savethedrama4allama Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 This isn't really cheating but it is trust, and I got a lot of good advice in this section before so here we go. I went out of town this weekend to visit my best friend. If you have read my previous post I have had trust issues with my boyfriend. He has never cheated on me but he has lied concerning his ex. Basically he told me that a guy friend was calling when it was his actually his ex. He really had quit talking to her as he said he did, but she wouldn't give up, and the consensus seems to be that he lied so I wouldn't be bothered by her call. Anyway, about this weekend- I was honest and told him that I was worried about what he'd do while I was gone since our trust is shaky. He promised me that I had nothing to worry about, that I could trust him. I came home last night, we hung out, I found out he partied all weekend. Big deal, so did I. Then he told me that I might be mad but he wanted to be honest, he took a hit off a joint at a party Saturday night. In the past I made it 100% clear that I will not date anyone who uses drugs. He has a history of drug use and I don't care, but I don't want that kind of drama in my life. He told me on his own volition when we began dating that he was clean and would never touch drugs again. I asked him why he took a puff of the old la-la he said that he "got caught up in the moment" and immediately regretted it. He swears that he missed me so much and thought of me all the time, but obviously he was not thinking of me when he did it because he knew I'd be mad. I know it was just one hit, but he promised he wouldn't touch drugs and he did. Before I left he said that I could trust him, and while he probably thought I meant women, I meant everything. I need to trust that he conducts himself in the same manner if I am present or not. He admitted that he wouldn't have smoked if I was there, that screams RED FLAG to me, like what else would you do if I'm not there? Am I splitting hairs here? Should I end this? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Also, I just talked to a close friend who was at the party. She said that when she saw him do that, she got in his face and told him that I've had to put up with too much of his bull already and that she'd be for sure telling me about this. So, who knows if he would have 'fessed up if he hadn't been seen by my homey. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeystiger Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 You mentioned nobody had posted yet so I figured I'd read it. Only I don't know what to tell you. I just read how you believe doing something that you wouldn't do in front of your SO, is unfaithful in its own way. So by reading that I understand how upset you must be over this matter. Keep in mind, by now he must know how upset you are over it and how you feel about dating guys who do drugs. So maybe you shouldn't break up with him over this one time. Everyone is gonna make a mistake that they probably want to take back eventually. And I'm sure he feels bad about his actions considering he had to do this behind your back and that a friend of yours "let him have it" after she caught him doing it too. Just let him know how this kinda just adds something to the stack of things you have that are upsetting you lately....the ex and now this. My actions wouldn't be to break up with a guy who I liked alot, because he took 1 hit again. As long as he doesn't continue to do it and I'd let him know that he shouldn't be afraid to do things in front of me and if my guy feels that he has to go behind my back to participate in something, then something isn't right. He's got to know that if he wants a relationship with you, this sort of thing can't happen cause you don't approve and he doesn't need to not tell you about something he did. Cause then he shouldn't have done it anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
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