy for ya. And btw amerikajin, your official trademark is the 'get together for coffee' on the first date Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 "I have a lot to learn about this" has just become the understatement of the year. But what should I ask to make her start talking about her feelings? Maybe "How do you feel about...blah?" I'm already clueless. What are some good questions to get her rolling? And plenty and open options, eh? Well, I'll certainly be on the lookout. You know, for the longest time, I thought that you were supposed to find out stuff about people over the phone. I would've just been asking her stuff on the phone if not for that. I may make it after all. Heh. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 When do you want to call her? All these stupid games that people play regarding when the appropriate time to call someone seems so archaic. Just call when you want to. If you want to wait a few days then wait a few days. Call tonight if you want to. As a woman, to know that a man is interested enough in me to call the very next day is so flattering! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 Well, I was thinking about not appearing too, too quick. I don't think anyone wants to be hounded day after day. Two or three days sounds like fair game, though I see her tomorrow, too. Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 If a guy asked my for my number then didn't call for a week, I'd be peeved-especially if I was really attracted to him. I despise games. If you are eager to talk to her, just call. If you pretend to be someone you're not to try to impress her, you will be found out eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 If a guy asked my for my number then didn't call for a week, I'd be peeved-especially if I was really attracted to him. Yeah, right Sorry, but I know better. If someone waited five to seven days to call and you really liked him, you'd still be going out with him. The fact that he waited a week to call is irrelevant to you, because you're still interested in him, and you'd probably be relieved that he called. Not all women are the same, and surely there are those who would love to hear from you the next day. My experience, however, tells me that more often than not, a girl (and a guy for that matter) wants her space and wants time to get to know someone. Just to give you an idea, I've been on three dates this week and in all cases I waited at least a week to call them. I've even waited as long as two months in some cases...and I've still gotten a date. Granted, that's the extreme and I certainly don't recommend it as a habit. My point is that waiting a five to seven days will rarely result in bad feelings. On the other hand, I've known other girls who have told me that they ditched a dude for coming on too strong. And while I doubt that calling the next day would result in an automatic rejection, it does send the wrong signal -- and I've known girls who've told me as much. And I suspect that the same thing happened to me in my early years of dating. I don't believe in head games anymore than anyone else here does, but I do believe in self control and a little technique to reinforce a man's discipline. That's all I'm trying to get through to this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 amerikajin, if he waits too long won't she sort of forget about him, to a certain extent? She won't forget about him -- not if she's interested, she won't. If she forgets about him and asks "Who the hell are you?!" when he calls, well then we know she's either a nutty buddy or she was never interested in him in the first place. All the guy has to do here is say, "I'm sorry, I was busy last week but I'd really like to go out with you sometime this week or next. What time's best for you?" People will say it's a game, but it's not really a game. It's just part of the process of what is dating. There are certain generalizations one can make about women and men. Some things are just understood. I see women complaining about the games we play with them. But who says they can't be the ones to get our phone number and call us? Don't like waiting for us to call? Call us instead? Oh, that's right. It's the man who calls. That's just understood. Which is exactly my point. Some things in this process called dating are just understood. One of those things is that men do the calling and the asking and put their pride on the line while the women can simply sit back and give us the thumbs up or thumbs down. How fair is that?! Not very, but that's just the way it is. Somewhere along the way, guys who've had success with women figured a few things that the others didn't. They figured out that, in general (though not always), women don't find available men as attractive as busy men. They figured out that, in general (though not always), women perceive guys who come on too strong too fast as insecure and potentially controlling, obsessive or manipulative. I'm not talking about playing a silly waiting game here. I'm talking about changing a person's entire approach to dating. And btw amerikajin, your official trademark is the 'get together for coffee' on the first date It doesn't necessarily have to be coffee, but coffee is usually the best thing because you're not as likely to say something stupid on the first date as you would under the influence of alcohol. Besides, I think that there's a little something extra that comes with being able to show your date that you don't need to drink in order to have fun or be fun. And it should be more like a get together than a special event date. It takes the pressure off, lets you get to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wireframe Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Well...I'm probably not gonna wait a full week before calling, but I do like the idea of asking how her 4th was, so I'm plotting the 5th. And I have to tell ya, I don't like games, either. And I have a lot of work to do on my site and some computer repair jobs, so the space would help me a little, too. -msrealdoll I don't want to be anyone other than myself, since that would suck. amerikajin- I agree with your point about men having to put their pride on the lines. I think every guy in the world would like it if a girl went after them sometimes. Oh, and I don't smoke/drink, either. Yay me, eh? lol P.S. What kind of questions should I ask her when I meet her again? Someone needs to make like a "Good Questions to Ask a Woman" or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Jim24 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Ask question about her. That shows interest without coming on too strongly and after you hear about her interests you will also know what kind of things that you can talk about during the whole course of the date. Never start by talking about yourself unless you are prompted, or it will seem like your trying to impress her rather than show interest in her. Ask questions about what music she likes, movies, etc. and what she did last weekend. Eventually, if it goes well, she will respond by asking questions about you. As for many people who responded against what amerikajin had to say: HE IS RIGHT. Its been my experience that it is way too easy to make a girl feel uncomfortable and its better to play it cool rather that following your instinct. All the little rules help. And Amerikajin, I would definitely substitute ice cream for coffee, as not everyone likes coffee, but everyone likes ice cream, even the girl is on a south beach thing shell probably make an exception for a date. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Dude, Jason....you MUST be a ladies man! Great insight! Ice cream instead of coffee...now that's some useful advice! I also agree 100 percent on the advice re: questions. That's exactly what I've been doing the last month or so and the results have been much different - for the better. I find it is much, much easier to sustain a conversation and keep the girl interested. I mean, it's incredibly simple when you think about it, because it follows one simple rule of human nature: given the chance, people really do like to talk about themselves; people like being the center of attention. ANd that's what you're doing here: making her the center of your attention. I used to try and do comedy routines or think of jokes and all that crap...talk about the future...talk about the news...things she or any other woman basically couldn't really give a s*** about. You're spot on, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Wirethingy+1 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 That sounds awesome, Jason. Mucho thanks to you. I finally managed to get in contact with her earlier today on the phone and she wants me to call her back about noon tomorrow. I don't plan on being late for that one (though I'll probably call around 12:05, as not to be eerily on time. ). And this time, I think coffee will be good, since during our class breaks, she used to get coffee out of the machine. But if she says she doesn't feel like that, I have a backup. And really, thanks again with this thing, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Jim24 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 No problem, just wondering why you changed from wireframe to "wire thingy" Link to post Share on other sites
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