I hate facebook

[nanbullen]

Yeah, I realize that giving this much thought to facebook is beyond ridiculous, but here I go.

 

I feel like I set myself back to square one. Well, maybe square two. My ex made me feel like an immature child for unfriending him on facebook. Like unfriending him is just another example of how I am so hung up on him that I can’t even bear to see him on facebook. So I refriended him only to find out that he has me restricted so I can only see posts he makes public. I feel like he tricked me, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction so I restricted him. A few hours later he posts a picture with one of those bulls*** meaningless quotes saying” we should accept things as they are, not how we hope wish or want them to be.” And he makes it public, so I can see it.

 

I figured that was meant for me since he put it up like an hour after I restricted him. So I facebook messaged him that he was deluded if he thought I was ‘hoping or wishing ‘we got back together and I unfriended him again. He then texts me to tell me that picture wasn’t meant for me but I was “the third person he had to clear that up with”. Yeah….sure he did. It’s just a coincidence that he puts up that picture and makes it public, so even people on restricted list can see it, right after I re-friend him and put him on my restricted list…. Riiiight.

 

I guess the details don’t really matter as much as the fact that I can’t believe I undid so much progress in getting over him. I’m not a wreck crying or anything like that, but I’ve been dragging around in a crappy mood for the past two days thinking about him and who that picture could have been for, on the chance it really wasn’t meant for me. And who are these other 2 women who he had to clear this up with, or if he was just saying that to upset me because of what I told him about being deluded if he thought I want him back. I’m right back to obsessing nonstop over him and what he said and who he’s been seeing, etc.

 

I should have known better than to friend him on facebook again. I should have known better than to even read his messages. I feel like such a sucker. Well, all I can do is avoid facebook . Another thing he is doing is all of a sudden is posting comments on almost every status update of our one mutual friend…probably because he knows I’ll see them. I don’t know why he is doing this! Just to twist the knife, maybe it’s been too long since he’s had a chance to humiliate me.

 

I’m just venting. I can’t wait till I hate him. I hope he gets what’s coming to him. Sorry, but I don’t wish anything good for him.

[Jose11]

i HATE facebook too. My ex, non ex?, ended our relationship by saying she was going to call me to discuss what going on with us. She never did. She hasn't change her facebook status to single and it's killing me because i know our relationship is over, but as stupid as it might sound, the fact that she hasn't changed it gives me hope. I know she never really goes on to it, but i need some closure too! FB is the worst invention ever!

[Eddie Edirol]

Think of it this way, this was a great reason to make you want to permanently unfriend him on fb. Dogs have to get hit by cars to learn to not run blindly into the street. many of us, including me has been there, and learned facebook is torture for a dumpee. So trust me, you will heal much much faster when you dont have to look at his fb. This will be really good for you.

[NYC-BigKat]

Yeah, I realize that giving this much thought to facebook is beyond ridiculous, but here I go.

 

I feel like I set myself back to square one. Well, maybe square two. My ex made me feel like an immature child for unfriending him on facebook. Like unfriending him is just another example of how I am so hung up on him that I can’t even bear to see him on facebook. So I refriended him only to find out that he has me restricted so I can only see posts he makes public. I feel like he tricked me, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction so I restricted him. A few hours later he posts a picture with one of those bulls*** meaningless quotes saying” we should accept things as they are, not how we hope wish or want them to be.” And he makes it public, so I can see it.

 

I figured that was meant for me since he put it up like an hour after I restricted him. So I facebook messaged him that he was deluded if he thought I was ‘hoping or wishing ‘we got back together and I unfriended him again. He then texts me to tell me that picture wasn’t meant for me but I was “the third person he had to clear that up with”. Yeah….sure he did. It’s just a coincidence that he puts up that picture and makes it public, so even people on restricted list can see it, right after I re-friend him and put him on my restricted list…. Riiiight.

 

I guess the details don’t really matter as much as the fact that I can’t believe I undid so much progress in getting over him. I’m not a wreck crying or anything like that, but I’ve been dragging around in a crappy mood for the past two days thinking about him and who that picture could have been for, on the chance it really wasn’t meant for me. And who are these other 2 women who he had to clear this up with, or if he was just saying that to upset me because of what I told him about being deluded if he thought I want him back. I’m right back to obsessing nonstop over him and what he said and who he’s been seeing, etc.

 

I should have known better than to friend him on facebook again. I should have known better than to even read his messages. I feel like such a sucker. Well, all I can do is avoid facebook . Another thing he is doing is all of a sudden is posting comments on almost every status update of our one mutual friend…probably because he knows I’ll see them. I don’t know why he is doing this! Just to twist the knife, maybe it’s been too long since he’s had a chance to humiliate me.

 

I’m just venting. I can’t wait till I hate him. I hope he gets what’s coming to him. Sorry, but I don’t wish anything good for him.

 

Facebook is really causing lots of trouble now & thats really bad . I do know some people that broke up 'cause of facebook & lots & lots of crazy rumors on there thats not true. I was mostly using facebook to find girls but even that wasn't working out .

[geegirl]

Nan, I'm going to say this as gently as I can but no one here is to blame but you. It's two people playing immature and passive-aggresive games trying provoke reactions.

 

Who cares if he thought you were childish for unfriending him? If it was in your best interest to do so, for the sake of your own mental and emotional health, then your choice should never be questioned nor should it cause you to react when questioned. You went back on FB, not only because he questioned your maturity but also because you wanted to connect again. The latter is actually much more believable.

 

You "friended" him but the moment you didn't get the response you wanted (restricted), you lashed back about him being deluded that you'd ever want to get back again when you saw his comments. 1) he is not worthy of being a friend. 2) who cares what he thinks of you. The man is broken. You're bitter and angry and when you feel this way, step away because it's just going to be a volley of incoherent, volatile, nice/mean, ugly back and forth. Nothing will come of this, nothing. He didn't trick you, you let yourself be tricked when you gave him a reaction.

 

He made a comment and you reacted. He posted and you reacted. Giving him every opportunity to manipulate and hurt you. You're the only one that can stop this. You have to be proactive and block him from everything and move on. Stop reading FB. And you do this because you want to put your healing first.

[Exit]

LoL I had to stop reading after the first paragraph, reminds me of the stupid drama my ex used to put me through on Facebook, removing our relationship status, blocking me when she was mad, etc etc. I deleted my account for good after the breakup and have not missed it at all. People who really care about me and want to invite me to an event or show me a picture know my cell phone, email, and where I live.

 

Funny just the last few days there have been news articles popping up about supposed studies that claim social networking really can make you unhappy. I didn't read the full article but it touched on how we totally overestimate how happy our friends and relatives are by reading the inflated/exaggerated "status updates" they share about their lives and posting pictures of themselves out on the town and having a great time. It breeds jealousy and insecurity and drama.

 

I'm leaving Facebook to the younger crowd for the rest of my life. I can't believe I was in a relationship, nearing my mid twenties, and how many conversations I had to have that revolved around "aren't we back together now, how come you can have some of your friends listed as "Family" on your profile but can't give me a relationship status to acknowledge that we're together". Geez it's all so stupid.

 

It wasn't a big loss for me. I was never the type to have 500 friends on there and the only status updates I posted were usually music videos. If you're more wrapped up in it than I was it might feel like a big loss to remove yourself from it but I swear it feels so much better to be off of there. I am never letting that stupid website affect my relationships again, so much so that I think I don't even want to date someone if I come to find out there the type checking their FB every second and talking to a thousand different people on there. No thanks.

[Coffee20]

Facebook is a pseudo - world, everyone there shows as much as they can. Pics where they are happy with a lot of happy people, pics where they are at home, pics of food they eat, pics of their clothes, pics of everything, They make status about each stupid thing in their life just to get attention.

 

I wasn't that much into facebook, can't believe my ex completely made me to fell for that facebook world, he is that type just to live that facebook life as much as he can. And same as your ex he made me feel immature to delete him, so I befriended him back and saw his "happy" life without me, he even wrote me to look at his happy pics....It was mistake it just delayed my healing so I deleted him for good.

 

Now I almost don't go to facebook, just to check whether someone wrote me or for study things. I am completely happy without it, I will delete it later, after my studies are gone (now we share there some university materials).

[nanbullen]

Thanks guys. I did unfriend him again. I know it was passive aggressive game playing, but sometimes it’s hard to do the right thing. That’s why I see so many posters here on LS who give awesome advice, but don’t follow it themselves.

 

Geegirl -Of course I felt tricked that he wanted me to friend him just so I could see that he restricted me. How could I not lash out when he has already screwed me over every which way, and how it’s still not enough? Yes, part of me wanted to reconnect. The same part that makes me do these dumb things even though I know better. It’s like a cartoon and I have one of those little devils sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. You are absolutely right nothing good would have come of it. At least I managed to stop before it became an incoherent ugly back and forth, I didn’t respond to his last message and I unfriended him. It doesn’t make me feel any better, but I have only myself to blame.

 

I am scared of what boneheaded thing I won’t be able to stop myself from doing next. I have no impulse control it seems, I’ve read a bunch of self-help books but none of them have done any good.

 

But yeah facebook sucks. I thought it was boring before, then my ex found me on facebook and we got back together and I thought facebook was the greatest thing ever invented. Then he dumped me and I hate it. I can totally believe that study that says it makes people unhappy. I read somewhere that facebook is the reason for like 30% of all divorces (or some crazy percentage like that), and I believe it. I kind of feel sorry for the younger generation that has to grow up dealing with facebook and all the problems it causes. It does more harm than good. My daughter is literally growing up on facebook, she'll have a timeline all the way back to her childhood.

[nanbullen]

I can't believe I was in a relationship, nearing my mid twenties, and how many conversations I had to have that revolved around "aren't we back together now, how come you can have some of your friends listed as "Family" on your profile but can't give me a relationship status to acknowledge that we're together". Geez it's all so stupid.

 

You're nearing your mid twenties and you can't believe the inane conversations you've had? LOLOL.....I'm nearing my late 30's!!!! How do you think I feel!

 

I have no excuse, and what KILLS is that I was actually doing SO much better the last few weeks. Not great, but way better then I feel right now.

[geegirl]

You stated that he has screwed you every which way possible. Seeing that he restricted you was another way of screwing you over, and that was your queue to stop yourself from allowing anymore of this to go on. What was the need to lash out at someone that continually screws you over? Does it change their behavior or does it just fuel the fire and create more reasons to provoke and push you over the edge? At some point you are the only one that can stop people from screwing you over. People will do what they need to do but if everytime they do it, and you fall for it, then you only enable their behaviors and that in turn will continually affect you and no one else.

 

I know the devill too well and I have been in that situation. The need to defend myself. The need to state my side. The need to speak mytruth. But at the end of the day, it all means nothing when you are dealing with a manipulative man. Your words have no meaning to him because he has his own agenda.

 

You have control, if you want it. Write out a plan. If this assclown tries to get at you: 1) call a friend 2) post here 3) delete text or email 4) go for a walk and talk it through 5) go to the gym 6) write a response and then throw it away 7) three day rule to not say anything (because your feelings and thoughts will change and you may not even want to say anything)...etc, you get my drift. What should not be on your plan is 1) open and read 2) react 3) respond.

 

I had to do this with my past relationship. It was even harder because I would see him with different women and I always wanted to lash out. But I had to consciously and dilligently take a step back and reframe and regroup. You get in your own way if you grab the gun a fire.

[nanbullen]

I know the devill too well and I have been in that situation. The need to defend myself. The need to state my side. The need to speak mytruth. But at the end of the day, it all means nothing when you are dealing with a manipulative man. Your words have no meaning to him because he has his own agenda.

 

But that's it exactly! The need to defend myself! He posts this condescending fortune cookie psychology garbage to let me know i need to see things as they are and not how i want/hope them to be. The implication being that I want/hope for us to get back together. I suppose the need to lash out at someone who keeps screwing me over is because i'm at a point where i hate him for what he did to me but at the same time in a way i guess i love him still. I know/hope some day soon i will get to a point where i am indifferent to him. But i'm not at that point. In my mind love and hate for him are so close, i don't know how i can love and hate him at the same time but i do. But i'm certainly not going to let him know how I feel!

[geegirl]

But that's it exactly! The need to defend myself! He posts this condescending fortune cookie psychology garbage to let me know i need to see things as they are and not how i want/hope them to be. The implication being that I want/hope for us to get back together. I suppose the need to lash out at someone who keeps screwing me over is because i'm at a point where i hate him for what he did to me but at the same time in a way i guess i love him still. I know/hope some day soon i will get to a point where i am indifferent to him. But i'm not at that point. In my mind love and hate for him are so close, i don't know how i can love and hate him at the same time but i do. But i'm certainly not going to let him know how I feel!

 

Defending yourself against someone that is stuck in their own mindset is defeating. Your words mean nothing to him when his intent is to provoke. It's not about speaking or seeking the truth anymore but more so to mainpulate and provoke by saying whatever it is that will make you react, true or false. If he knew saying you have a big head will get you going, when he knows you have a well proportioned head, he'll say you have a big head and that you should try to see the reality of you. If you know he has the ability to push the right button, then you have to remove yourself from everything and anything that has a way of affecting you.

 

He didn't even have to say anything about the two women. All he had to say was, "That was not meant for you, I apologize if you think it did." But assclown had to take it a step further. Plant seeds in your head to manipulate your mind. You have to stop feeding this monster.

 

You state that he posts psychology garbage, but you respond to garbage. When you respond to garbage, you send him a message that you are affected and that you are "interested" in his garbage. So he will keep doing it because he knows his garbage entices you. Don't encouarge bad behavior because when you do, you become an accomplice.

 

It's normal to hate him and love him but that does not justify keeping in contact with him when you know any form of contact only intensifies your pain and keeps you stagnating in a situation that clearly has no possibility of ever, getting any better. The next time you want to respond, ask yourself if the aftermath is worth it. If you don't see it, it won't affect you.

 

Please block him on FB.

Edited June 6, 2012 by geegirl

[nanbullen]

Defending yourself against someone that is stuck in their own mindset is defeating. Your words mean nothing to him when his intent is to provoke. It's not about speaking or seeking the truth anymore but more so to mainpulate and provoke by saying whatever it is that will make you react, true or false. If he knew saying you have a big head will get you going, when he knows you have a well proportioned head, he'll say you have a big head and that you should try to see the reality of you. If you know he has the ability to push the right button, then you have to remove yourself from everything and anything that has a way of affecting you.

 

He didn't even have to say anything about the two women. All he had to say was, "That was not meant for you, I apologize if you think it did." But assclown had to take it a step further. Plant seeds in your head to manipulate your mind. You have to stop feeding this monster.

 

You state that he posts psychology garbage, but you respond to garbage. When you respond to garbage, you send him a message that you are affected and that you are "interested" in his garbage. So he will keep doing it because he knows his garbage entices you. Don't encouarge bad behavior because when you do, you become an accomplice.

 

On the contrary, I thought I was discouraging bad behavior by telling him. It just didn’t occur to me he was going to all this trouble to manipulate me. For what purpose?

 

I don’t know why, when he dumped me, he does all this. He doesn’t want me so why not just leave me alone? I hadn’t had any contact with him for a good 3 weeks and I was feeling better about this break up, then a close friend of mine died, my ex found out and texted me his condolences. So I thanked him. What was I supposed to do in that situation? And I hate to make an excuse saying my defenses were down….but my defenses were down. I didn’t second guess him and think he was being manipulative about the facebook thing. I mean, why would he? When he broke up he said he’s confused, empty, blah, blah, so if that’s what it is, why drag me back into it? He ignored my calls and texts until i finally gave up. I left him alone. Just like he wanted. If he’s seeing someone else and putting up pictures for their benefit or whatever, why does he need to rub my nose in it when he has someone else? I can’t imagine he is trying to keep his options open by treating me like crap. So yeah, I was gullible.

 

Maybe if I wasn’t already vulnerable at that particular time, and answered his text, this would not have happened. I agree with everything you say, and I haven’t had any contact, or planned to until he texted me when my friend died. It’s hard to be objective and clear headed when I’m assessing my own situation, so a lot of time, unfortunately, emotion wins out.

[pink_sugar]

Yeah, I realize that giving this much thought to facebook is beyond ridiculous, but here I go.

 

He then texts me to tell me that picture wasn’t meant for me but I was “the third person he had to clear that up with”. Yeah….sure he did. It’s just a coincidence that he puts up that picture and makes it public, so even people on restricted list can see it, right after I re-friend him and put him on my restricted list…. Riiiight.

 

 

I had this happen when one of my relatives claimed I was copying her. She made some post talking all about being original, then when I confronted her, she claimed she was "trying to cheer up a friend" and that I was crazy and paranoid. Considering the history of this person being a pathological liar, I didn't believe a word of it.

[geegirl]

This man has screwed you over repeatedly yet you believe your need to smack his hand is suddenly going to make him self-aware? If he does not have the maturity to identify right from wrong, then it is not your responsibility to teach him. Your responsibility is to identify that it is a pattern and that no amount of hand smacking will change him and step away. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior and if he has been a repeat offender, your need to correct him will not make him realize his wrongdoings because he is of a certain mindset.

 

You can have a list of 407 Whys but you will never be able to understand his behavior or find your answers. You're focusing on what you do not know when you should be focusing on what you do know. And there is a lot you do know about this man.

 

He has been married and divorced 3 times. He was with you and then left you and then reappeared again. He's never had the capability to have any sort of emotional stability and maturity in any of his relationships so how do you answer questions that only someone in his emotional and mental state can answer? You and I will never be able to find those answers. We are not of the same make. We have to focus on what we know.

 

He will bust your boundaries. Maybe it is to get an ego fix. Maybe it's to see if you're still there emotional pining for him. Maybe he's a sadist and wants to antagonize you. Maybe you hurt his ego and he wants to hurt you back? Why did my ex promise the world to me only to cheat on me with 4 other women? Why did my ex-husband mistreat me only to now come back after 6 years wanting me to try again? We will never know why they do the things they do.

 

What we can control is our actions and our efforts to try to find the best way possible to heal from the hurt.

[MissBee]

Nan, I'm going to say this as gently as I can but no one here is to blame but you. It's two people playing immature and passive-aggresive games trying provoke reactions.

 

Who cares if he thought you were childish for unfriending him? If it was in your best interest to do so, for the sake of your own mental and emotional health, then your choice should never be questioned nor should it cause you to react when questioned. You went back on FB, not only because he questioned your maturity but also because you wanted to connect again. The latter is actually much more believable.

 

You "friended" him but the moment you didn't get the response you wanted (restricted), you lashed back about him being deluded that you'd ever want to get back again when you saw his comments. 1) he is not worthy of being a friend. 2) who cares what he thinks of you. The man is broken. You're bitter and angry and when you feel this way, step away because it's just going to be a volley of incoherent, volatile, nice/mean, ugly back and forth. Nothing will come of this, nothing. He didn't trick you, you let yourself be tricked when you gave him a reaction.

 

He made a comment and you reacted. He posted and you reacted. Giving him every opportunity to manipulate and hurt you. You're the only one that can stop this. You have to be proactive and block him from everything and move on. Stop reading FB. And you do this because you want to put your healing first.

 

I agree.

 

Facebook doesn't control our actions, WE do. People use FB as a medium for doing all kinds of passive aggressive things post breakup, but we can choose whether or not we want to buy into it.

 

It is difficult...I understand that and went through a bit of FB drama w/ my ex a few years ago, before I decided to just delete him and I felt such relief! Who cares why he thought I deleted him??? You realize it makes you look worse to re-add him then send him angry messages about his status more than it would for you to unfriend him and have him wonder right? I'm sure you've learned now though. I think you should just unfriend him or just stay off FB.

 

I agree with geegirl. From experience, when you break up, everything your ex does you get jealous, upset, hurt, angry and bitter over it. EVERYTHING! If they are happy, you're mad, if they make vague comments, you think it's about you, if they say hi to someone in a comment, you wonder if it's someone they like. You cannot be rational and it just drives you insane. So until you are over them...employ NC. That is, NO FB or other social networking site that allows you to observe and check on their life. If you don't employ NC...then you will get caught in this compulsion...and it's not Facebook's fault, but your own post-breakup insanity leading the way!

[CopingGal]

I ended my facebook account today. I went to Google plus. Screw Facebook. My ex used Facebook as a weapon. Screw Facebook and screw him.

[nanbullen]

Defending yourself against someone that is stuck in their own mindset is defeating. Your words mean nothing to him when his intent is to provoke. It's not about speaking or seeking the truth anymore but more so to mainpulate and provoke by saying whatever it is that will make you react, true or false. If he knew saying you have a big head will get you going, when he knows you have a well proportioned head, he'll say you have a big head and that you should try to see the reality of you. If you know he has the ability to push the right button, then you have to remove yourself from everything and anything that has a way of affecting you.

 

He didn't even have to say anything about the two women. All he had to say was, "That was not meant for you, I apologize if you think it did." But assclown had to take it a step further. Plant seeds in your head to manipulate your mind. You have to stop feeding this monster.

 

You state that he posts psychology garbage, but you respond to garbage. When you respond to garbage, you send him a message that you are affected and that you are "interested" in his garbage. So he will keep doing it because he knows his garbage entices you. Don't encouarge bad behavior because when you do, you become an accomplice.

 

It's normal to hate him and love him but that does not justify keeping in contact with him when you know any form of contact only intensifies your pain and keeps you stagnating in a situation that clearly has no possibility of ever, getting any better. The next time you want to respond, ask yourself if the aftermath is worth it. If you don't see it, it won't affect you.

 

Please block him on FB.

OK Geegirl, you're one of the posters here who's opinion i really respect. It was you that convinced me that he dumped me and he was an a**, when i was still in denial,trying to defend his behavior and blaming myself. Yes, your opinion is very hard to hear, but i guess it's because it's hard to hear the truth.

 

So as much as i tried to convince myself i would regret taking advice from someone on an anonymous web site, I know that you are right. You and everybody else who said i need to block him....not just unfriend him. I resisted that idea because it was too final, i was TERRIFIED once i clicked that button i would regret it and it would be too late to undo it. And no matter what anybody said I knew there was no way I was blocking him.

 

But then i thought, I have read a hundred stories about people who blocked/deleted facebook and were so happy they did it. But i have NEVER read about anybody who blocked their ex on facebook and regretted it.

 

Well, I went ahead and blocked him just now....and maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet, what I've done....but i don't feel that bad about it. I kind of feel like i'm at least walking away with a shred of dignity by putting a stop to his sadistic humiliation, and not letting myself get sucked in. I even managed to block him without any "goodbye" message. The fact that i don't have to live in fear of him posting pictures of him and some bimbo is a huge relief. Of course there is always the possibility i wake up tomorrow and think "OH God what have i done?!"

[nanbullen]

I ended my facebook account today. I went to Google plus. Screw Facebook. My ex used Facebook as a weapon. Screw Facebook and screw him.

 

LOL, girl, i just blocked my ex on facebook today. I can't delete facebook unfortunately, because my daughter lives on facebook....and let's just say she's at *that* age where I need to keep an eye on her.

[whichwayisup]

Well, I went ahead and blocked him just now....and maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet, what I've done....but i don't feel that bad about it. I kind of feel like i'm at least walking away with a shred of dignity by putting a stop to his sadistic humiliation, and not letting myself get sucked in. I even managed to block him without any "goodbye" message. The fact that i don't have to live in fear of him posting pictures of him and some bimbo is a huge relief. Of course there is always the possibility i wake up tomorrow and think "OH God what have i done?!"

 

Good for you! Out of sight, out of mind and as time goes along this will get easier.

 

Don't feel bad, guilty or feel regret in deleting and blocking him. He serves no purpose in your life anymore! What he does, says, posts about - Who cares? The less you know about him the better off you'll be. Remember that if you wake up tomorrow and feel regret in blocking him..Though I AM pretty sure you're gonna feel relief and actually smile knowing that he now can't lurk in YOUR life or know what you are up to.

[CopingGal]

I have yet to see one, just one, meaningful conversation take place on facebook. Please, I'm just so better off. My ex whines and cries about his life on facebook and promotes his women while he kept his page from me, lied about his page and refused to put me on it when I was his gf. My ex has meaningless conversations on facebook while he talks about his insignificant, boring life. He presents himself as a victim and an innocent person while concealing the fact that he is a user, manipulator, a cheater, a liar, a slut, and a psychological abuser. Again, I say- screw facebook and screw him too!

[nanbullen]

It is difficult...I understand that and went through a bit of FB drama w/ my ex a few years ago, before I decided to just delete him and I felt such relief! Who cares why he thought I deleted him??? You realize it makes you look worse to re-add him then send him angry messages about his status more than it would for you to unfriend him and have him wonder right? I'm sure you've learned now though. I think you should just unfriend him or just stay off FB.

 

Yeah i realize that with all this BS i'm just making myself look more pathetic. and yeah, b***hing to him about being on his restricted list doesn't exactly scream out "I'm over you and i don't care". i wish i had realized all this BEFORE i did it, but better late than never. I hate to sound cliche, and I never really believed it when other people said it...but i feel RELIEF. I don't even know from what, or i can't explain it. it's like finally over. No more games, no more manipulation, no more obsessing over him. I have no way to contact him at all now. I deleted his number, email addresses, yahoo messenger...facebook messages were the only way i had left to communicate with him.

Edited June 7, 2012 by nanbullen
grammar

[geegirl]

I resisted that idea because it was too final, i was TERRIFIED once i clicked that button i would regret it and it would be too late to undo it. And no matter what anybody said I knew there was no way I was blocking him.

 

But then i thought, I have read a hundred stories about people who blocked/deleted facebook and were so happy they did it. But i have NEVER read about anybody who blocked their ex on facebook and regretted it.

 

Well, I went ahead and blocked him just now....and maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet, what I've done....but i don't feel that bad about it. I kind of feel like i'm at least walking away with a shred of dignity by putting a stop to his sadistic humiliation, and not letting myself get sucked in. I even managed to block him without any "goodbye" message. The fact that i don't have to live in fear of him posting pictures of him and some bimbo is a huge relief. Of course there is always the possibility i wake up tomorrow and think "OH God what have i done?!"

 

The finality is very hard to accept, Nan. I completely understand. When I broke up with my ex, it was so hard to eliminate all forms of contact but what I had no control of was seeing him around the area I live. That was something I could not control. With that, I had to change my routes, schedules, where I shop, etc. It pained me so much to face my reality and there we times I wanted to drive by and do all that crazy stuff because I couldn't completely sever that connection.

 

But when I decided it was enough, I felt such a sense of relief in knowing that while I will be in pain for awhile, I knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The pain was temporary and if I can just get through this, I'll have so much to look forward to. I perservered and there were times I was weak but with the help of a great therapist and my determination to pull myself back and reframe and regroup, I barreled through. Half the battle is wanting it.

 

While it's hard to resist that temptaion to look, you have to remind yourself that any information you see or find, is detrimental to you. So you take two steps forward and three steps back. In time you will appreciate the sense of peace and the bliss of ignorance. It will come and I promise you. At some point you will realize that the pain of being away from him will be far more tolerable than the pain of being attached to him.

 

I'm proud of you for taking that step and not even saying goodbye. Eliminating him from your life is going to be a blessing. You don't see it right now but in time you will thank your lucky stars you had the courage to accept your reality and the finality of it all.

 

And when you wake up and say to yourself, "Oh god what have I done?" You will step back, breathe, in and out, slow long deep breaths and you will self-talk and rationalize the situation and reiterate why you did what you did. You will speak to yourself as how you would to a girlfriend or sister going through what you have been going through. You will address all the negatives and you will address your needs and how they are important to you. You will address why the decision to step away is the best because you are determined to get to a better and healthy place.

 

Or you can say, "Oh god what have I done?" Then you can go back on FB and unblock him to which he will be snickering at your dependence on him and he will post something that will hurt you all over again. Andyou both will try to stab at each other playing passive aggresive games. And then you will see a picture of a "bimbo" and your life will continuously be on a lather, rinse and repeat cycle.

 

It's all up to you.

Edited June 7, 2012 by geegirl

[nanbullen]

I’m not going to lie. I woke up this morning feeling ok. But our one mutual friend, who happens to be my best friend (and didn’t have a chance to tell her I blocked him), called me this morning to tell me he posted some YouTube love song videos, took down every picture of me and had put up a picture of his new girlfriend. She didn’t say all this to hurt me, she didn’t know what was going on. I could have interrupted her, but masochist that I am, I listened to it all. I got this horrible feeling that I can’t even describe, but I’m sure people here know what I’m talking about. My mind just went into overdrive and I had this almost uncontrollable physical need to call him, text him, somehow get hold of him to do…I don’t know what. I just needed to hear his voice or take everything back and unblock him. I wish I could say I didn’t do it because I’m strong, but I’m weak. The fact is, I didn’t do it because I even though I knew he may be dating the idea that he is so serious with somebody that he would put up her picture makes me literally nauseous, and it hurts me and my ego so much I can’t talk to him.

 

I’m trying to pull my head together and remember WHY I blocked him. That it was hurting me. That it was making me feel worse. That it was making it impossible for me to heal. But right now, I’m not feeling very strong or happy about anything. I feel like I have to start grieving all over again, only this time I don’t have the “security” of being able to keep track of what’s going on in his life. And, it gave me this sense of comfort to know he was seeing what was going on in my life. Unfriending him was hard, but I could still see a lot of what he posted and vice versa.

 

Please tell me I will feel better because right now I just feel like I was healing, but now I’m back at the beginning, and only this time it’s going to be worse. I can’t believe after everything he put me through, I am so upset that he has a new girlfriend. What is wrong with me?

[nanbullen]

While it's hard to resist that temptaion to look, you have to remind yourself that any information you see or find, is detrimental to you. So you take two steps forward and three steps back. In time you will appreciate the sense of peace and the bliss of ignorance. It will come and I promise you. At some point you will realize that the pain of being away from him will be far more tolerable than the pain of being attached to him.

 

I'm proud of you for taking that step and not even saying goodbye. Eliminating him from your life is going to be a blessing. You don't see it right now but in time you will thank your lucky stars you had the courage to accept your reality and the finality of it all.

 

And when you wake up and say to yourself, "Oh god what have I done?" You will step back, breathe, in and out, slow long deep breaths and you will self-talk and rationalize the situation and reiterate why you did what you did. You will speak to yourself as how you would to a girlfriend or sister going through what you have been going through. You will address all the negatives and you will address your needs and how they are important to you. You will address why the decision to step away is the best because you are determined to get to a better and healthy place.

 

Or you can say, "Oh god what have I done?" Then you can go back on FB and unblock him to which he will be snickering at your dependence on him and he will post something that will hurt you all over again. Andyou both will try to stab at each other playing passive aggresive games. And then you will see a picture of a "bimbo" and your life will continuously be on a lather, rinse and repeat cycle.

 

It's all up to you.

 

I am really trying to remind myself of all this. i tell myself NOBODY ever regretted blocking their ex, but MANY on LS put themselves thru he** by continuing to stay fb friends. I know the pain and shock that he replaced me so fast will wear off in time, but God, i was so much better not knowing what i know now. I'm trying to remember how i felt yesterday, manipulated, angry, hurt.

 

Has anybody ever gotten over an ex while remaining friends on facebook?

 

I will never unblock him. I never want to see his new romance played out on facebook. I told my best friend that i don't want to hear anything about him, i don't care what it is.